CHAPTER 2
"Are the preparations complete?"
"Almost, sir. The explosive charges have been set; we are currently evacuating the planet. We can trigger the flare at any moment."
"Good. See that the collection process continues as planned."
"Yes, sir. One other thing, sir."
"Yes, what is it?"
"I still don't fully understand why it is we are doing this."
"Nor do I. It is a most unusual contract, you see. Most unusual."
*****
Ford Prefect and Zaphod Beeblebrox stood on the deck of a gray Arcturan mega-freighter that was parked just outside of Milliway's. Having successfully evaded an unfathomably long dinner bill, they had spent the last half hour trying to break into the mega-freighter and fly off with a 42 megaton cargo of olives.
"Well," said Ford, listlessly tugging on a hatch, "I don't think we're getting anywhere."
They had searched the entire deck looking for any opening that they could possibly sneak into, and had found none. Pulling on every door in hopes that one might be unlocked proved to be just as useless, but their search had convinced them that the ship was, for now at least, entirely deserted.
The door Ford was pulling on was one of the many small maintenance hatchways that dotted the sides of the ship. After a failed and rather pointless attempt to pry it open with a dinner knife stolen from the restaurant, Zaphod had resorted to punching random numbers into a keypad next to the door in hopes of somehow stumbling across the right combination.
"Zarquon," he said as Ford pulled on the door again, for lack of anything better to do. "We can't give up now; everything's gone perfectly so far."
"True, but that's only because we haven't actually done anything yet."
Zaphod grunted and pushed some more buttons, frustrated.
"Did you actually have a plan for getting inside?"
Zaphod pushed the buttons harder.
Ford sighed. He was getting anxious. He thought he could hear a distant mechanical scraping kind of sound every now and again, but every time he paused to listen it stopped. In the meantime, Zaphod decided to busy himself by removing the front of the electric keypad to have a look at the electronics inside.
"Look," Ford said, "this is pointless. Let's just go back inside before someone sees us."
"What are you afraid of? Everyone is inside watching the universe end; we're perfectly safe."
"Not everyone. There's got to be some kind of security around."
"Who cares?" Zaphod said, examining the wiring. There were of six differently colored wires that looped around the back of the device. He pulled at the red one.
"And I wouldn't be surprised if there were any service robots around either."
"Uh-huh," said Zaphod, dismissively. Taking the bent dinner knife out of his pocket with a flourish, he stripped the end of the wire. Then he pulled a black wire out of the back keypad and stripped the end of it as well. He twisted the two ends of the wires together.
"Come to think of it," Ford continued, "wasn't Marvin parking cars here earlier?"
"Yeah, so what?" Zaphod said as he pulled out two other wires, one green and one orange. He stripped them like the first two.
"Couldn't we just get him to open the door for us, like last time? And what are you doing anyway?"
Zaphod held the green wire in one hand and the orange in his other. He held up his third arm to silence Ford. With a grin, he touched the two wires together. There was a loud sound; a heavy bolt slid within the door. Zaphod's left head gave a whistle of amazement.
"After you, dear semi-cousin," his other head said to Ford, nodding towards the door.
Ford, awestruck, pulled the handle. It still wouldn't move. "Zaphod," he said, "I think we still have a problem."
"What? Impossible!" Zaphod exclaimed. He pulled at the door himself, but it held fast. "How? You heard the bolt move! What kind of door is this?"
"I don't know," Ford said, shaking his head.
Zaphod pulled at the door again, to no avail. He moved back to the keypad and tried touching the wires together once more. The keypad started to smoke.
"Ugh," he said, disgusted. "Let's just find that zarkin' Marvin."