A/N Wow. I was really surprised at the positive reaction to this story :) Thank you for all the reviews and alerts ect. This chapter has Leyton in it, because I dont hate them together. Obviously I'm more of a Brucas person, but I feel like Lucas will always have feelings for both of them, and thats what I'm trying to display in this chapter. Reviews please :)
Lucas Scott wasn't in love with LA. At least not in the way Peyton Sawyer was. She was inspired by the city, she admired it and she believed in the potential that lived within it. She had uprooted her whole life to be here, and Lucas had uprooted his whole life to be with Peyton. Peyton had been the girl of his dreams since freshman year and now he finally was living that dream. He got to wake up beside her every morning, watch her laugh and smile and talk passionately about the work that she believed in so much. In a way, being in LA with her was making Lucas fall more in love with her, if that was even possible.
The one thing LA hadn't done for Lucas, was inspire him. After his first book , his publishers and editor were desperate for him to write more, but he couldn't bring himself to send in any of the sub standard crap he had written. His first book had made the New York Times bestseller list, and he wasn't prepared to publish anything less as its follow up. Lindsay – his editor – phoned him relentlessly, begging him to write a sequel, it could be about his life with Peyton, just anything. But he couldn't. And he didn't understand why not.
He was completely in love with Peyton, but she didn't inspire his witting anymore, because she no longer haunted his every thought. Instead when he was alone at night, he found his mind drifting back to his teenage regrets. He thought about all of the mistakes he made until he drove himself crazy and more and more often he would find himself sitting alone at his desk, long past midnight, writing pointless letters to Keith. He had started by telling him about his new life, how happy he was that he and Peyton were back together and how he understood that he had been presumptuous about proposing. He told Keith all about Lily, and how his Mom would send him pictures of her smiling from whatever part of the world they were in. He talked about California and how one day, he had been lost and asked a girl for directions, and more he knew it she was offering him sex for $50. He wrote of how lost he was and how much he missed him, how he needed him here now, so he could ask him hat to do. And then there was Brooke.
He wrote about how worried he was and how bad he felt. He had slept with her, that night in New York and then gone back to Peyton weeks later. He hadn't meant to hurt her, and at that point in time, he had believed in them, that maybe now they were out of High School things between them would work out. The morning after had been awkward. Even more so, when a sobbing Peyton had cried down the phone to Brooke for half an hour while Luke made breakfast. He had apologised and left, an awkward void lay between them afterwards.
He hadn't heard from Brooke since, all his calls went unanswered. He understood that. Things between them were awkward. But when she wouldn't pick up to Peyton, that was when he got worried. He had called Haley, and she said she hadn't heard from Brooke either recently, but that she was sure Brooke was fine, she was probably off on a business trip somewhere. Lucas asked Keith to look out for Brooke, to make sure she was okay.
Then Peyton would come in, ask him what he writing. He knew he should tell her, that if anyone would understand it was Peyton, after what happened with her Mom's, but he couldn't. Those letters were too personal and he was terrified that if she found out how worried he was about Brooke, that she would lose it, and he would lose her. And he couldn't risk that happening, because honestly, Lucas didn't know who he was without Peyton.
He was lucky, he knew that. He had an amazing girlfriend, his dream job and he lived in a nice apartment. He was happy; he had everything he ever wanted. But sometimes, in lonely moments he wondered if Peyton was worth it. If she was worth leaving Tree Hill for, if she was worth missing Jamie grow up for, but when that happened, he reminded himself that she was Peyton Sawyer, that he had loved her since he was 14, that they had come through so much together and that he was completely and hopelessly in love with her.
Then Brooke called. It was one of those nights, he was writing to Keith and Peyton had just got in. He had heard his phone ring from the bedroom and finished his sentence to go grab it, but before he could he saw Peyton on the phone.
"Peyt?" He had called, "Is that my phone?"
She had looked sheepish and taken the phone away from her ear.
"Yeah, sorry, it's just you were writing and its late and I know how you get."
He nodded, and stretched his arm out for the phone.
"Hello?" He had asked.
"I…" He felt his heart jump to his throat, it was Brooke! He was sure, she was okay, she was safe and she was finally calling him back!
"Ermm, sorry. Wrong number." And then the line was dead. He was that close, he was so close. He closed his eyes and let out an anguished grunt, which caused Peyton to begin to massage his shoulders.
"Who was it baby?" She asked in her most soothing voice, her blue eyes trained on him.
