"Pulled down by the undertow, I never thought I could feel so low. In all the darkness I feel like letting go…" – Full of Grace, Sarah McLachlan
Chapter 2
Regina and Gold used their powers to transport the group to the hospital. It took some convincing, but Neal finally let go of Emma and went with the nurses. Dr. Whale wanted to run a battery of tests on Neal before they released him. No one knew what had happened or how he had returned from the dead, and Neal wasn't answering any of their questions.
"On my preliminary analysis, he seems to be perfectly fine. Which is impressive, considering he was dead less than two hours ago." He chuckled at his own dark joke and walked away before they could ask him any questions. The group was shown to a private room just off of the ER that was typically used to give families bad news. There was a couch and several plush chairs situated around the room, and several boxes of tissue strategically placed within reach of all possible seats. There was one window, so the room was lit up mostly by daylight and the soft yellow of the lamps in the room. No fluorescent lighting in here.
Emma was just starting to come around when Henry burst through the door.
"Is it true?" his eyes were wide and he looked first at Regina, searching her eyes for the truth.
Regina immediately smiled and nodded. "It is!" She was always so happy when something good happened to Henry. Hood really had changed her.
Henry's face broke into a huge, wide grin and he looked at Emma. "Dad's back!" he exclaimed in triumph.
Emma gave him a small smile. He was so excited. "He sure is, kiddo."
Henry ran forward and gave Emma a huge hug. Emma wrapped her arms around him tightly and kissed the top of his head affectionately as he exclaimed "I have my mom and dad back! This is fantastic!"
Emma noted a flash of hurt in Regina's eyes, but Robin reached down and squeezed her hand gently. Regina's shoulders immediately drooped and she relaxed, a grateful smile flitting across her lips. Emma couldn't help it, but a sharp pang of jealousy hit her. How could Regina be so happy?
She looked around the room. She had finally snapped out of whatever daze she was in and took note of her surroundings. Killian was no longer there. Neither was Ruby. Emma longed for Killian, but knew that there was no reason for him to stay. She didn't really mean anything to him after all. His cold demeanor and abrupt disappearance after Neal was taken away was the acknowledgement she needed to know that he truly didn't feel anything for her. She was nothing.
She felt confused and hurt. How could he go from such an intense passion towards her to dating Ruby in just a few weeks?
Wait. How long had it been?
She did the math in her head and couldn't help but wince. Seven weeks. It had been seven weeks since they had returned, and she hadn't seen him, nor spoken to him. It hurt her to admit it, but she was blatantly avoiding him. She was too busy wallowing in her own self-pity.
She hadn't realized how much his death had affected her. While she knew it had not been real, she could still see his face as the life left his eyes, and it hurt too much. She couldn't stand to lose him again. The pain, the heartache, and the abrupt ending of his life…it was all too much. It broke her, and she didn't want to feel that way ever again.
This was the conundrum, however, as she could not stop thinking about him. He was a constant figure in her head, taking the lead role in her fantasies. She knew that she did not want to be with anyone else.
But even if she was going to act on this second primal instinct, she had waited too long. She had pushed him away. He was gone now. And it hurt.
She felt the loneliness creep in.
'Worthless. Pathetic.'
Henry let her go and sat down on a chair in the waiting room next to Regina. They began to talk excitedly about the sort of power it would take to bring someone back from the dead. He pulled out his story book, and they began to peruse it, trying to find any sort of clue that would help.
Meanwhile, Emma, overwhelmed by everything, was starting to feel hot in her chair. She felt trapped. Everyone was watching her closely. They were subtle about it, but she knew they were. They were expecting her to be overjoyed. Excited. Her emotions should have been on par with Gold's. After all, having composed himself, he was chatting animatedly with Regina and Henry as well about magic, spells, and curses. He was happy. Relaxed. His son was alive, and there was nothing better than that.
Emma should have mirrored his emotions, but she couldn't. She knew where her heart truly lay, and it was not with the man who had come back from the dead. The father of her son. Her first 'love.'
But she knew she hadn't ever truly loved him. They were both young, and the feelings she had towards him were pure lust and admiration. He took care of her, and they had a passionate romance. She couldn't deny that there was chemistry, but when he left her, he broke her. Even his previous return hadn't mended the heart he had so carelessly ripped apart and discarded when it was convenient.
This return, however, could mean a change for everything. Maybe they were meant to be together after all? Was this the universe bringing Neal back to her, so that she could have someone who actually seemed to give a damn about her?
She had always thought no one really cared, or only cared about her when convenient to them. Why not go with the man who cared a great deal?
But the thought of never being with Killian, of never touching him, talking to him, knowing him in the most intimate of ways was too much for her. She wanted to know everything about him. All of his secrets. His hopes, dreams, fears, you know, all of that cheesy fairy tale nonsense. She wanted it with Killian.
It could never be. She knew that now. That dream was gone, and now there was only reality to deal with.
'Take what you can get.' The voice goaded her. 'You may as well be with the one person who cares if you actually exist or not.'
