Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders.

If this chapter is confusing and you need a little help just comment or message me. I'll do what I can to help everyone understand. It might be a while before I post the next chapter. Hope everyone enjoys.

Life Goes On

Brother

I was half falling asleep as Paige uncomfortably took the catheter from me. It was a relief to say the least. But it wasn't long before my body shook with pain and aches. As she supported my bony body, it screamed in protest. Since I was tired and already upset, it was difficult to keep myself from crying out. Paige helped me move my legs to the side of the bed so I could step down. Before I took the leap of faith, I composed myself. As I did, I panted in and out feeling every inch of my tired body ache. Nodding slightly, I tired to slide my body so my feet were touching the floor. Shaking, I leaned so I put my full weight on the floor. The ache that was in my neck fell down to my toes as we began our long journey to the bathroom. There was a seat waiting for me in there, that I happily but disgustingly took.

After a few moment of adjusting the water, Paige looked at me. I half smiled at her and cunningly talked her into letting me shower by myself. She said she would wait outside of the door, waiting for any sign of struggle. Of course, I told her to just chill out there. My shower was painful, refreshing, and strenuous. My hair was so long, it was a bitch to wash it all. Twice, I cleaned it twice just to make sure that all of it was nice and grease free. It was past my butt, that was sure. As I sat in the shower chair, I just let the water rinse me. Turning the water off, I panted out gusts of air. For a few moments, I composed myself enough to test myself. Without the assistance of Paige, I was going to stand.

One. I breathed in tight gusts of air. Two. My fists clenched tightly together. Three. Here goes nothing. As I lifted myself from the shower seat, I leaned back and forth. Soon I made my way to the wall, walking across it so I could exit the room. The door was slightly shut when I got into the sink part of the bathroom. Paige was leaning against the wall outside the door, but I didn't call her in. I leaned onto the counter and stared at myself in the mirror.

My hair covered most of my body, I could just walk around like this if I wanted to. I smirked at my stupid joke but it quickly faded. It's the most unnatural thing in the world, to go to bed looking like one person and waking up another. Yesterday, I was normal again. It was summer time so I had a little bit of a tan from walking to work. My hair was short and alive with it's shimmering silver strands. Now it is a dim brown, without the life of the silver. It must be from the lack of sun. All my bruises and scars that I had are gone. All I have now is the stabbing scars and the ones that I wrote to Mom and Dad. It was then that I noticed the locket hanging loosely down my neck. Mom's necklace was still here, it never left me. A tear fell down my face as I moved onto the next subject.

I turned my head and moved my hair to peek at my left scared shoulder. My right pointer finger traced the soft but ridged texture of my sink. After a moment of thinking about to that moment of time, I thought of Natalia. She must of never gotten pregnant from being raped. Was she even raped? Did she even move? Well she was raped before I ran away, she left before then as well. So everything after that night that I ran away has been a lie. Rocky must have been the girl who visited with my brothers. But she cut my hair to get back at me for Julie. She betrayed me for two hundred dollars. I don't know if I can live with her knowing that she… but she didn't. It's a lie or I don't even know what to call it.

As I stood there shaking my head, I looked down to my feet. I'm an embarrassment to human kind as a whole. No one should have two realities, or one reality that seems like it's real but it's not. Nothing is right. As I looked up from my feet, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Paige was smiling at me as she handed me a towel. I wrapped myself in the cloth to cover my body as I turned towards her. Her smile widened.

"You're standing on your own." she stated the obvious. "Ruth will be very pleased."

She motioned to the pile of closed on the counter that I hadn't noticed before. I looked back to her grinning face, looking emotionless.

"Since you're awake, you can chose what you wear." I turned back to the pile of clothes. It was either an ugly gown again, or pants with a shirt….equally as ugly.

"I think I'll take the pants." I told her picking up the pile.

"Well there is everything you need in the pile. Toothbrush included." she took the pile that I didn't choose off the counter and left the room so I was able to change. It was painful and troublesome to change, but after ten minutes of wrestling with the clothes I managed. After I felt well enough to continue, I brushed my teeth. It didn't take me long but once I was done, I wish that I had taken a longer time. If I had just continued brushing or left the room, I wouldn't of broken down. I would of stared at the mirror, waiting for it to show me the truth or the lies. The think that really turned my cool switch off was my eyes. They were dead, a dead gray. A lovely silver no longer stood out in my orbs. I clenched my fist tightly at my side. Anger rose in my throat.

