By the time Merlin and Arthur had made it to Merlin's house they were both drained. They watched a little TV and then Merlin gave Arthur a tour that ended in his bedroom. "Here is where you'll sleep." Merlin pointed to his king size bed. "I will take the couch."
"Nonsense," Arthur exclaimed. "Look at this thing! It's huge. We can both sleep here." Arthur recalled all the occasions when he and Merlin had shared a sleeping space in the times long past. He smiled at the memories. "It will be like old times," he announced with forced vigor. Thoughts of the past had started to have a bittersweet effect on him. He was suddenly very ready for sleep to take him and help him to forget.
Merlin looked apprehensive but didn't protest.
They got into bed and lay on opposite ends with their backs to each other.
Merlin couldn't sleep. He was too overcome with a variety of confusing emotions. "I don't know if this was such a good idea," he said miserably.
Arthur rolled to face Merlin who still had his back to him. "What do you mean," he asked.
Merlin hesitated before he replied. "Listen, don't freak out about this… never mind, you're going to freak out."
"I won't, freak out, whatever that means." When Merlin didn't respond, Arthur grabbed hold of his shoulder and flipped him onto his back so that they could look at each other when they spoke.
Merlin looked angry. "This is so stupid," he spat out. "I have my same brain, my same memories. But I am not a man trapped inside a woman's body. I am a woman. I feel like a woman."
Arthur gave a scowl at the notion even though he didn't fully understand what Merlin had said.
"You just wait till one day something crazy like this happens to you. Just don't… look at me like that!"
"I'm sorry, it's just that I have no idea what you are talking about Merlin. Why don't you try to be a little more specific? Any fool can see you are a woman now. That isn't really news to me."
"You know that show we watched earlier tonight? The people were lost on that island, remember? When I look at women now… when I looked at those women, I didn't find them attractive," Merlin finished shamefaced.
"They weren't that attractive," Arthur agreed.
Merlin shook his head at how dense Arthur could be. "But now when I look at men…"
"Whoa! Do not finish that sentence." Arthur gave a disgusted look.
"I'm sorry," Merlin cried out. He turned his head to stare up at the ceiling.
They lay in awkward silence.
"Merlin," Arthur began slowly. "Do you find me attractive?"
Merlin sat up aghast and faced Arthur again. "No!"
Arthur grinned. He also sat up to be level with his friend. "You do, don't you? I am a good looking man, and I can say it… that I find you… attractive, now," Arthur stumbled through the words.
Merlin's stomach tingled. "You can't say things like that."
Arthur stared at him blankly.
"It's just when you say things like that it… you know?"
Arthur widened his eyes, pursed his lips and shook his head. "No Merlin, I really don't."
Merlin realized he would have to be blunt. "It kind of turns me on."
"Oh God Merlin, why would you say that?"
Now it was Merlin's turn to shake his head in frustration. "You really are a cabbage head, aren't you?"
Arthur's voice raised to match his heightened emotions. "You don't talk like that because you sound too much like my best friend when he was a man, that acted like a man!"
"For the last time, not my fault," Merlin retorted angrily.
Arthur gaped.
Merlin flopped back down onto his back, but turned his face away from Arthur. He crossed his arms over his chest.
Arthur stared at him. Once his own anger started to fade he realized how much Merlin must be hurting. "This is really hard on you, isn't it Merlin," he asked in gentler tones. Merlin didn't answer. Arthur reached down to comfortingly soothe his hair.
As soon as Arthur touched him, Merlin's face jerked towards him in shock.
Arthur pulled his hand back immediately.
"Why did you do that," Merlin asked.
"I don't know. A reaction. I was just trying to comfort you."
Merlin looked back towards the ceiling. "You can't do things like that," he said numbly.
Arthur slumped back down onto the bed. He lay on his back and closed his eyes. "It's been a long day," he said in a flat voice. "We should get some rest."
Merlin waited until he heard Arthur's breathing become regular to indicate he was asleep. As quietly as possible Merlin repositioned himself on his side so that he faced Arthur. Merlin marveled at how he had never noticed how attractive Arthur was before. Merlin wondered if this was going to be a permanent change in him. He thought back to all the women he had ever been attracted to. There had definitely never been a man! How many times had he seen Arthur naked, he mused, and never once had he gotten aroused. However, he knew he needed to stop thinking about Arthur naked right now because it was making his stomach curl. Merlin wondered why this had to happen to him. He stared at Arthur for a long time before he finally drifted to sleep.