002: IT'S ALL ACTING, DON'T YOU KNOW?
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BOY BANDS
THE KNOW—HOW FOR DUMMIES;
To create a friendly and safe atmosphere within your boy band, there are a few rules that members should follow if they wish to get paid. You typical female fan doesn't like change; she'd much prefer the same, original members than for you to attempt to introduce another new one, because one broke the rules.
Do not let your fans down!
01. Never miss a meeting. There are no exceptions, whatsoever.
02. Always stay in character, no matter what— you are no longer yourself; you are now a type'.
REMEMBER!
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
03. Before you decide to do an interview, or agree to anything, you must run it past the Manager.
04. Never turn on a fellow band-member; they are your family, your friends and your everything.
05. Exercise and stay fit. Image is everything. Always check your appearance before leaving the house, since the paparazzi are everywhere.
REMEMBER!
Close your curtains before you go to sleep, and only open them once you are looking fabulous.
06. Never do, or say, anything you might regret later. You are the image of everything peaceful and innocent.
REMEMBER!
This means no sex tapes, no swearing, no scandals and nothing embarrassing or shameful.
07. You cannot argue with the Manager. What she says goes.
08. Treat your fans with respect and patience, no matter how annoying they can be. Be kind and friendly, unless it says otherwise.
EXAMPLE!
The Mysterious Type will need to be mysterious and should stick to one-worded answers, when answering any questions.
09. Unless told otherwise, keep everything you do secret.
10. And, perhaps the most important rule of all, never date a fan.
It will always come back to bite you later.
The punishments for breaking any of the above rules can be loss of friendship, heart-break or being beaten up by an extremely angry Manager.
These rules were written by Tsunade.
Manager of legendarysuckerrecords.
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It didn't take Tsunade particularly long to get in touch with Sasuke; in fact, the phone call came all too soon and on just the wrong day. She'd called him on a very rare occasion— Itachi had decided to pay him a visit and had turned up, with an annoyed-looking Kisame, at his doorstep.
"Well then, little brother," Itachi murmured in greeting, and Sasuke merely scowled; by the look of his designer shirt and jeans, the older Uchiha, and Akatsuki, were doing quite well. "Aren't you going to let me come in?"
Kisame grinned, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Yo."
He'd originally wanted to slam the door in their faces and then act like he couldn't hear their persistent knocking— he'd decided against it and, in a defeated manner, let them inside his cozy little apartment. Itachi wrinkled his nose as he looked around, "little brother, I could buy you a mansion and, yet, you still choose to live in this dump."
"…'s'not a dump." Sasuke muttered, narrowing his eyes.
The blue-haired, older man grinned, ruffling Sasuke's hair. "I'm sure he'll figure out a way to get some cash, 'tachi," Kisame turned to his band-mate, his grin widening. "After all, he can't work at Costa Coffee for the rest of his life."
Sasuke didn't bother responding, and stalked off to the kitchen to make them some coffee (oh, the irony!). He paused, stirring the steaming-hot drinks thoughtfully, and peered around the door at his brother. Without meaning to, he found himself remembering what Tsunade had said.
"…he found out his brother was gay."
He frowned, still pondering those words as he gave the two older men their drinks; he completely ignored their mumbled 'thanks' and stood awkwardly opposite them, still thinking. After a while, Itachi coughed, startling the younger Uchiha out of his thoughts. "Sasuke," his older brother murmured softly. "You've been tuning out."
"I was thinking."
"Don't hurt yourself," Kisame teased, rolling his eyes. "I didn't know you could think. I thought all Uchiha's just stood there glaring and grunting, like this one does." He jerked his thumb at Itachi, scowling. "What were you thinking about, anyway?"
"I was trying to figure out whether or not Itachi was—"
—the phone rang and Sasuke let out a sigh of relief— after all, he'd come so close to acting like such an idiot. Itachi shot him a puzzled glance before picking up the phone.
