Embrace the Silence

by TISL

Silence is the voice of time, it speaks to you in a language without words. You must listen in order to hear it. You must watch in order to see it. You must be still in order to feel it. And then you must understand it if you wish to embrace it. SessxKag

2. Still Alive

o0o

Embrace the Silence

Chapter 2
Still Alive

o0o

Two nerve-wracking weeks passed, each day filled with dialysis, IV's and tubes. Sesshoumaru's health started to improve by the start of the second week. During that time everybody was so focused on his nutrition that he didn't get a single bath for almost ten days. His poor hair ended up a greasy, sticky mess that looked wet despite being bone dry and his skin got all shiny with oil. He'd probably get pimples soon if something wasn't done.

Kagome got sick of seeing him in such a disgraced state. She hijacked Hana to help her give him a thorough sponge bath and wash his hair. After that, they made sure to bathe him every morning. One more routine that kept the halls bustling.

Sesshoumaru, it turned out, was extremely sensitive to shampoos and soaps. The thick, powdery no-rinse stuff used for sponge baths dried his skin out and gave him horrid dandruff that dulled his shiny hair. So Kagome tried Head and Shoulders to help the dandruff problem. The dandruff went away, but it caused a bumpy red rash all around where his hair touched his skin. Garnier Fructis gave him an even worse rash that turned his poor ears red with pimply bumps.

And body soaps? Dove seemed to be the only one that didn't turn his skin into a dried-out mess.

Who would've thought he'd have sensitive skin? Boy I'm glad he's not like this with the bleach they use to wash his yukatas.

Finally Kagome brought in her own personal Pantene shampoo and conditioner. Together, her and Hana positioned Sesshoumaru's head over the professional wash basin they both chipped in to purchase. Kagome turned on the faucet to wet his hair and watched his bangs wash back over the top of his head.

Hana eyed him curiously. "You think this stuff will do it?"

"It better," Kagome dumped the apple-scented shampoo onto her palm, "otherwise I don't know what else I can use. He could just be sensitive to everything because they didn't have shampoo like this in his time."

"In his time?"

Dammit. She kicked herself. "Uh, I meant in his time with that Tetsura lady. I wonder what she used on him."

A slow shrug painted Hana's narrow shoulders. She lifted Sesshoumaru's arm and sponged underneath, following it with a pass of the towel to dry him. "I wonder what color eyes he has. I bet they're a pretty shade sky blue or honey brown."

Try molten gold, came Kagome's silent answer. Hana, you have no idea that you're bathing someone who was once one of the most feared warriors in all of Japan.

Another thought shot lightning across the back of her mind. "Hana...who's paying for his stay here?"

"Mm," the petite woman furrowed her brow, "I think he's staying here until the money Tetsura set aside for him runs out. Somebody found a note from her saying to place him somewhere nice. She had no family other than him, she kinda adopted him like a son. It's really sad...she was a retired nurse and tried so hard to bring him back to health, but he never woke up for her and she's just too old to keep taking care of him."

Kagome raked her nails gently over Sesshoumaru's scalp, careful not to scrape back and forth too much. So far his skin remained unblemished. Usually effects were immediate. It looked like Pantene did the trick.

"So what happens when the money runs out?"

"He'll probably get dumped in a hospital where he'll just get fed, watered and emptied. Enough to keep him alive while his muscles all waste away and pneumonia finally - "

"I get the picture." She turned on the faucet to rinse his scalp and poured another handful of shampoo on her palm to wash the length of his hair. It was like liquid silver when wet. He's all of Inuyasha that I have left...

"Maybe I can take him home and nurse him there."

"Kagome!"

A small smile formed on Kagome's pink lips. She shook some of her bangs out of her eyes. "He's just taking up bed space here. Expensive bed space. Look at him, Hana, could you live with yourself if you let him slip through the insurance cracks when he can't even tell us what he needs?"

"Why are you so upset over this?" asked Hana. Her glasses were slightly fogged by the steam in the water. "It happens all the time. Do you know him or something?"

"I...kind of. I knew someone that knew him while I was in junior high school."

Hana shot Kagome a knowing grin. "Ahhh, feel like telling me his real name by any chance? Dori is just too girly a nickname for him."

"Sesshou-" She stopped herself just in time to separate his name in to two sounds, making it sound like a first and last name. "-Maru."

"Sesshou Maru? Must've had old-fashioned parents."

You have no idea. Kagome sighed to herself as she wrung Sesshoumaru's long hair out and spread it on the towel in her lap to air dry for a few minutes. "From what I've seen of him...he wouldn't want to be left to waste away in some forgotten hospital ward that smells like feces and vomit. He always took good care of his hair and body. It'd be unfair to have him dumped off in a place where nobody will see him as a person."

"Yeah?" There was a flicker of anger in Hana's eyes, "You could also take him home and he could arrest while you're at work or in the shower where you can't hear the alarms."

"Don't forget my place is pretty tiny. Plus, plus, the only time he's coded was after Nafuda screwed up his bowels. He's a million times better since then."

"Exactly, you live in a dinky studio loft apartment. Where would you fit a bed for him?"

It was Kagome's turn to frown. She picked up a brush and started combing the silver locks piled up in her lap, smiling a little when she realized how silky it came out. "Living room, naturally."

Shaking her head, Hana hooked Sesshoumaru to his 'lunch' and waited by the cath bag. He usually voided urine during a feeding. "Akemi's gonna be really annoyed with you. She loves to come stare at him from the door."

Kagome snickered at that, pulling Sesshoumaru's hair through the gold ring that began his topknot braid. "Somehow, if he was awake, I get the feeling he would probably ignore her like she didn't exist."

Swish.

"The pretty ones are always stuck up." Hana bent to measure the fresh yellow liquid in the foley bag and emptied it into another container.

"Don't you know it."

Just then, Akemi appeared in the doorway to see if they needed help. Kagome and Hana looked at each other and laughed.

o0o

Kagome wasn't sorry to trudge into her lavender-scented apartment. She pushed the door shut and leaned against it, surveying her small space.

