Disclamer : I don't own Gossip Girl

Nate go back to Chuck's room again. Blair is still sitting next to Chuck's bed. " Where have you been?" Blair asked once she saw Nate. She looked at Nate's back. No Serena. " Where's Serena?"

" She fainted." Nate simply explain it.

" Is she okay?" Blair anxiously asked.

" The doctor will ran some tests. But they guessed because she was too tired."

" Understandable." Nate looked at Blair with puzzled look in his face.

" What you do mean?"

" She said she was fine. She pretend that broke up with you wasn't a big deal. But I know it is. She was having trouble sleeping. She barely eat. And a lot of booze. She misses you."

" She kissed Dan. Maybe she missed Dan." Nate said with a sarcastic tone.

" Do you really believe that? That she chooses Humphrey than you? You think about yourself too low, Archibald."

" I don't know what to believe anymore, Blair. You chose Chuck over me. And Serena always choose other guys over me. Maybe we're didn't meant to be." Nate sighed

" You talk to me, Nate. You can't pretend you don't care about her. You're a good guy. When I'm with you, I never have to feel worried about anything, except Serena. You're not the kind of guy who cheated in a relationship. But when it comes to Serena, you always chose her over me, even I'm still your girlfriend. I'm half naked want to have sex with you for the first time, and you just left me because you hear her name called. So don't say you two aren't meant to be. I told Jenny, you two are mythic. You're Nate and Serena."

" Sometimes she's too much to handle, Blair."

" She's Serena Van Der Woodsen. What do you expect from her? The mess that she made, only you can handle it." Blair got up from her chair and walked toward Nate. " She is Serena, Nate. She's not me, or that Brooklyn girl. Or any other girl you've ever dating. This is Serena we talking about here. You can really let her go?"

Blair's word stuck deeply in his heart. It just hit him. He didn't even realize the tears started down his face. He looked away from Blair and sat on the couch. He covered his face with his hands while tried to calm his heart.

" Chuck gave me his black book before he went to Prague." Nate said.

" I know he never threw it away. That Basstard." Blair sat next to Nate. " But you're Nate Archibald. You don't do this kind of things."

" I can't be Nate Archibald anymore." Blair looked at him with puzzled expression in her face. " Nate Archibald will always love Serena Van Der Woodsen. I don't know how to do the opposite. And I couldn't love her anymore." Hear that make Blair leaned down to Nate, and hugged him. He's her best friend too. She felt sad to see Nate like this. " I can't remember when I didn't love her. I've love her forever. What I should do now?" Nate said, more to himself than to Blair.

Blair pulled away from him, and looked at him. " Chuck told me once before, when you and me still together." Nate knew that she meant was before he and Serena had sex for the first time. " The most important things for him is money, the pleasure that money brings, and you."

That makes Nate smile. " Yeah, he also once told me."

" But he still sneaking around with me behind your back. He was betrayed you, for me." Blair said.

" I get it. He never feel in love before. Girls for him is like booze. He never cared about any of them. Well, except you and Serena. Mostly you, because I've seen him hit on Serena once. So I get it. He did that because he loves you."

" Yeah, he loves me. So is Serena." Blair's word make Nate flinched. " My relationship with Serena is no less than you and Chuck. But she was betrayed me. Because she loves you."

Nate remembered the night at the Shepherd wedding. " She's drunk."

" She was always drunk. And you always the one who take care of her when she was drunk. It never a problem before. She knows the limit. What happened between you two isn't because she was drunk. She loves you."

Nate sighed. " I'm so tired, Blair. She always walked away from me."

" She always came back to you."

" Yeah. From the beginning, I was always waiting in the sidelines, wonder when she will come back to me."

" And you are always waiting for her." Nate looked at Blair. " I don't see you have an options here, Nate. You love her. Give her another chance. Give yourself another chance." Blair got up and returned to Chuck's side, leaving Nate to think about what Blair said.

When Serena opened her eyes, she saw Nate asleep on the chair next to her. His head in on the Serena's bed. Without realizing it, her hand moves caressing his face, make him awake. " Sorry." Serena said. Her face turned red.

Nate just smiled. " How do you feel now?"

" Better." Serena simply answer.

" I know this is probably not the right time consider what happened. But I want to talk to you about something."

Serena knew what topic Nate want to say. Then she tried to sit up. Nate helped her to sit. She took a deep breath. " Okay. Tell me." Nate sat beside her bed.

Nate laugh quietly when he saw how nervous she is. He caughed nervously too. He looked at Serena deeply with his blue eyes. " I love you, Serena. I always love you. I've loved you since – I don't even remember when. Loving you is like something I have to do. Loving you has become a part of me. I don't know who I am without loving you." Serena just sitting still, absorbing what Nate's say. " Sitting here this past hours, saw you sleeping, I though about a lot of thing."

" What kind of things?".

" Like when you were seven, you were getting appendicitis."

" I remember that. My mom is in Europe. I cried because I was afraid to be alone."

" I begged my Mom to let me stay with you." Nate looked at Serena. " When you were thirteen, you broke your arm." He smiled and raised his hand caressing Serena's hand.

Serena laugh remembering that moment. " You kicked out Blair and Chuck because they kept arguing."

" Yeah. They even disturb me." Nate was also laughing. " Then last year, when you're got into that accident with Tripp. And now too."

" Why do you think about that?" Serena asked.

" I've always been here, Serena. You broke my heart. But I still stay here with you. The more I think about it, I have no other choice. I don't know how to do the opposite. It's always you." Nate grabbed Serena's hand. " So how many times you want to break my heart. It's okay. But promise me that you will come back to me. Because I'll always be here, waiting for you."

Tears falls down to Serena's cheek. " Please don't cry." Nate wiped her tears with his hand. Serena leaned down to Nate and hugged him tightly.

" Are you sure you want me?"

" I want you. I always wanted you, ever since I was little."

" I was a mess. I don't know why I keep mess things up. I obviously know that I love you. But I keep mess things up between us."

" We'll just keep trying. Okay? No matter what, I want to be with you."

They looked each others deeply in eyes. Their faces move closer, looking each other's lips. But Nate pulled away. " I need to tell you something first." Serena looked confused. But she nodded. " Before Chuck went to Prague, he left me his black book."

" What is black book?" Serena asked.

" Call girl's numbers." Nate simply answers.

Serena's eyes widened when she hear Nate's answer. " So you – " Serena really can't say those words.

" I didn't sleep with them if that's what you ask." Nate hurriedly explained before Serena got the wrong idea. " I tried." Nate sadly smiled. " But I can't do it when I think of you. We've already broke up. But I feel like I'm cheating on you. So I didn't do it. But we do a lot. I want to be honest with you."

Serena slip her hands in Nate's waist and tightly hugged him. She felt very guilty for making Nate like this. " Lets just forget it. Clean slate – for the both of us." Nate smiled and hugged her back.

" I love you so much, Van Der Woodsen." Nate said.

" And I love you more, Archibald." Serena said back. And Nate caressed Serena's face and deeply kissed her.

to be continued...