Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors

by Sariniste

Humorous short letters to Bleach fanfiction authors: what the characters would say in response to common fanfic clichés. Canon universe, mostly. No non-canon pairings. Drabble series. Plus, how to improve your writing in ten easy lessons from the Shinigami Women's and Men's Associations.

2. Toshiro Hitsugaya

Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors

Chapter 2 – Toshiro Hitsugaya

A/N: Thanks to Guest for this one. And thanks to Gemini24 for catching a mistake in the first chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Inspired by Horizons' Harry Potter story of the same name.

(Originally posted 7/9/12.)

XxXxXxX

Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors,

There's no reason for me to be such a popular character with you people. I'm simply good at my job, that's all, and personally, I'd prefer not to have all this attention. And stop saying I have "teal orbs!"

And if I'm so popular, how come so many of your fanfictions feature me being tortured?

While we're on the subject of torture, could you please not write me in a romantic relationship with Lieutenant Matsumoto? She is a competent lieutenant if, and only if, I keep after her. And if she lays off the sake. But we have a purely, and I mean purely, professional relationship.

As to the other romances:

Momo is my sister, for goodness sake. We grew up together. Of course I love her… as a sister. Let me tell you, when you've cleaned up after someone wetting the bed, you just don't, uh, think of her that way.

Ichigo? Oh, I forgot, everybody gets paired with him. But seriously… no.

Karin? Who's Karin?

Sincerely,

Captain Hitsugaya