Loneliness
It fills the emptiness inside
Consumed
Prey to Predator
There's no place
For me to hide
No place far
Or wide
Even with grins
I cannot hide
Captured
Confined
Slaughtered
Denied
- DNL235

I can't believe he didn't answers the phone, maybe he forgot. He WOULD never do that, something must be wrong. I find myself outside his apartment deathly worried about my pride and joy. I set out for a walk to calm my nerves to find myself here, subconsciously, or is it? No it's intentional, I need him. More importantly I sure he needs me. Don't ask me how, it's just a feeling deep down inside. A feeling I refuse to ignore!

I race up the stairs, damn elevator is broken, AT A TIME LIKE THIS. I shouldn't worry, he probably is just tired, he must have just woken up late. Im sure that's it, it's the only possible reason he wouldn't answer my phone call, OR all my texts. That's it, cause there could be no other alternative, at least none I'm willing to consider. I mean he would call me, wouldn't he? YES, of course he would, but then why do i have a pit in my stomach? Stop doubting yourself! We're soul mates,there's nothing to fear, or am I just trying to convince myself. Deluding myself, thinking if I say it enough, believe hard enough that its true. I can't jump to conclusions, I will know for certain soon.

Holy hell there is a lot of steep steps, why isn't there more then one elevator in a place this size. I mean REALLY, how many people live here. Yet there is only one elevator among them all. No matter I'm nearly there. I hasten to his apartment door, regaining my composer before I knock on the portal. I would hate to embarrass myself if nothing is wrong, but what if there IS something wrong. Snap out of it, it NOT possible.

At first I gently tap on the door, idiot he wouldn't be able to hear that. So I knock louder this time, with no response. Concern taking over I begin pounding on the gateway between him and I. I wonder if he's home, I stop. Then try thinking logically, of course he is, it's Saturday. As my imagination overwhelms me I begin thinking horrific thoughts. How dense am I , I have a key.

He opens the entry way, barging in. Ignoring formalities, leaving the gateway open. Only concerned for the matter at hand, HIS LOVE. Nothing else matter, let alone closing a door. Franticly searching for his love, until he hears water running. He checks the kitchen, then realizes it the shower running.

I dash into the restroom, stunned by the travesty my eyes are witnessing. I'm frozen, as his essence slips down the drain. I quickly run to his aid, as I shout his name " KISA"
His lovers features ghost white, as he slips away.

" DON'T LEAVE ME, I LOVE YOU. KISA... I LOVE YOU." Shouting as he embraces his other half. Ripping his dress shirt sleeves, binding the cracks in his lovers forearms that are allowing him to leave.

Barely conscious Kisa lifts his heavily eyelids, he silently utters " Kou... I'm sorry," as his voice deserts him, he peacefully drifts off into the land of nod.

Kou cries out " NO, DON'T LEAVE ME. I WON'T ALLOW THIS. HOLD ON, PLEASE HOLD ON, PLEASE FOR ME," begging, pleading for his one an only to fight, desperation seeping out every word. He's lost , split between the desire to coddle his love, and taking drastic action.

He lifts his fragile body, from the pool of blood, ignoring ' IT' as it drenches his clothing, staining the light fabric with his partners life force. As an adrenaline a rush kicks in, along with pure instinct, he doesn't question this primal feeling inside. Only opens himself to it, desperately desiring to cheat fate.

Swift as the wind, gliding as he descends the staircase. Quicker then when he ascended, knowing that it matter more then ever. Racing against time, as he reaches his destination. Pushing past noisy neighbors, delicately placing Kisa on the gurney, medics swarm accessing the situation.

Inserting an IV in to the disappearing veins. Unwrapping the make shift tourniquet, replacing and bandaging the gaping wounds with gauze. Pumping in fluids as fast as they will go. Shoving the gurney inside the ambulance, then they hop into the ambulance " sir are you coming, if so we need to leave NOW!"

Stunned by the withering body in front of him, he jumps inside. His body shivering as the adrenaline fades away, just like the broken person in front of him. Grabbing hold of himself, demanding this nightmare to only be a dream. A dream he will wake from, just one pinch away.

" Sir, what happened" unaware of the request for information from the man next to him. Kou is startled when the man places a hand on his shoulder, encouraging him to speak up," sir, what happened?" Repeats the medic.

" I ... Don't know" he replies, his voice raspy and shaky, nearly nonexistent. " I found him this way." Warm liquid streams down his cheeks. As he watches his lover slowly slip from his grasp, feeling helpless. Knowing he can't do anything, praying he was fast enough, soon enough, only wishing that he wasn't to late.

The slow but steady beat, halts, as a alarm wails, alerting the medic.
" FLAT LINE, hurry! We're losing him" yells the medic to his companion in front driving. Clasping is hands together on Kisa chest, compressing them in a constant rhythm. Beating the chest, hoping to regain a pulse. Grabbing a pair of handles form the wall " clear" shocking Kisa body causing it to convulse. " no good, again, CLEAR" the medic breaths a sigh of relief when a weak beat returns.

This is all my fault, I should have been there, I should have known. I never should have left his side. Why couldn't I have been there, I could have convinced him he's loved. I could've STOPPED him. I only hope I made it I time...but what if I DIDN'T?

Everything She Wants

If my best isn't good enough,
Then how
Can it be good enough
For two
- Wham/ George Michael