*Day 1, 5:30pm PST, Big Brother House (BBH)
"Now that our house guests have gotten settled down, let listen to them introduce themselves. We could see the beginnings of alliances, rivalries, showmances, or life long friendships. Let's listen in." says the Neb, turning towards the main screen of the studio to direct everyone to watch.
Inside the Big Brother House, all the houseguests are seated in the living room. Bottles of champagne are on ice with glasses around them on the table in the center. The house guest decide on the left side and go clockwise around the U shaped furniture. First up: Comic.
"Hey everybody, my name is AdmissiveComic, but you can call me Comic for short. I'm currently a freshman at a small community college in Boston. I hope to transfer into Harvard one day and get a masters in Gender Studies. Anyways, I just recently broke up with my high school love Lexi and am lookin' for a fresh start here in the Big Brother House, so I can't wait to get to know you all." says Comic with a smile before sitting down. Everyone awes.
"Well hello everyone, my name is Jack. You should know that if they is one thing I love in this world, it is Canada. Greatest nation on Earth. I'd do anything to go back. However, I currently have 5 warrants for exposing myself to little Toronto Maple Leaf fans…. Anyway, I enjoy emo music, poetry and no long hate nigg- I mean African Americans. Can't wait to spend summer with y'all." says Jack with a smile before sitting down. Everyone looks at each other with worry.
"Anyway….Hey, I'm Ksenia and I'm not weird. I used to be one of the head flight attendants of Emirates then American Airlines. And let's just say, that airline is as shitty as everyone says." she looks up and down at her new french manicure "like we have this one guy named JH. He legit complained about how I was walking the right way when he's just a first class passenger. He probably bought it with his parents' condom money." Everyone stares at her like she was crazy.
"Uhhhh. Okay? Hey bitches and hoes, my name is Andrew. I'm gay, so don't fucking start with me. All my friends raped me and I felt like crying in every one of them. Anyway, I'm down for a showmance or 5, so my bed is all your beds. Chao!" says Phan, before sitting down. All the guys slowly creep back in their seats.
"Ok.. Well… I'm Brandon. I'm from San Diego, but currently go to the USC. Idk about y'all but I'm a big fan of Drake and the Weeknd" says Brandon. Jenny fake throws up because she is sick of hearing about them. "Anyway, I'm chill, love planes, and am in the middle of creating a Hentai studio because I've already seen all hentai ever made. Can't wait to live with y'all" says Brandon before sitting down.
"Do we have anyone not fucking weird?" whispered Jenny to Lando.
"Ayyyyyy, my name is Carson and I love Hentai and USC too. I'm from Las Vegas, aka the greatest place in the world. I'm the future heir to Merle Norman, and the only reason I want the $500k is to add a new paint job to my private jet aka my future wife. She's a G2. Anyway, it's gonna be a great summer guys." says Carson. Everyone looked at him with scorn, hating this rich faggot.
"Hi I'm Tealu, but you can call me Teal. I'm sorta instafamous.. Maybe, maybe not. I did vine videos with Nash Grier and Alissa Violet, and met Justin Bieber and Selena while they went on a date. I also lack a soul. Just kidding. Anyway, I started my own swimwear company called Hoaki and have a Siberian husky named Carter. Oh yes, I love, love, love anime and manga. I recently did a photo-shoot to help Hentai illustrators draw big boobs." 7 of the guys cover their pants to hide their boners.
"Sup, it's Jared. I'm a huge art geek I guess. Got into CalArts and interned for Pixar. I'm that guy that puts that Pizza Planet truck in all their movies. But I always wanted to be a pilot. I flew almost every commercial and general aviation aircraft in simulators, racked up 12k hours in P3D. I also love playing or dying in Apocalypse Rising." Everyone is shocked to find an actual normal person.
"Um, hi. My name is Lando." he readjusts his bluesteel sombrero."I'm a recent graduate from Julliard with a PhD in Music, because obviously I'm better than everyone at school, especially with my cello. I try to spot every Delta plane I see. I wear a big red head around everywhere because I want to look Delta red everyday. Can't wait to bring my Deltaness to the house!" says Lando.
