3 years ago.
"JJ, I don't understand why you're doing this. It's not going to change how you feel. It doesn't matter where you are in the world, I know you'll still love me." Emily reasoned as she watched the blonde throwing the last of her things into an open suitcase on the bed.
"Emily, please." JJ kept her back to the other woman, hoping to hide the unshed tears shining in her eyes. "You're only making this harder on yourself."
Emily kept her arms crossed tightly, subconsciously attempting to hold herself together in fear of falling apart any second now. The thought of going back to that lonely existence she had fallen into before she met JJ was terrifying. They kept their relationship as private as possible, but it still seemed to be one of the worst kept secrets in the BAU. Emily knew it was wrong, but she loved JJ and it gave her something to look forward to when they had the chance to steal a few moments with one another.
Once JJ's tears had the chance to dry she finally turned to look at the brunette, but she couldn't hold the eye contact for too long before looking away. That look of desperation in her eyes was more than she could bare. "It has to be this way."
Emily's gaze faltered and for the first time in all of this, after everything she had endured just to see JJ, she felt so stupid. She couldn't believe she once had the delusion that they would actually be together. She was just begging to have her heart broken.
"Why?" The brunette asked timidly as she glanced up at JJ.
It was such a simple question, just one word, but JJ didn't have a real answer. This was Will's idea and he had been persistent, he even went as far as to threaten leaving and taking Henry with him. She shrugged hesitantly then turned back around, she couldn't face Emily. JJ closed her suitcase, quickly zipping it up.
"Really?" Emily asked in disbelief. "That's all I get after everything I've been through for you?" Their relationship had always been on JJ's terms, which was understandable, but she expected a little more respect in return.
"I don't know what you want me to say." JJ huffed. "This is happening, you can't stop it."
"So, that's it? Will snaps his fingers and you start packing to move across the country?" Emily couldn't believe how submissive the other woman was being in all of this. That wasn't the JJ she knew.
"Emily, it's for Henry." JJ repeated what she had heard from Will just the night before. Her son seemed happy and content here, JJ had never neglected Henry. She knew this was about getting her away from Emily and honestly she couldn't blame her husband. He felt threatened and decided to take action.
"You and I both know that's not what this is about." Emily replied. "Please, just give me a reason."
JJ sighed softly, she was beginning to lose the fight with her emotions and it was getting harder and harder to hold back her tears. "I just.." she paused briefly when she heard the shakiness of her voice. "I can't do this anymore, this thing between us. I feel like I'm losing myself. The lines are starting to blur, this double life is tearing me apart. It's too much, Emily." It was time to be honest, no matter how much it hurt.
"And you think this is the solution?"
"Honestly, I don't know." JJ admitted. "Maybe I just need to get away for a while."
Emily uncrossed her arms, stepping closer to the other woman. Nimble fingers brushed JJ's hair behind her ear, Emily's hand slowly slid down and cupped the blonde's cheek afterward. "Find yourself with me." She suggested as she searched JJ's eyes for any sort of positive sign. "I love Henry like he's my own. I know you're afraid, but I think we can do this together. Don't let him tear us apart."
In that moment JJ's emotions began to get the best of her as she leaned into Emily's touch. JJ pressed her forehead against Emily's, eyes cast downward as she wrapped her arms around the other woman's waist. This was the hardest thing she had ever put her heart through. She loved Will, but there was just something about Emily. It felt different, better even, but it wasn't right. She had made a commitment to Will and she was afraid of what would happen if she dared ask for a separation. She didn't want to put Henry through that.
JJ finally looked up, smiling softly when she caught Emily's gaze. She was beautiful, even in such a state. She pressed her lips against Emily's gently, lingering just a second longer than she normally would because she knew this would be the last time. She lifted her hand, thumb partially brushing across the other woman's bottom lip after she pulled away. "I can't." She whispered as their eyes met again.
Emily had kept her composure for far too long, she turned her back to the blonde as a steady stream of tears began to flow down her cheeks. She couldn't remember the last time she had displayed such emotion in front of another human being, but JJ had just crushed her last hope with two words. She slipped her hand over her mouth, quietly suppressing a sob as she felt the other woman's hand lightly grip her shoulder.
She was quick to shrug off JJ's touch, she couldn't stand the contact. "Can't you just try?" Emily knew she was better than this, but she would beg if that's what it took. She couldn't let JJ go without a fight.
"I am trying." Came the blonde's response.
"You're not trying, you're running." Emily corrected as she turned to look at JJ. "I know you'd be happy with me, if you'd just try." She swiftly wiped her tears away, she couldn't show just how weak she had become.
"It's not that simple." JJ responded sternly. She knew there would be consequences to her actions. She couldn't run away with Emily and expect the perfect outcome. Henry came before everything else, his needs had to come before anything she wanted and unfortunately that included her relationship with Emily.
"It can be." Emily retorted.
"Enough." JJ stated simply, hoping to end this back and forth. It didn't matter what Emily said, she was leaving. She knew it would damn near break her, but it had to happen. She turned her attention back to packing up the rest of their things, taking a few pictures from the bed side table and placing them in a box on the floor. She needed to keep her mind occupied.
"You need to go. Will should be home any minute." JJ hated to think those may be the last words she would ever say to Emily, but she felt as if she had been given no choice.
Emily was certain her senses had deceived her. JJ couldn't even look her in the eye, and had she really demanded that Emily leave? She was never normally this pushy.
"Look at me." The brunette said with more authority than she'd had all night.
JJ ignored the other woman's request, acting as if she was more interested in filling the half empty moving boxes scattered throughout the room.
Emily quickly stepped up behind the blonde, gently grasping her arm to still any further movements. She wouldn't let her have this so easily. "JJ, look at me."
JJ turned slowly, hesitant to meet Emily's gaze, silently wondering what was to come next.
"Tell me this is what you want." It was such a simple request. "Tell me this is what you want and I'll go."
"Why are you doing this?" The blonde questioned, barely above a whisper.
"Because I love you." Emily admitted.
JJ squeezed her eyes shut, a few tears escaping her as she tried to steady her uneven breathing. Emily had told her she loved her hundreds of times, but it had never felt like this. She never thought such pain would be attached to those three words she always longed to hear most.
"This is what I want." JJ lied as her eyes fluttered open, only to be greeted by Emily's defeated expression.
JJ's choice was evident and the brunette knew there was no fighting this. She had made up her mind. "I should go. Your husband will be home soon." She said quietly, her words closely mirroring that of JJ's just moments earlier.
The blonde only nodded in silent agreement.
"I hope he makes you happy." Emily's comment was genuine, she wanted the best for her, even under these circumstances.
Emily lingered for a moment, just waiting for the blonde to admit her mistake, but that admission never came and she knew it was time to go.
She left the room silently and JJ refused to watch her go. She felt like her heart had been ripped from her chest and she had no one to blame. She hoped time would help her to heal, but for now she would allow her emotions to take over.