Disclaimer: All the characters mentioned in this fanfiction belong to Bruno Heller. I don't get any money from this story.
I am grateful the show exists, I am not happy that Jisbon isn't canon yet.
Just a cup of tea
It was cold.
She had been staring at the blue teacup for at least five minutes. Maybe more. It definetely was cold by now. It would taste even worse now...if she drank it, that's it.
She didn't have to do it. She didn't even liked tea. It was tasteless, just water and dead leaves. It was acceptable at best, if she added some milk and sugar. She never completely understood why Jane drank it. Coffee was really good and kept you awake and aware of the surroundings. Tea made you sleepy and dreamy. That was for the blond man.
Her fingers turned into fists as she reminded that she wasn't supposed to speak about him at the present tense. She had burried him a week before. He was dead. As dead as possible. Not on this planet anymore. Not in this life anymore. She hoped there was some after-life they could meet again. It would be nice.
Teresa rested her elbows on the small desk she somehow managed to get there and put her head in her hands. How did it all go so wrong? Two months ago she was...happy. She wasn't in love with Marcus, but she loved him, if this made any sense. She married him, trying to forget about the other man. Then had stopped talking and then he died and he left her feeling as if a part of her soul was missing; she'd been feeling empty ever since - she was too terified to look into her own soul, but she wouldn't admit it even to herself.
Now she was debating whether or not she should drink a cup of tea. Not any kind of tea, though. Belladona. The one that gave Jane visions of her daughter, if she were alive at that moment. She would probably see the man. She hoped she would see the man.
You were a good cop. What a shame you turned this way, a voice from her head told her and she recognized it as belonging to Abbott.
The FBI agent would have loved to fight back; to say that she was a good cop and that she was going to what's right everytime. The bad part was that she couldn't. She was seriously considerating drugging herself in order to see an illusion of a loved man. A good cop didn't do that. She would have never seen herself doing that, before meeting Jane. Even after him. She had been his anchor. She had been the serious, the fair one. After his death, she wasn't completely sure she knew who she was.
She heard the ringtone; she closed her eyes, deciding to ignore it. Being in the middle of an internal battle, she really didn't want to talk to anyone...except one whom she couldn't speak a word to. Well, she could, but he wouldn't give her any answer.
The brunette let out a sigh and let her mind wander in the events that happened lately.
Since the phone call, she had been obsessed with finding the killer, much like Jane used to be with Red John. Abbott had managed somehow to get her in the case. He had even been kind enough to bring the whole team back. She'd been a little reluctant at first, but they made her understood that they also missed Jane. They had been a family. They still were a family; small, broken, dysfunctional and now lacking an important member, but still a family. They weren't going to let her alone in this mess. She appreciated it more than she showed it.
She had resigned from her job at the Washington and applied for FBI, the ones who were investigating his murder. It was easier that way. There were also other cases that could, maybe, take her mind away from Jane, even if just a little. She was surprised and not that much when they took her back. She was a good, after all.
She hadn't break up with Marcus. Things were too complicated. If he was patient enough, maybe he'd see some spark of the Teresa he had known. Not very possible, but maybe it was worth trying. She had moved back in Austin, where it was closer to the FBI. She was surprised to find out that her old house was still unocuppied but the thought pleased her. Something that seemed a little bit home.
Her fist met the small, wooden piece of furniture, as she retold herself that she hadn't progresed in this case. Not even by an inch. This had to be the hardest case since Red John. Maybe the fact she was involved had a lot to do with it.
They barely found something of him that could be buried. He was almost completly carbonized. She had tried hardly not to laugh when she saw the crime scene. She went away from the others and laughed for ten seconds before starting to cry. He had died in his own Airstream, somehow trapped in there. Alone. Fucking alone. He had had her voice but that was all. He had had the opportunity to confess something she wasn't ready to think of yet. It would simply destroy any desire of hers to live and she couldn't allow that...yet. She wasn't sure what she was going to do after that, but she didn't even care.
She spent most nights reading Jane's files and drink coffee. She knew them by word; this didn't stop her for reading them over and over again, just to make sure she didn't miss anything. She didn't have his brain after all. She was looking into everything related to Red John, from minions to the man himself. It was a ridiculous thought, but maybe he had escaped. Maybe he was actually alive and got his revenge on Jane. Anything was possible and she wasn't going to let any option pass.
The team was worried for her, she could see it. They were trying their best to make everything easier to her. Grace was sometimes telling storries about Mary, storries the older woman tried her best to seem interested in. Wayne was giving her his food; this meant a lot, coming from him and she tried to be grateful - especially since she was barely eating these days. Cho was only...Cho. He didn't do anything in particular; something told her that she was going to receive a speech sooner or later. Better later.
