The weight of the doubt

Turned me to glass

I'm through living in question

Dreaming the answers

No more paving the present with pain from my past

And I will let you go

-I Will Let You Go by Daniel Ahearn

Kate lingered by the open door of the community room and looked in as Gladys flipped through a magazine on the couch.

She wondered how to approach her, should she say hello first? Pretend nothing happened? Or drop straight to her knees and beg for her forgiveness? She hadn't felt this awkward about starting a conversation with the other girl since the first day she saw her arrive at VicMu with a driver in tow.

Her pounding head also reminded her that she still couldn't recall the whole night before, but the hazy memory of it that she did have left, left her feeling sick and wishing she could forget the bits and pieces that were burned into her memory.

She looked down at her hand and felt the sting from striking her best friend. Her stomach rolled as a new wave of nausea hit her. She had spent the better part of the morning locked away in the bathroom sicker than she had ever been after the memories from the night before came crashing back to her in all its Technicolor glory.

Her father's image flashed through her mind. Whispering the fear that she might be like him. She was just so angry all the time. Her father use to tell her how she should feel, who she should be, and what her future held without ever giving her a chance to decide for herself. And then came along Ivan, while a sweet and upstanding fella, he too sometimes would try to tell her who she should be, a part to play as the sweet girlfriend and not as a burlesque girl or fiancé with a sketchy past. When Betty decided to turn herself in for her father's death, it reminded her once again that someone was deciding her fate for her. Taking the decision from her hands and determining her destiny. All three would claim love as the origin, but it all seem jumbled to her. Betty and Ivan were not anything like her father. Her father's offenses came from a dark, hateful place while Ivan's misguided judgment came from a lack of knowledge. Betty's decision though came from something that was uniquely Betty. Something that was good and brave and incredibly foolish. It would come from this wonderfully selfless hero, who offered her freedom and damnation in one fell swoop. She often wondered how Betty could ever think her imprisonment would assure her own freedom.

She cleared her throat and pushed the feelings back as she stepped inside of the room.

"Hi."

Gladys looked up, her expression unreadable. "Hey."

"I just want to apologize," Kate started, wringing her hands. "About what happened last night… I just… I'm sorry I ruined your party. And for everything that happened."

Gladys nodded while keeping her emotions in check.

"Did you apologize to Betty?"

"No," Kate whispered, shamefully looking down at the floor. "I think it's best if I give her some time… I'm probably the last person she wants to see right now."

Gladys nodded again. A long pause settled in between them as they thought of their friend hurting alone in her room. Refusing to see anyone.

"I just don't understand," Gladys said, reflectively, causing Kate to look up at her. "How did we get here? Where did it all go wrong for us?"

Kate shrugged helplessly. She could offer no words of wisdom, no words of comfort, because she wasn't exactly sure where things had fallen apart either. Maybe it was when she pushed her father over the railing. Or, maybe even before that, when she left with him the winter before, even after Betty begged her to stay. Her greatest fear though was that the problem lay on the first day she stepped foot inside of Victory Munitions. Just maybe it was that very first fateful day that had been their undoing.

"Did you know I use to be jealous of you two?" Gladys asked, breaking into Kate's thoughts.

"Jealous?" Kate asked, surprised.

"Well, maybe jealous isn't the correct word. Maybe envious is better. When I first met you both… I liked you both instantly and I knew I wanted… no, needed your friendship. I saw how close you two were and I wanted that too."

"We liked you too, Gladys," Kate offered meekly, unsure where the conversation was going. "We wanted your friendship, too."

Gladys gave her a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Not exactly the same though," She said in such a sad tone that it caused Kate's heart to sink to her knees. "You two were this entity. You just got each other in ways that I couldn't… needed each other in ways that you didn't need me. It was like this closed circle and as hard as I tried, I could never quite break through to get inside of it."

Kate's gaze fell to the floor. She never knew Gladys felt this way. She and Betty never meant to make her feel left out of anything.

"I use to think maybe it was because of Betty's feelings for you," Gladys said, her small smile returned when Kate's head came up in surprise. Their eyes locked as they acknowledged the unspoken truth.

"Gladys…" Kate tried, unsure what to say.

"And I was okay with that," Gladys continued. "What you two shared… It was special and I was happy to be any part of it. But now…. Now our friend is hurting in a way like never before. What she's been through, after the trial and prison, and coming back here…"

Gladys' voice trailed off as Kate nodded and closed her eyes. They both knew things would never be the same again.

"She's going to have a rough time getting back on her two feet again. We both know the people at the factory won't make it easy. Lord knows it took an act of parliament to get her back at VicMu and back on the blue shift, but that's just the beginning of the road she'll have to hold."

"Yeah," Kate agreed, softly.

"She'll need a friend in all this. One who will make it easier, you know? I think the best thing Betty needs right now is for her life not to be so… complicated."

Kate nodded her understanding as she met Gladys' despairing eyes. She smiled sadly at the unspoken declaration. Gladys was choosing Betty. And asking her to step back and let their friend heal without her.

She wanted to tell her that it was okay. She never meant for Gladys to be faced with such choices. Never meant for this to be so complicated. The simple fact was that Betty needed Gladys now. Their roles had been reversed. And it was her turn to stand outside of the circle.

"Of course," Kate said, hating the way her voice cracked. "Take good care of our friend."

She turned to go, but paused when Gladys called her name out suddenly.

"Kate…"

She turned back to see that Gladys felt bad about the situation at hand. Her eyes pleading for her to understand the words she couldn't find. She never thought she'd see the day when Gladys Witham was at a loss for words.

"I don't… I'm not saying we can't still be friends. I'm just saying Betty needs me and I have to focus on that… maybe with time… we can all get back to how things use to be."

Kate nodded, smiling sadly. "Yeah, sure thing."

She turned to leave, knowing they were both lying. How could things ever get back to the way things used to be after all that had happened?

All they had now were painful memories and empty promises.