Chapter 1 – Darkness Falls

"Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."
Terry Pratchett

He did not feel the cold as he walked through the empty corridors, nor did the darkness bother him; he did not need to see the way to know where he was going. No, it was not the darkness around him that bothered Severus, it was the darkness within.

The chilly winter air did nothing for his troubled thoughts tonight, but in all honesty, few things still managed to ease his mind, if any at all. Still, he walked on, asking himself for perhaps the millionth time 'what will come of this', of the future, of his world. Everything had gotten so much out of hand, more than he had feared; he knew this now, after his conversation with Draco the other night¹. What had that boy gotten them all into? What had he gotten himself into? Certainly more than he had gambled for.

But there was no answer in the quiet castle, no sound, until Severus' gasp broke the silence. He stopped, frozen despite the burning pain in his arm. Slowly, he moved his right arm to roll up the sleeve of the left. Why was he being summoned?, he wondered, looking at his arm, where he could barely distinguish the mark in the dim light, but he knew it was there, he could feel it.

Something has happened, he thought. There wasn't supposed to be another meeting until the end of the month, until the last night of the year; it had become a custom for them to gather on nights when the spirits were restless or the magic stronger, and lately that meant at the end of the month: October 31st, November 29th and now December 31st.

Severus dreaded to think what the cause for the dark lord's unexpected summon was. He had to inform Dumbledore about it though, before he left. But he took no more than three steps when the searing pain in his arm intensified. Whatever the reason for this call, it was urgent. He turned on his heels, heading for the way out instead of the Headmaster's office. He didn't even stop as he conjured his patronus and sent a message to Dumbledore; Severus hurried outside, to the castle grounds.

The Headmaster's night had been equally restless, but he did not have the habit of walking through the corridors to set his thoughts in order. He sat in his office, staring at nothing in particular. But while his body was as still as a statue, there was a storm in his mind. All his thoughts vanished, though, as a bright light invaded the room. Severus' patronus…, the headmaster thought, just as it began to talk in Severus' voice: "I have been summoned and must leave immediately." With that, it vanished, exposing Dumbledore to an even stronger interior storm. He did not remain still now, though; he took a few slow steps which lead him to the windows. It had stopped snowing outside, everything was still covered in snow and the small flakes were shimmering softly in the moon light. But the headmaster did not notice the beauty of the fairy-tale-like landscape; his eyes were searching for something else entirely. And it was not hard to find him in the mass of white: a black figure walking towards the gates, towards the border between safety and danger.

As the gate shut behind him with a soft clang, Severus closed his eyes. He took a few deep breaths and focused on clearing all compromising thoughts from his mind, summoning adequate memories to its forefront instead. A moment later, he disappeared, disturbing the perfect silence with the sound of apparition and reappearing in an almost identical setting: trees heavy with their burden of snow, an equally white gate and a barely distinguishable pathway leading towards an impressive building. Severus couldn't help but notice the snow on the lane: it was undisturbed; there were no footprints other than his own. So he was either the first to arrive, or the only one to be called… But he did not ponder the meaning of this any longer; he hurried forward, through the gate and the manor's grounds.

The only sound he could hear on his way was the soft squish of snow beneath his boots. Everything else was quiet and dark, no light shone from the windows. Severus remained calm though, until he reached the massive front door which did not open before him. He hesitated a few seconds and then pushed it open himself. The manor was unlit inside, something Severus had never encountered before. It was quiet, dark and deserted, with no trace of a meeting. He was unsure what to do and slightly worried by the uncommon atmosphere, but Severus didn't stall long. He walked along the familiar hallway which led to the main dining room, where all their meetings were usually held.

The way was unlit but Severus still managed to distinguish the objects around and was surprised to see the empty paintings hanging on the walls, with no haughty figures following his every move. He looked at the heavy door for a moment, before reaching for the handle. It opened soundlessly as he pulled it. Severus blinked a few times to adjust his eyes to the light in the large room. It wasn't very bright, but there were several candles casting their warm, yellow light inside. His eyes immediately fell on the only other person in the room, the dark lord, sitting in his usual high chair. Voldemort was looking back at Severus, observing him as he quickly closed the door behind himself and took a few steps into the room, returning his attention towards his master. Neither of them spoke or moved and Severus was not asked to sit.

"I thought perhaps you would not come, Severus" the dark lord finally said, his expression blank.

"Forgive me, my lord, but I was…unprepared for a meeting" he answered, looking straight at his master, willing him to see the truth of his word. "That is why it took longer for me to arrive."

Voldemort did not say anything to his excuse and apology. Instead, he purposefully glanced around the room and then back at Severus.

"You are wondering, I am sure, why we are alone tonight. Why I have summoned you" he said and it was clear to Severus that he would soon learn the reason behind it all. He watched the dark lord, as he sighed theatrically and glanced down at the wand he was slowly turning in his pale, thin fingers. And then, the first words Voldemort spoke raised Severus' alarm.

"I'm afraid, Severus" he said, "that I have discovered something that is not to my liking. Not to my liking at all."