Somehow, they had found out that she spent her weekends in Sacramento, at the CBI; She woke up one morning with them in their rightful places. Just like her, they had brought with themselves some offices and chairs and spent the night there. ( It wasn't like it was impossible to purchase some. Grace even had her laptop with her) From the look on their faces, they were going to continue doing so. She had wanted to scold them but she gave up as soon as her mouth opened. They were doing the same thing she was; she had no right to stop them. She had left them and went back to her office. There, it all seemed normal again. She could pretend she was working, with hundreds of complaints againist Jane, while the man was napping on the couch that wasn't there anymore. It was all pretend, though. She was creative enough to imagine everything the way it used to be. The team was providing some necessary noise.
Now, she was alone. It was Friday night. She didn't know where the others were but she could guess if she wanted. Or call. She didn't want to do any of these options. She was too busy being unable to decide if she wanted to drink the tea or not. It would give her a vision of Jane, right? Something from her imagination. She knew that he couldn't come up with anything new - since he wasn't real - but maybe twelve years of partnership were enough to give her one idea, something.
She took a sip. It wasn't that bad, she supposed. Or maybe she was telling herself so. Maybe all the hope she was unable to deny that she felt made everything better.
The woman looked around, expecting to see something unusual. Jane had seen an animal - a frog, or a rabbit. Maybe she'd see a horse. Or the pony he'd bought for her long ago. The memory made her hurt a little but she tried to ignore it. After fifteen seconds spent in silence, she decided that it was inutile. Really, ridiculous. What had she expected? Him to appear out of nowhere and to tell her again things she longed for years? To make a trick and make the emptiness in her go away? (Though she expected that the emptiness will never go away, not completely).
She got up from her chair, ready to take her leather jacket and go to the motel. She had rememembered well the effects of the belladona tea, excepting one.
She fainted on her way to the jacket. Her body hit the floor and her vision blackened.
Nobody heard anything, though.
Her eyes opened, so suddenly it almost hurt. She felt extremely strange, as if she had just woken up from a long sleep. She dared hoping, for a second, that everything had been just a dream. That she imagined everything and everyone was alive and safe. The only thing was that, unfortunately, the hole in her soul wouldn't go away. She looked around. She was on a hospital bed, in a white room. Probably the sides effects of the belladone She was alone and lonely. Such a fate she deserved; she really should stop wishing things that won't get real, ever. Her hands were tied, her vision was blurry and her heart hurt as if a knife had went through it. Such a foolish she was-
"I've always hoped you wouldn't ever use it." she heard from somewhere on her left.
She turned her head. Here he was, exactly the way she she remembered him. Tall, with his curly hair, with his charming smile. His eyes were sad, though, and she would have done anything to make the sadness disappear. He also wear a vest - since she secretely always loved his vests. She was smiling and at the edge of crying. She mentally scolded herself. She wasn't supposed to cry now. She didn't know what she was supposed to do but crying shouldn't have been on the list. She wished she could wipe them away before she got more embarrased, but she couldn't do it. She felt his soft hands doing it for her. Her tears didn't stop, though. If anything, more were coming.
"I missed you." she said, in a soft voice, looking at his eyes.
"I missed you, too." he answered, with a smile. "I truly did. Sorry for...everything."
Sorry for saying 'goodbye' like that. Sorry for not saying ' I love you' sooner. Sorry for letting you go, making you believe I don't care. Sorry for making you cry, for putting you in this pain.
Jane slowly kissed her eyes.
" You're at the hospital, now. You will see me today a little longer but you have to promise me you won't drink any more tea.'
Her face hardened. How dared he say that. He was dead and he was still able to tell her what to do. She didn't want to lose him.
"It doesn't do you any well, Teresa. You have to stop. I am not real. I am just another part of you, but you know well I wouldn't let you do that to yourself. You need to find happiness. Find your own Lisbon."
The white room faded slowly and she found heself in a normal hospital room. With colours and noises. With people.
With people.
She wasn't alone. Besides her, Grace, Wayne and Cho were sleeping, on chairs.
She allowed herself a smirk. Maybe they could provide some sort of 'Lisbon'.
It was worth trying, at least.
A/N: Your reviews mean much more to me than you could ever expect! Thank you! *hugs*
That's why I tried to write the second chapter today. I am not completely satisfied but I guess it could work as the second chapter. I have in my mind planned another chapter. Maybe two.
I have three other stories planned :D I don't think I'll post all of them (I'll pick one at the moment, on which I can focus on) but they are going to be funnier than this one! (At least two of them. The third is more..mysterious. I have a good villain planned for it)
Review if you want! Criticism is welcomed as long as you argue it.