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Chapter Two
As much as Darry didn't want to admit it, it was strange having Soda home. They had spent years getting used to just him and Pony in the house with Steve and Two-Bit as visitors. Darry had to remind himself to make five portions for dinner that night instead of four. He knew that although he was indescribably happy to have Soda home again it was going to take some getting used to.
Soda had stayed holed up in his room for most of the day. But for now Darry was decidedly giving his brother some space. He reminded himself that up until about five days ago Soda had been a prisoner of war, locked up in Vietnam in who knows what kind of conditions. It had to be a shock to the system to suddenly be back home again after three and a half years in captivity. For now all he could think to do was give Soda some privacy to figure things out on his own. One thing he wouldn't do though was let Soda skip dinner. He had lost far too much weight and just didn't look healthy.
"Hey Soda," Darry said gently as he pushed Soda's bedroom door open. He was a little surprised to see Soda sitting on the floor leaning up against the bed. He had his knees up, his elbows resting on top of them and looked up at Darry almost curiously as he entered. "You hungry? Dinner's ready."
Soda nodded slowly. "Yeah, sure," he said. He turned and put his hands on top of the bed to use as leverage to pull himself to his feet.
"Need some help?" Darry asked, taking a half step forward.
"I got it," Soda said as he slowly pulled himself up into a standing position with some difficulty. He paused, seeming to steady himself for a moment before he followed Darry out of the room.
All five of them gathered at the kitchen table for the first time in four years. Darry had made baked chicken since it was Soda's favorite and then also made peas and rice. He noticed as they started eating that Soda began to reach for the food with his hand before he caught himself and picked up the utensils. He struggled a bit with trying to cut up the chicken and Darry almost offered to help but somehow he felt like Soda wouldn't be too keen on being treated like a child. After a minute he seemed to get the hang of it anyway. Still, it sent a pang through Darry to realize that Soda apparently hadn't been allowed utensils while he was held captive.
The gang ate in silence for a while, which was very out of the ordinary. Two-Bit was the one who finally broke the silence, starting a conversation with Pony about his classes. Darry was easily able to join in on that and Steve even spoke up as well. They kept to light topics and did their best to talk normally as if nothing had changed. They were about halfway through eating before Soda finally spoke up, seeming to relax a bit. They were all encouraged by this and eagerly took turns telling Soda about events that he missed while he had been gone. Soda asked for more and more details about things that had happened, almost as if he were trying to create memories that he didn't have.
After they were done Pony got up and started collecting everyone's plates so that he could do the dishes. When he got to Soda's though he started to reach for it and then hesitated.
"You done, Soda?" Pony asked a little unsurely.
"Yeah, I am," Soda said.
Darry eyed the plate. Soda had eaten most of the chicken and had picked at the peas. But it appeared like he hadn't so much as touched the small pile of rice on his plate. "You sure you don't want to eat some more rice or somethin'?" Darry couldn't help himself. It concerned him how thin Soda was.
Soda paused, his expression darkening a bit. "I don't like rice," he said quietly.
That took Darry by surprise for a moment since he knew that Soda had no problem with rice before he had left. Soda had never been a picky eater, even when he was little. "Sorry, Soda," he said slowly. "I won't make it anymore. You want somethin' else?"
Soda shook his head. "No, I'm full."
Darry decided to just let the issue go for now. He didn't want to push Soda too much on his first night home. The mood lightened after dinner. They sat around and played cards for a while and then Darry brought out a chocolate cake. Soda had smiled as he practically inhaled his piece, going back for seconds. That put Darry more at ease, and everyone else too it seemed.
Soda retired to bed early, clearly exhausted. The rest of them stayed up a little longer, but they were all tired as well. No one had slept well while Soda had been missing, that much had been obvious. Even when they knew he was back and safe, it was still hard to sleep before he was actually here and Tulsa with them. So it wasn't that long after Soda went to bed when Steve and Two-Bit were heading out and Pony and Darry went to bed. And for the first time in four years Darry didn't lay awake tossing and turning, wondering about his little brother's safety. He was home. And he was safe now. And that was enough to lull Darry into a peaceful sleep.
XxXxX
Hours later Darry was woken from a light sleep by some muted noises coming from out in the hallway. He was confused at first as he slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes sleepily. As he listened for a minute he didn't hear anything else and figured that someone probably just got up for a glass of water or something. He was just about to shake it off and go back to sleep when he heard the unmistakable sound of someone getting sick down the hall.
