You wake up. You're in a hospital room, and everything is quiet. No one else is in the room except you and you're pretty damn confused. You lay in the hospital bed for a bit, staring at the ceiling, before all at once it hits you, and when it does, it hits hard. You remember it all, the cutting, the pills, the overwhelming distress you felt. The memory slaps you and you feel your eyes prick up. God, you couldn't even kill yourself correctly. You hate yourself more in that moment then you ever have in your entire life. The thought of just getting out of bed and flinging yourself out the 6th story window is so deliciously tempting, but you're hooked up to a bunch of wires that you're not really sure how to get out of and you don't really have the energy. So you lay back down.
Your father and the nurse walk in a few minutes later. And god does your dad look pissed. Nothing out of the ordinary for you though, he's always upset with you. Never satisfied with you. Always ranting about one mistake you made today or one you could be making tomorrow and never fully noticing how hard you tried to get his approval. Smug bastard. You barely have time to continue this thought before a swift slap to the face is delivered to you by your father.
"what the fuck is wrong with you?" your dad spits out, an aggravated sigh escaping his lips as he pinches the bridge of his nose. You just stare at him, without feeling. You hate him so much for everything. For being in that stupid mob. For driving your mother away. For all the nights he brought home strange woman when he promised not too. You hate him down to his stupid nickname all the way to the scar on his right eye. You hate him almost as much as you hate yourself, and that's saying something.
"they think it'd be a good idea to send you to the looney bin your bros been hanging out at." he says, the frustration in his voice showing. You pale, the blood draining from your face. He never mentions your brother. So you know he's telling the truth. But at the same time, you're a little relieved. You're being sent to a mental health hospital, where you belong. You won't have to be at home anymore. This thought, you think, could not get anymore morbid, and so you sigh, just as tired and frustrated as your father.
"when are they going to send me away?" you ask him, not quite looking at him, but not really looking away. The nurse chimes in, and you notice she looks so nervous standing next to your dad you feel sorry for her. You'd be nervous too. He's probably made it so hard for the staff in the time you've been here. "you'll be leaving when you're body becomes stable, so probably tomorrow. Lucky for you we were able to pump your stomach as soon as we did, or else you might have had to stay here longer." she smiles and it comes off as sincere, so you smile a bit to yourself. "alright." you say, looking down. You hear your dad sigh again "i got some clothes and shit packed up for ya, so I don't see the point in staying here any longer. Try not to get yourself killed again, kid." he says as he ruffles your hair and leaves, slamming the door. The nurse looks at you with sympathy before she leaves as well. You lay back down, staring at the window. So tempting...you think about jumping one more time before shaking your head and closing your eyes. You simply didn't have the energy right now, so you let yourself fall back asleep.
the next day you're woken up in the earliest hours of the morning. It's snowing outside, so it's quiet as the nurses unhook you from the machines and let you get dressed. You feel a bit better getting out of the hospital gowns and into your own clothes, now at the very least your ass isn't out there for the whole world to see. The nurse goes over with you that the people from the mental health center will come and get you around 10:00am. the nurse, you find out, is actually very nice. And when the van comes to whisk you away to the mental health center you're a little sad to leave her, because it's been such a long time since you've made a friend, or anyone's even been remotely nice to you, for that matter.
When you get there you're told the basic rules, no sharp things or drugs, not hats, hoodies can be worn as long as they are free of drawstrings, things like that. After they're done going over the rules with you and given you your room number they tell you who you will be bunking with. "lucky for you," the women in charge of student housing says to you "we decided it could be healthy for you to room with your older sibling. The Mr. Kankri Vantas, correct?" you feel your heart drop into your stomach. Kankri was...difficult. You only ever saw him on Christmas now, since the three years he had been sent away had passed. He hadn't gotten any better, was what the mental health center had told your father every spring. "if anything he's getting worse." they would always say. And your father always told them the same thing every year, "keep him longer then, knock some sense into the boy. He won't want to rearrange his vegetables anymore if you just kick him around a little." and your dad had tried that, too. Before they sent him away, that was your fathers method to try and control your brother. With beatings.
But it never worked.
You can't just beat OCD out of somebody.