"It's not supposed to be this way!" I shouted at the reflection. Nothing is right, I'm not supposed to be weak like this. I was getting better. I was better. They made me better. He made me better. Finally the tears broke free of my shield. The tears leaked down my face as I took hold of the counter for support. Without an ounce of composure left, I sobbed very loudly. Air started to pick up and my head was becoming lighter. To my right the toothbrush and toothpaste sat on the counter. Out of anger I took them in hand. Sobbing my hand thrust them towards the reflection. It didn't do anything but make a loud noise and cause the mirror to shake. My knees were becoming weaker by the second, but I wanted to leave the bathroom.

Aggressively pushing the door open, I stumbled out while chocking on my throat. Paige and another nurse ran in the room, looking surprised. They slowly made their way towards me.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yelled my warning. They stopped their pursuit to get closer to me. Without warning, I crashed to the ground. The nurses tried to come over again, I protested.

"Stay back!" I shouted. The other nurse quickly left the room, but Paige continued to get closer to me.

"Lucy, it's okay. Everything is going to be fine. You're brother have arrived and Ruth is talking with them now. If you don't calm down, she might not allow you to see them." I shot my tears stained face up to look at her.

"I don't know if I want to go back to that reality or stay in this one. Either way, I'm fucked." I whispered through a sob. She slowly crouched down, still making her way towards me.

"What do you mean, miss?" I didn't answer her because Ruth walked into the room with a stern face. She motioned for Paige to leave, which she quickly did and shut the door. The doctor moved closer to me. By now I was calming down, but inside my mind was still unsafe. I wanted out.

"Have you heard?" she asked pulling me from the ground and helping me towards the couch. "Your brothers have arrived. They are very excited to see you, but there are circumstances."

I didn't look at her, I stared at the floor. There was a giant frown that creased my face. "I'm not sure if I should see them. If seeing myself in the mirror did that to me, what will happen when I see them….different?" my voice was a whisper, but Ruth heard.

"That's why you will only be able to see one at a time. Also, you must be in the right state of mind….how are you doing?"

"Just had my first breakdown." she seemed pleased as I told her so, I scoffed at myself.

"I knew sooner or later you would breakdown. It was only a matter of time that you couldn't keep your composure. The shock alone would keep you from realizing the grave of the situation. What set you off?" Ruth asked as I was ready to lash out at her. I suppose she's just a scientist, doctor lady…she doesn't understand what I feel.

"I stared at myself in the mirror too long." she put a arm over my shoulder as I put my head in my hands.

"Ruth, it's not…nothing is right. I was getting better, now I'm back where I began. I'm weak and confused. I don't know if I'm glad to be away from the situation I was in yesterday or that I would prefer it over this. Natalia was in a coma when I….I don't even know what to call it."

"I know it's confusing, dear. I'm just as baffled as…"

"No you aren't." I hissed looking at her. "No one knows how I feel. Everything I know is a lie!"

"We will help you dear. Your brothers will help you, let them."

"How do I know that this isn't a dream or whatever? What if I never even woke up? Maybe this reality is the dream and the other was the truth."

"Dear, you need to calm down. We shall discuss this later." she patted my arm. LATER! What later!

"Your brothers really would like to see you. Who would you like to see first?"

"I don't care." I said looking away from her. This isn't right! I repeated for the millionth time in my head. It's too overwhelming. What are my brothers to think of this?

"I will send Darry in then. I'll be in the room just incase there is a problem. Also I want to record your interactions." I stopped her right there.

"Just go get my brother." she swallowed the smile she had on her face and stood up. Once she was gone, I placed my head in my hands again. Rubbing my face with my palms, I tried to build some of my courage that I so desperately need. Sighing loudly, I heard the door to the room close. Slowly, I moved my head to look at my eldest brother.

I gasped at the sight of him. He was shaking Ruth's hand right before she moved over to the side of the room. My eyes never left him as he turned with a teary smile to look at me. It was overwhelming to say the least. His face was worn, but still so handsome. Just as I remember him to be, he was rough looking but in a gentle Darry kind of way. Yesterday, he was clean shaven. Today, he had a little bit of a scruff to his cheeks and chin. My brother's hair looked longer as well. He looked the same, but different. It scared me slightly. Covering my mouth with my hand, I scooted away from him on the couch as he reached a hand out towards me. With his other hand, he brushed a few tears away still smiling. I stood up with a lot of effort, moving away still. Now I was against the window, making his face change. Disappointment lingered in his eyes as I clenched my shirt with my fists.

He put his hand down and stood still. Breathing in gusts of anxious air, I closed my eyes. Darry is your brother, he wants to help you. I repeated this in my mind. Gathering my composure, I opened my eyes with a determined feeling in my heart. My left hand was brought up to my chest, clenching my shirt. When I began to move toward him, he started to come forward as well. As I instructed him to stop, he obeyed.

"Don't move." I whispered just loud enough for him to hear. Closer and closer I got to him. My right hand reached for him as my grip on my shirt increased. Closing my eyes as I stumbled over to him, I heard his breathing. I felt his warmth increase the closer I got to him. Taking a short intake of air, I could smell the warmth. It's still there, it's my brother. Opening my eyes, I realized how close I had become. Tears ran down my face as my breathing began to speed up. It's not that I'm afraid of him, I'm just scared of the concept of him. If he looked this different, how different do my other brothers look.

"Lu.." he started to say my name, but I cut him short.

"Don't speak." I was afraid his voice would be different as well. Different than yesterday…I suppose there was no yesterday, but still. It's yesterday to me.

With my right hand, I touched his face. My palm brushed the stubble on his cheeks. I felt the wet streaks that his tears had made. Turning my hand over, I caressed his face with the back of my four fingers. With lots of courage, I took my left hand from my shirt. Both my hands reached up and toughed his rough hair. All the while, brother looked at my face while I studied his new features. Sliding my hands down his neck, I moved to his strong shoulders. They radiated the warmth that I remember. It was like I hadn't felt or sensed that warmth in so long. He looked down at me, I looked back this time. As our eyes looked back into each others, my knees got weaker. They rattled together as they started to give way. I had been standing for too long, I wanted it to stop. Resting my hands to my sides again, I took hold of the hem of my shirt. Closing my eyes, I tried to stay standing up. Opening my eyes again, Darry I noticed was shaking.

My eyes trailed down to his hands that were opening and closing by his sides. Breathing at a high speed, I started to feel dizzy. I swayed on my feet, almost falling. Darry's hands twitched up to catch me, but didn't make the move. I backed away a little ways, trying to slow my breathing. With a half smile, I look back up to Darry.

"Brother." I breathed. He smiled too, closing his eyes with tears falling from his eyes.

"Don't cry over stupid ol' me." moving closer again, brushing the tears away. As he opened his eyes, I could tell he wanted to say something but was afraid of something. Instead of letting him speak, I crushed into him. My tired, pained body hugged him tightly. We both began to weep harder, but not very loud. He whispered into my ear."You're not stupid." his hands were tight around me, filling all my senses with the warmth. It felt like forever that we embraced. But it wasn't long before I completely went limp in his arms. My hands clenched onto the front of his shirt. I choked out once, causing him to hug me harder. After what seemed like forever, we pulled apart. My heart was beating hard in my chest as I chocked on my breath.

The both of us whipped each other's tears from our faces with the palms of our hands. His rough hands were foreign to my skin, but they felt nice. They felt like Dad's hands. I looked over in the corner, where Ruth was furiously writing things down. Rolling my eyes, I looked back at Darry. He looked over to her as well, but chuckled at my actions.

"It's seems like yesterday that we were hugging like this over Mom and Dad." he said in a small voice, but was smiling lightly.

"It was yesterday that I was hugging you like that. It was yesterday that we had talked and interacted. Even though I saw you yesterday in my mind…it feels like I haven't seen you in years."

"It has been years since I've heard your voice. It's…so nice." he said in a happy voice.

"So, you know about my weird brain thing?" I asked, already knowing the answer. He nodded even though he knew I knew the answer.

"Sorry…I didn't know it was happening. I wish I could of stopped it or I wish that…Darry." he looked at me with understanding and caring eyes.

"I don't care, I'm just glad you are awake. You're back with me. You're back with us." he smiled, putting a hand on my shoulder. I closed my eyes, still trying to keep balance. He noticed.

"Why don't we sit?" he guided me over to the couch. I sat as close to him as I could without sitting on his lap. My head rested on his shoulder.