On the left, up against a wall that didn't quite meet the ceiling or the walls on either side, was the stainless steel kitchenette with its tiny sink, a miniature fridge, an electric stove and a microwave. Also to the left was a short incline leading to her bedroom. In front of her were two picture windows. Between them, small alcoves in the wall contained her cheap TV set, some candles and a few odds and ends of her childhood. Family photographs and a few decorative fans gave the place a cozy feel.

She sighed, kicked off her shoes and flicked on the light switch, turning on the tall shoji lamp by the door. Okay, the recliner on the right wall can move under the windows on the west wall over there. Her eyes moved up to the slanted skylight. No matter what time of year it was, the sun wouldn't hit the right side of the room. The elm step tansu she kept over in the corner could hold a lot of equipment. The bonsai trees would have to move, but her little six inch, four-tiered tabletop zen fountain was staying exactly where it was on the bottom shelf.

Okay, so it wasn't a suite, but it was a place to sleep.

Kagome staggered to her bedroom, flicking on another floor lamp. Her bedroom had her bed, a dresser and a desk for her computer. Grandpa was wonderful enough to give her an antique wardrobe when she realized the apartment didn't have a closet for her to hang her clothes. It sat flush against the wall by her bed like a friendly ghost from the past.

Sometimes she loved how her platform bed sat just across from the full-length sliding glass doors that opened right onto the roof. Anytime Kagome wanted, she could walk out onto the roof and look out over Tokyo. Ten stories below, the city bustled madly. But she, up in her safe little hole in the wall, didn't have to move at all.

A few minutes later found Kagome changed into an old T-shirt and sweats and busily cooking some ramen on the stove. Her mind stayed stubbornly trapped on Sesshoumaru.

If nobody stepped in he'd be dumped in some cheap hospital. But if she brought him here to her place, then what? People in his state could survive for years. Kagome could just picture herself as an old lady, still taking care of him. At least with her he'd be treated like a person, even though everything that made him 'Sesshoumaru' was long gone.

Or we could pull the plug and remove his feeding tube. A piece of rice stuck in her throat, making her cough. That's too barbaric, it could take someone like him YEARS to die...and I still don't know how long he was unconscious before someone found him. He could've been laying there for a few centuries.

"Dammit, I need to think about something besides work." Kagome flipped on the TV to catch some late night news before retiring to bed.

o0o

Demon blood poured off the branches scraping her legs. She raced through the foliage like a frightened deer, darting hither and thither from oncoming tentacles. The smell of death and pain followed her no matter how fast she pumped her legs. Every gasp heaved in more heaviness until her lungs threatened to burst.

Something red and white leapt from the bush. She screamed.

"Shut up! You're gonna give us away!"

Kagome focused on Inuyasha's bruised, but still-handsome face. Tears blurred her vision. "Inuyasha!" She sobbed, pulling herself up against him. "I thought you were dead!"

"Nah," a smile revealed shocking fangs behind human lips, "but I got the jewel."

Her face burned at the sight of him still straddling her with his weight rested on his knees. Unbidden she imagined him unclothed and moving wildly above her, flushed for reasons other than battle. Boldly she reached up and cupped his face, making him shoot her a surprised look. "It's almost over."

His amber eyes deepened. "Let's finish this."

Together they got up. Kagome with an energized arrow at ready and Inuyasha brandishing Tetsusaiga.

Inuyasha shot Kagome the feral grin she'd grown to love during their time together. With his shaggy hair, fluffy dog ears and baggy clothes he looked like a teenager who thought himself invincible. Invincible and ruggedly handsome. Kagome smiled back and took aim at the giant black pod looming in the sky above them.

Inuyasha's Wound of Wind sailed up towards the dark creature. Kagome released her arrow a second later.

Both attacks combined. The vanished in a massive ball of light and energy. The blast flung Kagome into Inuyasha, who tumbled backwards into a bush with her on top of him. He quickly rolled over to shield her with his body.

All became silent and dark. Night returned to the forest.

Kagome was again hyper-aware of Inuyasha's body flush against hers. His coarse hair and clothes, soft from constant wear, surrounded her in warmth. She felt his heart thudding like a machine gun against her back. In all the commotion she hadn't realized his hands were almost on her breasts. Heat curled off his body. She was almost sorry when he pushed himself up to sit beside her, again leaving her exposed to the cold night air.

Naraku's disembodied head floated above the well. A pinkish glow surrounded him as his long, wavy black hair drifted past his face.

"So this...this is what peace feels like," he whispered. His face relaxed, and for that brief moment he didn't look at all evil.

Closing his eyes, Naraku whispered Kikyo's name and faded from existence.

Inuyasha wasted no time. He grabbed Kagome's shirt to help her sit up. "Make your wish. Hurry! Just in case the fucker somehow comes back."

Kagome crawled to her knees, aching from the excursion. "It won't disappear unless you make a selfless wish."

His eyes leveled with hers, gold into sapphire, "I know."

The Shikon no Tama flashed blinding white. Then it cooled to soft pink, glowing gently in Kagome's palms. All the fighting, pain and bloodshed for such a tiny ball so full of power.

"Shikon Jewel," Kagome exhaled, "Disappear!"

Brilliant light slammed into her eyes. She covered her face with her hands to protect her eyes from the luminescence...

...and lowered them to find herself alone in the well shrine. Time was repaired, her presence in the past the last wrinkle to be straightened. So, cruelly, it ironed itself out by flinging her back to the present. Ripping her away from the one she loved in the most painful way possible.

She heard herself screaming his name.

o0o

"INUYASHA!" Kagome shot upright, panting and covered in cold sweat. Her hair was a mess from tossing and turning all night. The sun bounced off a building across the street, blinding her. She covered her face with both hands. Silent tears oozed between her fingers to pool under her elbows.

God... The burning knot unwound from her chest. She breathed deeply, flopped down and rolled onto her side. Her sweat-soaked pillowcase felt like a slimy dog's tongue against her cheek. Grimacing, she sat up and flipped it over. I hate it when I have that dream about Inuyasha...

Something didn't feel right.

She threw herself towards her phone, dialing before she even finished falling.

