To Serve Man
Chapter 2
Reservations
The carriage jostled back and forth on the long road back to Xu Chang. The iron bars over the windows alerted the peasants that the occupant was a prisoner and Gongsun Lian could see them whisper as it past. She rested her head on the back of the carriage and sighed. She spent the last ten miles searching the carriage for a weakness, but found none. She hoped that the nest rest stop would be more agreeable for her escape.
To say the least, this was no how things were supposed to go. After a year of hard work to rebuild her command, it was disheartening to leave BeiPing empty handed. She was free of any ties to Wei now; no obligations to a man she kept at a distance to honor a marriage vow or to her people who needed reconstruction of their homes. That left her a free officer, but hardly one of any value. What good would she be to her new lord now? No soldiers, no property, nothing but a name that conjured up an image of her once esteemed father.
Lian's thoughts were interrupted as she was thrown forward when the carriage came to a sudden halt. The escorting soldiers began to holler and she sat up to look out the window. Unable to see much through the dust and blurs of horses; she looked for anything available that she could defend herself with. With her current run of luck, the assailants were probably bandits. The skirmish lasted no more than a few minutes and she curiously waited for a view of the victors. Prepared for the worst, she turned as the door opened and the face of a man she thought she would never see again looked at her.
"Lian?"
"Zilong?"
Lian rubbed her eyes, assuming it was a figment of her imagination. She looked at his face again and heard a gruff voice behind him.
"Hey kid! Quit flirting!"
Zhao Yun frowned and looked over his shoulder at Zhang Fei. "I am not flirting!"
"Is it really you?" Lain stared at his boyishly handsome face and her heart fluttered. This was the man she had fallen in love with when he worked for her father! Had her luck really changed?
"What are you doing here?" Yun held out his hand and she took it, her hands shackled to the floor. "What did you do?"
"I succeeded." She smiled. Finally, she could join with Liu Bei like she had intended!
"I can't believe you're still alive." Zhao Yun admitted. "To defy Cao Cao like that…I knew you were bold but…wow."
"Bold?" She smiled. "I have to admit I think I learned that from watching you."
"I'm going to be sick." Zhang Fei grumbled and made a face. "Go make out in the barn if you're going to kiss each other's asses like that. Save you some time and hot air."
Yun sighed as Fei slid off his horse and belched. Instead of tending to the horse, he let the gelding graze on the farmer's lawn and went inside the house. "Excuse him; he gets bitchy when he's late for dinner."
"No need to apologize." She dismounted and stretched.
"Did you ever hear from your brother?"
"No. Last I saw of him was when he was riding off to get reinforcements from the Black Mountain Bandits."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault. My father pissed you off too; it just lost him an officer instead of his life."
Yun dismounted and pet his white mare. "What about Cao Ren?"
"Our marriage was annulled by the almighty Cao Cao himself. I thought I already told you that." She looked at him hiding behind his horse's head. "Or is that not what you're really asking?"
"Well…"
"Never consummated. Now voided."
"How is that possible? Did you castrate him?"
"I had a quest to fulfill." She shrugged. "I just wish I could have taken the cavalry with me as I had intended."
"I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit as an officer." Yun cleared his throat as she responded with a smile and began to walk into the barn. He was glad it was dark as he felt slightly embarrassed asking about her relations with her husband.
Lian walked her horse into the small stable and paused. "There's a dead woman here, without an arm."
"What?" Yun dropped the reins and rushed over. "Lord Liu Bei must be in danger!"
Lian ran after him as he raced towards the house. She followed a few steps behind him as he burst into the small structure and discovered that his Lord was just fine. In fact they all seemed to be quite happy, as they had just set down for a feast.
"My lord…."
"Zilong, don't be rude!" Liu Bei stood and smiled apologetically to his host.
"There was a dead woman in the barn; I thought you were in danger!" Yun tried to defend his entrance.
"That was my wife." The host said flatly and took another bite of his meal.
Lian stepped to the side and looked at the man. "You knew?"
"She's dinner." Zhang Fei smiled and raised a piece of meat with his chopsticks. "Tastes just like chicken."
"What?" the combined voices of Yun and Lian asked.
"Our host has made a great sacrifice for us. Don't insult him, sit down." Liu Bei ordered then smiled at Lian as he remembered her face. "So good to see you again Lady Gongsun. My condolences, your father was a good friend."
"Are you going to join us?" Guan Yu asked, taking another bite. "Yide, pass the salt."
"I'm not hungry." She stared at the plates and then looked at Yun, whose mouth was still open in shock.
"I meant join our army, but it's a shame that you're not going to have something to eat. The flavor is incredible."
"I was planning on it." Lian was beginning to wonder if everything she had done was for nothing. Did she really hurt poor Cao Ren so that she could join forces with a band of cannibals?
"Excellent!" Liu Bei smiled. "I recall you and Zilong used to fight so well together. It's truly an honor. We should dedicate this feast to your father's memory."
