One Year Later
Severus muttered a triumphant 'yes!' as he saw the book he'd been looking for. It was one of those books he'd kept, knowing it would only collect dust. He was unable to throw away books; it always seemed his luck that as soon as something left his life, he would need it soon afterwards. He ran his hands along the dark blue binding and eased it free from the books surrounding it.
Something else fell out of the bookcase before he had freed the book. A cream coloured booklet that he hadn't seen for exactly a year. He'd been trying to push the thought out of his mind, but he knew it was their anniversary. He knew that exactly this time last year, he'd watched Lily Evans take her vows and become Mrs Potter. How could he forget?
But he didn't want to think of their celebrations. He didn't want to think of the gifts and the champagne and the cards and the happiness that would fill their house today. It hurt, yes, it still hurt so very much, and Severus froze as he held the paper in his hands. He opened it and immediately wished he hadn't; simply the sight of their names together in fancy writing was enough to stir the tears he had been fighting all day. He knew he could lose himself in dreams about Lily's smile, but that would do him no good. He had to at least try and move on. He didn't want James Potter knowing he had one over on him. But did it really matter? There was nothing he could do about it. A happy Lily was better than an unhappy one, he convinced himself, sure that he would never truly be over Lily until the day he died.
He stuffed the booklet back between two books; he remembered doing the same a year ago, when the pain was still fresh and his eyes were still puffy. He knew he'd find it again. Maybe it would do him good, maybe one day he'd find that order of service and not feel a thing. Maybe he'd smile, knowing she was happier than she'd ever been. Maybe one day he could throw it away and move on.
But he'd never be able to not cry when he thought of Lily Evans. That much he already knew.