RECAP
Rob's fucked as 100 zombies have suddenly stormed into his 10x12 foot apartment.
/RECAP
"WAIT!" Rob yelled as they moved in to eat him.
"What?" One zombie in the back asked.
"Lets take this outside!" Rob said, putting on some badassed shades.
"OOOOOOH!" The zombie landlord's head said on the floor.
Not ones to take that kind of trash talk lightly, the zombies all agreed and calmly walked out the front door. They met Rob outside in the middle of the street. Rob folded his arms and then motioned two fingers for the first zombie to come forward. It slapped its fists together and went in for a drop kick. Rob jumped up in the air and spin kicked him in the face, exploding the zombie's head like a ripe watermelon. The undead group's jaws dropped.
"Who's next?" Rob said, landing gracefully.
"OOOOOHOOOO!!!" The landlord head said again, as someone had placed it on the street to watch the fight. A zombie promptly walked over and stomped it into a puddle of brain gravy. Then all the zombies looked to each other and charged at Rob. Except their charge was a generally very slow limping and shambling toward him. Rob grew bored waiting for them to clear the twenty-foot gap, and walked off down the street.
"Damn." One zombie said.
"STARS!" The big trench-coat clad Nemesis said to the puny human before him.
"No, I'm asking you where can I find out who held the big party last night." Rob stated.
"STARS!"
"What the
fuck's 'stars'?"
"STARS!"
"Stars?"
"STARS!!!"
"Stars!"
"STARS!!!"
"STARS!"
"STARS! MWAAAAARRGGHHH!!!" Nemesis yelled, waving his arms about madly.
"Yeah, go Stars! But where can I found out who held that party last night?"
"…"
"Do you know?"
"Alright, listen. I'm only allowed to say 'STARS!' I can't tell you who held any parties or anything. It's in my contract I can only say 'STARS!', and sometimes 'MWAAARGH!'. 'K?"
"Ok…" Rob said, kicking up a little dirt. He and Nemesis stood there staring at the ground awkwardly for a moment.
"Hey, you wouldn't have happened to seen a woman in a blue tube top and a miniskirt by any chance, would you?" Nemmy asked.
"Yeah, she's hiding over there." Rob said, pointing to the corner of a building.
"SHIT!" Jill cursed, and ran off.
"STARS!" Nemesis yelled and took off after her.
Rob sighed and put his hands in his pockets, walking off down the alleyway. He was depressed. Nobody had invited him to that big party last night. It was probably a kegger too! Rob hadn't been to a kegger since sophomore year of college. Man, those ruled.
"Heeelpp… me…." A dying voice pleaded as Rob walked out into a street again.
"Huh? What's wrong?" Rob said, bending down to talk to the man.
"My… my legs…. I can't feel… my legs…" He said, voice shaky. His legs had been eaten off.
"That's cause they're gone, dude." Rob said.
"G…gone!?" The man cried. He looked back and beat his two bloody stumps up and down real fast. "Ooooh God! Meh legs! I ain't got meh legs!!"
"Yeah man, that sucks." Rob said indifferently, standing up.
"Wait!" The man cried again, clinging onto Rob's leg. "Don't leave me here Jimmy! Don't leave me like this!"
"Chill out!" Rob yelled, trying to pry him off, "They'll grow back!"
"Its… its getting dark, Jimmy! Ah… ah can't see the light at the end of the tunnel… oh God Jimmy… it's getting dark…"
"FUCK OFF YOU CRIPPLE!" Rob yelled and kicked the man away. Then he walked over the guy, and noticed the virtual graveyard in front of him.
Almost fifty cops lay dead and torn around blood stained vehicles and barricades all over the street. This had been the RPD's last stand against the zombie horde, only Rob thought otherwise,
"Aw man! Everyone got wasted without me!" He whined. Suddenly he remembered what his mom always told him, "You be a good boy, Robby! You don't go waking up around strangers in the street in your own vomit!"
"Hmm…" Robby thought aloud, "Maybe Mom was right…" He walked over the bodies and toward the RPD a block away. Maybe he could go fill out an application and become a cop, like Dad always wanted.
