Author's note: Sorry, I took this down shortly after I posted it the first time because it just wasn't sitting right. it needed a few things here and there and in order not to drive myself crazy hating it I needed badly to re do it. so I hope this is better.

Enjoy!

xo

Manda

She was still chicken legs skinny, Dan had pointed it out as he'd held his god daughter the afternoon previous. Vanessa smiled as she thought about the comment now, her daughter did look like a tiny shrimp as she laid sound asleep on her father's chest. The newborn onsie looked big and bunched on the innocent angel. Her knees were tucked under her, one little perfect set of five fingers were wrapped and squeezing tight as they could around Nate's left pointer finger. As her hazel eyes traveled up her tiny ball of a daughter it was the little face that made her smile, under her eyelids her father's same exquisite sapphire eyes, Vanessa's own nose only much smaller and button like, a little face that would, as soon as she could really smile would have the dimples that both of her parents possessed. Then there was the site that made Vanessa's heart burn even warmer, her little mouth was in a round 'O' as she slept. Vanessa knew that she looked up to her little girl's father his mouth would be slightly ajar also. She'd been taking bets since before the baby had arrived that she'd be a daddy's girl.

In all the evenings and nights they'd laid together on the couch. The times that Nate painted her toe nails, the feet that she couldn't quite see over her swollen stomach in the months prior to the arrival of the baby. He'd argued back and forth with her that he was going to be outnumbered and the baby was going to take her side in everything. Clearly already, even with her being four weeks old she was clearly Nate's daughter and already it seemed that the baby had her daddy wrapped completely around her finger. Her every beckoning cry he'd run to her without any bouts of hesitation.

Who would have thought Nate would be so good at being daddy so instantly? Perhaps they should have done it all sooner, no, that wouldn't have been possible. Being pregnant at thirty-five and refusing to give the father's name until he insisted that it was fine had been heard enough, she didn't know what she would have done if they'd been any younger. As she looked at her daughter she knew every bit of it was worth it. The baby and Nate were worth every tedious struggle they'd put themselves through to be together. Even their arguments and all of the times he'd stood her up and made her believe false excuses was even worth it. It was all the past now, they'd moved forward from everything that had taken place back when they were teenagers. All of that was half of their lives ago.

Raising her hand just enough to slip onto the baby's back she marveled in awe of every inhale and exhale of breathe that was let in and out of the tiny lungs. To anyone in the outside world she might have seemed like a whore, no one knew the struggle she'd gone through, the few people involved in the direct situations had gone through. All to get to the places they were now. It had been a long and difficult process, one that still shown the memories, scars, and wounds. After years of an uphill battle it didn't matter if she had a ring on her finger or not, the two things she'd waited years for were right beside her. In all ways that counted, they were hers.

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Her eyes opened with a dull ache in her head, the morning light was pouring in through the blinds beside the bed and already making it so that Vanessa Abrams felt like she was going to throw up all over the red satin sheets. Red satin, she'd expected it on the day seven years ago that she'd first slept with him. She just wished he'd get the hint and get rid of them by now, they weren't eighteen anymore, they were twenty-five and it was time to grow up. When the thoughts came from the girl with the massive hangover that was slowly accumulating it didn't mean much she supposed. Today was one they'd both considered D-day, the day their already blackened hearts charred and crumbled.

The smell of smoke made her roll over onto her back; her sleepy eyes looked at the cigarette in his hand before she looked at him. A still drunken smirk was pressed over his face as he spotted her awake out of the corner of his eyes. Half of her wanted to let out a grunt of annoyance and cover her face with the pillow in back of her head till she slowly suffocated to death. Rational thinking so early in the morning wasn't something she was very good with. Her most dramatic thoughts came out from their hidden spots of her mind in the times when her guard wasn't up.

"You do know that we have an hour till we have to be at the wedding from hell right?"

A deep glare was in her eyes as she pulled herself from bed and grabbed a shirt off of the floor to put on. It was his, it reeked of smoke and last night's booze. Her head was spinning and she felt sick to her stomach already. The last thing she wanted to do was see the wedding take place right in front of her eyes. A pint of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream, a sappy movie, and a blanket on the couch sounded better to her then that. Even gouging her eyes out with pencils sounded better than watching the wedding.

"Save me some room in that shower babe"

He called out after her and she stopped in the doorway to the bathroom, she raised an eyebrow and held up her right hand middle finger. She wasn't in the mood to play games this morning. Things were far to destroyed to play any sort of games about it all, the last thing she wanted to do was attend the wedding. He'd asked her to go with him, to be the 'candy on his arm' and for some stupid reason she'd said yes. Part of her hoped that they hurt seeing her with him hurt the groom as bad as she hurt.

