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I'm Not Trying To Die
Lithuanian wonders what is going through Russia's mind, but he is unable to truly find out what is wrong with him. Will he ever find out?
By Waterrain
Russia was standing by the lake Baikal and he was looking down at his reflection. His smile was twisted, violet eyes were filled with tears, and he was feeling many emotions at one time.
"This lake is clear. I can see myself clearly, but I rather do not like it." Russia commented softly and he looked down at his palms which were covered in blood. Today he was not wearing his ushanka or his long tan coat. Russia did not shiver and tears fell down pale cheeks.
"It hurts, da. I wonder why did I come here to lake Baikal?" Russia asked himself and he was still staring at his reflection in the water with depressed eyes. Then he shook his head and decided to wash the blood from his hands. Russia sighed deeply as he dipped his hands into the clear water and begun to move them together to wash off the blood.
"I wonder if this lake would become unclear if there was a certain amount of blood." Russia wondered out loud.
"I wish lake Baikal was less clear or that I couldn't see so clearly." Russia whispered softly and he smiled faintly. "My wishes never do come true when it really does count."
"My wish of sunshine, sunflowers, and happiness has not come true. Despite my fierce and at times silent wishing." Russia muttered quietly as tears fell down and then he shook his head.
"Instead I receive bone chilling cold weather, bloodshed, and death." Russia commented calmly as he took off his black boots and begun to walk into lake Baikal. The scarf was tied firmly to his neck and he was smiling innocently.
"Will the lake become unclear? If I was to walk into it would this lake become different and less clear." Russia whispered softly and he walked faster. The water was up to his hips and he was smiling for his reflection was becoming less clear. Russia walked and walked more into the lake. The water was up to his neck, but yet he went onward and smiling as water started to enter inside of his lips.
"Russia! What are you doing?" Lithuania called out as he rushed towards Russia and his call was ignored by the other.
Violet eyes closed and water was slowly filling up his lungs, but he knew this would not kill him and silently wondered when he will collapse. Russia was not afraid and he just kept on walking not swimming. The sounds were muted, everything was spinning despite his closed eyes, water rushing up his nose, and just like that Russia was unconscious.
The wind picked up and it was howling. Snow started to fall, the air was cold, and it seemed as if something was coming. Lithuania managed to reach him and he used all of his strength to grab Russia. He managed to bring him back to the shore and decided to feel the pulse.
"Faint, but it is still there." Lithuania whispered softly and his hands were on Russia's chest pushing. Within a few minutes Russia was coughing up water, violet eyes were dazed, and his arms had goose bumps.
"Why?" Russia asked in a raw voice and he was shaking. Lithuania was holding Russia and his grip was loose.
"Why did you try to drown yourself?" Lithuania asked in a shaking voice and he managed to control himself.
"You do not understand. I'm Russia and I can't die." Russia muttered softly as he looked at Lithuania with sad eyes and then looked down at his hands that had become wrinkled due to the water.
"What do you mean?" Lithuania asked in a confused voice and he barely noticed Russia slowly, but surely slipping out of his grip.
"He won't let me die. Besides I'm not trying to die. I just want to be able to feel again, da." Russia whispered quietly and he sighed to himself. "I have been feeling rather numb and empty lately."
"Who?" Lithuania asked calmly and wondered why Russia refuses to be clear.
"I must go, da." Russia suddenly said firmly as he heard the wind picking up and his violet eyes darkened. Lithuania frowned at him, he was about to question him, but Russia was gone.
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Lake Baikal is the world's oldest and deepest lake; it is the second most voluminous lake, after the Caspian Sea. As the most voluminous freshwater lake in the world, with an average depth of 744.4 m (2,442 ft), Lake Baikal contains roughly 20% of the world's surface fresh water.Located in the south of the Russian region of Siberia (between Irkutsk Oblast to the northwest and the Buryat Republic to the southeast, near the city of Irkutsk), the body of water is also known as the "Pearl of Siberia".