"Hello?" He practically whispered; his eyes widened, he blinked, and then raised an eyebrow at Sasuke. "Tsunade? Yes, Sasuke is here. Yes, I am going to find out why you're calling him, though I already have a hunch."
The older Uchiha passed the phone wordlessly to his visibly-paling younger brother. "Tsunade."
"—Sasuke! You should have told me Itachi was going to be at yours for a little while; I would have called your mobile. But, I figured you'd be at home, so— listen, don't tell Itachi anything. No matter what. Because then he'll just pass it on to that sonofabitch, Madara—"
"There's a lot of sexual tension between the pair of you, isn't there?" Sasuke winced at the following shriek of protest.
"—you bastard! You arrogant bastard! God, this is why I hated Itachi!" There was a hiss of frustration and Sasuke sniggered. Obviously, that did nothing to help Tsunade's now-sour mood. "Anyway, you get your ass to my office in five minutes. Throw Itachi and his boyfriend out if you have to. Just get here pronto."
And then she hung up.
Sasuke strode briskly past his brother, tossed the phone at Itachi, and then sighed. "If you don't ask, you can stay here for the night."
"I have my own house, little brother, so you're going to have to do better than that," Itachi murmured, the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
The younger grimaced. "You and Kisame can have my flat to yourself, I'll stay over at Naruto's, and I won't tell anyone you're gay. Now, is it a deal or not?"
Itachi smirked.
"Deal."
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"Yo, Sasuke!"
Sasuke blinked, turning around to find himself face to face with a grinning Kiba; the brunette waved at him with one hand, the other reaching down to scoop a small, white puppy off the ground. To Sasuke's surprise, the other boy then proceeded to place the dog on his head and act like nothing had ever happened.
"…Inuzuka."
"Did the old bat tell you why she wanted to see us?" Kiba asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"No. I pissed her off." Sasuke rolled his eyes, smirking.
"Heh, so did I." Kiba's grin grew wider. "I told her I was taking Akamaru—" He gestured briefly at the puppy on his head. "—and she got all fussy about how dogs weren't allowed in her office and how I'd better start paying attention to the rules, 'cause there were plenty of other guys who are desperate for chicks and money." He sniggered. "What can I say? I'm just getting into role, y'know?"
The Uchiha shrugged, unsure of what to say; and then he became aware of Kiba staring directly at him, as though he was trying to figure something out. "What?"
"I was just thinking…"
"There's a surprise."
Kiba ignored him. "Why'd you say yes? Was it for the chicks? Nah, it can't have been; you look like the type of pretty boy girls— and dudes— chase down the street. Cash? You're an Uchiha; yeah, so your parents are dead, but they left you heap-loads of money, right? So… why?"
Sasuke merely hn'ed and the Inuzuka grinned.
"Are you gay then?"
And Sasuke punched him.
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04. Never turn on a fellow band-member; they are your family, your friends and your everything.
BROKEN.
…
It was a stupid rule anyway.
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"You hit him?!" Tsunade roared, glowering darkly at Sasuke.
"Hn." The Uchiha hn'ed, ignoring her look of rage.
Kiba fidgeted awkwardly. "Hey, it's no big deal—"
"—Kiba," Tsunade turned to glare at the other boy, her voice suddenly soft and, if it were possible, even scarier. "Didn't you bother reading the rules? Number four; never turn on a band-member. Never! NEVER. As in, you know, don't do it! What don't you get about that, Uchiha?!"
"…hn."
Naruto sniggered, before looking innocently away.
"Ugh! But what can I expect? He's an Uchiha! With absolutely no respect for the rules; just like Itachi! And no doubt he cheats at cards, like that asshole, Madara!"
Shikamaru yawned and Neji rolled his eyes, deciding to intervene and sweet-talk Sasuke's ass to safety.
