Written for the Lyric Inspired Drabble Challenge, for Taylor Swift - I Knew You Were Trouble, for the lyric:

I guess you didn't care And I guess I liked that

Also written for the A-Z Competition, for L - Lily.

Words: 506

For chronology, this is set in 5th Year.

L is for Lily

"Hey, Lily, you seem tense. I could help," I suggested with a sly smile. She rolled her eyes.

"Not on your life, Sirius." It was the usual response. I knew I shouldn't have encroached on my best friend's girl, but everyone knew I wasn't being serious.

"You just ask your mate what I'm missing," I told her with a wink. Once I started, I swear I didn't know how to stop.

"Which one?" she countered. Damn her quick wit. It took me a moment to realise she wasn't supposed to know about either of them. Honestly, do women tell each other everything?

But there was something about Lily. She was hot, sure, but she didn't show it. She didn't roll her skirt up like the others, she didn't wear that much make up. She smiled and laughed and cried without worrying what she looked like, or who was there to see. I guess she didn't care, and I guess I liked that.

Merlin knew I'd had enough of girls who did.

I hadn't been able to get her off my mind for months. What was worse was that I couldn't even talk about it. I didn't know how to get over a crush without either going for it and realising it had been a mistake, or telling the guys so that they could list all the reasons it was a bad idea. Peter was no good; he couldn't keep a secret to save his life. Remus would tell James out of honour or loyalty or something. James... ha! Right. And the other guy we shared a dorm with, Danny, was best mates with Lily's best mate. Word would get out.

It wasn't that I was keeping it from James, as such. Okay, I totally was. But it would hurt him, and after everything, that was the last thing I wanted.

It was a few weeks later when I made the same joke, and before a sense of déjà vu could wash over me, I spoke up.

"You know I'm being serious, don't you?" I asked her. She turned to face me.

"What?"

"There's something about you. We could have fun."

I could hardly believe what I was saying, but Gryffindor courage didn't always show up at opportune moments. Sometimes it showed up when you were just in need of a quick shag.

"Do you want me to tell Potter?"

I blushed, looking away guiltily. "I know I shouldn't. Doesn't change anything."

"Sirius, you're great and all, but you're not for me," she said with a pathetic sad smile.

I nodded. I supposed, at least, it was half a win. "Sorry," I told her, mirroring her expression.

She never had to know the truth. She shouldn't know it was ever more than a casual fancy, an idea half-formed. Neither did James. It was better that way.

Sirius Black didn't fall in love, anyway, I thought as I watched her walk away. I thought I broke a lot of hearts, but Lily Evans crushed them, without ever knowing.