A/n: Thanks so much to everyone who has supported this story so far, I really appreciate it. This chapter introduces American Sign Language into the story, written as ITALIC CAPITALS. I chose to use ASL because the show is American and according to canon Janeway had learned it. I apologise in advance for any inaccuracies in my description of the signs.
Seven's chest tightened in that now ever present feeling of anxiety as she saw how crowded the Mess Hall was; she'd had a dislike of crowds ever since she'd been freed from Collective, but now that she had only her eyes to rely on to detect dangers and encroachment into her personal space that dislike had become a near paralysing fear. She seriously considered just turning around and returning to her Cargo Bay, but the hungry growl of her stomach and the fact that she knew she couldn't feasibly hide in there forever, as she had the last ten days, pushed her cautiously forwards into the melee.
She couldn't hold back a sigh of relief as she reached a replicator. "Nutritional supplement Seven of Nine 11 beta." She ordered quickly, snatching it up as soon as it had materialised and making a beeline for one of the remaining empty tables, rubbing at her temples as she did so in attempt to ease her near constant tension headache. I will adapt, I have to… She mentally lectured herself in order to keep calm as people moved around her with no warning, intensifying her feelings of claustrophobia and entrapment. A sudden jab in the back from someone's elbow jolted her violently from her thoughts, her heart racing in fright as she wheeled around, almost spilling her supplement as she did so. The culprit, Crewman Young, gave her an apologetic, if distracted, smile as the word "Sorry" passed rapidly over his lips. Seven forced herself to nod in acknowledgement of the apology and sank into a chair with shaking legs. She breathed a frustrated sigh; I should not fall apart like this every time someone approaches me from behind! She berated herself, a lump of shame rising in her throat as she gulped down her supplement. She'd always thought being wrenched from the Collective would be the worst shock and trauma she'd have to experience, but this loss was on a par with that, in fact this was even more isolating. She'd gone from someone fully integrated into the thoughts and senses of billions of drones to someone not even able to completely absorb her own individual environment in the space of four short years. "Behind" was a non-existent concept for her now, as was anything outside her narrow line of vision...
She bit her lip as the agonising feelings of inadequacy and imperfection overwhelmed her again and had to swallow hard to restraint the tears that, for the moment, always threatened. Deciding, with characteristic determination, to focus on something useful, she scanned the silent movements and features of those around her. She'd always rather enjoyed what the Captain termed "people watching" before; it was now a significantly more stressful activity as she tried to glean information with her frustratingly limited lip-reading ability. In trying to learn this, she'd finally realised what the Borg had stolen from her in terms of socialisation, there were some facial expressions she just couldn't seem to interpret.
One face she whose emotions she could see with transparent ease approached her eagerly, his beaming smile moving in an uninterrupted stream of speech. "I do not want anything else to eat Mr Neelix." She told him softly but firmly, holding up her mug as evidence. His brows moved upwards in surprise, obviously knowing she couldn't possibly understand him. This was true, unlike the fragments she could get from others; Neelix's words were entirely inaccessible, unless she learned to lip-read Talaxian as well as English. Her universal translator had been another casualty of the accident; her brain damage had rendered it useless. "90% of our past conversations within the Mess Hall have began with something similar to "Do you want something else to eat Seven?"" She explained to the bemused Talaxian as matter-of-factly as she could. He laughed at that, though Seven could tell it was weak and strained. He gave her an encouraging pat on the arm before she saw him look away and begin to address someone else. She followed his gaze, stiffening when she realised it was the Doctor.
The hologram looked positively relieved to see her as he sat down across from her, PADD in hand. "How are you?" he said. Seven knew those words by lip-reading perfectly; it was generally the first thing most people who bothered to speak to her said.
"I'm fine." She responded tightly.
He sighed now, and asked something about her lip-reading, but she wasn't confident enough, or inclined for that matter, to answer him. Irritation now made his mouth open wider as he spoke. "Speak to me Seven!"
Seven flinched. "I am not certain of what you said." She replied sharply.
Understanding and unease flickered across his face as he began to write on the PADD. Seven's eyes focused on the PADD, but he tapped her insistently on the hand and then pointed to his lips, obviously wanting her to watch him speak the words as he wrote them. In the back of her mind, Seven knew he was trying to help her, but feeling patronised, her hackles still rose. As if I don't already know the basic premise! She fumed internally. He finished and pushed the PADD towards her which she read, "Lip-reading is always going to have an element of trial and error, but you need to remember that you have your memories of what its like to hear, you could be a very accomplished lip-reader, if you keep trying."
Seven frowned, her anger deepening as she recalled doing nothing throughout these last few days but watching holodeck programmes and her own lips in a mirror in attempts to improve. What else did he think she'd been doing? "I am still adapting to this situation Doctor."
"Of course you are." He said quickly, though emphatically enough that Seven could see it. His following sentences may as well have been gibberish for all she got from them. Again he wrote on the PADD and she read, "The confidence will come. It's okay to make mistakes sometimes, the crew won't mind."
"But I will mind!" Seven snapped in retort, past her limit of endurance for this conversation. She cringed as she saw several people turning to look at her curiously, pity evident in their features. Her voice must've become louder than she'd intended. Standing up abruptly, she began to leave; wincing as the Doctor hastily grabbed her arm and gently pulled her back around to face him.
"I'm sorry Seven. It's okay to…" He began.
"Excuse me Doctor, I have work to complete." She cut him off icily before again turning on her heel and rushing out of the room.