"Tsunade, I'm sure Uchiha's lack of regard for the Rules has nothing to do with the fact that he's an Uchiha. However, it is no big deal; surely you can simply rope this into yet another scheme of yours? Perhaps Kiba was protecting a young woman from a violent mugging and got caught up in the process? I'm not the Manager, so use your imagination; assuming you're as intelligent as you are beautiful."
The older woman fluttered her eyelashes playfully, before laughing. "I guess you do well with the ladies, right Neji? But, flattery aside, I think you're right." She turned to gaze sternly at Sasuke. "However, you'd better than Neji for being there and saving your sorry ass. Otherwise, next time— no, screw that; there won't be a 'next time', right?"
Sasuke shrugged.
"Hn."
Tsunade nodded smugly to herself, leaning back in her chair, and then surveyed the five boys. She frowned, before pointing at Naruto; the blonde blinked and glanced quickly at Neji, who, despite seeming to know everything, looked just as puzzled as the Uzumaki. "Hey, Naruto. Say Sasuke's name."
"Uh… Sasuke?"
"…no. Add '-chan' onto the end."
"…"
"Just do it."
"Sasuke-chan."
"Say it again. And, this time, look at Sasuke."
"Is there any point to this?" The blonde promptly winced, shivering slightly as Tsunade glared darkly at him, and then turned to face Sasuke. The other remained stoic, apart from his usual smirk, while Kiba sniggered happily. "Sasuke-chaaan."
The Manager clapped her hands, applauding the Uzumaki brilliant performance. "Now the rest of them, Naruto; and you can improvise. Try out your own style. We want your character to appear needy, as though you're desperate to stay with them, but cute, so that girls can picture you saying their names like that. Understand?"
Naruto just scowled.
"Oh, good!"
"Sasuke-chaaan. Neji-sempai. Shika. Kiba—! Hey, stop laughing, you moron! Kiba-dickface!" Naruto pouted, glanced swiftly at Tsunade, and then continued with his little performance. "Kiba… Kiba… Kiba? Ki-Ki? Kibaaa? Kiiiba? Uh…" Shrug. "Just Kiba."
For a moment, Tsunade seemed proud of Naruto; and then she nodded once and then gestured for them to all stand up. Sasuke did so, still chuckling slightly at Naruto's earlier humiliation, and then glanced uneasily at the others. Neji was the tallest, followed closely by him and Kiba; Shikamaru had to be around the same height as them, but his hair made him seem taller. Naruto was by far the shortest; Sasuke had already known the blonde was short and had proceeded to tease him non-stop.
…and he already knew what Tsunade was planning.
"Kiba, since you're the Troublemaker, feel free to tease Naruto about his height at any possible moment. Call him Shorty; you know the drill. And, Naruto, you can call him— and only playfully, remember, we're all friends here— Meany. So you two have an Older Sibling-esque relationship."
"Wha—?!"
"Complaining already, Shorty?"
"This isn't fair! Why am I the only one who gets picked on?! And I have to act like I love 'em all to bits, but Kiba's a real prick! This isn't fair!"
"Such is life, kiddo, deal with it."
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For some reason, Sasuke felt like the Manager had been picking slightly on Naruto. He had no clue why, didn't really care why, and couldn't be bothered to find out why. So he followed a sour Naruto home in silence, explained briefly why he was staying over at his best friend's, and then watched the latest episode of Bleach with the blonde. After yelling "BANKAI!" a few times, playing anime charades and basically taking the piss out of everyone and everything, Sasuke finally felt like he'd cheered the Uzumaki up and they went to bed pretending everything was the same as it had been before.
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"Itachi, why does your brother think you're gay? I mean, there's nothing about you that seems even slightly homosexual…"
Kisame promptly burst out into a round of loud, obnoxious guffawing.
Itachi merely rolled his eyes. "Kisame, I am not gay. I will kill you if you continue to say I am— now shut up and keep looking."
The older man looked vaguely insulted, before sniggering softly. "What are we lookin' for, anyway? I mean, I know what but you never said what it looked like."