Mary Margaret walked in just then with their tiny infant in his car seat, and a bag of clothes in her other hand. David's eyes lit up at the sight of his wife and son and he practically jumped across the room to help her. Taking the car seat gently from her, he kissed her and led her to the other side of the waiting room, where she settled in beside him and began to ask the expected questions. "I've heard so much! What happened?" "How is he?" "Where is he?" "How did he get back?" etc.
Emma couldn't help being irked by her mother's presence. She couldn't help glowering at the infant either. She stopped herself from going too deep down this particular thought path, however, as she realized just how childish it was to be jealous.
It was a short time later that Neal was brought into the waiting room. Doctor Whale was right behind him, and as they stood just inside the door way, he patted Neal heartily on the shoulder. "I think someone is ready to go home."
Gold looked as if he were about to cry again and pushed himself to his feet. Neal had immediately looked at Emma longingly as he walked in the room, but upon hearing his father push himself to his feet, he turned and stepped forward to embrace his father. "I can't believe you're back!" Gold sobbed into the hospital gown Neal was wearing.
Emma had to look away, mostly because the back of the hospital gown was fully open and there was nothing left to the imagination. Not that Neal had any shame, apparently. Nor did he need any. He was, after all, an incredibly attractive man, even from behind.
After they let go, Neal patted his father on the shoulder and smiled lovingly. "I am back and Doctor Whale has given me the clearance to start my life again. There are so many things that I left unfinished, so I intend to do my best to finish it all!"
Henry stood next and his father embraced him immediately. "Hey kiddo." Neal murmured, holding Henry as if he were the most precious thing in the world. They hugged for a long time, and when they finally parted, Neal ruffled Henry's hair. Everyone else took their opportunity now to stand and greet the newcomer properly. Mary Margaret hurried forward, offering Neal some of David's old clothes to wear for now.
Neal gratefully accepted the offering and turned to go into the bathroom, until he saw Emma. She gave him a weak smile and nodded to the bathroom. He hesitated, then murmured, but so low that she was certain only she could hear it "We have our whole lives now. It's okay." He reassured himself, then nodded back at Emma and excused himself to change, leaving the whole room with a view of his fully open hospital gown as he did so.
The group all stood together, talking excitedly. Except for Emma. She continued to sit, awkwardly, by herself, unsure of how she was supposed to proceed.
Thank goodness Neal was quick. He was dressed in a pair of David's jeans and a green plaid t-shirt with simple black shoes. It was a good thing they were almost the same size. Rejoining the group, Mary Margaret piped up
"Neal, you will stay with us tonight."
Neal's cheeks darkened. "I don't know, Mary Margaret. That's quite an imposition, especially with that little bundle of joy there." He leaned down and peered at the infant.
Mary Margaret smiled. "It's no trouble at all." She paused, hesitating to share the following information so soon, but then decided that he had the right to know and continued softly "His name is Prince Neal." Neal's eyes went wide and he looked up at the new parents, who both looked incredibly proud of their name choice.
Neal looked down and murmured "I don't deserve such an honor…"
David stepped forward and clapped his shoulder reassuringly. "You're staying with us. You're the father of our grandchild. That's that." He looked to the rest of the group in the room and said "Is anyone else starved?" There was a general chorus of approval, and so it was agreed that they would all walk to Grannie's for something to eat, and to reconnect with their old friend.
Emma followed the procession out of the room, dragging her feet. Doctor Whale grinned at her as she left "You must be so happy!"
She forced yet another smile. "Oh, yes! Very!" and followed the group out.
The rest of the day was pretty much the same. As soon as they got to the diner, word had already spread throughout the town, and everyone was there to welcome back Neal. The reception was jubilant, and Granny pulled out several bottles of champagne for the occasion. It was a grand occasion, and the whole town was overcome with joy and amazement. Everyone had always liked Neal, even if they didn't trust his father.
Gold was a proud parent the entirety of the day. With Belle by his side and Neal back from the dead, what couldn't he achieve in his life? That was a moment of pure happiness for Rumpelstiltskin.
A few hours in, with the party spreading to the patio, the dwarves broke out their instruments and the dancing began. It was a day that turned into a night which everyone in the town would remember forever.
Everyone except Emma.
During the entire party, no one had noticed her. She sat in her booth, alone, never touching her champagne, and eventually moved out onto the patio before anyone else. Neal looked as if he wanted to come and speak to her several times, but he was always pulled away to more people. Henry was too busy watching and being completely in awe of his father's return, as well as studying his storybook with Regina. When the band started up just after sunset, she decided she needed to take a break from the festivities and the crowd and took herself for a walk.
It was a crisp fall evening, so she zipped her jacket up all the way and stuffed her hands in her pockets. Head down and lost in thought, she wandered away from the party. Soon, the noise was just a faint buzzing of white noise in the background, and as she headed into the woods, it was fully muffled by the trees. She made her way to the ocean, purposefully, as a quote had popped into her mind from Herman Melville. Well, she couldn't really remember it, but it had something to do with when you're upset, take to the sea.