The blank mask had now vanished from the dark lord's face; he was angry and Severus could think of nothing he had said or done to raise suspicions.

"I do not like it when my servants disobey me, Severus" Voldemort continued. "Nor when they interfere with my plans, when they take measures I did not allow and then hide them from me." His voice had taken a sharp edge, tinted with fury.

"You do not know what I mean, Severus?" he asked. "Oh, but surely you must. Can you think of nothing you have done without my knowledge or consent?" and Severus finally understood what the dark lord knew, but not how he had found out. Surely Narcissa would struggle to keep the secret, and Belatrix…well, Belatrix might betray him, but her own sister too?

"What made you think you could interfere with my orders, Severus?" Voldemort spat. "It was not their place to tell you about the boy's task, but you, you agreed to meddle. Did you not realise that you were not meant to know? That I was testing that weakling? But of course you knew all that, Severus, you are quite intelligent." He moved his hands over the armrests, gripping them tightly. His red eyes seemed to be blazing with rage and Severus couldn't help but lower his glance, his mind working fervently to formulate an acceptable excuse while he silently listened to the dark lord's tirade.

"You knew and yet you deliberately chose to disregard everything. Why was that, Severus? And why did you hide it from me?" he asked rhetorically. "Because you also knew it would anger me. Do not think I will condone this, Severus. I have granted you my trust and you have thrown it into my face. I do not take such an offence lightly." Voldemort paused there, letting his words sink it and Severus took the opportunity to attempt to salvage whatever appearance he could.

"My lord, it was never my intention to disobey you" he said, lowering himself on one knee, his voice repentant and remorseful. "I…I simply couldn't help but see an opportunity to help a friend; I saw an opportunity to serve you, I saw –" but his next words were left unspoken, as the dark lord silenced him with an angry raise of a skeletal hand. Severus bowed his head.

"You see too much, Severus" the dark lord hissed. "You see Dumbledore and Potter, but you see me as well, my Death Eaters, our plans." Severus wanted to protest, to say that he was one of them too, but Voldemort did not let him.

"And how observant you are, Severus" he drawled. "Yet, lately, you have not used this sense; not to my benefit, Severus." He stood from his chair and a feeling of foreboding settled upon Severus' mind. He could see the dark lord from beneath his lashes.

"Yes, you see too much, Severus. Far too much."

The menace in the high pitched voice sent a chill through Severus' body. He lifted his head as he caught a slight movement before him and his eyes widened in shock. Voldemort was staring straight at him, his wand pointing towards his face. But there was no flash of light, no curse, until the dark lord's mouth moved soundlessly. Despite his dread, Severus felt a strange fascination towards this unknown spell: a thick, dark mist was emanating from the tip of Voldemort's wand, contrasting with the caster's ghostly white hand. But Severus was unmoving in his shock, even as he saw the black smoke drift towards him, he could only blink and stare. He finally drew back slightly, but how was he to stop the dark lord? It was too late. A sharp gasp escaped his lips as the mist reached him, drawing into his eyes, but he couldn't blink against it, against the searing pain that burned his eyes.

And then everything was as black as the mist. Severus couldn't tell how long it had all lasted, mere seconds or perhaps hours. He did know that he had fallen to his side at some point; he could feel the cold floor beneath the palms of his hands. He tried to blink, generating a new wave of pain as his lids glided over his eyes. He blinked again, and again, tightening his jaw against the pain, but the darkness was not dispelled. The room was so quiet that he could hear the quickening of his heartbeats. Was he alone? He focused his attention on hearing, trying to distinguish a sound, anything at all.

"It's difficult, isn't it, Severus?" the dark lord's voice sounded, breaking the silence and startling him. "But I'm sure you will manage, you will…adjust." Severus did not need to see the sneer that spread across the dark lord's mouth in a sinister expression; it was there, in the mocking tone of his voice too. He did not know what to do or say, feeling completely uncertain and weak.

"You may leave now, Severus. This will be all for this meeting" Voldemort spoke. "But it will only be the beginning, shall you continue to be so useless and interfering. You will not return here, you will not answer my summons to the Death Eaters and you will most certainly not regain your sight until you will have something to offer me in stead." He stopped his speech shortly, observing the man before him.

"And make no mistake, Severus. If I shall not be satisfied with the information you will bring me, I will take away another one of your senses" he added. "So choose the time of your return carefully."

Voldemort left then, accompanied by the sound of rustling fabric, as his long cloak swept the floor behind him. It took Severus a few moments to allow a certain thought to rise from the subconscious. Blind. He was blind. Somehow, he still could not believe it, even as he moved his hands before his face and saw nothing. The dark lord had told him to leave; to leave and not come back. But would he be able to stand and walk and find his way back to Hogwarts like this? He wished he could convince himself that it was all a dream, a nightmare…but he knew better than to allow such delusions. He needed to think clearly now, to raise his mind from its state of shock and disbelief, to find a solution.