"Ignore my earlier instructions and listen to this one, Kisame; shut the hell up." He turned, throwing a threatening, fake smile in Kisame''s direction, and then continued rummaging through his little brother's items.
Kisame sniggered once again and then slipped away to the kitchen.
"Ah-ha…" The Uchiha prodigy murmured, finally pulling a shiny gold business-card out of the drawer. He gazed swiftly at it, smiled, and then leaned back, closing his eyes; he silently placed it into his pocket.
"Madara would definitely like to see this…"
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"Naruuuuto! Saaaasuke!"
Naruto's eye twitched.
Sasuke scowled.
"Karin."
The Uchiha didn't bother turning around, as the girl flung herself over him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her head against his chest. "Oh, Sasuke, Sasuke… I went on holiday, did you know? I missed you, I really did. I mean, I met this guy called Suigetsu and he was cute and all—"
"—that's really great, Karin-chan." Naruto cut her off, smiling pleasantly. "He sounds like someone you should really get to know."
"I know, Naruto; doesn't he just?!" She detached herself from Sasuke, so that she could fling her arms around Naruto. "Y'know, you seem loooaaads nicer now than you did a couple of days ago. I mean, what I'm trying to say is, you've really changed. Well, yesterday you wouldn't even look at me, let alone call me 'Karin-chan', and now you're supporting me and smiling and being really friendly. Like the type of guy who'd be an awesome boyfriend. Shame you're not my type, otherwise I'd totally jump you."
Naruto seemed taken aback; and Sasuke blinked. Now that he thought about it, the blonde had changed. He'd become sweeter, chatting to the girls in the cafe, instead of flirting, and he'd smiled and blushed whenever they said something flattering about him. He'd stopped being Mr. Lover, Lover and turned into a Teddy-Bear Boyfriend. It was strange how easily he'd slipped into his new character
((new life))
already. Sasuke didn't know whether or not he liked the change.
((new person))
"Really, Karin-chan?" Naruto chirped brightly. "I can't see a difference. But, I'd be able to see one if you treated me to ramen! Tch, and Sasuke-chan, but he's acting all grumpy because he slept on the floor last night."
"I'm not that grumpy."
"Are so."
"…am not."
"Are so!"
"Wah, but you two haven't changed at all!" Karin giggled, before frowning. "I mean, you've changed but you haven't— both of you— especially you, Naruto. Sasuke-chan? Can I call you that, Sasuke? Wait, Naruto; the guy's supposed to treat the girl to ramen! Hey!"
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((I don't really want to change.
Not really.
Would you?))
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"Oi, Sasuke, Shorty! Fancy seein' you here, right?"
Sasuke rolled his eyes, lifting a hand briefly in greeting; Naruto waved, his face practically lighting up, and bounded over to where Kiba sat with Neji. Karin blinked, looking from Naruto to Sasuke, to Naruto again, and then waved a hand in front of Sasuke's nose. "Hullo? What's going on? I didn't know we were meeting cute guys."
"Karin, the long-haired guy is Hyuuga Neji, and the other one is Inuzuka Kiba. Hey, this is Karin!" Naruto grinned, introducing them to each other; Neji nodded his head and Kiba stood up, stepped briskly over, and then planted a kiss on her cheek.
"Nah, this isn't Karin. This is an angel; and she's fallen from heaven to seduce me with her startling beauty."
Sasuke deadpanned. "She crawled out of hell, more like."
Karin swooned and blushed and fluttered her eyelashes at all the right moments, but even she was just slightly confused— just slightly puzzled. She glanced from Neji to Kiba, marveling at a) just how cute they were and b) the fact that she'd never met them before in her life and, if she was correct, she was pretty sure Naruto and Sasuke had only met them recently. And, yet, it was as though they were all the best of friends.
"Yo."
Karin blushed; oh yeah, another cutie. Yummy scrummy.