Hana picked up on the fourth ring, "hello?" Her voice was slurred as if she'd been sleeping at the desk.

"Hana! I need you to check on Sesshou right now."

"He's not due for a check - "

"NOW!" Kagome roared.

The phone clanked to signal Hana put it down. Tense silence followed, during which Kagome managed to bite the ends off all her fingernails and pondered attempting her toenails too. Finally the other end picked up again.

"He's really tachy," Hana's voice had a faint quiver. "Pulse is up to almost two hundred."

"Hook him up to an EEG monitor, stat. I'm coming in." Shoving the phone down, Kagome threw on her scrubs, stepped into her cheap flip-flops and grabbed her keys on the way out the door. I'm fricken glad I live in walking distance of the place. No traffic to fight through.

Kagome reached the nursing home in five minutes by running full tilt. She slammed through the door and made two lefts to reach room number ten.

Hana stood next to Sesshoumaru's bed, attaching the plastic cups to his forehead and temples. On the table, the lights on his pulse monitor moved so fast it appeared to blink rather than bounce up and down. He took rapid, shallow breaths and a layer of cold sweat covered his skin.

All at once Sesshoumaru's pulse and breathing went back to normal.

"Hurry!"

"I am!" Hana wiped her bangs back, "I wouldn't be surprised if his body is shutting down."

"Just...turn the damn monitor on!"

The younger nurse sneered. "Fine! Fine."

Kagome watched the needles. Flatline, flatline and more flatline.

And a spike.

Sesshoumaru's pulse started to climb again. Kagome stole Hana's stethoscope off her throat and listened to his heartbeat. It thudded like a herd of wild horses, the murmur so loud it almost drowned out his breath sounds. She looked at the EEG paper. All that and he only gave one little spike.

"Damn..."

"Kagome," Hana touched her back, "I think you're hoping for too much."

"I'm going to take him to my apartment." Tongues of anger curled behind Kagome's breastbone. "He's got one more month before his funds run out and I just can't let them dump him. I'll wheel him down the street myself if I have to."

"And then what? You sit there and watch his hair grow? How are you going to take care of Sesshou all by yourself, huh?" the smaller nurse snapped, flinging her arm up to gesture at Sesshoumaru. "His cerebral cortex is probably FRIED, Kagome! All he'll do is LAY THERE, bradying down or getting tachy, eating and peeing through tubes and gathering bacteria! He's practically GPO, so what do you hope to accomplish?"

The shock of Hana's outburst almost made Kagome bite her cheek. First Akemi and now her? She winced. "You wouldn't understand, Hana. Just...stay out of it, okay? I know what I'm doing!"

A scoff flared Hana's nostrils. "Okay, fine."

"Hana, I wouldn't do this if I didn't think it was the right thing to do. It's what he would want."

The other nurse just turned away and angrily wrote down the instance of tachycardia on Sesshoumaru's chart. "Just don't cry to me when he crashes and dies."

"Han-"

"Some'b' go' owie?" Ken's guttural voice filtered into the room. He stood in the doorway, disheveled and hugging a fuzzy toy dog with floppy ears. His pajama shirt was buttoned wrong and his pants were falling down. Briefly he reminded Kagome of how Inuyasha looked when she bought him some modern clothes to wear when he visited her time.

A perfect image of Inuyasha in a blue baseball hat, baggy jeans and a black button down shirt with the buttons all crooked flashed across her mind. She suppressed a giggle.

Hana and Kagome both faced Ken, but Hana spoke first. "No, Ken, nobody has an owie. Did you have a bad dream?"

"Mmhuh." Ken wiped at his hair and tilted his head. "Angel?" he inquired, pointing to Sesshoumaru.

Far from it, Ken... Kagome muttered mentally. Half of her wanted to slap the demon lord for giving her such a scare that she ran to the home looking more like a patient than a nurse. She tried ineffectively to put some order into her mussed hair. "Hey, Ken, how about I take you back to your room and tell you a story?"

His eyes lit up and he nodded, turning to scoot off to his room before Kagome even uncurled. She chuckled as she followed and brought him a glass of water. He waited eagerly for her to begin.

Kagome took a small breath, smiled and started, "There once was a funny man with dog ears on his head. His name was Inuyasha..."

o0o

Sesshoumaru's belongings - his underclothes, hakama, obi, shoes, armor, his gorgeous heirloom pelt and several binders full of notebooks Tetsura left to him all fit in five separate trash bags.

Trash bags for objects that weren't trash. But he didn't come with suitcases.

Kagome left them in the corner for the moment and made room for the bed. The shoji screen she kept folded in a corner could spread out at the foot of the bed and act like a curtain so people couldn't stare at him through the front door. She'd converted her tansu drawers into medicine, formula and spare tube receptacles(which left all her movies and DVD's piled up in the corner). The shelves would hold his monitors and extra IV bags. An electrical island housed several places to plug in tube pumps and monitors.

Everything was set.

Why am I so excited about him coming to rest here? He hated my guts, we hardly spoke to each other and he always wanted to rip Inuyasha's head off...I wish he could tell me what really happened to Inuyasha.

Her eyes moved to the door when a delivery boy rounded the corner, pushing a hospital style bed. It had a blue mattress that electronically circulated air against the skin, which helped prevent bedsores.

"Miss Higurashi? I have an order for a bed here that you need to sign."

She signed it carefully, offering the handsome delivery boy a small smile and a ten percent tip. "Thanks. Just place it next to the tansu with the foot facing the door, please."

The delivery boy did as she asked, walking carefully on the tatami mats. He never stopped smiling. Kagome smirked at the text on his shirt, which read 'We Serve With A Smile'. Poor kid must take it to heart. He probably got the lowest pay possible, much less than what Kagome made nursing full-time.

And she was about to cut herself down to part time. Living was going to be a scrunch for awhile.

Sighing, she started dressing the bed with the pseudo-antique sheets she always kept on hand in case of guests. They looked nicer than the plain, boring white of the home and seemed like something Sesshoumaru would prefer.