Severus breathed in deeply and focused, remembering where exactly he stood in the large room. He had only taken a few steps inside so the door had to be mere meters behind, to his right. He lifted himself from the floor, despite his protesting muscles and the feeling of vertigo, still too proud to crawl on his hands and knees. A couple of shaky steps later he raised his hands, only to hit them against the wall. So he was closer than he had thought initially. Severus moved along the wall until he felt the carved wooden door beneath his fingers. As he pushed it open, he tried to envision the hallway that lead to the manor's entrance. It was quite long and he knew it would be difficult to reach the other set of doors without incident. He moved slowly, arms outstretched and waving before him, trying to walk straight.

He wasn't sure what distance he had walked, feeling completely disoriented, when he finally decided to stop. The door had to be somewhere to his right yet again and if he could reach a wall, it would be easier to find the door as well. He turned, ever so slowly, but his next step was followed by a thud as his leg hit against something. Severus held back a curse, lowering his arms instead and reaching for the obstacle. It was quite small, possibly a chair, Severus thought, but he couldn't remember it or place it in his mental image of the hallway. He sighed and tried to walk around the unknown object, arms still outstretched in front of him, one lower than the other now. A small amount of relief washed over him, as he reached the wall and leaned against it for support and direction.

Severus had to avoid another piece of furniture before he finally reached the door. He could feel the cold from outside as he pulled the door open and walked out, breathing in deeply, letting the winter air cool him. How would he find the gates now? Severus asked himself. He ran a hand through his hair and felt the familiar tug of his sleeve as it moved over his wand. He almost snorted then. Was he not a wizard?

Severus sighed and pulled the wand from his sleeve, holding it tightly for a moment before he let it lay on his palm and performed a more complicated point me charm. The wand moved, pointing towards the gates, Severus hoped, as he followed its direction, walking slowly through the snow. He was indeed relieved to feel the cold metal bars a while later. Grasping his wand and lifting the other arm, Severus passed through the gates, just as he always had.

It seemed, though, that this trial would never end for him. Would it be possible to apparate? Surely blindness could not affect that; he could still see the castle in his mind, with its large gates and the forest. No, it had to work, he would not get splinched, and besides, there was no other way he could think of to travel to Hogwarts. But once there… Severus pictured the uneven grounds of the castle, the rocks and trees, all the stairs and statues inside the building…and worst of all, the people. He sighed again, crouching slowly.

He had no idea how long it had been since he had left Hogwarts, and he wasn't exactly sure what time it had been then either. Perhaps it was already morning, and most of the students would be leaving, making their way to the train station. Oh, and what a parting show he would offer them all, stumbling and faltering with every step. He would not make a fool of himself if he could help it. But a disillusionment charm would not hold through the apparition and he could not be certain it would effectively hide him either way. Severus straightened himself, mind made up. He was going to risk apparating before the school's gates and if he would hear anyone around he would disappear again.

He focused on his destination, hesitating for only a moment before he turned and vanished. He nearly lost his balance when he apparated, confused by both darkness and silence. But the silence was a good sign and he had made it unscathed, Severus thought, as he strained to listen for any sound at all. Nothing but the soft rustling of wind and the occasional creak of wood reached his ears though and he finally exhaled. Of course, this could also mean that he had apparated to the wrong place…

Directing himself with another pointing spell, Severus stepped forward, trying to concentrate on both walking and listening. He drew his hand back at first, as his fingers touched cold iron, only to take hold of the metal bars a moment later. Severus leaned his head against the gates and closed his eyes, but there was no change, still the same darkness. Almost there, he thought, tired and defeated, as he let his body slide down the bars and into the soft, cold snow.

He conjured his patronus and knew the spell had worked, he could feel its presence before him. "I require your immediate assistance at the entrance gates" he whispered, sending the spectre to the headmaster. And then he waited, holding his head between his hands. He wished he could stop thinking, stop the turmoil in his mind. So many questions drifted through it, replaced by others in an instant, but all tinted with the same sense of desperation. It was, of course, no wonder that he did not hear the slow steps through the snow, nearing him.

"Severus?" the headmaster's voice sounded, surprised and concerned.

And Severus looked up towards him. He wondered, then, how long this darkness would envelop him and how much exercise would be required to stop himself from turning towards a person he could not see.

Author's Note:

¹ The conversation on the night of Slughorn's Christmas Party, in which Severus tries to find out what Draco will do to accomplish his task.

- November 29th, or the night before St. Andrew's Day, is linked to old superstitions in some European countries (mine included). The spirits of the dead are believed to rise on that night, searching for their relatives, and it is also a night appropriate for magic rituals. I suppose it's a sort of equivalent of Halloween.

- A point me charm/spell usually points north, but I'm sure it could also show the direction to a specified place/object.

I hope it wasn't a boring chapter…despite of all the descriptions and the introspection. Opinions, suggestions and criticism are always welcomed!

By the way, I must share a sort of joke with you. I read this "definition" on a quotations page and thought it was quite amusing:
"Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark."