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"Seasons May Change"
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Chapter 2: "Lost"
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Hiccup ended up spending the night in his back room at the forge. He thought of going to Astrid's, but that was obviously out of the question. The forge was the best place because he would be alone. He did not need anybody asking questions about why he wasn't at his own house.
He shuddered, yawned, thought he heard the faint sound of birds chirping outside. Was it morning already? He looked over to the door and saw a small bit of light spilling in from the workshop. Yes, it seemed to be.
He hadn't really slept at all. When he'd arrived, he draped a thick afghan across a spot on the floor and had sat there unmoving for the rest of the night with his arms wrapped around his knees. He'd drifted in and out a few times, but never long enough to constitute actual sleep.
Slowly, the light coming from underneath the door grew brighter, and he definitely heard people walking around outside. He knew he needed to get up. Odin forbid Gobber find him here and ask him what he was doing.
No, that was the last thing he needed.
But he didn't want to think about how stiff his leg would be. He'd never left the appendage on overnight like this, nor did he think he'd ever sat in one position for so long.
He held his breath, grabbed hold of chair leg that was next to him, and hoisted himself up. He winced as he straightened his leg out.
Not bad, though. A little sore, but nothing horrible.
He leaned against the back of the chair for a few seconds longer, then made his way out of the room, and as inconspicuously as possible, left the forge. Where he was going from here, though, he wasn't entirely sure.
He wanted to return to his house. But..
What happened last night.. it scared him. More than he could even begin to explain. He'd never thought in a million years that Toothless would..
But maybe he'd just overreacted. He'd thought about it all through the night, and while it had freaked him out, he couldn't forget that this was Toothless. His best friend. Hiccup knew from the bottom of his heart that Toothless would never do anything to hurt him. He trusted the dragon with his life, so no matter how badly frightened he'd been, he knew that Toothless hadn't intended to do so. But then that raised the next question; what had he intended? What on earth had he been doing? Or trying to do?
The obvious answer was in relation to how Hiccup had reacted. He'd felt..
But this is where Hiccup's thoughts forcibly took a different direction. He didn't want to think about how he had felt during the encounter. Ashamed of himself, no one in their right mind-
"Alright, calm down," he muttered to himself. "Thinking about that isn't going to help anything."
He turned in the direction of his cabin at the top of the hill, not really knowing what he was going to do when he got there. The closer her got, the more apprehensive he became, and when he finally made it to the front door, he was downright nervous. Was Toothless even still in there? Hiccup couldn't blame him if he'd left.. or was he waiting for him in his room like he always was?
Something welled up inside Hiccup's chest at the thought. Whether it was regret, fear, or sadness, he wasn't sure. He didn't even know how he should feel right now. He just knew that he couldn't stand outside his house forever. So, he braced himself, and went inside.
The house was silent. He knew his Dad had gone for the day, probably down at the docks, but there wasn't any movement from above either. And when he climbed the stairs and hesitantly opened the door of his room, it was empty too.
Hiccup let out a breath he hadn't noticed he was holding. He walked forward a few feet until he was in the middle of the room and looked around. He was alone.
He was expecting this, honestly. Why should Toothless have stayed? Hiccup wasn't worried, he was probably in the grotto or something. He just felt a little.. put down.
Walking to the window, Hiccup wondered if he should go looking for him. He was a little nervous about it, but it seemed like the best thing to do. Besides, he really doubted he'd be able to get anything of merit done while this was all heavy on his mind.
So he left the cabin, and headed into the woods. There was no real path down to the grotto, but he'd gone there so many times that it was all but imprinted into his mind. It didn't take him long at all to get there.
As he passed through the break in the rock formation and the clearing came into full view though, Toothless was nowhere to be seen. Hiccup's shoulders slumped a bit, but he decided to look a little more thoroughly. He walked across the grotto and behind the small patch of trees, but still nothing. He turned, looked around again.
No Toothless. Again, he was alone.
Hiccup bit his lip. Still nothing to worry about, he assured himself. There were a thousand other places on Berk that Toothless could be. He just had to go look some more. Toothless couldn't fly on his own, so he was definitely somewhere nearby, he couldn't have gone far.
Though as he made his way back through the forest, Hiccup couldn't help but thinking that Toothless had never disappeared on him like this before. He was always either at the house, or with Hiccup. Never had he ever had to go looking for the dragon.
Back in town, everyone was out and about. He considered asking around if anyone had seen him, but doing that would mean that he needed help finding him, and if he needed help, then there was something to worry about. No, Toothless had to be somewhere around, Hiccup was sure of it. He'd find him, and he'd just laugh at himself for getting so worked up.
Noon came and went.
Hiccup still hadn't found Toothless.
He was sitting at the high pier way above the docks, staring down at everyone working below, though not really watching. He let his legs dangle over the edge, but despite the height, he felt relaxed. Or, so his body did. His mind was far, far from it.
He was definitely worried now. More than worried. He was starting to get a little hysterical. Again he'd considered asking for help, but now he was just scared he might blow up on anybody who came into contact with him. He'd freak out, and they'd tell him to calm down, that wherever Toothless was, he'd come back, nothing to get deathly worried about.
But that was wrong. So, so wrong. Toothless didn't just.. go off on his own for hours and hours. He didn't leave Hiccup, not ever.