Twenty minutes later, Kagome was again brought to alert when her guest of honor finally arrived. She helped the glum-looking transport medic transfer Sesshoumaru from the gurney to his new bed. Though he was heavy, he was quite easy to move from one bed to another when required. It only took a few minutes to hook him up to his sparse monitors and he was set.

Kagome sat down and sighed. Sesshoumaru seemed horribly out of place in such a modern setting. She wondered if he could hear or smell, or if he even knew he'd been moved. His lips were parted when they'd always been closed before. That could be from his head shifting during transfer.

He even snored a little. Very softly, almost like a purr.

"Too bad you're not awake, I was going to throw you a welcoming party." Her brow wrinkled and a bitter laugh escaped, "I doubt you can even hear me. But that's not much different than when you were awake. But...just in case you're still in there..." She lifted the thick, heavy pelt from the first trash bag and approached the bed. With careful hands she laid it over his right shoulder, tucking it under his arm and resting his hand on top. He looked more like himself with the pelt in place. "I saved your stuff."

Sesshoumaru's pulse went up again. Not as fast as earlier, but significantly. His breathing slowed down, then sped up and became irregular.

"Are you trying to wake up? Hey," Kagome bent over, inches from his face, wide-eyed. She jiggled the mattress a little. "Hey...Sesshoumaru, can you hear me?"

Whatever awareness he'd attained, it left again. It quickly proved frustrating how fleeting these moments were becoming.

One spike or not, that was still a spike on the EEG. That means something higher up is still active and trying to function. That or the machine is a lying piece of crap that needs replacement. Ugh, Kagome backed off to her kitchenette to brew herself some herbal tea. A headache was forming right behind her forehead. She popped two chalky-tasting aspirin dry while waiting for the water to heat up. Maybe if I talk to him when his pulse is up, he'll find a way to wake up. I need something to hope for and right now he's it. Don't disappoint me, Sesshoumaru...

He looked so comfortable with his cheek resting against his pelt, his soft breath stirring the fur. She almost expected him to nuzzle against it and sigh like a happy child with a security blanket.

Kagome dragged herself into the bathroom, gasping when she spied herself in the mirror. Her hair needed a wash and the bags under her eyes nearly sagged to her knees. She needed a shower, good food and about two weeks of uninterrupted sleep. The old-sock taste clung to her tongue like a stubborn odor. She scraped at it with a tongue cleaner and toothpaste to no avail.

Lucky gorks, they get the best sleep of us all.

o0o

Pipes gurgled as a shower turned off.

"Okay, Vicki, up and over."

Please don't puke...

"Uh-keh." Vicki, slanted eyes narrowed in concentration, pressed her gnarled hands down against Kagome's arm. Her whole body tried to flail. Kagome lifted her off the plastic shower seat and swung her around to her chair, then started to towel her off. Vicki's legs spasmed, almost kicking the poor nurse in the face. "Suh-eh."

"Nah, I needed the wake up call." She laughed, but stopped when she noticed a little blood on the towel. "Uh oh, you need a pad."

"Mmh." Again Vicki's legs kicked. She had athetoid cerebral palsy, which left her body almost constantly writhing. Any time she tried to move on her own, her whole body would flop around like a wet fish. It affected her ability to speak and eat properly. Despite this her intellect was intact. "Wuh 'app'd to duh an-el?"

Kagome draped the towel over her patient for dignity's sake and ran a brush through her cropped brown hair. "I took him home to care for him there. His money was running out."

"Kagome?" Akemi poked her head around the curtain. This week her hair was brown with chestnut highlights. "Ken just exploded in his pants."

Geez, Ken, you poor guy.

"Have Hana clean him up if he's antsy." Kagome hated having to keep handing him off to other people, but she just didn't have enough time to manage all of her patients at once. If only she could clone herself. "I'm way behind already and I still have to write up my reports on - "

"Hana's sitting with Miki right now because she's not doing so well. She's got the Q sign...I think she's near the end."

"Oh, damn...she's been having the O sign for weeks. Are they sure?"

"Yeah."

"Mikeh?" Vicki cut in slowly, "Sh' cah fo' 'er ma."

Akemi narrowed her eyes at Vicki, still sore about being puked on. She also never made an effort to understand the woman's speech. "Um..."

"Her mom came last night, Vicki." said Kagome in attempt to fill the gap in conversation.

Vicki shot Akemi's look back at her. Then her gaze turned to Kagome and a wide smile formed, flashing straight white teeth. They both nodded to each other in a secret agreement. Sometime between the smile and the nod, Akemi made herself scarce so she wouldn't have to deal with the spastic woman.

Kagome dressed Vicki in her favorite black T-shirt and jeans, making sure she had a sanitary pad in place before she wheeled her into the hall. "I hate to rush it, Vicki, but you know Ken..."

"Do' war'. I gi' mehy too."

"Thanks, you're a trooper."

Poor Ken DID have an explosion. The floor and one wall in the corner looked as if somebody splashed a mud puddle. Kagome discovered the cause when she found Ex-Lax wrappers on the floor. The mentally disabled man must've mistaken them for candy and eaten them all. She knew only one person who could've been in the room at the time.

Kagome comforted Ken all through his cleanup bath. He cheered up for her when she gave him his favorite lemon popsicle, popped a Dragonball Z DVD into the DVD player and turned on the TV. His happy slurping only broke when he cheered the characters on.

That done, she approached the nurse's station.

"Akemi?"

Akemi was on the phone with her boyfriend. Kagome knew because all they ever talked about on the phone was sex.

She hit the receiver, cutting off the call.

"Hey!"

"You left Michiko's laxative tablets in Ken's room. He ate every single one of them. You have to be careful with stuff like that! What if they'd been Ami's morphine pills? You could have killed him!"

A mortified look passed over Akemi's face. She slowly put the phone down and turned deliberately to her desk. "I must've put them down and forgot about them. But they were only laxatives, there weren't enough to really hurt him."

"That's not the point!" Kagome's voice ricocheted off the back wall. It slapped the tension headache throbbing at the back of her skull, making it shift like a sandbag on her brain. "You can't be careless in this place! We could get sued for negligence and then all of these wonderful people we take care of will be dumped on other homes. Friends will be torn away from each other, and that's the worst way for a relationship to end."