Shikamaru yawned, stretching slightly, and then offered a hand to Karin. "I'm Nara Shikamaru. You are…?"
"K—Karin." She cursed her stuttering speech, bad luck, and the fact that she wasn't even wearing a skirt and showing off her fabulous legs. Tch, sometimes life just wasn't fair.
Nara Shikamaru nodded, sitting himself down next to Sasuke, and then promptly launched into a conversation with the mysterious Uchiha. Kiba and Naruto were playing an enthralling game of rock-paper-scissors, while Neji looked on in amusement, and Karin just sat.
She was surrounded by HAWT boys.
What more could a girl wish for?
Her phone let out a text-message-like beep.
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To: Karin
From: Suigetsu
hi.
juugo thought i should tell you, because he heard you singing; we're in a band. we play mostly rock and we're by ourselves. i do most of the singing, but i suck, so we're never going to get out of my garage. but you'd be perfect.
interested?
my place, wednesday.
you, me and pizza. juugo is not invited.
x
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"SQUEE!"
"K—Karin? Are you alright?"
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"Hey, your friends are nice! When did you meet them? How did you meet them?" Karin asked, the moment they'd left the cafe.
"None of them are on the lookout for girls."
Karin scowled, punching Sasuke's arm playfully. "No, I didn't recognize them, and I know most of your friends. Because, a) Sasuke doesn't have friends, only fan-girls and Naruto, and b) Naruto doesn't have many friends, only Sasuke and Sasuke's fan-girls. And Sai. But she-males don't count."
"Are you a she-male then?"
"Shut up!"
Naruto chuckled merrily, before patting Karin's head. "You've got a date, haven't you?"
"How the hell could you tell?!"
"Other than your random squealing in the café— you're not clinging to Sasuke as much. Is it this Suigetsu guy?" Karin nodded, grinning, and Sasuke marveled at how easily his best friend had changed the subject.
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"Kisame, we're leaving now. Tidy up."
Kisame gazed at the scattered pizza boxes, the papers which Itachi had tipped onto the floor in his frenzied search for God-knows-what, and the slightly broken Xbox 360.
"…"
"…"
"I'm just gonna shove it all underneath the sofa, 'kay?"
"Whatever. Remember, you're the one paying for the Xbox. Otherwise, I fear my little brother will hunt you down and kill you. Get someone to drop one off."
"But you broke it—"
"…" Glare.
"I mean, uh, I did it all and I will replace it."
"That's what I thought you meant."
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Later that day, when Itachi finally managed to show his Manager the gold business card, Madara was thrilled. He peered at it, patted Itachi's head and told the other to 'run along' (which seriously pissed Itachi off), and then promptly picked up his mobile.
"Hello?"
"Suigetsu, right?"
"Is this Uchiha Madara? Wow! Did you change your mind?"
"…not quite. I've got an excellent band on my hands already, and two excellent bands is quite a handful. However, I know someone who is in interested. Have you heard of Sound 5? Good…"
Two minutes later, and a very happy Madara had hung up. Next, he dialed another number, humming tunelessly to himself as he did so. There was a brief paused and then someone had picked up the phone. "Kabuto here. Orochimaru isn't here right now, so please leave me a message I can give to him."
"Kabuto! Just tell Orochimaru to ring me back. I've got some 'good gossip' to tell him; and I've thought of a way to bring down legendarysuckerrecords for good. We can even make that old pervert look like a fool! Tell him I have an offer he just can't resist…"
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And, thus, the wheels of fate began to roll.
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and i am a weapon of massive consumption
and it's not my fault, it's how i'm programmed to function
i look in the sun and i look in the mirror
i'm on the right track, yeah
we're onto a winner
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Chapter two has been checked through and changed slightly— not majorly, so it's all fine. I totally love Itachi; I'm not sure at the moment as to whether he is gay or not, but I'll just go with the flow.