DISCLAIMER: ALL Metal Gear & Characters Are Copyright Konami. THEY OWN EVERYTHING - I Only Borrow The Names For This Non-Profit Making BADLY WRITTEN Story, purely written for fun in my spare time. This story has terrible language, tons of unnecessary violence and will probably land you in hospital for splitting your sides. THIS is too crazy for even Kojima!
Madman's Paradise OR 'Glinty Guy Owns A Nightclub'!
(This Story Is Best Read DRUNK)
Part 2
Early the next morning Vamp opened his eyes and reached around the floor searching for his phone to check on the time. He fell off the bed after noticing that it was 08:53 and he was supposed to help Solidus get up and get ready for the long drive to the airport.
He stumbled out of the warm bed rushing to bedroom nearby. Stumbling in, he saw the bed empty and a small note saying:
"Hey Sleepyhead! I bet you'll wake up late! Well, you looked far too tired to wake up! I'll see you when I get back after picking up my brother (Asshole No.2) and my son. Don't forget to be there for the alcohol to arrive and watch the guys setting up the sound system. Have fun; If you need me just call my mobile. Ohh, by the way….I blew up the Microwave." ~ Sol
Vamp smiled to himself while reading the note before he started to pick up and fold his friend's clothes and make the bed.
Most of the morning, Vamp spent taking the deliveries for the alcohol and nightclub sound system while waiting for solidus to return from picking up his son Jack and brother Liquid, who had flown in from London.
Vamp was smiling to himself as he cleaned the table-top imaging all the fun they were going to have and all the events he could plan for the club.
Meanwhile the workmen came over with a large Manuel and box of Cds.
"There you go! The sound systems all plugged in and working sir."
"Hmmm…What are all these?" Vamp asked as he peered into the box.
"Cd's…you know, music…..to play…….for people to dance to…..while they get drunk…..and-"the workman was cut off suddenly by an irritated Vamp.
"Yeah-Yeah-Fuckin' yeah. You're real funny – Now fuck off." Vamp snapped as he signed the work-completion docket, stabbing through the paper purposefully as he added the full stop at the end of his full Romanian name before throwing the pen at the workman.
Vamp looked through all the Cds shaking his head. "There's no way I'm playing ANY of this shit! I'm going to go out and get some real music! Sol will be sooo pleased! After all, I AM the DJ here!"
Later that day Vamp heard the car outside and rushed out to help his friend. As he got to the car, Solidus got out to open the back and take out all six of Liquid's cases.
"You obviously still don't travel light.." Vamp mumbled.
"Ahh, excellent! You've come to take my bags!" Liquid announced in his Londoner accent as he thrust his cases into Vamp's hands. "Cheers Mate! Cos my backs killing me." he added as he slapped Vamps back as he passed him.
Vamp looked bewildered for a moment. "Errr Boss…?!"
"What?" Solidus said as he turned around after helping Jack with his bags and locking the car.
*Vamp collapses under the weight of Liquids Luggage*
"Dad…Is he still alive under all that?" Jack asked as he kicked the pile of luggage covering Vamp.
Solidus looked down at the mountain of luggage and looked thoughtful for a moment. "Hmmm sure he is!"
"…Boss…..help…..~"*Heard faintly as all three are walking back to the club*
They all walked into the Lounge area of the Club part of the building, with Vamp trailing behind overloaded with bags.
"Hey dad...Not bad at all!" Raiden added as he jumped up backwards onto the bar.
"Hmm...I like the posh seats." Liquid added as he relaxed in a chair.
"Whaaa?" Solidus said vaguely as he stared at his brother.
"Here! This is the last of them!" Vamp said as he drops a heavy bag in Liquids lap.
"OhhThat reminds me dad, I need some money..." Raiden casually asked while curling his hair around his fingers.
Solidus looked thoughtful. "Uhh? How much?"
"Oh…$700..."
*Everyone in the room stops what they're doing and stares at Raiden*
"err…'some' money?" Solidus asks.
"Yeah Dad…it's really important!"
"Why so much?"
"Errr…..Nightschool..Dad" He replied trying to think of a good excuse.
"HAHA….'Night School' ohh that's brilliant! But I didn't know Night schools were recruiting such intelligent people nower days!" Liquid snorted as he laughed.
"You've got some real smart fuckin' mouth on you! You can't even pronounce words properly and your spelling is the level of a seven-year-old! So I'm not just about to stand here and take shit from you!" Raiden shouted at Liquid.
"OI…Fuck Off! I've got three GCSE's! ya little shite!"
