The path was a lot longer than anyone thought was possible, considering it was an old creek bed. A few more plants popped up, but Sonic spindashed them and took care of it easily enough. Every time they died, they would leave behind sticks, which Midnight and Tails would pick up and try to smack each other with. They were on opposite sides of the group though, so they just kept ending up smacking other people.

Knuckles got smacked for about the fifth time. "Fucking stop, goddamnit it!"

Tails opened his mouth to retort, but then the group finally stepped out into a clearing. In the center of the clearing was a huge tree. I mean, it's the tallest fucking tree anyone had ever seen in their life… and it was smoking a joint. Midnight took this time to hit Knuckles with the stick before tossing it off to the side and whistling innocently.

"Maybe it's some kind of mutated Redwood, Sonic!"

Sonic just looked at Tails like he was stupid, since obviously trees don't smoke joints. Sonic opened his mouth to tell that to Tails when the tree looked up, and frowned.

"Who the hell are you assholes, and what the hell are you doing in my clearing?"

Michiko opened her mouth, probably to say something along the lines of, 'Holy shit, the tree is talking,' but the tree cut her off.

"Shut the hell up, girl. I'm not a fucking tree, I'm a marijuana plant. Everyone knows trees don't fucking talk!"

Shadow looked over and saw a sign nailed to the rock that read, 'Deku Tree Clearing'. Looking back at the tree, he crossed his arms and tapped his foot. "The sign says you're a Deku Tree, old man. Apparently, those CAN talk."

"Oh shit son, I forgot. Here, I'll open the fuckin' path for you guys." Somehow wriggling its branches, the Deku Tree opened up part of the clearing wall that was clearly made of rock. No one really questioned it. Saying their thanks and walking off, Knuckles stopped and looked at his hands.

"Isn't it weird how we never wear clothes?" Everyone just looked at him like he was really, really stupid. Shadow started fiddling with his gloves though, so they took a quick break where the guys contemplated over the lack of clothing and the girls put graffiti on the trunk of the great tree. When the trunk started to lose color and all the leave fell off at once, the girls quickly walked back over like nothing happened.

Deciding he didn't care about clothing, Shadow started for the opening that was opened, causing everyone to follow him. He didn't put up with anything, only pausing to kick one of the man-eating plants in the face when it popped up. Soon, they were lost in fog.

"What the hell, where are we even going. We should have asked that tree for fuckin- oh shit!"

Everyone caught up to see what happened to the dark hedgehog. Before them was a cliff, which Shadow had clearly walked off of. Sonic kicked a stone off the edge to gauge how far down it went, and grinned like an idiot when it magically hit Shadow and caused him to curse loudly. Michiko pushed him off the edge, cackling before jumping down herself. Following, the rest jumped down and landed in a shallow pool of water.

Of course, Sonic was being a complete dumbass and flailing around.

"Help, I can't swim!"

"Dude, the water is like, a foot deep."

"Oh… yeah, I was just testing you!"

"Wait, where the fuck did you come from?"

Knuckles pointed at Espio and frowned, really wondering where the purple chameleon had come from. The lizard frowned, crossing his arms.

"Don't give me that shit. Remember when you punted me down that cave last week? Surprise surprise, asshole, it got me stuck here." Knuckles snickered and Espio sighed.

"Come on, assholes, we can get to town through here."

Leading them Espio took them through a large winding tunnel that honestly looked like they were walking though a huge hollowed out tree. After a while, the group came to a large room with platforms floating in midair, which seemed to be a huge fucking trend. Ahead of them was an edge, and when looking over it, a black pit sprawled under them. Michiko tried to push Sonic off into it, but he dodged and frowned.

"How the fuck are we gonna get across this? We can all fly, or glide, or chaos control like these fuckwits." Said fuckwits looked Midnight and glared. She held up her hands and flipped them off.

"We're going to take the lift, dumbshit."

Espio pointed to a chairlift that was literally right next to them.

"Oh"

The lift took a long time to get them across the room. Michiko and Midnight pulled out 3DS' and started playing Animal Crossing, bitching about dumb residents and fossils and fish. Tails looked over and frowned.

"Wait, how do you have those? You said you're in college, right? That doesn't come out for another year."

"Shush, it's 2014. We got this time traveling shit down."

"It's 2011."

"No, that's when the other stuff happened. And then it happened again in 2013. Time shenanigans, little fox boy."

"What, no, wait, what? I'm so confused."

Midnight turned around and looked at you, the reader.

"The original story was written in 2005, back when we were in High School. It was re-started in 2013, after the author graduated college, but she whole the characters as being in college, with the story taking place around 2011. Animal Crossing for the 3DS didn't come out until 2012. Now she is updating it, in 2014, because she's a lazy piece of shit. Because she's lazy, it now takes place in 2014."