"I think…" Lucas said as he turned to face her, "I Think that was Brooke."
He had called the number back, again and again, leaving desperate voicemails as he paced the room, while Peyton sat on the sofa watching him. Unlike Lucas, she wasn't worried at all about Brooke. Brooke had lost touch with nearly everyone, and so why would she inform them if she went somewhere? She agreed with Haley, Brooke was probably out somewhere trying to take Clothes over Bros to the next level. If Brooke was in trouble, she would've called. After about twenty minutes of watching her boyfriend pace, she slipped out of the room and into her bed.
Lucas didn't sleep that night. He sat awake, phone in his hand, praying for it to ring, for Brooke to tell him she was okay. He knew it was crazy, that he was so worked up over his old girlfriend; he saw the look in Peyton's eyes. But he couldn't help it, it was something about Brooke, he needed to protect her, to make sure she was okay, and it was killing him to not know.
In the morning, Peyton kissed him goodbye and left for work. Lucas went to his study, opened his laptop and wrote.
In the morning Brooke was woken by the cries of her daughter. Grouchy and sleepy, she lifted Beth out of the bassinet and fed her, until she was silent and still.
"Hey Bethie, it's just you and Mommy still. But you know what? We get to go home soon! Isn't that exciting?"
Beth gurgled, as Brooke held her up.
"You do look just like Daddy, you know that? You have his hair and his eyes and you are probably going to grow up to be all broody and then I will just have to call you Broody Davis!" Brooke smiled as she looked at her little girl cradled in her arms.
"Can I tell you a secret? Last night I phoned Daddy. I was going to tell him all about you, but I couldn't. Aunt Peyton picked up and she sounded so happy, and your Daddy's writing, and they have a life over there. I'm sorry baby girl, but don't worry, you are going to be more than loved right here in Tree Hill. In fact, you Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan will be here soon to visit you. See, lots of people love you, because you are the cutest little baby in the whole world!"
Beth's eyes blinked back at Brooke.
"Yeah well, I'm gonna keep talking to you anyway, even if you act like you don't understand a word that I say."
Brooke placed the baby back in the crib, to allow Beth to snooze for a bit longer before Haley and Nate showed up and laid her head on the hard hospital pillow. Her life wasn't meant to be like this. She was meant to be older, more mature and married. She loved Beth – she loved her so much, it was actually hurting her. She was aching for her daughter when she was asleep – but she hated herself for what she had done. She had slept with her best friend's boyfriend, the night after he proposed. Then she hadn't even had the guts to tell him that she had gotten pregnant. And now, she was going to have to explain what she had done to her daughter. And of all the things, that hurt the most.
Peyton found herself feeling more doubtful than she had in a long time. Her life had been going so well, she was finally actually doing work involving actual bands – not just their mail- and Lucas was here. Lucas had moved here to be with her, even though she had told him she wasn't going to marry him. He was perfect. She knew that. They were meant to be, they had to be. Since he had moved here, almost seven months ago, she had once again realized how easy it is to depend on Lucas Scott for everything. To know what it's like to need him as bad as you need to breathe, and she felt that desperation that had consumed her as a teenager. Lucas Scott was hers, and he needed her just as bad, she was sure.
So why was this irking her? Brooke calling him, if that was even who it was. Why should she be bothered, Brooke and Lucas weren't even friends anymore, that hadn't talked in months, what on earth was she worried about? But the more she thought about, the bigger the feeling of unease got inside her stomach. It was something about the way his blue eyes had lit up when he heard her voice, how she had fallen asleep to his footsteps and woken up to find him with his phone in his hand and his brow crumpled. She knew Lucas loved her, but she also knew he didn't write about her anymore.
He had written a book, a whole novel about her and now he couldn't even find words to describe her. She knew it was wrong, but one night when he was out of town for a meeting with his editor in New York, she had looked through his desk. She needed to find some evidence that he still felt the same about her, that she hadn't dragged him out here for nothing, that their relationship meant something.
All she had found were letters. Letters addressed to his dead uncle.
She had scanned the first few, and then carefully pushed them back in the draw, before she retreated out of the room. Peyton knew she had overstepped an invisible boundary. Keith was something he still couldn't talk about, something he wouldn't talk about and she felt embarrassed and ashamed that she had read those letters. What had she thought she was going to find? Letters to Brooke? Pages about how in love he still was with Peyton Sawyer? They had been together for a long time now, but Peyton still couldn't figure him out.