Darry quickly pulled himself out of bed and hurried out into the hallway. In the darkened hallway he could easily spot the light flooding out of the bathroom, the door left slightly ajar. He carefully approached and could just glimpse Soda's form leaning over the toilet as he vomited again.
"Soda?" Darry said carefully as he knocked lightly on the door even though it wasn't fully closed, hoping not to startle him. Soda made no indication that he had heard him.
Darry slowly pushed the door open. He was about to say Soda's name again but stopped short as he got a good look at him, his stomach plunging down to his feet at the sight. Soda was wearing a pair of jogging pants but despite the cold weather he had no shirt on. His bare back was almost completely covered with long, angry red scars. His spine protruded out as his skin appeared to cling to his bones and Darry could have counted the vertebrae from where he stood several feet away. Although his weight loss had been obvious, Soda had appeared to be in pretty decent shape earlier that day while he was fully clothed in long pants and long sleeves. With that image of him it had been easy to imagine that Soda had been nothing more than contained for the past three and a half years. Now it was painfully obvious that that wasn't the case at all though.
Darry's knees suddenly felt weak and he leaned up against the wall in the bathroom and then slowly slid to the floor, feeling a bit sick himself at the sight. He had always found it hard to see either of his brothers hurt and this was way beyond anything he had ever seen before. Soda was still dry heaving over the toilet but Darry made no move to get any closer to him, afraid of scaring him. Instead he was a silent spectator to the scene, simply waiting for it to end.
Finally after several long minutes the episode seemed to end. Soda carefully sat back on his knees and put his hands on either side of his head with his elbows resting on the edges of the toilet.
"Soda?" Darry said carefully. Soda mechanically turned his head to look at him. His eyes, which used to be so lively and full of energy, were disturbingly empty as if he were completely detached from the situation. "Soda? You okay?" It seemed like such a silly question – clearly he wasn't – but Darry didn't know what else to say.
Soda nodded vaguely, his face unreadable and void of any obvious emotion. This wasn't at all like the brother who had left here almost four years ago. Wanting to comfort him somehow, Darry carefully began to move forward but at the same time Soda shifted away from him. Darry took the hint and remained where he was, feeling like he was at a complete loss. He had no idea how to handle this.
"You got sick?" Darry said lamely, grasping at anything to say. He was extremely uncomfortable with how silent Soda was being.
Soda swallowed and then slowly turned his body, carefully leaning up against the side of the tub behind him. Soda's front wasn't in any better shape than his back. Darry could see Soda's ribs sticking out and there were two red, swollen spots on either side of his abdomen that looked like pretty severe burns. The disturbing part was that they still looked pretty fresh, no more than a few weeks old.
"I'm sorry I woke you," Soda practically whispered, his voice flat.
"It's okay," Darry assured him gently. He studied him for a moment. "Can I feel your forehead? You look a little flushed."
Soda thought this over for a minute before he nodded. Darry approached him slowly, leaving him plenty of space as he reached out and gently placed his hand against Soda's forehead. As he made contact Soda closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. Just as he had suspected, Soda felt feverish.
"You're warm, Soda," he said as he dropped his hand back down.
Soda opened his eyes and looked at him. The emotionless gaze sent a chill through Darry. "I've been sick a lot," he said quietly. "When I got back here they sent me to a doctor. He said it sounded like I've had dysentery on and off for the past few years."
"What's dysentery?" Darry asked.
"Some kind of infection I guess," Soda said. "He said it might take some time for me to really get healthy again because of…" His voice trailed off as it seemed he couldn't finish his thought.
"Well, you're home now," Darry assured him. "We'll get you better again."
That caused a small glimpse of life to spark behind Soda's eyes. It was hidden in an instant though as he hung his head, looking down at his hands. His wrists were both scarred and as Darry watched he saw that his hands seemed to be shaking slightly. He seemed to be deep in thought for several minutes and Darry just watched, unsure what he should do. Then Soda slowly reached out one hand, placing it on the wall next to him. Suddenly he paled and his back went rigid as he sat straight up. His eyes darted around the small room and he gasped for a breath.
"Soda?" Darry said unsurely, startled by the sudden shift.