"I was always the one who left him.." he said, his voice hoarse from lack of use all day.
Something painful tore at Hiccup's heart, and he wrapped his arms around himself. Guilt washed over him like a wave. It was his fault Toothless was gone. The dragon must not want to see him, didn't want to be found.
The rationality inside Hiccup knew these thoughts were crazy, but he couldn't help letting them eat at him. This had to be his fault. No way was it a coincidence that the incident the night before wasn't connected to Toothless' disappearance.
Again Hiccup felt something in his chest constrict as he let his mind relive the previous night.
He still couldn't figure out exactly what had happened. He didn't know what Toothless had been doing, trying to do, whether or not the dragon had actually.. (Hiccup wet his lips) wanted Hiccup to feel the way he had.
That possibility alone frightened the viking most of all. It was unthinkable, something of the utmost shame. Even in the privacy of his own mind, Hiccup felt embarrassed. If Toothless' intentions had really been.. sexual.. Gods, he didn't even know what to think. It was completely and utterly insane. Beyond that, even. But there was no denying the fact that the dragon had brought forth a desire within the boy that he'd never experienced with another living soul.
Hiccup's mind drew a blank after this. Whether he just couldn't think of it any longer, or if it was just too much for him, he didn't know. But it didn't matter. Not really. Not compared to finding his best friend and putting his mind at ease. What happened last night wasn't important, he just needed Toothless back. He needed to know that he was alright.
With a small sigh, Hiccup stood up and made his way down the wooden landing. He didn't take notice of the black clouds rolling in the distance.
Knock, knock, knock.
Astrid turned over in her bed, her eyebrows scrunching together. Was someone seriously knocking at the door? She laid still for a moment, and when she heard nothing, she relaxed again. No, just the storm outsi-
Knock, knock, knock.
She shot up, staring in the direction of the hallway, her expression masking that of exhausted annoyance. She looked out her window where there was nothing but thunder, rain, and wind. Who in the name of Thor was outside in this? And in the middle of the night?
Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock-
"Alright, alright!" she exclaimed to the room. She hopped out of bed and went out into the hallway, where the knocking was going nonstop now. She hurried to the door in fear that her parents would wake up. They didn't take very kindly to being woken up.
The knocking still hadn't stopped when she reached the entryway of her house. Whoever this is.. she thought darkly. But when she wrenched the door open, the sight before her caused her to immediately lose any and all anger.
It was Hiccup.
And not only that, he was soaked from the rain, and the look on his face. Astrid couldn't remember ever seeing him looking so lost.
"Astrid," he croaked. "I'm sorry, I-I know it's late, I just-"
As if remembering how to move, she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him inside. She ran to a nearby cabinet and brought out a rather large pile of blankets, and draped them over him one by one. The last one she threw overtop his head and began drying off his hair. All the while, Hiccup remained motionless and silent.
When she seemed satisfied, she took a step back and just looked at him. Hiccup could tell she was trying not to look upset.
"You're an idiot," she whispered. "What were you doing out there? How.. how long have you been out there?"
His gaze fell to the floor. "I.. I dunno. I kind of lost track of time."
"Well what were you doi-"
"Toothless is gone."
She gaped at him. There was a long pause, then, ".. What?"
Hiccup's figure seemed to slump even further. He grabbed one of the blankets closer to his body. "He's gone. I've been looking since this morning. He's not anywhere."
Again there was silence. Astrid didn't even know what to say. Mostly because what Hiccup was saying was unbelievable. Even she knew how inseparable the two of them were. How could Toothless be missing?
"How.. Hiccup, he can't just be gone, he must be somewhe-"
"He's not," Hiccup interjected. "Everywhere, I've looked everywhere, all day, he just doesn't want me to find him, he doesn't..." he trailed off, scared his throat might constrict with the next words he'd had on his tongue.
Astrid was extremely concerned now. She'd never seen Hiccup like this before, and she wasn't sure what to do. She wanted to help, but she didn't know how.
"Hiccup," she said softly. She chanced putting a hand on his arm, and felt a little better when he didn't back away. "Wherever he is, there's nothing we can do right now. We wouldn't be able to see him in this storm if he was standing right in front of us. For now.. you need to sleep, okay?"
Hiccup didn't say anything, but hung his head a little lower.
"Do you.. want me to walk you up to your house?" she offered. He stiffened at her words.
"No," he said quickly. "I don't want to be there without him."
His words struck a chord in her heart, and she wasn't sure how they made her feel. The statement seemed overdramatic for him, sounded strange coming from a person who was usually happy and sarcastic. Astrid hesitated for a moment, lost for words.
"Okay," she forced out. "Come on, I'll get you a pair of my Dad's nightclothes. They'll probably be a tent on you, but it's better than what you're in now."
From thereon out, Hiccup didn't say another word. He followed her around like he was lost, letting her give him clothes, more blankets, and situate him on the floor of her room. The only other thing he uttered from his mouth was a small "night" before he disappeared underneath the blanket.
Astrid laid in her bed, far from tired now. She chanced glances down at Hiccup every couple of minutes, but he didn't move. She was worried.
Hiccup stared out of the window.
Lightning flashed, and he was reminded of the day he'd shot Toothless out of the sky.