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"Lexa?" Clarke shouted, voice dripping with venom. How dare Lexa find me, how dare she not allow me to end it. The commander didn't say anything other than snatching the gun from the younger blonde. Clarke made a futile attempt to latch onto the pistol, but having no energy from lack of sleep and lack of food made her weak. The commander would easily over-power her and Clarke had lost all fight. Perhaps she should just curl into a ball on the ground and hope that she would just slip into oblivion. Her thoughts were interrupted by the growl Lexa made, when the brunette glanced at Clarke who was staring at the frozen ground.
"What do you want Lexa? You can't just find me, stop me from ending it all and then take my gun away. You don't get to make decisions for me anymore." Lexa winced, she knew Clarke was going to be angry but it didn't stop the hurt she felt at Clarke's bitter voice. But she couldn't appear like it's affecting her. She's the commander.
"I'm not going to let you waste your life away, Clarke. You deserve much more than this end." Clarke almost laughed to herself, she deserved better than death?
"You may not believe so Clarke, but I know so. You're a true leader, you saved your people."
Clarke eyed the commander recognising the earnest in the brunette's eyes.
"Leave me alone, Lexa." Clarke stated as she faced away from the commander.
"Not until you agree to let me help you." Seeing that Clarke was about to protest, the commander quickly added "or at least let me cook your dinner tonight."
Clarke just wanted to be left alone, especially away from the person who made her feel like this in the first place, but she knew it was almost futile to argue against the brunette so she let her win this one; it's only for tonight. Clarke wouldn't mind letting her body indulge in one nights worth of food.
Clarke watched as Lexa stood up and walked away from the blonde, not far enough that Clarke couldn't see her but far enough that the blonde couldn't hear her. She let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. Why was she allowing Lexa to help her? It's been 4 weeks since Clarke left her people, and she was still hurting from the events at the mountain. But yet she's letting the commander help her. Why?
Twigs can be heard snapping as Lexa retuned to Clarke, the deliberate sound made to bring Clarke out of her thoughts, to make her aware that the brunette has returned. Clarke watched as Lexa placed the twigs on top of each other methodically, as if she does this every day without thought. She probably does, she is a grounder who's been born to this way of life.
Lexa turned her body towards the blonde, catching each other's eyes as Lexa stood.
"I'm going to hunt, stay here." The commander stated almost as a request to Clarke knowing she won't follow well to commands at the minute. Clarke nodded as Lexa reached into her bag and pulled out a blanket in which she layed out next to Clarke. Lexa eyed Clarke, almost pleadingly to have the blonde use the blanket whether to sit on due to the wet ground or to wrap herself within. Clarke sighed and fidgeted onto the blanket making the commander feel a slight wave of relief, like she was getting somewhere. Before leaving, the commander bent over the stacked up wood and within minutes a fire was crackling. Clarke wondered how she managed to start the fire so quickly, but instead she was too weak to even formulate words. With one final glance, Lexa ran into the tree line. Clarke rested her head on the ground, facing the roaring of the fire. The warmth rushing to her cold face and fingers. She should be prepared more for the winter but she didn't care. She didn't plan on surviving this long. The fire started to reflect the noises of screams. Clarke couldn't shake the sounds and images from her head of the innocent people in the mountain. Images of people grabbing at their own necks as they cannot breathe while dropping to the floor. There was too much blood, too much death. She thought back to when she burned 300 of Lexa's warriors alive back at the drop ship. Too much blood, too much pain. Clarke closed her eyes shut as her breathing began to increase, she could feel her blood pumping. She used to have control of these attacks, was it Lexa's presence that made them worse? Before long, she could feel the presence of someone kneeling in front of her. Soft hands cupped her face, while the thumb stroked the tears away.
"Breathe, Clarke."
Clarke couldn't hear much, nothing more than the piercing screams. Lexa wasn't getting through to Clarke and Lexa knew that all too well.
