Disclaimer:. This is not a tribute to a certain author. Living, active writers don't need 'em. I wrote this for myself, anyone who thinks otherwise is challenged to come up with a better ending.

As well, I do not hate the fifth season, but as a Bard I have this magical keyboard that allows me to play whatever tunes I prefer.

Sex: PG13, Consenting adults who love each other and happen to be of the same sex. If this is a problem due to age or local law, please move, or move on. Though I still personally think you need to get out more.

Spoilers Alert: Quite a few. There are references to Been There, Done That, and from Family Affair right up to Chakrum

Multiple thanks to each of the Exchange Bards who made this story more than it would have been. From suggestions, to line by line corrections, (many of which I ignored claiming 'technique'), thank you, guys. Your support is what makes the Xenaverse special. This includes in no particular order Kelly Noble, Mary Morgan, Cath, Ruth, Georgia, thenorm, extra, (geez, who's left to read this?) and another fanfic author who will not remain anonymous, Archaeobard.

Threads by Kamouraskan

Part II Clotho

The Spinner,

Who presides at birth and spins out the new thread of life

From Gabrielle's Journal:

This is the first entry I have made in my journal for several moons. For once, it's my Warrior who's in bed, and me who can't sleep. It'll take all of my skill to capture this day—the horror and wonder of this day. But I know that I WILL write it, and soon; and that thought brings me a joy I'd thought I might never find again.

How will I describe each chasm, each twist? Only this morning I was lost, dazedly wandering towards Potadeia, hoping that my messages had reached her. Then she was there, her eyes filled with such hatred for me. And I waited, with my heart breaking, not even questioning. Waiting for whatever she was prepared to do to me. And then, oh Gods! Such blessed relief, when she suddenly seemed to see...me. Being held by her, her tears and mine. Then the moment ending so quickly when I realized what her greeting had meant. That Hope was alive. The nightmare was beginning again.

Tired, aching in every quarter, I had to hide from my own family.

Then my little mother/daughter chat. How appropriate that I first thought she was only my reflection in the glass; it was like speaking to some part of me from another dimension. I looked in her for the infant, the child I'd wanted to cherish forever. But when I looked, and I saw a need for love, my love, it meant nothing. Because I knew that she would destroy all I valued and cared for, and spare me. Not ever realizing that was the last thing I would ask of her.

Much later. Seeing her die, again because of my actions, my trick. Gods, how many times must I kill my own child?

Then sitting, numb, when Xena returned, her nails coated with earth from her grave digging. The barn still holding the echoes of the nightmare. The old grindstone resting on its side. The wind swirling through and about the gaps in the boards. So apart from her. Wanting her to make it all better, feeling that I was asking for the one thing she could not give me. Wondering if this numbness could go on, so that I could never be hurt again.

And then the miracle.

She shook, as though waking from a dream, and I watched as her mask dropped, her pain and exhaustion showing plainly for the first time in all our seasons together. Her eyes filled and I knew, at that moment, she needed me. She needed ME!

It's a selfish thing, I know. When I was a child, and I would travel, I would often get homesick. But once Lila was born, and her needs became known, I found that comforting her was the cure for my own fears. It isn't the purest of emotions, but it's always seemed to be a better method of coping than most others.

So, when I saw that incredible weariness in her face, my own fatigue did not vanish, but it was replaced by my need to help. I had never seen Xena so helpless, and I held her tightly, marveling that she was allowing herself this. I heard her mumble, "How can you do this, after all you've through today? How can you give me your strength?"

I tilted my head and looked up at this strongest of warriors.

"You've given me so much of yours, I decided to hold some back for you when you needed it."

And she laughed, and though I knew that this was almost too close to the bone for her, I asked.

"What's going on?"

Taking a long breath, she told me about how she had one day, this day, to change our future. She told me of her promise to another Gabrielle; of Alti's vision, and her continued attempts to escape it; How Ephiny, Solari died. She told of our crucifixion. The promise made by the Fates. How when she returned to this moment the first time she forced me to promise not to return to the Amazons, and Pompey and Caesar's forces killed every Amazon because we weren't there to manipulate their forces. Still, we had died on crosses side by side.
How she had tried again and she arranged to have me hidden, and I was found by Callisto. How she tried again and again, abandoned me in Potadeia to kill Caesar, or bargained with the gods to destroy Callisto, and still wound up, with the snow falling, watching me die or worse. Each word was torn from her, each of my pain-filled gasps elicited another curse that she had made this promise, and finally when there was only the sound of my sobbing, she struck a beam above my head and swore. "Why'd she ask me to tell you this? How could I have thought she knew better? Why'd she want us both to feel this... this pain, this shame?"