"Hellooo-SHIT!" Rob screamed as he suddenly ducked a shotgun blast. He'd just come in through the RPD's main doors and some guy had immediately shot at him!
"FUCK'S UP!?" Rob yelled.
"OH! Sorry laddy! Thought you was a zombie getting in there! Whoopshy!" The Scottish cop with the bright red beard and kilt on said jovially.
"Whoopsy?! You almost blew my head off!" Rob fumed, stepping inside.
"Ey, ey! I shaid sorry there laddy, now shit down!"
"Shit down?"
"Yes, shit down there!"
"Do you mean 'sit down'?"
"Yes, that's what I shaid."
"No you said 'shit-"
"SHIT DOWN!" The Scotsman screamed, cocking his shotgun. Rob squealed and quickly obeyed, sitting down next to some other civilians that had wondered into the RPD.
"Now listen up kiddies! We're in a dire situation here! We don't have any time for you kiddies to be prancing around like a couple of lilly-bottomed gimpy goats! Now you all either lisshen to Chief Irons-"
"That's me!" Chief Irons said with a disturbingly high-pitched giggle.
"-or you get eaten by the flesh-eating zombies!"
"That's me!" A zombie in the corner said. The ten cops in the lobby area all turned pointed their guns at him. "Shit!" He squeaked and they blasted him into undead vapor.
"Undershood?" The Scotsman asked.
"Actually, I have a question…" Rob said, getting up.
"YOU SHIT BACK DOWN!" The Scotsman yelled, as a vein popped out on his forehead.
"Yessir!" Rob said and sat back down. Nothing scared him more than an angry Scotsman with a popped out vein on his brow. Chief Irons now spoke up,
"Hehehe… erm… OK first of all I want the mayor's daughter to accompany me back to my office."
"Wait just a second there, Brian Irons!" Mayor Warren protested. "Why the HELL is MY daughter going to YOUR office?"
"Its quite simple Mr. Mayor…" Irons said. A moment of silence passed by.
"And?" Mayor Warren asked.
"I said it's quite simple." Irons stated, and took Mayor Warren's daughter off to his office. The Mayor stood perplexed for a moment before he grew angry.
"He's going to rape my daughter!" Mayor Warren yelled as he got up. Suddenly three cops were pointing their handguns in his face.
"Nobody questions the Chief." One said.
"But he's fuckin' nuts! Look at him! He set up all those barricades around the city so we couldn't escape! He even has documents labeled 'I'm Gonna Kill Everyone' in his office!"
"Now waaaait just a shecond there, Mr. Mayor!" The Scotsman said, offended. "If you're talking about Police Chief Irons, the best damn RPD Chief we've ever had, I take offensh to that wild allegation!"
"He's the only Police Chief you've ever had! And I know for a fact he's in league with Umbrella and is single-handedly responsible for foiling this city's evacuation plans!"
"Do yeh now, Mr. Roity Toity Mayor?"
"Yes!"
"That's it boys, put this man under arresht."
"What?!"
"I think we've heard enough of this man's shenanigans about our good Chief Irons. I want him in the jail downstairs, read him his rights, Timmy."
"Um, sir." Timmy spoke up, "What's the point, we're struggling just to keep the zombies outside from getting in the RPD right now. We've had to spread the rest of our forces out just to try and cover every major way in. I think we better start formulating a plan to last out the rest of the night."
"Oh is that right, Mr. Roity Toity Timmy?" The Scotsman said, his hands on his hips.
"Yes, sir."
"Well then, you're under arresht too, you twat!"
"What?!" Timmy yelled, as he and the mayor were handcuffed and carried off downstairs to the basement.
"Anyone elsh have anything to complain about? Hmmmmm?" The Scotsman asked, now patting a billy-club. All the remaining officers and civilians looked to each other uneasily.
"Yeah, where the hell was the DAMN PARTY last night?!" Rob said, stomping his foot.
NEXT EPISODE!
Will Chief Irons get it on with the Mayor's Daughter? Will Rob ever find out where the party was or who threw it?