Riku had an uncannily desperate need for Sora. It wasnt something he planned to acknowledge, it wasnt something he was going to do anything about, as he just passed it off as another one of his freaky moods and buried his face further into the pillow. He was sprawled out on his stomach, even though it hurt so bad, due to the massive black and blue mark on his stomach that he got when landing on Sora, and he wished sleep would swallow him whole and just keep him there.
Hed known Sora barely a week7 days, 168 hours, 10,080 minutes, or 604,800 seconds. Hed known the kid for something like 15,120 suicidesone every 40 seconds10,000 boxes of toaster waffles, and more than a million phone calls and car accidents.
Absently, Riku flipped over and stared at the ceiling, wondering why, even though hed attempted suicide, he wasnt being forced to suffer through countless hours of therapy, countless hours of, and how does that make you feel, Riku?
That, once again, brought Rikus thoughts to Sora.
Why had Sora even done what he did?
Riku hadnt seen Sora all week.
Riku hadnt done anything to change that though.
That was around when Sora showed up, though.
Hey Riku, Sora smiled. He wheeled himself into Rikus room, parking himself by Rikus bed side.
Hey Sora, Riku attempted to smile back, clicking a hearing aid onto the ear opposite the boy. Whats up?
Um, Sora twisted his fingers around the hem of his shirt. I wasnt sure if your dad told youI realized a while ago that my doctor is also your dador if you even care that much, but I figured Id tell you anyway. Im getting surgery, some kind of nerve transplantation, I think.
Riku frowned slightly. I thought they said youd just recover.
Sora shrugged. I dont know. Its been a week, and they said I wasnt recovering the way they wanted me to.
Oh. Riku stared at the wall. He could feel Soras gaze on his stomach. Hey Sora?
Yea? Sora hummed, yawning slightly.
Whyd you-
Sora, its time.
Riku visibly winced as the blonde boy walked in.
Whyd I what? Sora asked, tilting his head. His eyes shined with curiosity.
Uh, Riku gulped. Nothingcome see me after your surgery.
Sora mock saluted him, before letting Roxas wheel him out. Yes sir, he grinned.
~OYS~
True to his word, even though he felt like his limbs had been haphazardly sewn together in a factory in India, Sora did come back after his surgery was well over and done, even though after general recovery time, it was well into the night.
Look Riku, Sora grinned, kicking his legs a bit. I can move, isnt it amazing?
Why are you still in a wheelchair then?
General recovery time, they said. They dont want me running around like a crazed lunatic or something. Ill be out of the chair in a week, and then on crutches for three, just to make sure. Theyre gonna keep me here for a while longer to make sure I fully recover.
I kind of just want to go home, you know?
I know, Riku said softly, settling himself cross-legged, leaning against the wall.
Howre you? Sora questioned, tilting his head in that perfect way he had. His eyes shined with concern, with wonder.
Im okay.
Sora raised an eyebrow in disbelief.
Does it hurt? Sora murmured then, eyeing Rikus stomach.
Only when I breathe, Riku sighed. Or lay on it.
Is that healthy?
Its just some deep bruising, Ill be fine.
Sora smiled. Im glad.
The silence commenced, but only for a second, which made Riku smile, just a bit.
Have you ever heard the song High of 75?
Uh, no, Im not much for music.
Oh really? Sora wondered aloud. I wouldve deemed you one of those amazing pieces of ass that walk around with their music blaring and an I hate the World attitude.
Riku deadpanned.
Did you just call me an amazing piece of ass? Riku was trying super hard not to laugh, not to do anything, to stay monotonous. Youre a suicidal kid; youre not supposed to enjoy yourself.
Or, something of that sortmaybe, dont bother, youre getting out of here and youre gonna jump out that same window all over again.
Yes, Sora grinned shamelessly. Would it be better if I lied?
No, I guess not, Riku shrugged.
Sora sighed, Stupid wheelchair.
Youll be out of it soon, Riku attempted, monotonously.
I just wanna run up and down the beach until I cant breathe, or something.
Hey Sora? Riku said, just as he did earlier, turning his gaze on that super fascinating wall.
Yeah? Sora wondered, smiling again. He was an insanely happy kid.
Whyd you do it?
Do what? Sora whispered. Despite his orders not to walk, he pushed himself out of the chair and settled himself on Rikus bed, by Rikus side, facing that same wall before collapsing backwards, finding the ceiling to be far more amusing than the wall.
Whyd youdo anything at all?
Okay, Im lost, Sora sighed then, looking at Riku with one raised eyebrow.
Never mind, Riku fisted the hospital sheets, inhaling the scent of everything that was too sanitary, trying to forget the scent of Sora.
The calm noiselessness didnt last very long, even though Riku kind of wished it would.