"OHHH I've got three GSER's" Raiden mocked in a high-pitched voice.
"You two are giving me a headache…now shut up!" Solidus shouted over them both.
"Now dad, about that money…"
"Have the school send me an invoice and I'll pay it..."
"Hmmm…Looks like someone's not going to be able to go…..~" Vamp spun around then pointed accusingly at Raiden while standing in a pose. "~ Clothes shopping!"
Raiden walked up to face Vamp and whispered. "What exactly are you referring to?"
"I know EVERYTHING!" Vamp said quietly yet sternly.
"Everything..??"
"Yeah! The amount you spend on clothes! The lies you tell your dad to get more money out of him! Hes too good for the parasitic likes of you!"
"Do you have any proof to back all this up then?"
"Ofcourse I do! Receipts!...LOTS of 'em!"
*Raiden stares wide-eyed at Vamp*
"I also know about the fortune you spend on men down at the bathhouse! The wild sex orgies that got you thrown out of your last apartment! Do you really think anything happens on the scene without my knowing it?!"
"And ahhh…how much is your silence going to cost then?" Raiden asked nervously.
"I haven't decided yet! But number one on the list is that you stop treating your dad like a mug…or else.."
"What are you too gits scheming about?!" Liquid shouted while counting all his bags.
"What the fucks a 'Git'?!" Solidus asked in a really fed-up way.
"Ohh err boss…In 'English' a 'Git' means…'Wise Man'….its common slang…." Vamp explained.
"Vamp…..You're a twat." Liquid said firmly while pointing in Vamps face.
"Dad…where am I gonna sleep?" Raiden asked in a bored tone while tugging on his father's suit.
"In the spare room with Liquid. There are two beds in there so you'll be comfortable. Anyway, we have move afew things around so we can open on Monday, the staff will show up and everything."
"Hey ahh..Do I still get that comfy sofa-bed in the Lounge outside your room Sol?" Vamp asked in his usual deadpan manner.
"Aren't you going home? You only really need to be here to do your work shifts."
"What? And leave you here alone with no-one to look out for you? I know how you are! You don't look after yourself properly! You don't eat right, you don't socialize. Look….you're the type of man who needs minions…!" Vamp exclaimed trying to sound convincing.
"Ohh What are you talking about?! I'm fine by myself…Anyway, Whats that…partner of yours going to think if you don't come home every day?"
"Hes fine with it! I've told him we're on a business venture together and that I'll have to work long hours so it pays to stay here every now and then.."
Liquid walked up to them while carrying some bags. "Okay, I'm off upstairs to unpack, then I want to have a shower and come down when teas on the table."
*Solidus stares At Liquid*
"Whaa?"
"Ohhh this is variation of common slang! It refers to this ritual the British do around 5'o clock in the afternoon.." Vamp started.
"You know…I really don't think I want to know..."
"SOL! I'm NOT sharing with him!" Liquid shouts as he hurries back down the stairs.
"Who?"
"Your son!"
"Why?" Solidus asked in a no nonsense tone.
"Because, Hes up there right now, with all his shite all over the place while he picks which clothes to wear! The rooms a bloody state now! It fucking looks like a council house!"
"I heard all that Uncle! and you fucking suck! You obviously don't know class when you see it!" Raiden shouted as he bounded down the stairs in a gaudy, bright tie-dyed shirt and skinny jeans. He had smuged black eyeliner on and several earrings in his left ear.
"Ohhh the state of it.." Liquid added as he covered his face in his hands.
"Look you two, this isn't a guest house so there aren't enough rooms for all of you! And one more word and you're finding a place to rent…..Do you understand me?"
"Dad, tell him to stop being such a little bitch…"
"He's dressed like a fucking chav.." Liquid said in a fed-up tone.
"Whaa?" Solidus asked vaguely.
"Fuck off" Raiden snapped as he walked by.
Vamp lent against the kitchen table and announced. "Ohh yeah Boss, A Chav is a…..common English phrase that refers to a public toilet."
"No darling, that's a 'Lav'" Liquid mocked as he crossed his arms.
Later on that night, Solidus was in the kitchen making a sandwich when Vamp walked in and took the spreading knife from his hand and threw it behind himself with stealthy precision. "Go sit down down boss, I've already got something coming for dinner.."
"You what? But….I blew up the microwave by accident.." Solidus casually remarked as he sat down rubbing his temple.
"Well, that's the point! I'm making something properly! ……In the oven!"
"Wow…really?"
"Yeah! Now go turn on the set I'll be right in in a moment!" Vamp added with a measure of pride that even seemed to shine through his voice.