"Look!" Akemi slammed her pencil down and looked up with two eyes like hibachi coals. Her chair shrieked on its swivel. "I made a mistake! It's over with, he's getting cleaned up I hope...so just drop it, okay? I'll be more careful next time!"

Kagome returned the look with equal malice. "You better." Then she pulled her charts from their box and stomped down the hall. She felt better being able to yell at someone who could answer.

Unconsciously her mind drifted to Sesshoumaru. She talked to him a lot, even though everybody else told her he was brain dead and probably couldn't hear her. Maybe he didn't all the time. But during those times where his pulse raced she was sure some cerebral activity, probably too low for the EEG to pick up, was occurring. Ever since she brought him to her apartment his pulse had been faster than while at the nursing home.

Maybe he could smell the difference of the two places. Experiments to test his awareness of different scents washed through her mind. I'd have to pick two things that smell radically different. Something I know is really unpleasant and something nice. Maybe -

A beep from Vicki's room called her away.

o0o

Lord Fluffy...he would so hate me if I called him that to his face, mused Kagome when she unlocked her door and relieved Kaoru, a young, attractive nursing assistant who was working up her in-home hours. Her cute pixie haircut often reminded Kagome of Tinkerbell.

"I took the sheet off him because his face got a little flushed. No fever. He's been stable all day."

"Thanks." Kagome smiled as she set her keys down. "I owe you a dozen lunches."

"Haha, thanks!" Kaoru bowed politely before she left.

The sakura-printed shoji screen proved itself an annoyingly necessary obstacle. Any time she didn't put it up her neighbor across the hall, the nosey Shinta Okouchi, would open his door and stare. He was an old man with samurai ancestors and well versed in the myths of Edo. Endearingly sweet like Grandpa, just terribly nosey. Kagome sometimes wondered if he suspected Sesshoumaru's true heritage or was just curious about what was wrong with him.

Sesshoumaru had become a fixture in her home. Part of the furniture. A fancy decoration. Day in and day out, the only signs he lived was the constant, inexorable rise and fall of his chest and the flickering light on the pulse monitor.

Speaking of Sesshoumaru...there he lay - Kaoru had turned him on his right side with his pelt acting like a pillow to keep him that way. He also had a folded pillowcase tucked under his elbow so it wasn't digging into his side. His braided hair was draped over the raised bars like a precious silk rope.

Sometimes, late at night, Kagome would turn off all the lights and watched how the shadows fell across his face. He looked amazing in the dark, especially on nights when the full moon shone onto him through the skylight. His hair became moonlight and his skin the finest porcelain ever created. She often found herself holding her breath when she watched the silver oblong of dim light track across his bed. During those quiet hours, when her house was almost silent, he was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

The hours in the moonlight must have been what prompted Tetsura to call him her dreaming angel.

"I'm back," Kagome took her shoes off and walked over to check on Sesshoumaru. His lips were a little dry, so she carefully measured some water and used a syringe to push it through his G-tube. Then she hooked him up to his 'dinner' and smeared a thin layer of Vaseline on his lips so they wouldn't chap. "Man, you go through this formula like crazy. At least you can't stick your nose in the air and say you don't eat human food. What did you mean by that anyway? You literally don't eat or just don't eat something prepared by a human?"

I'm talking to deaf ears. I should just shut up.

The headache from earlier crept hot pokers up the back of her skull. She sighed and popped some aspirin. "Something that smells nice and something that smells nasty...ooh!"

Kagome pushed off from the bed and reached into the basket above her kitchenette set. Grinning to herself, she chopped the onion in half and took a whiff to test it. The potent, stinging scent swirled up her nostrils and settled in the corners of her eyes, making them water instantly. He'd smell that a mile away.

Holding the onion at arm's length, she walked over and held it near Sesshoumaru's nose. He snuffled and his breathing instantly shallowed out as if he was trying to avoid inhaling the smell. It came back up to normal when she moved it away. She brought it closer and again his breaths slowed.

Excited without knowing why, Kagome dashed around the wall to her bedroom and out onto the roof. Last year her mother gave her a lovely potted rosebush for her birthday. The deep red blossoms were all starting to open. Kagome clipped one off its stalk and took it back inside.

C'mon, Sesshoumaru, find a way to tell me if you like this.

She held the blossom right under his nose. He inhaled more deeply. Not faster or slower than before, just deeper. He went right back to normal when she moved the rose away. She repeated the process to be sure. He definitely took larger breaths.

"You are aware of scents...sorta...that means you know who I am." A sigh blew past her lips. She reached over and straightened his bangs a bit, having recently trimmed them so they weren't hanging to his cheekbones. "Even if you can't hear me, you can smell me." Her hand turned over, knuckles resting on his cheek to check his temperature. "Maybe you can feel me, too."

Sesshoumaru's pulse climbed higher than any other time Kagome recorded it. His blood pressure skyrocketed as well. This time she felt a surge of his aura.

Curiously, she lifted the TV remote from the coffee table and used it to tap his knees. They jerked slightly. She reached for his feet and rubbed a finger up and down the soles. His toes curled, stiff from not moving for so long. Textbook perfect response. If that wasn't a reaction to stimulus, she swore she'd stop declaring leaves were green.

Kagome bent over him, taking his face between her hands and turning it towards her. His skin was warm under her cool palms. "Sesshoumaru, this is Kagome. I'm here. I don't know why you have these surges, but I'm here and you're in a safe place."

Sesshoumaru's eyelids fluttered once, but didn't open. The monitor by the bed showed his pulse gradually slowing to normal. His aura remained level. Kagome felt it curling behind her breastbone like a snake trapped in a round basket. There was definitely information reaching his brain. Maybe the surges were storms of dreams or memories. She didn't know, all she knew was he just showed evidence of cerebral activity. Which in itself meant he definitely wasn't brain-dead.

Maybe his brain is turning itself back on a little at a time...but that doesn't explain the surges. Kagome pulled a stool up and seated herself next to the bed, peering at Sesshoumaru's calm face. I do think he knows I'm here, just by scent.