"I should tend to my horse." Lian faked a smile and bowed as she exited the house. She had to go to the barn and check her eyes, make sure that really was a dead body in the straw. This had to be a dream, there was no way they were in there eating someone.
Zhao Yun ran into the barn expecting Lian to be already gone. "I know this looks bad but…"
"Zilong, you left Yuan Shao because he was a narcissistic bastard. You left my father because he was an arrogant ass. Please tell me you're not serving a cannibal."
"Lian, he's a good man."
"He is currently eating a woman's arm." She said incredulously. "How long before you go from serving him to being served?"
"These are desperate times…" Zilong sat down on a straw bale. "Please, don't let this first impression be what makes your decision. Please stay with us. Stay with me. I know our relationship ended on bad terms, but…"
"But I ended up seeing what you did anyway. I ended up taking the cavalry from him, but it was too late. He was already undone." Lian shook her head as she looked at the woman in the straw again. This wasn't about them, or her father…it was about this peasant's wife and the men devouring her.
"Then trust me." He stood and pulled her out of the barn, then kissed her. "I'm sure there is justification for this."
Was there any good reason for eating someone?
"He made such a sacrifice for us. How could I refuse?" Liu Bei shook his head.
"Say no?" Lian was alone with Liu Bei in the barn as he paced back and forth trying to explain how they could accept a plate full of people meat. "Besides I think it only counts as a sacrifice if you offer yourself as dinner. Not someone else."
"Liu An couldn't find anything to feed us when he was out hunting. He was so honored to have us as guests that he sacrificed his wife, the woman he loved, to serve to us." Liu Bei began to cry. "Can you imagine that?"
Lian wanted to tell him that it was exactly what she did to come join him and discover him enjoying dinner. She didn't kill Cao Ren, but might as well have cut his heart out. Apparently that would have been more appreciated by Liu Bei than she could have imagined. Still she had to have faith in Zhao Yun. He wasn't the kind of man to just sweep something like this under the rug.
"Please Lady Gongsun, I only ask for a chance to prove myself to you. I'm the same man who you remember."
She looked at his tear stricken face and nodded. She stood up to excuse herself but he startled her by hugging her.
"I will never forget your father, his friendship or his kindness to me. I promise to live up to everyone's expectations and unite this country again. Restore the Han and bring peace and prosperity back."
Lian mumbled something and waited for Liu Bei to regain his composure. Once the awkward moment passed she cleared her throat. "I would like to catch up with Zilong, if you don't mind."
"Of course." Liu Bei wiped away tears.
Lian didn't give him time to rethink it and quickly darted out of the barn. She saw Yun waiting for her, unsure of whether he was going to be able to reminisce or have to convince her to stay. "The last time I saw you…"
"I know. The last words we spoke were about serving a selfish lord who was incapable of taking care of his people. Lord Liu Bei is different, I promise you. "
Lian remained quiet and looked up at the moon. On a night like this years earlier three young officers debated under the full moon about the leadership of Gongsun Zan and the future of the country. Her brother, Xu, had never been the same after their Uncle Yue had been killed on the battlefield facing Liu Biao. He had always been closer to their Uncle and it was a devastating blow, something he blamed their father for. She refused to linger on it and took command in order to avoid being routed. Xu became more critical and when Zilong began to speak his mind he joined in. The debate lasted until the moon began to fade into dawn and the warrior beside her was packing his things ready to resign. "I'm sure you felt that Yuan Shao and my father were different too, at some point."
"Lian, you know Liu Bei…perhaps even better than I do. You know that he's not a cannibal. You know he's an honest man or else you wouldn't have come here to fight with him."
"He fights despite having nothing….Cao Cao fights to gain everything and my father quit because he feared losing everything. I envied you; you were able to simply leave when you disagreed with your lord. You had no obligations to stay to protect your family. Now that I don't have a family to defend, I really don't know what I'm fighting. Is it to conquer the world, save the poor, restore the Han…what? Is it because I don't know what else to do?"
Zhao Yun wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck. "Give him a chance to prove to you that you've done the right thing."
Lian closed her eyes and remembered the last conversation with her father. I'm done fighting, Lian, I have jeopardized this family and I can not do that anymore. Take the cavalry; use it to save this country from the men who want to destroy it. By doing so you'll save us, we'll have no military force to attract attention and Liu Bei needs a real army to back him. I've been fighting for selfish reasons and I've lost. My own arrogance. The world is changing and my time has passed. Warlords are relics now, only usurpers and would-be Emperors are allowed on the battlefield. Choose your lord and serve him well, I'll remain here with the militia and protect what matters most to me.
However Cao Cao had the cavalry and she had assisted him in destroying his major rival. Now, with nothing, she joined Liu Bei and offered little to support him. Now she was a distraction, these men would be trying to prove that he was the man to rule. What bothered her the most was that he had yet to impress her. Cao Cao, despite being the man everyone loved to hate, awed her at every turn.
"Lian, what are you thinking?"
