Its been one year since Edward left me and now that I survived that heartbreak, I can proudly say that I am pretty much okay. Sometimes my mind wanders back to him, but I can breathe under the memories and i am proud. But now I have messed myself into another trap... Damon. Well you see i moved to Mystic Falls after everything happened and i got to know everyone here. Soon after my arrival I found out about their origins. They are different kind of vampires, you see. Strange world we live in. The biggest problem in my life right now is that after Elena became a vampire she has been together with Damon. I get it she is perfect, she is beautiful and charming. Something I will never be. I have to accept being Damons friend. Dont get me wrong we are good friends, but i want, NEED more. It seems that me and Stefan are in the same hole. I feel sorry for Stefan and I would do anything that Elena would go back together with Stefan. So maybe then I´ll have a chance.
I put down my diary and sighed, while looking around in my house. Always when I´m here in my house I feel lonely. Of course maybe its because no one is here, but still. I heard a telephone vibrate on my kitchen table. My heart skipped a beat... What if its Damon. I hurried down to the kitchen and it was him. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. „Hello, Damon" I answered the phone nervously, right away I started pacing around, because I just cant stand still.
„Well hello there Bella!"
I held my breath. „Yes?" I felt him smirking on the other side of the phone. „How are you?" asked Damon carelessly.
„Good" I replied, why on earth I sound so stupid always, when he is near me.
„Thats good to hear, Bella. You know I thought about you today and wanted to ask whether you are free today?" My heart sank to my stomach. He thought about me. Stop it Bella!
„Y-yes I am free, what did you have in mind?"
„Well how about shopping?"
„Shopping?" I laughed. Damon wants to go shopping with me? Hahaha, well well. Let me think about it.. Who am i kidding of course I would run to him, if I have an oppurtunity.
„Of course I would come Damon"
„I will pick you up then" he said and ended the phone call. Breathe Bella. I run to my closet. What on earth I would wear. I looked at my clothes and scowlded.
„ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" nothing to wear, of course. Story of my life. Finally I found some black jeans and a jean jacket. Good enough.
I put quickly my make-up on and started waiting for Damon.
...
I am still waiting... Nervously I looked in the mirror over and over again. And then my heart stopped, i heard a car stopping in front of my door.
I practically ran towards Damon. And when I started walking towards car I felt a stab in my chest. Elena was also in the car right next to him. Elena was absolutely beautiful. I only thought of my jealousy when I climbed to the back seat.
„Hey guys!" I put on my best IDONTCARE mask and started small talk with them. As it turns out we came to the store because Elena wanted to go shopping. Awesome, just awesome.
When Elena started looking for clothes I waited outside with Damon. Both didnt feel like shopping. In fact I hated it.
„You have beautiful eyes"
I held my breath. I didnt dare to say anything.
„ You know Bella, every boy will run after you, if you start using your eyes right."
I was furious, how dare he, make me feel the butterflies in my stomach. How dare he say those things to me. I was boiling inside, but smiled at him. It took every ounce of my willpower not to start crying of anger. Well I just wanna murder him right now. Why is he doing this to me again and again and again. And I just let it happen. What is wrong with me. He let me know yet again that he can manipulate with me. I hate him, I want to wipe of his smirk. God why does he have to do this to me. What the hell is his problem. Thats why i feel shitty, thats why i wanna cry right now, thats why i want him to prove wrong. I dont want him to think that he has power over me, I want him to feel what i feel. I want him to feel WEAK. I want our roles to change. I hate that he makes me feel like this. I HATE IT. MAKE IT STOP! And now I know I am going to think only of that for the rest of the day. Thank you, thank you very fucking much. And now my mood is 100% ruined, I am angry at everyone, upset. He did it. Again. And once again it shows how much power he has over me.
I was fuming, we didnt say anything after that, because Elena wanted to show a dress she wanted to buy. She is perfect like always, makes me wanna puke. She makes me uncomfortable, so so uncomfortable. Maybe its beacause I wanna be fucking perfect like her. Makes me sick.
„Its nice Elena" I said quietly while the storm went on and on in my head.