So I stopped her. With the only thing I had. Words.

"You don't see, Xena? All you see is the horror, not the forest for the trees. I AM angry that you didn't tell me what you were doing, I am so mad at you for doing this again and again by yourself... But I have never heard of a story that expressed more love, more passionate commitment... and because I would have done the same for you."

Suddenly I was laughing and crying at the same time. "I was thinking, 'I sacrificed my life for hers,' and feeling so righteous, you know? But you, you've done it time after time, how can either of us ever again doubt one another?"

I sat down in front of her and took both of her hands in mine.

"Sometimes, when my insecurities are at their worst, when you shut me out, I wonder, if some day, we... that you'll be gone." I held up a hand to quiet her, "I know, after all this time I should have understood. But now I really, truly know. She was right, Xena, you had to tell me. I… we… needed this, and this trip, together we're going to be all right, I can feel it. I was an oracle, remember?"

And she smiled at that.

"But I guess this time you have the power. So what usually happens next?" She sat down and examined her hand.

"You insist on telling your parents—about Hope, about everything. Sometimes I drag you away, sometimes I listen for as long as I can..." I knew that there was something that she was not telling me. But I could let it go for a moment. There is only so much openness that this warrior can handle at once. So I grinned and took back her hand.

"Well, this time you're staying with me, right?"

She gripped my hand tighter. "Right."

So together we went into my childhood home. And she stood in a dark corner and heard the recitation of our past to this moment. Of Chin, and Britannia, my, I can hardly even think the word, but my rape, the birth of Hope, and the death of Solon. But it was different. And I think she began to realize for the first time, that I wasn't telling my parents, I was telling HER this story. So she came forward, out of the darkness and sat beside me. But my father didn't listen, his eyes became gradually more cold, his anger and hatred more obvious. Our touching and tears only added to his growing fury. When I finally finished, both of my parents excused themselves and left silently.

I looked to Xena. "What is that about?"

"I forgot to mention I guess..."

She sighed and avoided my eyes, only to have my firm hand turn her head to face me.

"Partners, you said. What's going on?"

"The lamb stew? Your father has decided to go add some special seasonings..."

I didn't get her meaning at first. But it got through. I was shocked. "You mean... poison? No! My parents are going to poison you?"

She gave me that broken smile and sighed. "I figured I deserved it the first time. But it's OK. I almost don't mind. Anyways, everybody always uses the same stuff, grows wild around here. When I was in command of my army I almost got to like the taste after a while...and I sort of built up a tolerance. And if I go out to check Argo, your father tries to kill me with an ax. So given a choice..."

"But that's..."

"They're only doing it because they love you," she said practically.

"How dare they! That isn't love, Xena." I felt my own anger rise, and I realized finally that my home had not been this town for a long time. All of it was embodied in the six feet of shy, exhausted warrior sitting with me. Misunderstanding my silence, she tried to humour me.

"Gabrielle, it's a free meal, can we just try to relax for a moment and enjoy my poisoning?"

I had to smile at that. And kiss her. But I was still worried and asked "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"You're in more danger than I am. The stuff really makes me fart afterwards."

I just shook my head, and with both of us laughing, we went in for one last meal.

Dinner with the Folks...

It was a quiet meal. What little conversation there was, seemed designed to ignore who I had become. Or was it that they couldn't deal with me in any other way? Alone, in the state of exhaustion I was in, it might have ground me down. But I had my own personal warlord beside me to remind me who I was now. My mother's eyes kept shifting between Xena and I, but she kept silent. I knew that she had to be unaware of Dad's plans, but I wondered had she known, whether she still might have just supported him in this, as she had in so many other things. What could I say to this woman? 'I love you, but I hate this place and I don't want to be you?'

