Location: Random courtyard of a not so random manor... (Kuchiki Manor.)
WARNING: This story will be several one shots put together as a story. It doesn't really have a good plot really and it's more like several one shots just for laughs. I'm going to put it as complete and then update if I get more ideas for this. ALSO implied THREESOME between Ichigo, Juushiro and Kyouraku, implied one-sided ByakuyaxIchigo and ToshiroxIchigo. Hopefully you'll all still enjoy this.
Disclaimer; I don't own Bleach or any character/place within either the manga or the anime or, well, pretty much anything. But I'd like to think that this plot was entirely my idea. And of course, the rules are all mine. I took quite a while thinking them up so I'd appreciate it if you don't just up and steal them. I'll let you borrow them if you tell me first and remember to credit me wherever you decide to put them...
Chapter 2:
And so here we are again, floating around in the world of the Dead people deciding if we really want to try our luck and pop into wherever it is Ichigo has been hiding out this last week... But alas, even if we did decide not to, fate has other plans involving finding out exactly what kind of mischief will happen and who the pranksters are this time.
Remembering last time we checked in on Ichigo and the other Captain's things seemed like they were only going to get worse, so instead we'll time skip to a week later where we know Toshiro and Byakuya will still be slightly akward around Ichigo and so we can poke fun at them while Ichigo does his usual mayhem. With or without help.
The birds were chirping and it seemed like it would be a wonderful and quiet day and half of Seiretei were enjoying the cheer and warmth. That is, they WERE enjoying it. Around mid-day that same half were just as ready to curse the 5th Captain straight to hell as the rest of them had been.
The reason for this, you ask?
Well, it's quite simple really, it didn't really have as much to do with Ichigo Kurosaki having annoyed them the day before or how he ran around stirring a lot of dust on their clothes and food as he tried (with success for once) to escape the 11th Captain.
No, the reason was a piece of paper that had showed up during the night. There was one firmly glued to at least one door each house and it read as following:
The Rules of World Dominance:
1, If you want to take over the world, make sure you have subordinates that love you so much(or are so scared of you) that they'd do your paperwork(like Aizen did with Hinamori!).
2, When taking over the world, you can allow Soul Society to be the last one standing as there's no way they'd survive(Unless Kurosaki Ichigo feels pity for them, if that's the case immediately abandon your plans and run to safety!).
3, Should the one taking over be Kurosaki Ichigo; recruiting is important. The third most important thing to do when taking over is recruiting your friends. The first is recruiting the insane people and the second is the sane ones(Should you deny him, don't come to us! We've already joined.).
4, No wait, should the one taking over be Kurosaki Ichigo, he won't need to recruit. He's already an army all alone! In fact, should he be taking over we suggest immediately swearing eternal service to him!
5, The most important thing ever you need when taking over are names. One for your plan, one that you shall call yourself and one made up word that gives people anger issues.
6, When pretending not to be evil/taking over the world, don't smile! Everyone knows the smiling ones are the bad ones.
7, Should you fail rule 5 then it is suggested that you immediately fake being sleepwalking and waking telling everyone that saw that it was merely a dream where upon you served the head of your boss on a golden plate to a hollow(best option of hollows are of course Kurosaki Ichigo whom has several Arrancar friends in hiding whom are probably very hungry.).
8, Anyone taking over the world needs several bags on glitter on their person at all times.
9, Unless you didn't want a clean get-away nor the easiest way to gather accomplices you may instead carry around several bags of paint to piss people off with. This should give you enough enemies that'll make you stronger so you can take over with pure power.
10, And of course, while gathering enemies you may need to gather canon-fodder, this is easily done by pretending you love them, will always protect them, and of course you'd never do something as evil as sending them out to beat enemies stronger than them (in other words, lie.)!
Now seeing the funny side in all this, the list wasn't that bad. The worse thing about it was that no matter what they did, the list was stuck on the door. Should they destroy the door and thus the paper, it would immediately reappear once they replaced the door and that wasn't really as bad either.
Only, there seemed to be one rule showing up each hour, making the list longer and longer and soon they despaired that it would eventually perhaps even cover their houses or devour them all!
The entire Seiretei was a hundred percent sure that Ichigo was behind it somehow, nevermind that Ichigo didn't brag about himself like the list had...
He protested his guilt of course, and then to their surprise had gotten Juushiro Ukitake explain to them that Ichigo had been busy. The entire night. With him. Juushiro had then proceeded to smile innocently and mention that 'Ichigo-chan sure has an amazing voice! The deep vocals he got out were perfect.'
As if knowing perfectly well the dreams of all females in Soul Society and wanting to destroy every hope of it, Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Well next time we're doing Karaoke I'm not singing the love songs!"
"Not even for me?" Ichimaru Gin pouted innocently at the orange haired, having appeared at even the slightest suspicion of anything pervy...
Ichigo's only response was a dark glare that sent half of the gathered Shinigame running.
A few hours later:
And now it had come to around 1 pm and the list was only growing longer, but luckily for Ichigo everyone had turned to instead blame, amazingly, the very own Kuchiki Byakuya. They claimed that if Ichigo could turn poor Captain Ukitake into some kind of perverted thing then Captain Kuchiki would be no problem for the evil demon from hell(the fact that no one could really escape hell didn't matter to them at all, Ichigo was and would always be some kind of evil demon from hell).
11, Another good way to take over the world would be by rising in the ranks, eventually you'll get high enough to slyly trick everyone into turning the world into one large get together country that seeing as no one else understands the responsibility as much as you do; of course you'd be so helpful as to rule!
12, Should they choose someone else for the position merely have them assassinated, find a way to blame another likely person they'd choose and then get the credit for revealing the murderer. (This also gets you out of paying the assassin!)
13, When in doubt of who to choose as your closest confidante, don't choose at all but instead buy a teddy bear. Or isolate yourself every time you decide to discuss your plans so no one will know them. (Kurosaki Ichigo has a teddy bear named Kon so should you buy one we believe he will use it as a spy.)
So, obviously the ones behind this had some kind of crush or something on the Fifth Captain and having finally noticed the we in almost every rule, they turned half the blame onto Hitsugaya Toshiro. Everyone knew he was the second to be kissed by Ichigo and had actually blushed!
Watching Toshiro and Byakuya being scolded by something that obviously wasn't their fault, Ichigo couldn't help but snigger in high amusement.
"Told you they'd blame them," the white haired man beside him smirked.
"You've been too much around Ichi-chan, Juu-chan if you're smirking like that..." A man in a pink robe was sitting on Ichigo's other side.
Ichigo pouted, "I'm not that bad, old man!"
Kyouraku frowned at the younger man by many centuries. "If I'm so old then I suppose I can't play with you tonight then!" Then he rose and started walking away from the drama they'd been watching.
"Wait, no!" Ichigo followed.
Kyouraku turned a pout onto the 5th Captain, "So I'm not old?"
Juushiro grinned, he knew what was coming.
"Sure you are! You're just still a good player." Ichigo smirked and sped off yelling back, "Now hurry up you old men! By the time you guys get back it's going to be nightfall with how slow you are!"
Juushiro and Kyouraku shared a glance and sped off after him, both internally agreeing that they'd tell the others it actually was Ichigo whom had put the lists up the next day, but removing their part of the prank.
Revenge was a dish best served cold after all. Or would the right saying be that revenge was sweet?