"Can we go outside?" Soda asked quickly.
"Sure," Darry agreed immediately.
He stood up and carefully approached Soda. He reached down and helped him to his feet and he felt Soda lean on him as if disoriented. Darry noticed vaguely that Soda seemed a few inches taller than he used to be. He slowly led Soda out of the bathroom and down the hall. After they passed through the living room Darry carefully pushed open the door and the cool night air met them. Soda lifted his head and took a deliberate breath. Darry could feel a small shiver run through Soda's spine as they stepped out onto the porch.
"I'm gonna get you a coat," Darry said. "It's too cold to be out here without a shirt."
"Okay," Soda said vaguely as if he were barely listening.
Darry helped Soda sit on the top step before turning and walking back into the house. He grabbed the first coat he could find, not wanting to leave Soda for too long, and hurried back outside. Despite the cold Soda wasn't curled in on himself in an attempt to keep warm. He sat up straight, his back rigid as he stared out across the empty street. Darry approached him, noticing the way he flinched as he came into his peripheral vision.
"Here," Darry said gently, leaning down and putting the jacket over his shoulders.
Soda glanced over at him briefly. "Thanks." Carefully he maneuvered his arms through the sleeves of the jacket. As Darry sat next to him he noticed with concern how the jacket hung off of him. He had always been pretty lean, but now he was sickly thin. It was disturbing to see.
"You know, Soda, if you ever wanna talk about it… about what happened over there…" Darry said slowly, letting the thought hang.
Soda glanced over at him and shifted uncomfortably before letting his gaze fall back down to the ground. Darry couldn't help but notice how little eye contact Soda had made since he had been home. Just that small fact showed that Soda had much more than just the physical scars. Despite that as Darry studied him – his blank eyes, his hard expression that masked any emotions, the way he held himself – he saw how much older he looked. He had been gone for four years, but it seemed like he had aged so much more than that. Sitting next to him Darry had the slightly uncomfortable feeling that suddenly he was the younger one rather than Soda. It was a very strange feeling.
He was quiet for so long that Darry figured that he wasn't going to say anything. So when he did finally speak Darry gave a start. "It's… it's weird bein' home," he said quietly. "After all this time, I never thought I'd be home again. I keep thinking that maybe it's just another dream. Maybe I'm gonna wake up any minute and suddenly be back… there."
This thought caused Darry's heart to twist. Carefully he moved closer to Soda, reaching over and placing a gentle hand on Soda's knee. As Soda looked up at him he could suddenly see very clearly the pain in his eyes. It was more pain than Darry could even try to begin to understand. But more than that there was also fear, afraid that somehow none of this was real. It was painfully clear that he was terrified that at any moment all this would fade away and he would find himself back in that hell.
"You're home, Sodapop," he said gently. "I promise you this is no dream. You're really here with us."
Slowly Soda reached out a hand and placed it on Darry's arm, as if to prove to himself that he could really feel him. Then he leaned into him and Darry gingerly wound his arm around him. Soda pressed himself into his chest and Darry held him close. Very suddenly it was like Soda was a little kid again, looking for comfort from his big brother after getting picked on at school. It was startling how quickly the feeling of Soda being older had flipped with the feeling of him being young again.
They stayed like that for a long while. Eventually Darry realized that Soda's breathing had evened out. As he looked down at him he saw that he had fallen asleep with his head resting on Darry's shoulder. Darry smiled lightly at the sight. He looked peaceful. As carefully as he could Darry shifted around and put one arm under Soda's knees and scooping him up in his arms. He was much lighter than he should have been.
Soda moaned lightly, sounding a bit distressed. "It's okay, Soda," Darry said gently as he carried him back inside. "You don't wanna sleep out on the porch all night, do you?"
Soda made a grunting noise and went still again, clearly drifting back off to a deeper sleep. Darry carefully maneuvered through this house with his brother in his arms. Back in Soda's room Darry gently placed him on the bed. He seemed to half wake up again as Darry pulled the jacket off of him but clearly exhaustion was more prominent than his concern for what was going on. Darry averted his eyes from the scars on Soda's skin as he pulled the blankets over him.
As he started back for his own bedroom, he paused in the doorway, glancing back at Soda who was sleeping soundly. "It's gonna be okay, little buddy," he said quietly. Then he turned, closing the door only partway, and headed back to bed.