Snap back to reality and you're still sitting across from that women. She has baby blue eyes and short black hair, and the pin on her shirt says "Jane Crocker, representative of patient housing and substance abuse specialist" she seems nice, and she was looking back at you questioningly. "is that okay, Karkat? If you want we can try and find a different place for you to st-" "It's fine." you cut her off, reassuringly. " I have no problem with it."
She smile warmly at you, "good, then welcome to Skaia mental health center and rehabilitation clinic. We'll try our best here to help you along the road to recovery with the problem you're having." you smile back at her weakly. You hope she's telling the truth. You hope that this will help, if only a little bit.
when you and Ms. Crocker are through talking, she informs you that it's lunch time and gives you directions to the cafeteria, also informing you that the the patient guidance counselor will gather up all the patients after lunch for group, and when group is over that your brother will show you where your room is. Simple enough to understand, you think to yourself. As you enter the cafeteria you see severel patients miscellaneously sitting all around the room, eating their food. You go through the cafeteria line and get what looks like mac and cheese and some water. You look all over for an empty seat and find only one, at a table with 4 other children there. Two girls and two boys, consisting of an anorexic looking pale teenage boy with long black hair, a short looking girl with freckled cheeks and red hair wearing a hat that looked like a cat, a crippled mexican boy with a mohawk and a baby face, twitching nervously. And a girl with bobbed black hair reading a book.
You walk over to the table. "can I um...sit here?" they all looked up at you then. God you couldn't stand it when people looked at you. Or talked to you. Or thought about you. It was too much and you didn't know why but for as long as you could remember you just didn't know how to deal with interaction like that. The red head cat girl looked up at you and smiled "sure! You guys don't mind, do you?" she said, looking to her friends who were shaking there heads. "thank you..." you mumbled as you took your seat beside the crippled boy. You could physically see him scrunch up in his seat in an attempt to look smaller, looking anywhere but your direction nervously as he bit his lip.
What, did you smell or something?
"er, maybe it would not be wise to sit beside Tavros today. If you wish you may sit beside me." chimed in the girl who was reading. You move over to her quickly and notice Tavros let out a sigh of relief, going back to his meal. "don't take it personally, Tavros just isn't used to you!" the little red head girl chirped in happily. "it's fine..." you replied. At least you didn't stink on your first day here. That would blow. "I'm Karkat, by the way. I'm new here..." you say, trying to smile but it probably came out as a grimace. God, why did you have to be so socially awkward. "I'm Nepeta!" said the redhead "this is Equius, he's my bestest friend." she motioned to the anorexic fellow, whom you noticed, had not touched his food. Nepeta seemed to notice too, and sighed, but said nothing. She introduced the book girl as Kanaya, who gave you a quiet wave and smile.
Kanaya closed her book quaintly, looking up at the rest of the group. "perhaps we should inform our new friend on why we're all here, no use in keeping secrets." Nepeta nodded, which in turn made Equius nod, and Tavros just continued to look down at his plate. Kanaya continued "good I'll go first. I'm here because I have a severe case of schizophrenia, and am currently trying to find the right medication." Nepeta went next "i uh...I'm a heroine addict." she said, smiling sadly. Equius, who had the deepest voice you had ever heard, continued. "i don't even know why I'm here." Nepeta pouted and looked at him. "Equikitty you know why you're here. You have a disease." "the only problem I have is not being strong enough!" they bickered like that for several minutes before Equius just gave in and let Nepeta win the argument. Kanaya informed you that Tavros had incredibly severe anxiety of several types, plus insomnia. "well...it's really nice to meet you all." you replied when everyone was done, trying to smile again and this time having it come out slightly more genuine. Kanaya smiled back. "the pleasure is ours. Now Karkat, if you wouldn't mind telling us, why are you here?" you open your mouth to answer but hear the bell go off, signaling that lunch has ended. A blonde woman in a pink sundress (despite the incredibly cold weather) walked in, smiling. "alright rugrats it's time for group. Get your butts over here." she smiled wide, her hands on her hips. Nepeta ran over to her and glomped her. "Roxy!" "hey kitten, ready for group?" Roxy said, just as enthusiastically. "sure am!" Nepeta basically squealed. You saw a sort of sister thing going on between them and you smiled.
Kanaya, smiling as well, held out her hand. You looked at it, confused. "it's always best to go into something new, holding the hand of someone you trust. You trust me, don't you?" after you let her words sink in, you nod, standing and taking her hand. For the first time in a long time, you were looking forward to something.