So I should be finishing an assignment for school instead of doing this, but i really need to update everyone on what the hell as been happening to me and where ive been and why i havent updated my two new stories.
At first i was gonna give you guys a detailed, structured and lengthy speech describing everything thats gotten in the way, but to save everyone the time, ill just put some dot points down and give a little info on why and what, i guess.
-School
Had so much to do now that im in year 10. It was really hard on me and i have barely been coping.
-Too many commitments
Im in the school show, several outside school activites, youtube and so much more that writing stories had to be put aside (mainly for the sake of my education).
-Stress
The first two points have left me really stressed. Like i said, im not coping too well, so yeah :/
-Health
Ive havent been eating too well and ive only been sleeping about 3-4 hours a day IF THAT.
-Family stuff
No divorces or violence or anything like that, just things like passings and one of my close family members falling very ill.
-Developing depression (Self diagnosed i guess.)
This is the only thing i havent spoken to many people about. Since no-one knows who i am though, i feel like i can vent a little about this without the repercussions of family members. Over the past few months, ive been trying to get away from EVERYTHING. Anything thats making me stressed or puts pressure on me. Most of my commitments and responsibilities were too much for me and so i took a step back. However, since i am naturally someone who needs a creative outlet, this only made things worse and i started feeling overwelmed by my own thoughts and feelings. Then, one day, i didnt feel anything. It was a complete change. I realised that suddenly, most of my problems didnt matter. Because in 5 years from now, ill be in university and everything im doing now wont matter. Everything besides school isnt really important. Sure, the things that give me experience for what i want to do are also important, but they dont exactly have much purpose. This switch has been really 'eye opening' to put it one way. Anyway, enough on this dot point. All i want people to know is, im fine. Im not harming myself or feeling suicidal since i know due to the vague description of my self proclaimed "depression" can make it come across that way, allow me to use the next dot point to explain what exaclty im experienceing a little better.
-Lack of motivation
My motivation to do anything has only just returned after being gone for a few months. A while back i suddenly found no interest or reason to do ANYTHING fun or productive and would simply pass he time by laying in bed or doing school work. It was a terrible part of my life and cant wait to get back to doing the things i enjoy like youtube, acting, singing and THIS! Writing stuff. But there is one more thing.
-Existential
I think i spelt it wrong, but to put it simply, i am not coping with the concept of 'an end' or just death in general. Im spending sleepless nights thinking about but the crazy thing is, this hasnt just popped up. I have secretly had this fear for a LONG time. I mean, like years. Not to brag or anything, but i was a pretty switched on kid. I understood the concept of death by the age of ~7 and i was scared of it and actually had several nightmares thanks to the very concept. Since then, this fear has been in the back of my mind but thanks to all this stuff ive listed and recent situations in my life, this has gotten so bad that i actually almost had a panic attack thinking about it.
...
Look, dont worry about me because 1, you dont actually care that much XD and 2, im ok. The fact i have the creative drive to update you guys and start working on some videos and stories again proves that im getting better. I can promise you all im ok and that i can feel that im about to completely climb out of this dark hole ive fallen into. So, now for the cool stuff!
-Poll updates! If you havent yet, please vote in my new poll as ive added two new ideas for stories on it!
-2nd chapter of "One Person Changed Everything" has been planned out. Just need to write it.
-2nd chapter of "Amnesia" is being re-written. I almost finished it, but then restarted on it. This chapter is probably the most important chapter in terms of story progression and revelation so i want to get it as perfect as possible! XD'
-I will make sure to finish my essay-sized bio soon :)
-2 New oneshot ideas! They are on my poll, but will probably end up doing them anyway!
-Requests? I will consider if i am ready to take up any requests if you guys have any. Rn, dont give me any, but be aware that i may be open to taking some in the future! :)
...
Alright, almost done. I just wanna address three more things.
1, I feel as if im losing motivation for my story "Baby Tails". This is very common. A writer starts a story but then doesnt want to continue it and never updates it again. I dont want to give up on this story, but im struggling to want to keep doing it. So all im saying is dont expect any updates for it within a month or two, but know i still care about it and have a little bit of drive to continue it and make it better.
2, My schedule. So, i know this sounds crazy, but i think having schedule that required me to post stuff (even if it was once a MONTH) was stressing me out and actually DEMOTIVATED me a little which in turn made this whole thing less enjoyable. So until further notice, i have no schedule. I may update or post something and then post after a month, then i might post a couple DAYS later. It will be random and scattered but the only thing i will have scheduled is an update in 2 weeks. After that, i wont be following a schedule.
3, last thing, and this is actually targeted at 2 people specifically. You know who you are hopefully, if not though, check if your name fits into one of these two thingys:
A_t_ma_ed_n and re_u_ars_ow_6_.
If you can fill in those gaps and spell your name, then its you. You are the two people i used to always chat with in PMS here and then i stopped. I am really sorry for that and i feel horrible for just not responding. I hope after reading this thing that you understand why but if you are pissed at me for just ignoring you, i get it. It was a major dick move on my part. I hope after this that we can keep chatting and send messages back and forth on the daily like we used to. You guys are legitimately two of the nicest, kindest and caring people ive ever met and we share so many passions and are so much fun to talk to. I hope you two honestly forgive me and still want to be friends with me. Thankyou guys so much again for being so nice to me. It means so much. And once more, im so sorry for not repsonding. I feel terrible. It wont
happen again :)
Anyway guys, thats it for now (I could write may more, since this is my first time posting and im super pumped, but its 1:30AM rn, so i gotta head to bed). Like i said, im ok and expect an update in 2 (possibly 3) weeks! What will i be updating/posting? Who knows XD Secrets oooooooooooh!
But anyway, thankyou guys! IM BACK (again. this is the second time ive gone missing lol XD) AND IM HERE TO STAY! LETS WRITE SOME STORIES! :D
(Ps, im gonna delete this after i update in 3 weeks, so yeah :/ Enjoy this crappy update while you can XD)