I dont really know, Sora finally murmured. He rolled onto his stomach, swinging his legs up, bent at the knees so the bottoms of his feet faced the ceilingprobably not because it was particularly comfortable, but because he couldand he himself was facing Riku, and rested his chin in his hands. Im not that good at thinking before I things, I justfollow my heart I guess.
Huh, Riku hummed. He didnt know what to say to that. He didnt know if he should say something to that in the first place.
Sora yawned again, folding his arms on the bed and resting his cheek on them.
Why did you? Sora whispered, somewhat timid in his words. His eyes were half lidded, but he seemed fully alert in the way he spoke.
Riku tensed, visibly.
You dont have to tell me, I guess, Sora murmured, his eyes closing fully, hiding pieces of the sky away from the world. I just kind of want to understand, you know? I mean, Ive had times Ive wanted to diewe all have, I think. I just never really knew that people acted on those things, instead of trying to change it like I did.
I Riku was speechless. And he wasnt sure why.
Even when things go bad, youre not alone, you know? Youve got to think of the people youll hurt if youact on impulses. But Im not really one to talk, because I do that all the time. I do stupid things all the time.
Like what? Riku spoke up even though he didnt mean to. He wondered if Sora would talk himself out, until he deflated like a balloon, until he had nothing else to say. Riku wondered if he should ask Sora to leaveor if he even wanted Sora to leave.
UhI bought a motorcycle before I could drive, from some guy in an alleyway.
Why the hell would you do that?
I was walking home from a party, Soras words just kept getting quieter. And I was taking a shortcut on my way, because I just wanted to get home. In case you were wondering, I wasnt drinking or anything.
And this guy just walked up to me, and was all like, hey, you, you wanna motorcycle? in some weird accent. And honestly, I always had wanted one, so I said, yeah, how much? He goes, fifty bucks. And I was like, are you serious? He laughed at me, really hard, and he smelled like cigarettes and something else, maybe shitty bathroom cologne or something. Yeah, dead serious, he said. I just pulled fifty dollars out of my pocket and took the motorcycle. I drove home, and almost wiped out twice.
My parents freaked out on me though, because quite honestly, I was supposed to use that money to buy our groceries, and I came home with a slightly jacked up motorcycle in the dead of night. I was only thirteen, and my dad yelled at me a lot, and I almost cried because we wouldnt have any real food until my dads next pay check. My mom had to stay home because Nami was only four, and Roxas was even more irresponsible than I was, considering he didnt even come home that night in the first place. We lived on crackers for a week and a half.
Riku felt like his throat was closing up, like the world was trying really hard not to swallow him and was failing in the efforts.
Riku, are you okay? Riku?
Sora put his hand on Rikus knees, staring into those eyes of aquamarine, and whispering words for only Riku to hear.
Nothing special, just little, In, out, youre okay, just pace your breathing to mine.
Riku just kept sucking in breaths like drugs.
You okay? Sora whispered finally. He felt like if he spoke any louder, hed upset the fragile boy again. Sora forgot so easily Riku wasnt just some random kidhe was a random kid that tried to kill himself and there was something that drove him to do that.
Something that Sora had just said set him off.
Yeah, he whispered back, not sure if Sorad heard him in the first place.
The younger brunet collapsed then, the back of his spiky head against Rikus shoulder and his hands gripping the hospital bed.
Sorry, Sora bit down on his lip.
Youre fine, Riku said. It wasnt an its okay, and it wasnt a whatever. It just was.
I dont know what I said to set you off, Sora muttered. He sounded genuinely upset, which let Riku to believe, even for a second, that Sora genuinely cared.
Itsnothing, Riku said monotonously.
Im sorry, Sora said again.
This time, the silence was left unbroken.
~OYS~
In his sleep, Sora wasclingy to say the least.
His hands kept searching for the cloth of the shirt Riku wasnt wearing, so he just kept almost gripping Rikus stomach, keeping sleep far away from him that night.
Sora whimpered softly when he slept.
Kind of like all his worries assaulted him in the night, in the darkness where no one could protect him and he couldnt protect himself either.
But he clung to Rikus side like a leech, an arm and a leg slung over Rikus body, Soras face against Rikus shoulder.
To Riku, it was just weird. Not particularly uncomfortable until Sora hit him wrong again, and the cycle restarted.
He finally curled his fingers around Soras, and Sora smiled, peeling his eyes open for a second, making it seem like he was wide awake.
Riku, he murmured despairingly, squeezing the fingers coiled around his.
Yes? Riku wondered.
I know what youre planning, but, before you do anything stupid again, remember youll be hurting me.
When Riku opened his mouth again, Soras breathing was even against his neck.
Sora Strife was a mystery.