Title: Define Ok
Chapter: 2
Rating: M
Summary: Noah is thinking, still coming to terms with having MS
Characters: Noah, Luke, Dr Hughes
Genre: AU
Warnings:
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"Noah are you ok, do you understand what we talked about?" Dr Hughes said with clear frustration that Noah had hardly replied or even said anything to this point in their session so far.
He continued to look at the window outside behind Dr Hughes. He could see he's world beginning to fall around him. The world outside turning shades of grey and becoming cold.
He didn't even think as he replied "I...I do. I just need time to get my head around this all" sounding cold and withdrawn.
"Well I completely understand and again as I said that I can refer you to someone you can talk to if needs be. I can also do the same for Luke if needs be as well"
"Why would Luke need that? He doesn't and he won't" Noah said getting defensive
"Well he, he might need it just in case he feels he needs someone other than yourself or he's family to try and at least get some sort of understanding. I am not trying to mean or say that he won't be able to cope, but he find it somewhat good to talk to someone who is outside the loop of what is happening. I would recommend the same for you Noah"
"Look Doc, I am sure that we will both be able to cope and if we need support we have our won friends and family who can help us. If we need help it certainly won't be from a shrink at all. I nor Luke doesn't need their help at all. We will cope and survive....somehow" Noah says looking away getting frustrated at the whole situation he had now found himself in.
"I have no doubt on that, but the offer is there on the table if needs be anyway. So please feel free to come and see me. In a week's time we need to organise to have some more blood test done to see how far advanced the MS is and what we can exactly put you on to help treat any pain you may experience as such. We also need to go through some exercises you can do to help try to minimise pain and increase your chances at keeping the full effects minimal to say the least"
With that Dr Hughes gave Noah an appointment card. He looked at it for a minute, trying to work out whether or not to take it. Placing he's hand on the desk, he took the appointment card and slowly rose out of the chair, not saying a word and walking out the door.
Once outside in the waiting room, he made the appointment. He scanned around the room looking at the other patients. Hardly any emotion showing and if so all that could be seen or told would be sadness and upset. He could hardly understand as to why he never really felt this before. Feeling like he was no longer in control of he's life.
Why did he feel that he no longer belonged within Oakdale. Like he had no right to even be seen around the place or even be seen at all near anyone he thought he knew or wanted to know him at all.
"Ok so your appointment is for next Thursday at three ok, so if you could be here at least twenty minutes before hand it would be appreciated" the secretary said with a smile, handing Noah he's appointment card.
"Yeah......Thank" Noah said as he placed he's hand in he's jacket and walked of the clinic.
He looked into the sky, clouds beginning to form on the horizon. "What do I do now?" he said to himself. He knew in a way what he had to do but the problem was how?
How could he explain to Luke that he would be the only one having to change him when he couldn't, nurse him, change him, practically do everything and anything for him.
How could he even believe that Luke would want to be with him or want to stay a partner with him now at all? With how everything has changed, how could he even see a future at all with Luke now that things have changed?
In some way Noah wished he had all the answers right now but with he's mind now working overtime the answers could not even begin to make any sense at all.
Would there be answers at all or would there always be wonder and doubt?
The one thing that still remained is that he would need to tell Luke, but how? And should he even do it right now or should he wait? Or should he just pray at all that nothing would happen at all and pretend that nothing has changed or would even ever change at all.
No, no he had to tell Luke, but he didn't want to.
He walked over to he's truck, placed the keys in the door and sat in he's car. For the first time he held he's hand against the wheel as tears began to flow, sobbing and crying now filling the car. A world slowing down, a person breaking down, never the same again.