"Okay so, my name is Jenny. I honestly don't know what to say about myself because I'm quite shy." she pauses for a bit "I currently go to the University of Toronto even though I still don't know what to do with my life. I travel around the world for the purpose of eating food and wine tasting, yet know nothing about planes and aviation in general. Oh, and I love Mediterranean food." she continues "It's nice to meet all of you!.. Except you Brandon, fuck Drake and the Weeknd" says Jenny with a smile.
"What a bitch." Brandon whispers to Carson.
"Ight everyone, my name is Danny. I'm 6'2, 195 pounds, and an Abercrombie model. I bench 275 lbs, and model for 7 different agencies. I'm also a memelord so it's safe to say I have fucked many women around the world, and would love to add another one here to my list. My bed is the closest to the wall in the Racecar room whenever you ladies wanna settle in" says Danny winking at all the ladies. All of them looked at him stunned.
"Damn… he's got fuckin moves" says Comic.
"Well, uh… I'm not really a model, but I do have a lot of money ladies. My name is Jason, but you can call me JBN. I own a few prisons with a respectable 95% negro admittance rate. I've made millions jailing negros, and I'm hoping 1 day they'll make it illegal to be black so I can make billions. But, I'm not racist. I'm Jewish, so I accept all minorities and hope we people of color can get along this summer. Thanks" says Jason before sitting down. His jew gold jingles as he does.
"Hi I'm Matthew. I'm training to be a pilot for Virgin America. I love long walks around the DC area, only if it reaches my requirement of 10k steps every day." he continues "I spend my free time at the shooting range and plane spotting for my favorite routes and planes. I'm also an ass kinda guy if you know what I mean." he winks at the audience, then at the female contestants. "Go Trump!"
"Sup, it's Joseph Chrzescijanek, Cheese-shit or whatever you wanna call me. I'm from Poland. Just like Jason, I hate Nazis and I still have an eight o'clock curfew. I weigh about 95 lbs, and eat crackers for breakfast, lunch and dinner. So, please don't go rough on me, because I don't wanna break any yea, also I roleplayed as Kim Jong-Un in a school play because I have a very small penis. So yea, can't wait to live here and I hope you will love me and my floaties too." says the Scrawny Polish virgin.
"Well Howdy y'all, ma name is Ethin but, y'all can call me NeedleDick. I live wit mah Ma and Pa in good ol' West Virginia. We dig for dem coals in the mountains and thanks to that Trump fella, we gonna git more coal and no more negros. Oh yea, also i'm pretty smurt. Got one D in mah math class, so I'm gonna git into Hurvard one day cuz I'm top of ma class. Dis season gonna fun yall." says Needledick, tipping his straw hat then sitting down.
"Well… alrighty everyone, that was… interesting. Let's all toast to a great season and playing this crazy game together." says Comic. He pours champagne in a glass and passes it down. The other house guests pour champagne in their glasses and toast.
As they take some sips, the TV in the mainroom turns on to show Neb. "Good evening house guests, I hope you're all enjoying your champagne!" says Neb.
"Tastes like what I use to drink with my uncle when I was little before bed." says a smiling Phan. Everyone looks at Phan fearfully.
"Uh… ok then…" says the Neb. "Well. Besides that, I hope you are all ready for some summer fun"
"Eh I kinda wanna nap." says Jason, putting down his wine and lying down.
"No. You're gonna have fun." says the Neb. "Everyone head to the backyard for some summer fun!" The audience behind Neb claps and cheers and the houseguests head towards the backyard.
Back in the House
"I hope it's cocaine and hookers." says Jared excitedly.
"You faggot, we are obviously getting cellos" says Lando.
"You are both going to die virgin" says Ksenia walkin passed them. They both stop and stare at her walking away.
Jenny nonchalantly says "Well then, good luck everyone. We'll all need it."
Authors' Notes: Rip, sorry for the delays. Captains log: Day 10, 10/10 on nuts. Mission accomplished boys.
Brandon, can you not. Anyway, we hope you enjoy the second chapter! - Brenny