A/N: This is the second oneshot in the series, Boone and the Courier go to Bitter Springs to face Boone's past.

Lucielle knew Boone meant to die. His usual steady, detached fighting style was replaced with a raw barbarism. He moved with an abandon she didn't recognize as he ran into the midst of battle, straight to the heart of Bitter Springs. He chose his melee weapon over his rifle, an oddity for any sniper - except one with a death wish.

Though Lucy had other plans for her reckless companion.

Taking the high ground, Lucy had intended to guard the point. But her usual weapon of choice, 'Dallas,' her Marksman Carbine, which would have been perfect for protecting her hill, was not the first weapon she reached for. Dallas was loyal, never-jamming, but the bullet spray was too wide. At that moment, if she did nothing else, Lucy needed to shoot straight.

Lucy's Worn Service Rifle, 'Trudy,' was not of high caliber in the damage department but would shoot straight and far – if Lucy could get her hands to stop shaking. She tried to ignore it, and instead focused on the task at hand, following Boone's trail between Trudy's crosshairs.

Boone was too reckless; he surged into the fray, going for the enemy at the center of a pack. Two legionnaires wrapped around behind him. Lucy took a breath, held it. Her unsteady hands rocked Trudy. She needed a fix, but there was no time to indulge. The Legion wouldn't wait for her to be ready to fight. And Boone was too willing to die to properly watch his own back.

Lucy took another breath and increased the tension in her hands, tightening her hold on her gun. A legionnaire raised his weapon to Boone's back. Lucy prayed, aimed for enemy's head, and pulled the trigger.

She shot low of her mark, but by some miracle, the bullet still penetrated the enemy's flesh, right above the knee. The man made a loud grunt in pain, and Boone turned to finish the job, slicing the man across the neck with his knife.

A small moment of relief flooded Lucy's senses, until she saw another danger creeping up on Boone's six. She tried to take aim, but only the legionnaire's head was exposed over Boone's shoulder. It was a tough shot, though one that she would trust herself to make if her hands were steady. The danger to hit Boone was too great. But if she did nothing, he wouldn't notice. He was so focused on what was ahead of him – too focused.

"Dammit, Boone," she grumbled as she tried to tighten her aim. She took a shot well above the men, but the legionnaire stumbled. He made enough of a noise for Boone to turn and acknowledge him.

With trouble adverted for a moment, Lucy could not deny herself a fix. She was more of a danger without it, and this gave her a bitter sting of self-loathing. She wished she was smarter, then she wouldn't need chems.

Another quick curse muttered, and she reached for a source of relief. She always carried a couple shots of Fixer in her pocket for when the craving struck her in the worst possible moments. She wasn't sure what could be a worse moment than this.

She stabbed the needle into her arm and immediately felt the addiction sate: her nerves steadied and headache subsided. A Fixer wouldn't make her smarter, but it would calm her need. It would let her shoot straight. She just needed to shoot straight.

Lucy found Boone again in her sights. He was surrounded. Even from her distance, she could tell he seemed contented somehow. He thought this was the end.

She leveled Trudy, the gun finally steady in her hands. She wasn't going to let Boone die. They were going to live through this. She wasn't going to fail.

Lucy took her shots, and this time, they were true. Blood splattered, spilled. Bodies fell and piled. The legionnaires were failing, though with them, they were taking casualties, as bodies of civilians littered the settlement.

One last shot from Trudy found its mark, followed by an eerie calm. Lucy's chest heaved from heavy breaths as she moved crosshairs across the settlement of Bitter Springs, looking for a target. A few settlers were crouched over their dead. NCR agents were checking the legionnaires, finishing those that weren't already so.

And then there was Boone. He was stoic in a field of bodies. His muscles tense, he still seemed ready to fight. A frown split his face. He looked lost, confused. His head tilted upward, and she knew he was looking at her through his sunglasses.

Lucy lowered her weapon. A small wave of relief wrapped around her heart for a brief moment before it squeezed into bitterness. Boone almost got himself killed. She was almost unable to save him. Her stomach clenched at the thought. She had so few people left in the Mojave that she trusted. If anything happened to Boone…

By the time he had approached her position, her fear and frustration had built up to a steady outrage.

"Dammit, Boone. What were you thinking?"

He stopped in his stride. "What?"

"You were trying to get yourself killed!" Lucy yelled with an accusatory finger. Not a question, it was fact. And it terrified Lucy.

His frown became more pronounced at her harsh words, but he did not deny it. "I did not ask you to follow me," he told her flatly with his usual unemotional tone.

His continued carelessness cut her deep. She wanted him to deny his alleged death wish. She needed him too. She didn't understand why, but at that moment, the why didn't matter.

"I wasn't going to let you die," Lucielle told him, her voice losing its edge as her anger slighted. A hint of sadness was sneaking inside of her instead.

She closed her eyes briefly. She wanted some Mentats. If she hadn't promised herself that she would never take the chems in front of Boone, she would have devoured the whole box.

When her eyes opened, she found he was no longer facing her.

"There are some things nobody can stop," Boone said. He took a long breath and exhaled slowly. Lucy waited for him to go on. "It would've made sense for things to end here. But now … I'm still waiting."

Lucielle hated this torment Boone was putting himself through, but struggled with what words to offer him for relief. His guilt and regret ran so deeply in him, she doubted if any words would help him. Still, she had to try.

"Boone," she said as she took a step toward him. "Maybe no one is judging you. Maybe things just happen."

He stepped away from her. "If that's how it is, there's not a lot of comfort in knowing it." He paused, and lowered his head a little. "I don't know what I'm suppose to do about all this," he said, his voice at last skirting emotion. Unfortunately the emotion was despair.

Lucy blinked. She was so used to Boone being calm and level that even the slightest sign of humanity startled her. Though she recovered quickly when heartache struck her. She had secretly hoped that he would recover his emotions in a more positive way, perhaps in a way that involved her…A fool's hope, she knew, but her heart dreamed up things her mind had no part in. She pushed those thoughts aside now to try to help him. She'd rather have an emotionless Boone than one that was so…lost.

"You can't take back what you've done, Boone," she told him. "But maybe this regret… Maybe it will set you on a better path."

"I guess it brought us here," he replied. He faced her again. "One less Legion raiding party running loose now. Never a bad thing."

Lucy nodded eagerly. Those monsters gave her nothing but nightmares.

"Still feels like I'm living on borrowed time," he said, his voice growing steadier. To anyone who didn't know Boone, he would sound as monotone as ever. But to Lucielle, who had traveled with him for several weeks, he still sounded a shy uneasy. "But I don't see any reason not to take a lot more of those sons of bitches with me."

Lucielle watched his shoulders pull back as he regained himself completely.

"You got a point," he said at last. "There's still some things I can do before all this is over."

Lucy wanted to tell him how valuable he was to her, both in skill and companionship. She wanted to convince him that there was indeed a great deal he could do before he died - like remember to live again. But she struggled with the right words. Boone was not easily persuaded. And she had so little to offer him, only herself.

When he looked to her, as if expecting her to say something as she so often did, she wondered if promises of a life with her would be enough to convince him to live. She opened her mouth, wanting to try.

"Boone –"

"I'm ready to leave when you are," he said with a small nod. "I'd like to put this place behind us."

"Oh, but I…I…Oh," Lucy mumbled as her courage deflated. She let out a little sigh and bottled up her true feelings once more. "…Let's go."

"I've got your back."

1.19.11