"Hey, where's Jack?"
"Ohh he went out to the bath—err the local club."
"Uhh..Okay.." Solidus said as he walked out of the room.
Vamp carefully took out of the oven a large pie he had managed to produce. He placed the slices carefully on two plates and headed up to the living area.
"There you go!" he added as he placed a plate carefully in his friends lap.
"Hey…you know, this actually smells good." Solidus added as he took a taste cautiously.
Liquid walked into the room in his bathrobe with his long wet hair running water down his shoulders. He slumped down on the sofa next to Vamp and stared onto his plate.
"What…..is that?"
"Pie...I made it." Vamp mumbled.
"Ohh for fucks sake, isn't there any decent nosh in this house? Or haven't you done the weekly shop yet Sol?" Liquid sighed.
"Nah I haven't gone to the mall yet, I mean we've only really JUST got this place up and running, and it opens on Monday."
"Ooohhhhkay, I guess I can survive on the odd eats I brought with me until tomorrow. I dare say theres a Tesco or Asda around here someplace"
"Whaa?" Solidus said vaguely
"Ohh they are fast-food places in Britain, I 've heard of them!"
"LOOK! Have you ever even BEEN to England?!" Liquid snapped.
"Errrr no, why?" Vamp answered.
"Then shut yer bloody Romanian Gypsy-arse cake-hole cause yer getting on my tits. Everything you've said is wrong, wrong, WRONG!"
"Right. That was the weirdest come-back I've ever heard." Solidius said while trying to stop himself from grinning.
As Liquid gets up from the sofa and walks towards the TV, Vamp grabs the knife off his plate and holds it up by the tip and starts aiming for Liquids back until Solidus grabs his arm. Liquid grabbed the remote off the top of the TV and changed the channel over.
"Hey! I was watching that!" Solidus said suddenly.
"Yeah well that was shite.."
"No It wasn't!" Solidus added as he snatched the remote off liquid."I want to watch this talk-show."
"Err yes it was! I want to watch Eastenders." Liquid shouted as he lent over and tried to grab the remote off solidus.
"I don't want to watch any Enders or any English crap!" Solidus said sternly as he stood up and held the remote high after snatching it away from Liquid.
"Sol! Give me the bloody remote!" Liquid shouted as he yanked on Solidus' arms.
Vamp jumped up and grabbed the remote from both of their hands and held it behind his back for a moment. "ENOUGH!" he shouted as he then slowly and calmly sat down on the sofa. "I……….shall settle this."
*Both Solidus and Liquid turned to stare at Vamp*
"……we're going to watch a lovely program about Sharks on the other channel."
"Bollocks to that!" Liquid shouted before storming out of the room.
Solidus relaxed back in his chair and continued eating from his plate. Vamp was all excited as they they sat glued to the screen.
Vamp turned up the sound on the TV. "And now on Discovery, a program with some new rare footage. It's the 'Search of the Amazing Sharks'"
Meanwhile in the kitchen, Liquid pulled his hairdryer out of one of his bags and went to plug it in.
*Liquid stares at the two-pin socket then stares at his Three-pin plug…….*
*He looks back again at the two-pin socket and back to his three-pin plug*
"OHHHH BUGGERY!!" Liquid shouts.
*Solidus and Vamp turn and stare at each other*
"…wheres my fucking travel adapter…" He sighed in frustration as he rummaged through his bag." He mumbled before stoomping into the living room and leaning against the doorframe. "Sol, do you have a hair dryer?!"
"Do I look…..like I own a hair dryer?! I keep my hair short so I don't HAVE to fuss over it!"
"Okay, you must have a hair dryer!" Liquid said as he stared at Vamp.
"Yeahh……But I don't know what you would want with a 'Romanian Gypsy-arse' Hairdryer like mine. So no………and….Fuck off." Vamp mumbled in a low and unfriendly tone.
As Liquid stormed out, Solidus bends over forwards laughing over Vamps reply, making he feel very big and very clever.
"Ohh don't tell me I didn't pack that cunting adapter…" Liquid moaned to himself. "Ohh fuck this! I'll just take the plug off and pop the two wires in the wall…"
As the beginning titles finish on the Shark program, Vamp stares intently at the screen.
*They hear the sound of a hair dryer for seven seconds*
*The TV and Lights go out*
"Uhh Boss….The TVs off…."
"Ahh…yeah, the lights too…"
"OHHH BUGGERY!" They hear shouted from the kitchen.
Liquid feels his way back to the table where Vamps travel bag is and feels around for his hair dryer in the dark.
Next Chapter in Process!