'No one cared that you left. Hell, no one cared that you were there.' The voice mocked in her head.
It was true. No one cared. But she could have handled everyone else not caring, it was just that one man that she wanted to care. She needed him to care.
She wandered to the end of the dock and sat down heavily and with a sigh, her feet dangling above the water. She stared at the dark ocean. It was a calm night, with the water gently lapping beneath her. She could hear the rush of the waves on the shore behind her, and for the first time in a while, she felt calm. She didn't even realize how she had been clenching her teeth throughout the whole ordeal.
The moon was coming up over the sea as she sat there. She willed her mind to stay quiet, but it was useless. The negative voice would not let up. She was so alone, and her mind would not let her forget it.
She didn't hear him approach until he said her name in that husky, gruff, accented voice "Swan?"
She straightened and turned. "Hook." She said flatly, seeing only his boots before she spun back, fixing her gaze on the ocean.
"What are you doing out here?" he asked, confused. "Shouldn't you be celebrating with the rest of that damn lot?"
She sighed. "Yeah. I should be."
She heard him pause, as if considering what to do next, then, he stepped forward and sat down beside her. She didn't look up. She felt a flutter in her chest, but for the most part, she was emotionally exhausted and couldn't feel anything even if she tried.
Suddenly, his hand was under her chin, and his thumb was gently rubbing her cheek. "You're crying, Swan." He said, softly. "What's going on, love?"
She hadn't even known that she was crying, and she felt ashamed that he, of all people, should be the one to discover this. As if she could be more embarrassed.
His hand left her face and he waited, patiently, for her to answer. Finally, she sighed and shook her head.
"I don't know." She admitted. "I should be so happy, but I'm not."
"That is a bit of a conundrum." She could hear the grin in his voice. "And not one that I ever remember you having before. You're not the cheeriest person on the planet, Swan, but you're never depressed." He paused. She had no intention of answering any more questions or talking any more. She was angry with him, but also relieved that he was there. That he SAW her. Hesitantly, he reached out and put his good arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to him into a side hug. She gladly let him. She felt him kiss her on the top of her head, and that's when she really did relax. The negative voice was silent. She was finally at ease.
They stayed that way for a while, neither of them wanting to break the magic of the moment between them.
She turned to look up at him, just to see if she could guess what he was thinking, and found his eyes staring right at her.
'Ruby.' The voice mocked in a sing-song voice.
She gulped and pushed away from him, standing quickly. "I have to get back." It was a quick and abrasive explanation, and she was gone. Killian's face was awash with confusion as she hurriedly walked back to the diner.
Everyone was just starting to stumble out of Grannie's. She hadn't realized how late it was. She stepped forward into the patio area just as Neal managed to detach himself from a throng of people. He grinned at her. "There you are!" His eyes lit up in pure joy upon seeing her there.
She gave him a forced half smile as he stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. He had the bitter smell of old beer on his breath, but she could tell he wasn't drunk. She had seen him like that before enough times to know the difference.
"Let's get out of here." He murmured into her ear. "We have so much to talk about!"
"Great!" she replied, trying to force some emotion into her voice.
They walked to the Charming's apartment in relative silence. She asked how he felt the party went, and he spoke at length about all of the things he had missed since he 'went away.' When they finally got to the house, he pulled her to the back yard where there was an old bench situated just under a gorgeous maple tree. He sat, and motioned for her to sit with him. She did, as far from his as possible.
"Emma," he started, smiling at her. "I can't tell you how happy I am to be here. I fought so hard to get back to you. Before you ask," he interrupted her next question of how, "I don't know how. I just remember our last moments, and then I was awake in that pit. And you were there, and…that's it. That's what I don't know. What I DO know," he said, reaching out and taking her hand into both of his and staring into her eyes, "is that I was brought back for a reason. And I know for a fact that the reason I'm back is to be with you."
'Apparently the universe couldn't set you up with anyone living, so they had to bring someone back from the dead.' The voice cackled.
Emma was feeling uncomfortable and tried to look away from him, but Neal made a disapproving noise. She tried so hard to look at him, but she didn't like looking into his eyes. She hadn't thought this would go so quickly. She hadn't thought this was going to happen at all. That she had time to convince him otherwise.
"Emma, I want to be with you forever. I lost you once, and I will NEVER do that again." He spoke in earnest, then slipped from the bench and went down on one knee in front of her.
"Emma Swan, will you marry me?"
Emma's jaw dropped and she had the words "I'm sorry, Neal, but I can't" all prepped and ready to go…until the little voice in her head chided her.
'No one else will ever love you. Killian is gone. You may as well stay with the mother of your child. Otherwise, you might look like a downright unfeeling, cold-hearted whore.'
Her voice hitched in her throat and she paused for a second. He was staring at her intently, waiting, his smile fading. He was afraid he made a mistake.
Finally, she spoke, and they weren't words she thought that she would ever say.
'Killian is gone.' She told herself. She was sure that, somewhere in her broken soul, she loved Neal. She just had to learn to love him again. 'Neal sees me.'
"Yes. Yes I will."