Flooding Memories
"We're fickle, stupid beings with poor memories and a great gift for self-destruction."
I walk to the study room, trying to find my bow; Greasy Sae suggested to go hunting today and I said I would try. As I walk, I think of what Plutarch said to me before he left for District 3, with Beetee. Plutarch won't ever get it, will he? He won't ever know how a tribute feels in the arena. He won't ever know how it feels to handle gruesome nightmares every day, and the lives of your family and friends on your hands. Even now, he still treats me like some puppet, asking me to join him on his singing program.
I freeze at the doorway of the study room. I step in, with as little noise as possible, as if to tell the ghosts of my haunted past I am merely visiting. Everything that terrifies me, everything that haunts me, lives in this room. President Snow and his words of threat lay here. My father's hunting jacket and my parent's wedding photo sit on the table along with the bows and a sheath of arrows that Gale had saved on the night I blew up the force field. The spile in the clock-arena that saved my life, Finnick's life, Mags' life, Johanna's life, Peeta's life, Wiress' life, and Beetee's life. But only for a while, now Finnick is gone, Mags is gone, Wiress is gone, and I am pretty much gone. My eyes spot the two items I fear the most, the locket and the pearl. I close my eyes, trying to block the memories that want to flood through my mind.
I snatch my father's hunting jacket and I run out of the room. I flee to the sofa, only to remind myself of the horrors that stalk me every night.
I wake up, still delusional from my nightmare, and decide to face another one of my fears, reading a letter from Peeta. I open the envelope, trying not to destroy another one of Peeta's gifts. I begin to read the words of the boy with a golden tongue.
Dear Katniss,
Dr. Aurelius explained why I am so confused. He said the Capitol took clips of the Games and changed them so I would hate you. Why would they want me to hate you? Is it because they want me to kill you? Katniss, I still can't believe what I am seeing on the screen. You seem so different from the Katniss the Capitol showed me. But, I still don't know if you are a mutt or not. Are you? I still feel hatred towards you. Dr. Aurelius says I am showing improvement. I don't know the difference between right or wrong now. What's wrong with me?
Sincerely, Peeta
There's a second letter in the envelope, also from Peeta. I open it, only expecting his thoughts of confusion and hatred towards me.
Dear Katniss,
Delly came today. She tried to explain to me you aren't a mutt. But, you are. You tried to kill me in the arena. She tried to steer clear of the topic of you destroying District 12. But, I know what happened. You killed my family. Dr. Aurelius keeps trying to tell me it's not true, but I know it is. Dr. Aurelius showed me a clip of the "real" 74th Hunger Games, our first one. It was the one where you dropped the tracker jackers on me. Why would you do that? I was trying to save you, according to Dr. Aurelius. But, Dr. Aurelius says you didn't know I was trying to help you. He says you thought I was trying to kill you. I still don't believe him. Maybe Dr. Aurelius is right; it will feel better coming from you. I hope I can talk to you later.
Sincerely, Peeta
I don't know what to think. I flee the house and just when I feel slightly better, I see the boy who I never thought I would see again.
A/N: I want to say three things today. I want to thank all the people who reviewed, followed, read this story, and put this on their favorites. I think it's a bit absurd – since there was only one chapter and it was really short. Anyways, thank you so much! The second thing I want to say is that I have realized that Peeta is a bit OOC in his letter, as Peeta spends most of his time in Mockingjay being homicidal/suicidal. In his letters, he doesn't appear (too) homicidal/suicidal. I am supposing Peeta is writing the letters while being monitored by doctors, so he won't write anything too outrageous. My last thing to say is that for the first few chapters, I will be following Mockingjay a little. When the story gets a little vague, I will be truly filling in the spots Collins' didn't mention (not bad-mouthing her, just telling you what I am planning). And thank you all again :)