Sorry for a bad chapter, I rushed it. (been busy lately)

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There's a huge black void just outside that window. Empty, apart from a few, meaningless white specks, and a rather small, glowing, semi-circle. I can't see above the darkness, can't see below it, and can't see around it. It's just there, and it's filling up the whole window. And, it's so dark that I can barely make out the room I'm in. I can sort of see a bed, and there is a glowing, red light on the VCR. I can only just see the window frame, but if I couldn't, then the night sky would blend in as if it were the walls.

And the clock is still ticking away, but if I concentrate on something else, I won't notice it. I know I won't get to sleep anyway, but the clock isn't the problem. I guess the problem is, well… me.

I find self-pity really distracting, and also pretty annoying. The last thing Kyle wanted was to have to take me in for the night, but I guess if you see someone on the curb outside your house, you're going to do something. Most likely, give them the pity they have been thriving, because then, at least, they will get the hell off the curb.

Then again, maybe this isn't self-pity. I'm not exactly feeling sorry for myself; I think I'm in denial more than anything. And denial is even worse than pity, because at least with pity, you have acknowledged that what you did was fucking terrible.

I look up at the window again, to see that the stars have shifted across the sky. So, the world is still spinning. I wish it wasn't though.

I mean, if time itself just stopped, then I wouldn't have to worry about anything. Because everything would be dead to me. All my friends, my family, the teachers, the workers, the cleaners, the dustbin men, the birds, the rats, hell, even the fucking cockroaches would be dead. Everyone would be gone, except me.

Then again, that is probably the only thing that could ever bring my life to a halt. For one, I can't die without Satan playing one of his dirty tricks on me and resurrecting me. So basically, if the world stopped, and everything froze, everything except from me, then it'd be just like dying. No problems ever again.

It'd be the only way to escape. But the world is never going to freeze, and I'm never going to die and i stay /i dead. So, how can I possibly escape this?

I guess there's always the choice of running away. There are plenty of unoccupied places on this earth, and I wouldn't need to worry about extreme conditions. Because I'll always come back. Nothing is ever going to change.

No, no, no. What the hell am I saying? I can get through this, and I can sort it all out, and everything will be fine. Stan will forgive me, Kyle will never find out, and Cartman will still remain caught up in sweet ignorance. And then, everyone can be happy, and nothing has to change.

Except from me, I should change, but can I? I don't even know anymore what's right and what's wrong.

I look through the window once again to that gaping dark space, which isn't so dark anymore. The sun is steadily rising up from beneath the mountains, and is shining in on us. I can now make out Kyle, who looks as though he might wake up at any second.

I'd rather him not wake up though, because I'm fed up of having to explain things to people. It's all so tiring (in the sense that I can't be bothered) and I can't be dealing with anything else right now. I'm confused enough as it is.

For starters, I don't want to deal with Stan, even though I know I really, really have to. It's all so confusing, because one minute I'm guilty, and the next I cower out of confronting him. I really do have some explaining to do. Just not to Kyle, because if he ever finds out what happened, I'm as good as dead.

Ha. As good as dead. Who am I kidding? That would imply that Kyle wouldn't give a shit, when he so definatly would.

I don't understand why my life has to be so confusing. I'm immortal, and I should be happy, but there's a limit of how many times someone can die before going insane. And that's when you just want to i stay /i dead. It makes no logical sense.

But I guess that's life – it's not logical. We are all just here, not even for a purpose, on this spinning globe, just for god's sick pleasures. So he can watch us from above as everyone's minds rot from all the propaganda. And I feel as though I'm the only one who understands this. One half of the world is trying to find some huge scientific theory, while the other half are on their hands and knees praising God Almighty. They only find out the truth when they die. I bet most of the deceased are twitching and squirming in their graves. What a wonderful life, when even the dead don't get the peace they deserve.

So, maybe death doesn't escape it. Either way it doesn't matter, I don't need to worry.

A sharp noise startles me, and I jump up from my sheets. It's Kyle's stupid alarm clock, and it's only seven AM. And it's Saturday. Thanks for that, Kyle.

He squirms in his sheets and thumps the alarm clock with his fist, but the beeping doesn't stop, so he just grabs the cable and rips it out of the socket. I guess that's one way to stop it. He looks so tired and fed up, and pretty pissed off.

"Sorry, I didn't even realize today was Saturday"

"You didn't realize it was Saturday?" I reply, and I find him hard to understand. He looks so depressed and oblivious to the fact it's a weekend. There must be something wrong, because Kyle's usually quite perky, at any time. "Everything okay?"

And now he looks as though he's about to throw up, or about to cry or something. But he still looks utterly exhausted, and deep in thought. I don't suppose everything is 'okay'.

"Just tired. Didn't get much sleep."

"Hey, sorry I had to crash here, dude. I can go now if you want, so you can get some sleep." But I wasn't at all sorry, I was more sorry for myself than anyone else.

"I'm not blaming you. It's just…" And he sighs, what the hell is wrong with him? "Look, it doesn't matter. I won't be able to get back to sleep now, so, do you want to just… I dunno… we could call on Stan or something?"

No way, we can't see Stan. I'll panic when I'm around him, and this won't get us anywhere. Heck, I'm even panicking now, just from the sound of his name. I have to just make up some crappy, lame, excuse. Any crappy excuse will do. "I- er- well, it's seven AM. He won't be up."

"Yeah, he will. He doesn't know how to unset his alarm."

I don't know if its instinct, but I release a small nervous giggle at this comment. It's not even funny, it's just Kyle's crappy excuse on why we should go there. And the worst part is that I can't think of a come back. And I definatly can't tell him the truth.

Kyle just looks on at me with a sarcastic look upon his face. This isn't going to get anywhere, maybe it would be best for me to just play along. "Alright, we can go to Stan's"

And he's now looking at me with mixed expressions. His eyes are looking straight into mine, and one of his eyebrows is raised. His mouth has twisted into a slight curve, and is raising his cheekbone. Not only this, but his eyes seem so empty, and he looks as though he's lost. I can't decide what to make of it all.

Finally, we break the stare and Kyle slips off the bed and trudges towards his shoes. I assume I should do the same. We are both so quiet while we tie up our laces, neither one of us is going to speak. I, for one, have nothing to say, so unless Kyle needs to say something, I guess we will be in silence for a while.

"You never did tell me, Kenny… why were you outside last night?" So, I suppose Kyle does still have a thing or two left to say. But I still don't see why the hell I should tell him anything.

"…I was tired, so I sat down for a rest." I hate lies, I really do, unless they're absolutely necessary. And that lie was definatly absolutely necessary.

"Oh, 'cause I got the impression you had been there for a while."

Oh, shit.

"It was a long rest." He knows something. It doesn't make any sense, though. If Kyle knows, then why am I still in his house? Surely he'd have thrown me out by now.

"Also, I've been meaning to ask you this for a while…"

"Yeah?"

"Whose blood is that's on your shoes?"