Nodding, the half-breed turned around and continued her game, everyone looking at her like she was crazy. Off on one of the platforms, an albino boy decked out in red with sunglasses on nods and disappears. Time Shenanigans. She ignored everyone until they got off the lift, where everyone seemed to forget what they just talked about.

"Oh holy shit man, look at this fucking caterpillar! He's like, 'fuck yeah, I'm a caterpillar. I'm gonna turn into a butterfly'." Knuckles bent over and played with a caterpillar on some creepy tree person looking thing. Sonic kicked him right in the ass and walked off.

Soon, the tunnel began to twist around, with some of the group walking on the ceiling and some walking on the walls, the rest on the floor. Midnight grinned and started singing, "Upside-down, bouncing off the ceiling, Inside-out, stranger to thi- oh fuck," right before she jumped too high and face planted into the floor. Shadow laughed and dragged her along as they all walked on, eventually entering a basement.

The door closed behind them, sealing shut. The loud bang faded away, letting the group listen to the running water around them. The place had some serious leak issues. The hustle and bustle of a city was above them, and Tails bit back asking where the hell they were. As they all trudged up the stairs, a voice behind them stopped them all in their tracks.

"I've been following you…"

Everyone turned around, Espio tripping down the stairs, and stared at the Happy Mask Salesman. No one knew who he was except Midnight, because she stole everything in his store. Quick as a flash, she hid behind Shadow who didn't notice.

"Why have you been following us?" Sonic glared at the man, unsettled by the grin on his face.

"Eh, you guys looked cool, and someone stole everything in my shop, so I had nothing better to do."

Shadow then noticed the person hiding behind him. He acted completely natural for someone who had just jumped in the air in surprise for no seemingly good reason. He looked out of the corner of his eye at her.

"Why are you hiding back there?"

"Because I'm the one who robbed his store!"

"So? I don't hide when I shoot someone in the face."

"Yeah, but look at that guy's face. It's super fucking freaky!"

Looking back at the guy, Shadow grimaced. The Mask Salesman's face what flitting through emotions every few seconds, completely freaking him out. Looking over, he saw everyone else just as freaked out as he was. Shadow's solution? Punch the salesman in the face. While the man was reeling backwards in pain, Shadow ran out, the other's quickly following him.

Passing through the doors, the group emerged into the central square of a small, but bustling and surprisingly modern city. Well, about as modern as you could get with buildings made out of stone and wood, anyways. On a few street corners stood various hookers, and Long John Silver's dotted a few roads. There was a Ye Olde Starbucks to their right, and a Mask stand to their left. Across the street, the kind from before in the green sock hat was stealing something from a tree person.

Midnight and Michiko dramatically fell to their knees wailing at the top of their lungs. Everyone just looked at them in shock before Tails kicked Michiko in the face. While she attacked him, Midnight sniffled and wiped away her tears.

"There… there's no Taco Bell….." This was right before she looked over and perked up, running off and laughing right into a gas station.

"We should go after her."

"Why"

Michiko looked over at Sonic, picking twigs out of her quills. "She'll get lost in there."

"…How?"

"I don't know, she just does. Once, I found her crying in the candy section at Target because she got lost."

"Whatever. The ULTIMATE LIFEFORM needs to get his slushie on, and their Mega Slurps are only 99 cents." Following Shadow again, they wandered in the store. Tails found Midnight sitting in the middle of the alcohol isle pouring whiskey into her pepsi slushie. He was about to ask her something dumb when Knuckles walked in with Rouge and a box of KFC chicken. Sonic pretended to gag behind him, and then Knuckles punched him in the face.

Espio wandered in looking angry, but before he could say anything, Mighty the Armadillo walked in. Decked out in boots with wings on them, a tourist tshirt about Clock Town, and holding a taco, everyone stared at the taco in his hands.

"What"

"Who the fuck are you, and where the hell did you get that taco?"

"Cut the shit Sonic, you know who I am… oh, and I got this from up the mountain." Mighty turned and pointed towards the north. Suddenly, Escape from the city started playing from nowhere, and the group scrambled to get outside. Except for Midnight who got lost again, and had to have Michiko help her outside.

Running at top speed, the group ran towards the north gate (and left Rouge behind), dodging speeding cars, fish people, hobos, and sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their heads. When they finally reached the gate, the guard wouldn't let the through because they were only about 3-4 feet tall, and the guard was an asshole. Midnight pulled out her drive's license and handed it to him.

"I don't see how this is going to help you get through~!" The guard sounded like King Candy but with a stereotypical gay voice.

"I'm fucking 22, asshole!"

"Still shorter than my grandma~!"

"Oh fuck this shit!" Shadow punched the guard in the arm and walked past him while drinking his slushie. Everyone followed suit, Tails in last because he handed the guard a bandage. As they crossed the field and started up the mountain (ignoring the bus that was going up there), Sonic realized something.

"Where's Rouge?"

"No one gives a fuck, Sonic. Stop trying to be a fucking hero all the time."