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Chapter Two: Monkeys In My Heart Are Rattling Their Cages

Eagle in the dark,
Feathers in the pages.
Monkeys in my heart
Are rattling their cages…
Slipping through the bars
Aware of the danger
Of riding in the cars
Taking candy from strangers…
And that's just the way it goes.

(Falling Awake, Gary Jules)

The first thing Perry wants to do when he gets home is hug his ex-wife and his kids extra-tight. Because today he has seen an entire family – one of the happiest he knew – wiped out by some drunken idiot, who lived through the accident. It doesn't make sense.

He walks into his apartment quietly, just in case his kids are asleep. Today he seems to have lost all sense of time. His children aren't asleep. They're both in the living room, and his five-year-old daughter bounces towards him. It makes Perry's eyes sting, because his daughter is a year older than their daughter is – was – and he can't help how easily it could have been his family in that car on that road at that time.

"Daddy!" Jennifer Dylan jumps up and down at her dad's feet, and Perry lifts her up. "Look what I drawed!" The girl waves a sheet of paper in front of her father's face.

Perry puts his daughter on the ground and takes her drawing to look at it. She's drawn her family. She's there; her nine-year-old brother is there. Her father is there and her mother is there. They're stick-like and cartoony, but it's undeniably them. And it almost brings a tear to his eye.

Perry's son Jack walks into the room. "Hey Dad," he says.

"Hey, Jackie boy," Perry says in reply. He tries to keep his voice cheery – or at worst, neutral. He doesn't want his children to know what happened today. He doesn't know how to tell them what happened to day. He tells people – strangers – about deaths of loved ones every day, but they're children, they're his children and he doesn't even know where to begin.

Perry thinks it would be easier to tell them what happened if it was a grandparent or an older person who died. If it's an older person who dies, he could explain to the kids that that's just what happens when people get old.

But how does he begin to explain to his children that their friend was killed?

He's tried so hard to protect them from everything, tried so hard to make their childhoods happier than his was. But there's no way he can protect them from this.

Perry thinks Jack will be able to handle this better. He's older and he can understand life and death better. But Jenny… Jenny is going to be devastated. She's only five and LucyDorian is –was- her best friend. Jennifer, Lucyand Izzy Turk, they have – had - their own little trio. They're in the same kindergarten class, same dance class, they're almost inseparable. The three of them are supposed to be singing together in their kindergarten class play on Tuesday night. Perry wonders briefly if the play will even go ahead.

"Hey." Jordan walks into the sitting room, and rests her body on the doorframe. "You're late," she says calmly. "We missed you at dinner."

"I know."

Perry gives her a solemn look, as if to say that they'll talk later. Jordan seems to understand because her facial expression changes from one of tranquillity and happiness to one of concern and worry.

"Well, it's waiting for you in the oven." Jordan's voice is quiet and low, and it lets Perry know she understands this is something serious.

"Thank you." He hugs his wife tightly, and gently kisses the top of her head, and for once in his life he actually feels fortunate. He feels privileged.

"Daddy," he hears Jenny ask. "Will you tell us a story?" But Jenny doesn't bring him a book, because he always makes up an original story and why should she think tonight would be any different?

Perry sighs, not because he doesn't want to tell her a story, but because he doesn't know what to tell her. "Sure thing, honey."

He sits down on his chair. Jenny climbs on to his knee, and Jack sits next to him. He wants to tell them a happy fairytale, but all he can think about is what happened today.

So he tells them a fairy tale of a family, Dee Jay, Eleanor and Lucinda and how they were all in a bad accident with their horses. They were tired and in pain and were in a dangerous forest with all kinds of creatures and bad things that would hurt them. The family got separated, but they had lots of friends in the forest who cleaned up their cuts and bruises and helped them meet each other again on the other side so they could live happily ever after.

The kids love the story, but as he tells it, Perry keeps looking up at Jordan with sad, explaining eyes. The frown that she wears by the conclusion of the tale makes Perry think that Jordan has understood what his glances were saying.

The kids go to their rooms shortly after that. Perry says goodnight to them in their rooms, but Jordan stays in the living room, her hand held gently over her mouth, her face etched with disbelief and sorrow.

Jordan is sitting in the same position when Perry re-enters the living room a few minutes later. "That's not how it really ended, is it?" Jordan's voice is quiet and dreadful, but there's incredulity there too. Hope too, maybe.

"That's… not… how it really ended."

As Perry sits down next to her, he watches as her face seems frozen. Not in shock, but something else he can't quite place. It's like she's questioning herself, or maybe just plucking up the courage to let her brain accept it.

"What do we tell the kids?" She asks quietly.

Perry sighs sadly. "I… don't know." He wraps his arm around her, and quietly assumes his role as the rock that everybody leans against for support.

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