"I'm very worried about her Captain." The Doctor anxiously told Janeway an hour later as he stood in her Ready Room, briefing her on Seven's condition.
"We all are Doctor." The Captain agreed with a glance at a strained looking Chakotay, who was also in the room with them. "Can you be more precise? She seemed quite stoic about it all when I visited her."
The Doctor sighed in frustration. "It's more than that. She's becoming withdrawn…"
"Can you blame her Doctor?" Chakotay interjected sharply, "It's like losing the Collective all over again for her, now her world is even more silent and lonely. Could you accept losing one of your senses in ten days?"
"No, of course not!" The Doctor repudiated hotly. "I'm only pointing out that in my medical opinion she's losing the will to try to speak. She practically said she wasn't willing to allow herself an error. If she takes that attitude to lip-reading she'll never actually engage in conversation out of fear!"
The Captain sighed, "Doctor, you know how she feels about perfection! Of course her self-esteem is low. We'll just need to gently encourage her more."
"I was trying to earlier and she took it the wrong way!" The Doctor exclaimed unhappily.
"You probably antagonised her…" Chakotay muttered under his breath, earning himself a warning glance from the Captain. "We should ask how we can make it easier for her, not the other way around." He said more clearly.
The Captain snapped her fingers. "Sign language! She could learn ASL or one of the other Earth sign languages!"
The Doctor's brow furrowed. "You want her to stop talking? Captain, she's still an excellent candidate for lip-reading, even if her Borg upbringing means that context may be sometimes difficult for her…"
"I'm not saying she give up lip-reading Doctor." The Captain interrupted sharply, "Sign languages are just as full and rich as spoken ones. They could offer her freedom and ease that lip-reading just can't, and if we speak as we sign to begin with, although the grammar can differ, she'll attach meaning to lip movements much easier."
The Doctor nodded, "I see your point completely Captain, I had actually thought of it already but thought that Seven wouldn't like to be singled out in such a manner. She's expressed a desire to be treated as she was before her deafness."
"But we're not treating her as before. If we were, she'd be included in this conversation." Chakotay pointed out, his voice thick with emotion.
The Captain sighed and rubbed at her forehead as she took a gulp of her now cold coffee. "I think that's enough for now. You're both dismissed." The Doctor nodded unhappily and left but Janeway noticed that Chakotay still hovered. "What is it Commander?"
"Kathryn, you know ASL don't you?" he asked quietly.
"I was quite fluent at one point yes, but I'm very rusty. I haven't actually used it since I left the Academy." The Captain replied. "Why?"
"Would you mind teaching me a few phrases?" he requested.
"Of course not. That's very thoughtful of you."
Chakotay walked into the Cargo Bay an hour or so later to find Seven hunched over something nearer the back of the room, standing directly under a light. Curious despite himself, he stepped closer and could now hear her speaking, "The plasma conduits are overheating. The bio-gel packs require rewiring. Activate Astrometrics sensors." He could now see what she was doing, watching her own lips in a hand mirror as she spoke. He couldn't help but smile a little, it was so like Seven to learn work related terms first, but his heart squeezed as he saw her haunted, strained expression and utterly exhausted posture. He rarely seen her look worse. In a moment of unthinking compassion, he reached out and squeezed her arm gently.
He knew his mistake immediately. Her whole body jumped violently in shock and fright, her voice changing to a choked and panicky shriek. When her huge blue eyes finally saw him she gasped, a tinge of embarrassment entering her chalk white cheeks as she gasped to try and slow her thudding heart. "Chakotay…you…you scared me." She mumbled brokenly, fighting back tears which suddenly sprang to her eyes.
"I know. I'm sorry." He replied. She could see the anguish and horrible guilt that filled his handsome face and intensely dark eyes as she read his lips. She found him easier to read than anyone else, perhaps because of the natural clarity of his speech patterns, or because she'd spent longer studying his face and its variances than anyone else's. The loose fist of his dominant hand now formed repetitive small circles on the centre of his chest, something she remembered as meaning "sorry".
Chakotay gulped nervously as he watched her stiffen in surprise. "American Sign Language?" she asked tersely.
"Yes." Chakotay replied, repeating it in sign, several small flicks of a closed fist, almost like knocking motions. "YES." Then he continued, signing in tandem with speech, "YOU KNOW ASL?" He added "already" onto his spoken sentence, he certainly didn't know how to sign that yet.
Her lips pursed uneasily. "Icheb has investigated it. He does not believe I will be able to learn to lip-read Brunali, it's a multi-tonal language. "
Chakotay smiled at that, he should have guessed Icheb would've been way ahead of him. "GOOD."
Seven shook her head. "Stop it! You're under no obligation to me! I will adapt, my lip-reading will become better. You need not adapt for my sake."
Chakotay felt his frustration bubble over and he spoke without thinking about whether she would understand. "You're being stubborn and making life more difficult for yourself for nothing!"
Seven didn't get all of the exact words, but "stubborn" and his exasperated expression gave her enough to retort. "You don't understand…" She began in angered tearfulness.
He seized her hands and pulled her close. "I'm trying to." He murmured, feeling guilty for shouting at her. Quickly he picked up a PADD and wrote down what he fully wanted to tell her. She took it wordlessly and read it slowly, "You've always adapted for us without fail, let me try to adapt to you for once."
Seven stared down at his words for a long time before lifting her head again, her face now stained with a single tear. Taking a deep breath, she slowly signed, "THANK YOU."
A/n: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! :D I hope you still like it!