Then sneaky little thoughts turned her blood cold. What if he wakes up brain-damaged like Ken? Or what would happen if he woke up and, realizing he's surrounded by humans, go on a killing spree? No, no, no...stop thinking that way. If he wakes up, he's going to find he's the last of his kind and in a time completely foreign to what he remembers. Everybody he knew is dead except me. I'm all he has. But she rolled her eyes and told herself he probably wouldn't need anybody. He seemed to do fine alone.

She chewed on her thumbnail while watching the pulse in Sesshoumaru's neck beat under his skin.

Still...somebody must have hurt him badly to leave him in this state. If he woke up, he couldn't go back to the life he knew. And, unlike her, he was in a world completely alien to him.

The past refused to go away.

Kagome sighed in defeat and picked up one of the old notebooks mixed into Sesshoumaru's belongings. The first thing she saw when she opened it was a newspaper clipping dating 1970. It had a picture too faded to identify, but the article was about a body being found during deforestation for construction. The article went on to tell about the unidentified male being rushed to the hospital where he was currently in intensive care.

She turned the page to find several black and white photographs of Sesshoumaru still lying on the roots. He was all curled up in fetal position with his pelt wrapped around both shoulders. His pose reminded Kagome of a mummy. The tree literally grew over him. His hair hung like gray wax dangling amidst the roots and his fingernails looked like twisting vines. Centuries of dirt, grime and animal wastes left his skin blackened beyond recognition. Moss was growing in his ears. His nose was full of fungus. The fine silk of his clothing, by some miracle, survived the ages, though filthy and stiff.

A look across the page revealed more detailed photos at the ER. The EMT's were undressing the demon's prone form. The more his skin appeared, the more horrible the images became.

Sesshoumaru was so...completely emaciated. A skeleton covered in white skin. His hair, dull and flat, was falling out. His eyebrows and eyelashes were gone. He even lacked pubic hair, as if his head hair was the last to start going. Photos of his feet displayed his toenails curling back, growing into his shin and coming back out his thigh. Disgusting, massively infected, festering, maggot-infested decubiti covered the side he'd been laying on. In some she could see bone and necrotic muscle. They were massive enough to kill the average human.

On the next page Kagome found photos of Sesshoumaru being cleaned up. She could almost smell the rancidness of his sores through the span of time. Then his form lay undressed except for a towel over his hips. Another image showed a nurse holding his mouth open for intubation. All of his teeth were gone, rotted away. On the next page he was hooked up to every imaginable piece of medical equipment available at the time. A surgical cap covered his head. Without any hints of hair poking out, Kagome realized he'd been shaved and he was completely bald underneath.

More pictures showed his toenails being surgically removed from his thighs and cut down to a more natural length. He spent so much time in one position that his joints were frozen and his bones deformed. His body resembled a corpse with rigor mortis. Notes said it took many, many, many weeks of careful therapy to limber him back up, and after doctors got him mobile enough to lie flat, they placed him in a body cast so his bones could regain their original shape. Then they had to limber him up all over again.

Oh, God, Sesshoumaru... Her eyes watered at the sight of him. How could time be so cruel to you?

The photo from behind got to her the most. She could count his vertebrae and see how his shoulder blades connected to his ribs. The whipping scars looked like angry cross-stitches holding his entire frame together. It was as if his body literally ate itself to stay alive. There was no way of knowing how long he'd been lying there in the forest, but by dead guessing she estimated at least three or four hundred years. If nobody found him she was sure he wouldn't be alive today.

Just below the back photo, the entries began. All written as if Tetsura was speaking to Sesshoumaru when she wrote. Kagome's eyes drifted over the flowing hiragana text.

October 2, 1971

You arrived at this hospital last week. Nobody knew what to call you, but the moment I saw your face I thought you resembled an angel fallen from the sky. Hence your temporary name, Dorimingu Tenshi. This is what you shall be referred to as in your records until you can tell us your real name.

I'll never forget my amazement when I washed your face and saw how beautiful you are. What do the markings on your face and body signify? Are they tribal tattoos of sorts? And your ears, pointed, are fascinating. How did you do that? I can't find the scars from your cosmetic surgery. Someone worked on you with a fantastic hand. I wish I knew what color your eyes were. They're still largely dilated. I venture to guess an unusual color, but which one...I can't say yet.

Right now you're intubated and a ventilator is helping you breathe. Its click and hiss reassures me that you're still fighting for your life. Don't give up, okay? I know you're tired and in pain, but you're in safe hands now. You can rest and heal, and hopefully regain your strength.

Oh, you poor, wounded creature, you only weigh a hundred and one pounds right now. You are so fragile. Your hands look like the slightest touch will crumble them beyond recognition. What happened to you? Where are you from? So many questions...

Nobody thinks you'll survive. I believe they're wrong. Something about you is strong. One day your eyes will open again and I hope to greet you face to face.

Don't worry about your belongings. I had them carefully cleaned and they will be returned to you when you awaken. I must close now, it is time to shave your head. Your hair is destroyed and must start over if there is ever hope for it to be beautiful again. I promise I'll let it grow back to its full glory, but for now it must go. I'm sorry.

Kagome scanned through the notebook. There were occasional photographs showing Sesshoumaru's progress every few months. He looked a little better in each one. By week six he was off the vent and gaining weight thanks to the G-tube. A few scary notes involved Sesshoumaru's upper airway collapsing after removal of the vent. He wound up breathing through a tracheostomy for six months. That explained the dimpling on his throat.

She scanned some more and found an entry mentioning how sensitive his skin was to different chemicals. So far he did react to some bleaches, but the home where Kagome worked used the one that didn't bother him. For shampoo - anything hypoallergenic, nothing with harsh chemicals. For soap...Zest or Dove. Anything else gave him rashes or made his skin peel off in huge flakes. There was also a little note saying that coconut and aloe Vera oil did wonders on any patches of dry skin that popped up after a bath.

Then I wonder what he bathed in before modern day soaps and shampoos. Kagome mused to herself. Probably rosewater or something extremely gentle.