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The feeling of eyes on her tore her from her thoughts as she looked up to meet sapphire blues of the man she'd been in love with for years. Even after all of their problems and betrayals he held her heart and the little girl on his chest proved it. With her right hand still on the baby's back his right hand found her left and laced fingers with a gentle squeeze. Vanessa hadn't believed it when she'd woken up at first, when Nate had told her the news about everything that had gone on earlier in the afternoon.

"You do know she's going to be up all night now right?"

She broke the silence of the room with whisper; her eyes like her hand were still locked with his. She felt him pull her hand from under her as he kissed her knuckles before placing their locked hands back at their sides and breaking her gaze to look down at their daughter. A sight they both could have marveled over for hours without any such complaint. The night he'd stayed with her in the hospital when in all rights he should have been home with his wife, they'd laid in the hospital bed together for over two hours not saying a thing, just looking at the baby in the clear bassinet beside them.

"Daddy's home to take the night shift."

It was a word he'd waited a long time to be able to say, waiting to say with her, her and only her. The smile that was on her face was one that made her dimples show brightly as he suddenly mirrored the same smile that was on his face. They both knew what it meant, it meant that they could both be together; they could be together with their daughter and live the life they'd wanted to for years past. No third parties in the middle of it all this time, they could be the family they'd wanted to be since the beginning.

"Emmie hated the fact that you weren't here last night. She was very fussy when it was just me that went to pick her up rather then you too."

Watching, she saw Nate bow his head to look at their child. She knew the loving regret that colored his features. Over the years she'd learned it better then she'd known it back before they'd even gotten their acceptance letters to the colleges they'd attended. It was her turn then; she lifted their hands to her cheeks and laid her head upon them.

"Bliss, will have daddy here every night for now on."

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Hair was to her shoulder and a complete curly mess with diamond clips he'd bought her especially for the day. He was good to he, he had been good to her since he'd picked her up in the bar after Gossip Girl's exposing blast when they were eighteen. She stood facing the mirror, her crimson dress fell to the floor, the V-cut in the front was low and dangerous. Then there was the back, cut low enough to just barely cover. It was the way he liked it, she couldn't deny that he'd picked it out, it had his name written all over it. She hadn't heard him walking closer to her. It wasn't till his hands were on her hips did she notice he was there with her.

"You look breath taking"

She smiled a smile that didn't quite touch her eyes. It had been a long time since smiles had touched her eyes. it had been a very long while since smiles had reached her eyes. His lips were on her neck then, his hands slipping up and down the silk of the gown she wore. Sex was one of the things he was always up for, regardless of the time of day it was. She'd known that from the very beginning of it all.

"I'm not going to sleep with you right now, we have places to go."

With a gritted laugh he slipped his hand possessively to where the fabric in back finally covered her behind. She instantly rolled her eyes and turned away from the mirror grabbing the pocked it his neatly ironed suit. Not that she was in any rush to get there, but, she was in a rush to get it all over with. It didn't help that the best man was still with her with fifteen minutes till the ceremony was to start.

"How about in the limo? You can at least relieve my tension of looking at you in that dress."

She dragged him through the clothes strewn hotel room to the door and out into the quiet hallway. The day was dreary, rain beat down on the ashy sidewalk she could see beyond the door. The rain seemed to be reflecting the way she felt on the inside. Even as he slipped his arm around her waist he wasn't the guy she wanted to be beside her. Of course the sex was ok, but he wasn't the man she loved, nor would he ever be. He was just there to take her thoughts away, as she was the same to him.

"Depends on how fast you think you can get off."

Caring about much wasn't her anymore, she did what she had to and nothing more, she made him happy more than she ever bothered to care what type of shape she was in. As far as she cared she'd fallen apart long before the day of the wedding had approached, she'd fallen apart the day that her heart was crushed.

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"We named her Emorie Nate, we decided against going with Bliss for her first name and would you really want to be called by your middle name? Fitzwilliam."

She teased, they'd gone over and over baby names since before they'd found out they were having a little girl. She'd said Memory and he'd laughed. He said Bliss, the exact thing that he was feeling at the moment, at most moments with her and she'd laughed at him. Somewhere along the way their daughter had arrived at the name Emorie Bliss. It was the perfect name, the perfect name for their perfect little girl. Unique and different just like their story had been, a story that contained more holes and matters of being wrong then most stories did. they were no Notebook love story.

"At least Bliss isn't Marigold."