"Brother…" he was quiet, listening to me. "It maybe confusing and distraught to think about it…but to me, it was just yesterday that I saw you last. But I feel something inside of me. Like I miss you so badly. I'm glad you are here now, but I feel a sadness for the missed time. It's all my fault too. Its so unnatural, the way I feel. You are so different…since I saw you, yesterday." I choose my words carefully, and they still didn't make sense.

"I saw you last week. But I didn't get to talk to you, not really. I didn't get to hear your voice. Or see your smile light up the room. All I got was a closed eyed zombie. All we got was a crying, upset Lucy." I looked at him, but he didn't have much remorse in his face.

"The worst part about it was that, I couldn't do anything about it. All I could do was watch you be in pain. Or watch you cry. It hurt so much to watch, but whenever it would come to that when we visited…I could never bring myself to leave. None of us could. I hoped to God that my presence was helping."

"I think it might have been." I said looking over at Ruth. She began to explain.

"Lucy said that she knew people that she had never met before, like myself. She had a therapist with my name, which is proof that she was aware of some things. I believe that she could also feel you and your brothers. She often would call out someone's name after you left, like she knew you left."

"Exactly." I said with a sheepish smile, we ignored Ruth after that again. Brother looked off into the distance as I coiled my arms around his strong right one. He began to speak again.

"I remember one time when I came here by myself and stayed the night, you wouldn't stop calling my name. Sometimes it would scare me, but it was also nice to hear your voice. The thing that bothered me though, was that sometimes you would sound in pain or frightened. You would reach out to the air, and I would try to take your hand but it was no use. Or you would start to scream my name. I didn't know what to do with myself."

I closed my eyes. "There's only one time that I can recall every calling out your name like that…" I didn't continue. My dumb reality that is a reality to everyone else is embarrassing.

"You can tell me if you want." he told me as I put my head on his shoulder again.

"No. It didn't really happen, it doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. It was real to you. Actually, I'm curious to know what you went through."

I tightened my grip on his arm. "A lot."

Brother could feel my stress, so he quickly changed the subject.

"So…you're hair is crazy." with his free left hand, he picked some of it up to examine it.

"Yeah, it's really strange…because yesterday my hair was just above my ears." I looked over to him with a nervous chuckle.

"That must be strange. If I woke up with a long beard, I would freak out too."

"Well, I'm still not used to it yet. I had just gotten used to it being short too." he patted my leg.

"I've always liked it long. It was always put up when we came, I just assumed that it was cut everyone once in a while." we went quiet, just enjoying each other's company. Then it came to me, Darry was older, I rolled my eyes at myself. Of course he's older.

"So…you're twenty-one." he laughed.

"I guess I am. I sure don't feel it though." we went silent again. I wanted to ask him how everything was. What had happened the last sixteen months that I had missed. But my stomach rumbled, much to my surprise. We both looked down at my stomach and then back at each other.

"Hungry?"

"I guess. It's strange because I haven't been hungry or had an appetite for the last like year." he chuckled slightly.

"That's because you're mind doesn't get hungry, your stomach does. Your mind may receive the signals that say that your hungry but your mind was too busy to receive them. That's why you were never hungry during the time you were asleep." Ruth told me from across the room. I coughed uncomfortably, pulling on Darry's arm slightly.

"I'll go get you something to eat. Darry, would you like something?" she asked with a smile.

"No thank you ma'am." he said politely

"You sure, I can bring you back a tea or a coffee." she offered.

"On second thought, a black coffee sounds good right about now." her smile widened but she quickly got serious as she approached us.

"Lucy, will you be alright here…" I wanted to yell at her, but I knew she was just doing her job.

"Yes." she grinned.

"Lovely, I'll be right back." Ruth left the door wide open as she left. Once I heard that her clicking heels had gotten a distance away, I sighed.

"Shit, I thought she would never leave." I said truthfully looking at Darry. He chuckled at me.

"Why is that? I barely even noticed her." he laughed.

"Me too, but for the last few hours…whatever I say is written down. Or if I said something "normal"…for me at least, she comments about it." I made a face like she would. "Fascinating." I mocked.

Darry chuckled. "You haven't changed that much, huh? Same old Lucy."

"Same old Lucy, just insane." again he chuckled."You're not insane."

"What do you call thinking that you are one person then waking up another…." he didn't answer, but he did frown. "Exactly…I'm insane."

He didn't respond, brother looked away. I changed the subject. "So, how's everything?"