Tetsura's entries took a sad turn when, almost a year after finding Sesshoumaru, she still wasn't seeing any reflexes or signs of higher brain activity. The government funds paying for his hospital stay were cut off. They wanted to pull the feeding tube out and let him die. There was a huge legal battle over it and Tetsura won. As soon as she was appointed Sesshoumaru's legal guardian, she took him into her home and cared for him like her own son for the next thirty years.

Gratefulness wrapped around Kagome's heart. Here was this woman who knew nothing about the inert man with silver hair and yet she did everything in her power to keep him alive and safe.

Kagome kept reading. She found recipes for pureed mixes with better nutritional value than the store-bought formula. Much cheaper to make and Sesshoumaru seemed to respond better to them than the formula, which sometimes made him spit up a little if he was fed while lying flat. The home-made mixes allowed him to be fed in pretty much any position without incident.

Tetsura even shared her daily green tea with him. Her notes indicated something in the tea helped flush out his system if he showed signs of a bladder infection. Prune juice with a dash of lemon loosened him up if he showed symptoms of constipation. Likewise, pureed bananas mixed with milk cured the opposite problem. If he seemed to lose weight - Ensure with powdered milk and half a cup of soy milk doubled his calorie intake.

There was a recipe for pretty much everything.

More notes told what to listen for if Sesshoumaru showed symptoms of pneumonia and what color his urine turned when he had a UTI. Listed right below were the antibiotics that worked for each specific illness. Beside those were the antibiotics and medications he seemed allergic to. He handled penicillin very well, but sulfonamides and cephalosporins almost put him into anaphylactic shock.

A small smile formed on Kagome's lips when she read about how this gentle woman would read him haiku poetry and give him massages to keep his muscles from wasting away. Funny how Tetsura never had a clue what Sesshoumaru was really like. One couldn't help but conjure up pleasant thoughts when they looked upon him in this condition. He looked too angelic to be a ruthless killer.

One look from his icy eyes would've changed everything. Tetsura never did find out what color his eyes were, but she said they were probably the loveliest eyes any woman would ever look upon.

Reaching for the last notebook, Kagome looked over the photographs. They were barely a few months old. The very last one was the only photo with Tetsura's face in it. She was a plump, homely looking woman that reminded Kagome of Kaede. In the image she was bent over with her lips pressed to Sesshoumaru's brow. Right above his crescent moon.

Her final entry, dated in February of 2005, was a heartfelt goodbye to him. She knew she was too old to keep nursing him and hoped someone else would come along and take care of him like she had. The last line was a request for anyone who found the notebooks to give them to her dreaming angel if he ever awoke.

Silently, Kagome promised she'd do just that.

She closed the notebook and looked over at the figure on the bed. Considering how long he'd been unconscious and the faintness of his aura, she figured once he awoke he would have to relearn how to do everything all over again.

Giving physical therapy to a demon who would probably bury his nose in a bedpan rather than accept human help...this should be fun.

Later that night, just as Kagome was preparing for bed, Sesshoumaru had another surge. Kagome hurried to his bedside and used the towel on his pillow to dab the sweat off his brow.

He opened his eyes!

"Sesshoumaru? It's Kagome. Hey..." she moved her hand past his drooping, watery eyes. "Can you follow my hand?"

There was no response.

She tried shining her penlight into his eyes. Sesshoumaru blinked a lot and his pupils reacted to the light, but he wouldn't follow it when she passed it back and forth near his face. His gaze stayed pointed ahead, devoid of focus.

"Can you wiggle your fingers for me?"

Nothing.

Kagome pinched his arm, causing him to grunt and shift his entire body on the mattress.

"Okay...okay...shhh." Taking his hand, she stroked his knuckles in attempt to calm him. Reflex closed his fingers, a movement often mistaken for a conscious reaction by people who didn't understand the mechanics of a coma. Kagome knew he'd grip anything that touched his palms.

The surge ended. Sesshoumaru's eyelids fluttered shut. His hand relaxed and he slipped back into the void.

When morning came, Kagome found Sesshoumaru's eyes open again.

"Hey, Sesshoumaru. Can you hear me?"

Her hopes rose and were dashed in the same instant.

Sesshoumaru's eyes were hollow with an eerie stare. He showed no signs of cognition towards himself or the environment around him. Everything that made him "Sesshoumaru" was still absent. His spontaneous movements, a bunch of primitive, involuntary reflexes, followed the pattern that many outside the medical profession often misinterpreted as conscious responses.

The first was suckling behavior when formula started flowing into his feeding tube. Actually...he tried to suck on anything that touched his lips during a feeding. Kagome found out the hard way when she inserted a large swab to clean his teeth. He bit down and latched on like he was nursing. She had to pull pretty hard to make him let go. Then she had to go finger-fishing inside his mouth because he slurped the cotton right off the stick. For a moment she worried he inhaled it, but at the last second she found it under his tongue.

Toothbrush from now on, she noted to herself.

He wrinkled his nose while Kagome changed his foley tube and yawned after she finished. His eyes drifted towards anything bright-colored held near his face, but didn't track if said object was moved back and forth. He'd look at Kagome when she came to his bedside - and anything else that passed his immediate vicinity.

The smile had to be his most unnerving reflex. A mouthful of fangs paired with glassy, lifeless eyes made him look like a harlequin. It also told her he wasn't conscious yet - a conscious Sesshoumaru would never smile at a her.

If spit rolled back in his throat the wrong way, he coughed. He got the hiccups. He even sneezed.

Sometimes he'd moan for no reason. The sounds depended on whether his mouth was open or shut. They were meaningless noises. Muscle contractions in his throat, nothing more.

Sesshoumaru honestly looked perfectly normal, save his eyelids drooped and his mouth sometimes hung open. Even Kagome found it hard to believe his eyes didn't see her whenever they fixed on her while she hooked up his formula or handled some other need. Or, if he did see her, his eyes weren't decoding the information and registering it to his brain. He probably saw everything upside down. And sounds, if he heard them at all, most likely reached him as discordant gibberish. If he ever woke past this point, he'd have no memory of anything that happened to him while wakeful.

