This isn't long and it's not a new scene. But it gives you a brief glimpse of what's going on in Edward's head.
New chapter in the next few days.
Stephenie Meyer owns.
Being greeted by my family after a much-too-long deployment was bittersweet, because there were a few things missing.
Being enthusiastically hugged and kissed by my children was bittersweet, because one of them was missing.
With the politeness of strangers, chastely kissing my wife's cheek after not seeing her for months on end was just bitter.
Because she wasn't who my heart desired.
With an ache in my heart, I turned away and gave myself a moment to mask my features, refusing to let my children see the kind of heartache I went through during any given moment.
Sure, I have plenty of regrets in life, but neither of them were part of it.
Upon turning my head, I caught a glimpse of them.
My missing pieces; Bella and our daughter Lucy.
Bella, with her long, chestnut brown hair in a loose braid, laying haphazardly over her left shoulder, was looking with a tender but sad expression on her face at our little girl.
Meanwhile, Lucy was looking on with earnest, four year old interest. And the patience and wisdom that no child should ever be forced to possess.
In that moment; the moment where I saw first hand how my decisions had affected the people I love, all I wanted to do was give up the facade. I wanted to explain to my wife that I had never loved her, and had only married her out of affection for a friend with an illness that could be somewhat easily managed with the benefits and insurance that my military career would provide. I wanted to tell Liz, and Masen that they had an adorable little sister named Lucy, and that Daddy had a beautiful partner in life named Bella whom both loved and cherished them from afar, even though they'd never met. And I wanted to tell Bella that I would spend the rest of my life making up every one of my decisions that had ever led me away from her and our daughter, if only she'd forgive me for not being man enough to face my mistakes.
But out of misplaced obligation, I didn't. I couldn't. Like always.
I stayed.
At the end of the day, Tanya would still have Multiple Sclerosis, and would still need good medical coverage. And at the end of the day, I was the only one who had done anything wrong. And if I corrected my wrongs, and followed my heart; no matter what, I would be hurting someone I love. More than just one person. I would always hurt so many people.
I followed my family; part of my family, out of the terminal with melancholy settling into my heart, wanting nothing more than to run over and take Bella and Lucy into my arms and afford them the greeting that I had given the rest of my family, the greeting they both deserved. But I knew that I would be making our already difficult situation more complex.
We arrived at our respective cars, and I just couldn't... leave them there. So, I made up an excuse that I had forgotten my bag and assisted that I would be right back. And I walked as quickly and swiftly as my long legs would carry me back to my heart. I noticed Jasper and nodded my head slightly towards Bella. He immediately understood and touched Alice's arm gently in a way I wasn't ever allowed to touch Bella publically, and they fell behind me, a human shield. For once, I wasn't going to hold back.
And within seconds, I had my arms full of two of the people I loved most in this world and for once in a very long time, I didn't feel like anything was missing. I felt like I had it all.