"I might just be as stubborn as my father, making a decision and ignoring any outside influences."
"You trust me don't you?"
"Yes."
"Then stay with us."
"So are you a fangirl or a girlfriend?" Yue Ying studied the other woman's reaction to the question to find out the answer on her own.
Lian frowned. So far her renewed relationship with Zilong was far from what she remembered. Back when he had worked for her father he was more independent; he was an upstanding warrior who would stand alone in the face of the enemy to do the right thing. Now every other word out of his mouth was about Liu Bei and she wondered if he was a follower or an officer. After the incident with the hunter and his unfortunately wife, Lian took the opportunity to remain distant and observe. That apparently was very unsettling for the newcomers Zhuge Liang and his wife Yue Ying. "I'm not quite sure."
"Considering all you went through to be with him, I would have expected a more definitive answer." Yue Ying tilted her head to watch the woman's face.
"I wanted to serve Liu Bei and salvage the pride of the Gongsun clan by assisting him with our army. To fight beside General Zhao again was merely a bonus. My loyalty belongs to the ruler who can unify this land not the man who has the most attractive generals."
"I didn't mean to offend you." Ying smiled softly understanding that the woman had to endure a lot to be where she was today.
"You haven't." Lian stood and pushed a stray hair from her face. "I just can't answer your question. We've both grown up since those days and the world has changed. I don't really know where we stand. Honestly, there hasn't been much time to concern ourselves with personal issues."
"Then I should probably leave you two alone." Yue Ying smiled as she saw the handsome General in question approach. "Good night, General Gongsun."
Lian watched her leave, obviously to report her findings back to her husband. Everyone's initial reaction had been that the two women warriors would be instant friends, but none of the men quite grasped that they had their own hidden agendas. Yue Ying was essential in assisting her husband gather information about his new officers and Lord. Until they grew comfortable with everyone, there wouldn't be time to make friends. Lian wanted more than anything to feel at home and reassure herself that the decisions she made were right. No time for friends when you were critiquing their every move.
"So…." Zhao Yun looked around as the others began to disperse from the war council to sleep on Zhuge Liang's orders. At the crack of dawn they would march and there would be no time for a meeting to issue orders and deal with the protests and debates that ensued. However he was more perplexed with a line of questions from the strategist's wife than anything else. He refocused on Lian's curious face before continuing. "Did Yue Ying interrogate you too?"
"I couldn't answer anything for her, Zilong." Lian sighed. She was tired and frustrated and tomorrow they were going to have to run away from Cao Cao. Last thing she wanted was a long chat about whatever relationship she did or did not have with the man in front of her. "I don't know where we stand."
Zhao Yun took her hand and kissed it. "I know you're still skeptical after that night at Liu An's house…"
"Zilong, I don't need to hear another speech about why you serve Liu Bei." Lian sighed. At least Cao Ren never preached about how his cousin deserved to rule the world.
"Lian, we just need to reach the ships tomorrow and then we'll have plenty of time to talk." He placed a gentle kiss on her lips and smiled. "I told her that I don't kiss fangirls."
"Good policy. You don't know where they've been." Lian had to grudgingly smile as his laughed.
"Don't take any unnecessary risks tomorrow, you hear me? I'm sure Wei will be anxious to settle a score with you."
"I'll be fine." She blushed as his hand cupped her cheek and he stroked her face with his thumb. Apparently Yue Ying's questions had more influence than he thought. She genuinely hoped that time would prove him right and that Liu Bei was the man to follow.
"Cao Cao is moving fast." Guan Yu rode his prancing stallion around Liu Bei. "Xuande, you need to leave."
"NOW!" Zhang Fei picked his brother up and put him on the horse.
"We'll hamper their advance, my lord." Zhao Yun promised.
"Aren't you forgetting someone?" Lian pointed to the city and was relieved when she saw panic in the man's eyes.
"My people! I cannot leave without my people!" Liu Bei exclaimed.
"I was talking about your family." Lian mumbled as Liu Bei began to make a speech to the peasants fleeing Chang Ban. She looked down at the city and could see the dirt rising behind it, signifying that Cao Cao's cavalry was approaching. More than likely comprised of white horses and men from Bei Ping. Had she been this selfish when she left her own family at Yijing? No….she thought that they would be safe. She didn't expect her father to piss off the people defending him by telling them to 'suck it up' instead of grant them reinforcements. If she was so willing to abandon them then she would have never rode back to help.
"Lian, you're the advance guard." Guan Yu side passed his unruly stallion over to her horse to get her attention. "Push past everyone to the river and help ensure our escape."
"Yes sir." She nodded. Certainly once they arrived at the river she's see that she had been wrong and any reservations she had were simply paranoia or triggered by her own guilty conscience.
"I'll go back to town." Zhao Yun declared and took off on his white horse to begin the race against the enemy. Liu Bei's family was still there and Wei troops were already entering the town. How could they get lost at a time like this?
AN: Liu Bei's 'feast' with Liu An can be found in the novel in chapter 19.