"Yeah, I know you don't like this," Kagome said when she clipped his toenails, which never failed to make him squirm around. They grew into points just like his fingernails, and she lived in constant fear that he'd hurt himself - or her - if she left them sharp.

Seeing him vegetative was more painful than completely unconscious. Especially when he started moaning...the moans sounded nothing like his speaking voice. They were low, guttural and unnatural.

He started having spontaneous bowel movements - Kagome discovered this the hard way when she noticed a weird smell coming from his bed. She pulled the sheets down and found a tarry greenish-black mess sitting between his legs. Luckily it was all contained on the material of his yukata. Kagome undressed him, wrinkled her nose and hurried to dump the feces into the toilet and soak the robe in soapy water.

Upon returning she saw his stomach tighten again and quickly got the bedpan under his rear end. He dropped quite a load. And it stunk to hell and back.

"Phew, who fed you beans when I wasn't looking?" Kagome turned Sesshoumaru on his side to clean the residue off his backside. Through the corner of her eye she could see his golden eyes staring blankly at her, forehead wrinkled and mouth slightly open. The humor left her expression. Part of her wished he'd just grab her arm, yank her down to his level and ask her what the hell she thought she was doing.

Having Sesshoumaru empty on his own, Kagome decided, was a lot easier than the other way. It used to be she had to massage his stomach, stick her finger into his rectum and literally drag the poop out. Sometimes his body would "remember" and he'd pass a full load. But most of the time she'd just get a few nuggets.

It wasn't the most fun job in the world. In fact, it was the least appetizing. Most nurses who survived surgical gore ended up gagging at manual bowel disimpaction. Kagome could remember gagging the first time she had to handle this part of Sesshoumaru's care. Ken's stinkers paled in comparison.

Duh, it's demon poop.

And then, at lunch after that first time, her, Akemi and Hana ended up trading war stories about code browns. None of them ate much that day.

Kagome shook herself back into the present. She sat Sesshoumaru up to dress him in a clean yukata. He was still a deadweight, head hanging limp against her shoulder.

Tears welled in Kagome's eyes. She wrapped her other arm around Sesshoumaru's neck and hugged him against her chest. His stomach felt a little distended, so she patted his back. He parted his lips and burped softly in her ear. The sound made her giggle through the tears trickling onto her cheeks.

Sesshoumaru stilled. A sigh blew past Kagome's lips. I wonder how long it's been since somebody held him like this.

"Don't give up now." She turned to speak directly into his pointed ear, "You're almost awake, Sesshoumaru...just fight a little more, okay? Just a little more."

Somehow, he got a hold of his own braid.

"Take your time. I'll keep taking care of you as long as you need me...I promise." Kagome supported the demon lord's head as she guided him to lay back again. Then she gently pried his hand off his braid. He wound up grasping the wire leading from his pulse cuff to the monitor.

He's like a giant newborn baby, her internal voice said. She stroked his head a bit and stared down into his blank eyes, but less responsive.

At noon, Sesshoumaru's aura surged. He became extremely agitated. He groaned and rolled his head back and forth for an hour straight. Between bouts of squirming, his eyes shifted around as if following something invisible. Kagome hoped that he wasn't in distress. If he was, she didn't know how to help him.

He got so loud that neighbors knocked on her door. She apologized, explained the situation and regretfully decided it was best to sedate him with an amp of Ativan. Just enough to quiet him down without knocking him out. He spent the next few hours drooling and staring blankly ahead.

For the second time that day Kagome cradled Sesshoumaru in her arms and cried into his silky hair. It all seemed so unfair to him. He was Lord Sesshoumaru - invulnerable, impassive, unbreakable! Why...just why was he lying helpless and stripped of his dignity in her arms? Why did fate have to be so cruel?

Her eyes settled on the morphine and syringe sitting next to the Ativan ampules. She saw herself filling the syringe to the brim, inserting the needle into his arm and pressing the plunger. She saw herself watching him become cyanotic as the morphine suppressed his respirations. She saw herself closing his dilated eyes and looking up to see his spirit glare down at her for giving up too soon.

"No," Kagome shook off the daydream and held him tighter, more to comfort herself than him. "No, I have to keep hoping...you wouldn't give up. You'd want to live, wouldn't you?"

Sesshoumaru just blinked and let his head fall off her shoulder. His pulse throbbed gently under his translucent throat. Gravity pulled his small lips apart and gave her an interesting view of his fangs. His breath smelled like the strawberry-mint salve she used to keep his mouth clean.

"You know...like this...you're almost too precious for words."

Gurgle.

Kagome gave him another light squeeze and laid him down on his side. Tears continued their silent trek down her cheeks, blurring his image.

I don't know why I'm talking to him. He doesn't understand a word I'm saying. And I know he's not locked-in because he would've found a way to consistently communicate with me, and he hasn't. She sighed and ran a hand through her black hair, mussing it slightly. Guess all I can really do is wait.

She looked out the window to see twilight darkening the sky. When the sun set, he closed his eyes and slept, indicating a sleep-wake cycle.

Morning tossed a whole new problem at Kagome. She could always go to work knowing Sesshoumaru wouldn't do any harm. But now? Now he had the potential to pull out his feeding tube or catheter. He might accidentally suck his pillowcase or a blanket into his mouth and asphyxiate himself. There was a chance he could get all agitated and yell. Or he may suddenly regurgitate his feeding formula and drown. What if Kaoru or another assistant caused his claws to squirt poison? There were a million worst-case scenarios.

She finally warned Kaoru and the others who rotated through her house about Sesshoumaru's condition. All of the information was laid out in notes beside his bed.

The lunches she owed these people became endless.

o0o END OF CHAPTER o0o

-Glossary-

Amp/Ampule - A small sealed container containing a sterile medicinal solution for subcutaneous(under the skin), intramuscular(into a muscle), or intravenous(into a vein) injection.

Cyanotic/Cyanosis - in simple terms, the blue coloring you see when somebody isn't getting enough oxygen.

Decubiti - pressure sores, also known as bedsores. Singular term is decubitus.

GPO - slang for "Good for Parts Only", meaning someone is pretty much brain dead and beyond help.

UTI - urinary tract infection.