One may just wonder what brought this phenomenal event into existence. Well, switching to a God's eye view of the history of this world, one may learn about the various circumstances that led to this insanity that is…


The Miss Seed Destiny Beauty Pageant


a massively insane AU humor fic

everything is not mine

updated every two weeks. enjoy


Part Two: Before The Contest


"Athrun," the dying Nikkol admitted, the Sword Strike's big-ass Schwert Gewehr anti-ship sword buried into his cockpit and frying him alive. "I always wanted to host the Miss Seed Destiny Beauty Pageant… do it for me!" Then the Blitz Gundam exploded.

"NO!" Athrun howled. "NIKKOL! MISS SEED DESTINY? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?"


"Milly," Tohru said before his Sky Grasper took off on that ill-fated mission, "You, know, I had always wanted to see you in a skimpy swimsuit…"

"Tohru… you perv… go and die…"


"Maybe your boyfriend croaked before he saw you in a skimpy swimsuit," the rope-bound Dearka sarcastically joked.

Predictably, Miriaria grabbed the nearest stabbing implement and leapt at him. "Don't remind me of that perv, you bastard!"

(And so began their love-hate-kill relationship… which will end in Seed Destiny, thanks to that bastard Fukuda and his lazy ass scriptwriter wife…)


"Cagalli," Lord Izumi told his daughter before he shoved her into the Kusanagi, "You must live for me. Join the Miss Seed Destiny Beauty Pageant. Win it and secure our nation's future!"

"…what?"


Mwu brought the battered Aile Strike in to block the Dominion's Positron Cannon beam. As his Mobile Suit began to explode around him, he muttered, "Well, looks like I've done the impossible again…"

"MWU!" Murrue screamed.

"…If only I could have gotten Murrue into the Miss Seed Destiny Beauty Pageant… yet one more impossibility for me to turn into possibility…" Then Mwu "dies".

Murrue grimaced. Miriaria glowered.

"I wish people would stop sacrificing themselves for this stupid pageant," the latter girl grumbled.


"Athrun!" The dying Patrick Zala gripped his son. "Do it! Host the Miss Seed Destiny Pageant! Kill all the Naturals!" And then he died.

"Why do people keep telling me to host a beauty pageant?" the perplexed Athrun asked Cagalli, who nodded sympathetically and patted his back.

"I know what you feel. My dad has these weirdest last lines, too…"


"Fllay!"

"Kira!"

Zap. Shuttle exploded. Fllay died. Rau Le Creuset laughed his masked head off. "Now I have sent her off into that place where all stupid Gundam pilots' girlfriends go when they die, ensuring that she will never get a chance to join the Miss Seed Destiny contest! My clone will thus win it! Such is my evil!"

"NO!" Kira howled. "FLLAY! WHY DID YOU DIE SO STUPIDLY? AND WHAT'S WITH THIS BEAUTY CONTEST THING?"


"Chairman," Talia asked Dullindal, "Why did you sponsor this– this pageant?"

"Simple, my dear. It is the culmination of my oft-mentioned but vague-due-to-scriptwriter's-negligence Destiny Plan: to turn all humans into Coordinators and so ensure peace and prosperity for the human race!"

"… really, now…"


"A Natural must become Miss Seed Destiny," Jibril told the assembled members of Logos, "For a pure and blue world! This time for sure!"

"I concur," Azrael Murata agreed.

"…o-kay," the rest of the Logos council mumbled. One of them added: "Hey, Azrael, aren't you dead already?"


"To see Cagalli in a swimsuit," Yuna whimpered into his pillow, not knowing he would die even before the contest proper he so dreamed of seeing started.


"The Superior Element Evolutionary Drive," Erika Simmons explained to Asagi Caldwell, Mayuri Lapats and Juri Wo Nguyen, "Will show itself in this beauty contest. That is why I volunteered as a substitute judge: to get the chance to observe this singular event happen."

"…huh?"


"Curse you, Freedom!" Shinn railed at the TV. "You killed Mayu, thus cutting her chance to join the Miss Seed Destiny Beauty Pageant and thus receive a year-long scholarship that she so deserves! For that I will KILL you!"

"Oniichan, how many times do I have to tell you?" Mayu pouted cutely. "I'm not dead."


"Yui," Gendo Ikari told his dead wife's spirit, "We will be together again. Very soon. Through this beauty contest, I will trigger the Third Impact!"

"Uh, Dad?" asked the puzzled Shinji. "Who are you talking to?"

Ayanami Rei only shrugged.


Kyon and the rest of the SOS Brigade minus Nagato Yuki groaned as a ridiculous dimensional time space distortion happened, bringing the Miss Seed Destiny Pageant into reality. "Oh, God, no, Haruhi is bored again…"


"Do you understand?" Meer asked the man she hired. "Lacus Clyne. The first girl with pink hair who appears. I want her dead. You got that?"

"Roger," Heero Yuy assured her. "I will destroy her."


To Be Continued