"It is okay, you are safe Clarke, now breathe." The soft and concerned voice started to break away Clarke's barrier.
"Breathe, Clarke."
And Clarke did, she reached out blindly still having her eyes closed, to where her palm found the chest of Lexa's. The brunette did not say anything, she only continued to stoke the blonde's hair as Clarke used her palm so she could imitate the brunette's breathing herself.
Gradually, Clarke's breathing began to return to normal. To which Clarke removed her hand from Lexa's chest, and Lexa sighed and stood up. Clarke hasn't noticed the rabbit she placed by the fire until now, her stomach growled even louder at the sight of food. Lexa frowned slightly as she heard the blonde's stomach growl. Curious, worried.
"What have you been eating for the past couple of weeks?" Lexa asked.
Clarke looked up at the commander as the brunette looked down at her, a serious expression on her face, Clarke didn't think she could lie, Lexa would only find out.
"Berries." Clarke replied, truthfully.
Lexa frowned even more at the answer, "not any meat?" The blonde just shook her head at the commander as she turned away and began skinning the rabbit at once.
Again Clarke watched the commander work, how had she been able to calm Clarke down? How come she found her touch so soothing on her face? Deep down she missed her, deep down she missed the worried commander.
Lexa began to roast the rabbit on top of the fire.
"Why did you leave your people, Clarke?" The blonde didn't expect such an abrupt question, that she swallowed slowly.
Silence filled the air before Clarke replied, "I couldn't face them, their faces. I couldn't see them." Lexa understood, she knew what Clarke had to do at the mountain. She had felt this way a long time ago, after her first war as commander, she couldn't look at her people without being reminded and now that is what the sky leader is doing.
"Perhaps, you could return to Polis with me? I know I said I'd only ensure you eat tonight but I want to make sure you're safe." Lexa asked hesitantly as she twisted the rabbit.
"Why would I? You left me Lexa. You left me to die, why do you care that I'm safe?"
Again, Lexa winced at the blonde's words. They were harsh but true, she just hoped the blonde would understand.
"I had to do what's right for my people, Clarke. You would've done the same."
Perhaps the commander was right. Clarke would've done the same, perhaps that is why the sky leader is tolerating the commander right now.
"I just need to know, did it hurt for you to leave me?" The blonde asked in return. She needed to know. The brunette removed the rabbit from the fire and turned to face Clarke. The pain and hurt Clarke could see when the two girls caught each others' eyes, made her heart expand. Lexa nodded and ripped a bit off a bit of meat from the rabbit, handing it to Clarke. Clarke received the piece of meat and ate it before Lexa had even ripped her own piece off. Lexa smile at this, she was glad Clarke was beginning to look after herself, although she wanted the blonde to do so for her entire life. She had to work on that. The commander handed Clarke another piece, still before having her own piece. Clarke noticed this. Even a little action, yet it represented her care for Clarke on a higher level, than giving the girl more meat. She noticed how the commander genuinely seemed to care for her, but the hurt still lingered.
"I'm sorry," Lexa blurted out after finally eating her own piece. "I do care, Clarke." That is what Clarke needed to hear, needed to know if she was actually sorry or if this show of concern was through guilt. Clarke only nodded as she laid down on the blanket.
"Lay with me?" Clarke asked into the now pitch darkness. Her voice sounded small as she had asked the girl to lay with her. She needed the presence of someone who understands her, of someone who can protect her. She needed a restful night sleep and she knew she would have an attempt at it if Lexa was to join her. The Commander rose from sitting on the ground and laid herself next to the blonde. Not close enough to touch but close enough for each lady to receive comfort from the warmth radiating off each other. Clarke closed her eyes, relinquishing in this moment. The commander was looking at Clarke, ensuring she was okay with the distance between them, ensuring that she would be able to sleep, that she was safe. The commanders eyes' grew heavy as she heard the blonde's breathing become slow and regulative. So she allowed herself to sleep next to the most important person she has in her life, Clarke Griffin.