I don't think that Dad's eyes ever left Xena's bowl, and I think he watched in a sort of guilty fascination as she ate her meal. It took my warrior a while before she realized how much I was hating this. She was still stubbornly trying to observe the social amenities when, well, I think it was one of my smirks at some comment, that made her realize that for once she didn't need to worry or care what my parents thought anymore. Because I didn't. But when that wicked gleam came into her eyes, and she began to zing my Dad with information about the crops and the village that she must have gained during one of her previous poisonings, I began to get worried. I knew she figured that we were on the right path, but with her natural pessimism, she probably didn't think we would get it right the first time. So she might have been thinking she had a certain...freedom of action. The same freedom of action that had inspired her to throw a chakrum into Joxer's chest. That with all she had been through, for once she might... indulge herself, if given the opportunity. And it came. My father was clearly of the opinion that she was a dead woman from the sight of her nearly empty bowl, and that gave him the false courage make his opinions clear.

"Do you have any idea how much pain you've put my little girl through?" he blustered once she had nearly finished her portion. Even though part of me was hoping Xena was ready to blow, I gave her a look which was returned by a reassuring smile. But that glint was still there.

Recognizing the signs, I made a half hearted attempt to break in, but she smiled wickedly, and I raised my hands and backed off to watch.

'Well, it has been a two way street, ya know."

From her reaction, I must have blanched, but she gave me a shake of her head and continued. "Once she traded my favorite whip—for a frying pan!" She feigned outrage while staring blandly into their shocked faces.

"You can compare that to..." Mom was speechless.

"Well, I was very fond of it." She winked knowingly. "But I think she really got rid of it because she was tired of me using it to play connect the dots with the freckles on her ass."

The explosion of ale from my nose at that moment clearly delighted her. I began coughing, and she reached over to pound my back.

Herodotus stood to stop her, but found that the hand arresting his wrist was strangely unaffected by the tainted meal. She snarled at him "You better get used to it, old man, because next week, we're going to be Joined by the Amazons, and I'll be calling you Pop!"

I think both my face and my father's turned blue at this point, I'd like to think for different reasons. She was beginning to worry about the bard, so she whispered in my ear "Breathe Gabrielle' and I gave her a look of such bemused wonderment that she knew she was still not alone.

Herodotus sputtered "You and my Daughter, Never! I'd..."

"You'd what, DAD?"

His grin became quite evil and he said clearly "If you were my daughter, I'd put poison in your food."

Mom gasped. Xena took a large piece of bread and scooping up the remainder of her bowl, stared him down and said, "If you were my father I'd eat it" and grinned as she swallowed it down.

Well. Things went downhill from there, I guess. Mother left for their room. Xena made a point of inviting them both to our Joining, advising Dad on Amazon dress codes and as I pushed her out the door she was asking him for his bra size in leather, when I guess she remembered that these were still my parents. I could see her preparing herself for a blast from an outraged bard, but once again she had underestimated me. Maybe I would want a reconciliation with my parents some day. But not now. After all I had been through, she was not looking at a girl who had just been cut off from her family, but rather a woman who had just had a weight removed from her shoulders. I started to laugh. She matched my grin, and said "Well. That was a nice change."

I held her tightly and spoke with wonder. "How many times have you just sat there and let him poison you?"

"Not counting the attempts with the ax, right? Ten, maybe twelve times. But Gabrielle, weren't you listening to your own story? What your life with me has been like? It had to be worse than any of their nightmares."

"Weren't you listening?" I gave her a poke "I told them about loyalty, great causes, and nobility, and how I was just as responsible, if not more, for every choice, every tragedy, and I'd like to think, of every triumph. You, here; you're my home, and if you can't see it any better than they could..."

"Whatcha gonna do?"

"Stay with you until you figure it out."

So we made for the local Tavern, and so that my home town would not gossip, she booked the room and smuggled me in.

When we were alone, I approached her, and seeing the weariness in her, pulled her to me.

"Xena..."

She gently shushed me. "For now, just this, I just want to hold you, nothing more. I want to tell you how I wish I had the chance to return to any other time in our lives so you didn't have to go through..." her breath shuddered, "alone."

"I wasn't alone," I whispered into her chest.

"Yes, you were; in a way you never deserved to be. And I promise, I swear I'll spend every day of the rest of my life making sure you are never alone like that again."

I look over to this incredible woman lying next to me, her exhaustion clear, even in sleep. Though neither of us knows what she will remember when she wakes up, I know that she will honour that promise. As I will. So that when the wanderer returns, I will be beside her—in bed, in battle, or on a cross.

To Be Concluded in Part 3