A playful shine was still to her eyes as she rolled them at him causing a laugh that disturbed their little girl from her peaceful slumber. Her sapphire eyes blinked open after being partly jostled, her head lifted just the tiniest bit off of Nate's chest as her curled up legs stretched out straight as though she needed to adjust positions.

"Making fun of my middle name now? You've met my parents."

Parents, parents that she still had yet to introduce to her daughter, to their daughter, why expose a baby to that craziness so early on. Anne, Anne on the other hand had known as soon as she saw the baby's sparkling blue eyes. Well, that and the true smile on her son's face. Though she wasn't pleased in the way it had happened exactly, she knew Blair had been being stubborn to give her son a divorce from the very beginning. Over the years she'd come to really know Vanessa, she was the daughter in law that Anne should have had from the start. Vanessa hadn't expected to get along with her as well as she did.

"I told you she liked Bliss better."

Nate whispered as Vanessa moved her hand up and down their baby girl's back. She was quiet, she didn't cry like most children would have. It was like she knew that moments with her parents were special. Maybe she had heard all the talks Vanessa had given to her stomach while Nate wasn't with her. The baby just looked for a moment up at her father's face before laying her head back down on his chest where she then looked at her mother then closed her perfect little eyes again, content to know that both her parents were there to provide her peace and shelter.

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The wedding had been in every aspect and in every way as painful as she'd expected that it would be. Her heart hurt worse than when she'd seen the picture of the pair locking lips on her cell phone. Her eyes were filled with tears she hadn't let fall as she sat in the back row at the chapel. She hadn't fallen from his eyes the whole time it seemed though. He was either looking at his soon to be wife or throwing glances at the back row to look at her. She shivered involuntarily, thinking about all the glances he'd thrown at her.

She wasn't going to break down, she wasn't going to break down, she wasn't going to… no, she was going to. all she wanted to do was find a room where she could be alone in the fucking hotel, somewhere she could break down completely. All of her anger and aggression needed to come out. Even finding the one she was tied to now and letting him do whatever he'd have liked to would have felt better then all of the twisted agony that she felt in every inch of her bones.

"Blair get off of your knees and put your dress back on. Your husband is waiting for you."

It wasn't Nate's voice but it was a voice she recognized, it was the voice she'd heard night after night for the past few years. Her tears suddenly subsided as her head processed the facts she'd suddenly just heard. How could Blair be doing this to Nate? How could he be doing this to Nate? In a way Nate deserved it, no, she couldn't think that way. What about herself?

"You just had sex with me, five minutes after I said 'I do' to another man, your best friend none the less. Now, all I want to do is give you what you gave me and you won't allow it? Come on Chuck."

Blair's voice was low and sultry from behind the door, it just made Vanessa more and more disgusted. People on the Upper East Side never changed. Even once they'd had their hearts broken. She should have known it was the Chuck and Blair way, screw everyone over that wasn't one another. Even if it meant breaking vows, because now that Blair was Blair Cornelia Archibald, she was pretty sure what she was doing was classified as adultery.

"No Blair, this isn't right… this shouldn't have happened. Nate doesn't deserve this. Vanessa doesn't deserve this. She's been hurt by you enough, I don't want to add to her pain."

Vanessa wanted to tear herself away, even if Chuck had suddenly decided to be a good person it still didn't excuse what he and Nate's 'wife' had done straight after she'd said 'I Do'. Vanessa was sick of these people, sick of the life they lead. She went to turn from the door, to run from the hotel where the reception was. Only, when she did so she walked almost right into the tall blonde.

"Vanessa? Have you seen Blair?"

Even if she had the power to destroy something that had just taken place she couldn't stoop as low as the rest of them. Vanessa looked up at Serena and shook her head no. She'd lie and cover everyone's asses one final time, she wouldn't do it again, and she couldn't do it again. It hurt far too much to be in the middle of things that caused so much pain to herself.

Iman - (: there's the update, hope you like it, YOB should be done shortly. if I can stop myself from procrastinating.

Phoe - Nate and a baby... wait re try that. Nate with his and Vanessa's baby is one of the most adorable images ever. awwh Nate carying around a baby wrapped in a little blanket. yea, cuteness right there. Before Nate gets in to much trouble for what he's done there's an explination for it all.

Kristina - That's what I was aiming for! as for both CB and NV geting their happy endings. I have to say, you're what sparked me with the idea of Chuck. so we'll see, perhaps...

Izzy - I have to honestly admit that I am NOT a Blair fan. not in the books, not in the show. and normally i'd say she deserves what she gets. but I will do my best to look at it with a level head. promise. as for chuck. you know, you never know... maybe ;)

3venst4r 2009 - as I said before I'm not a Blair fan. lol, but keep in mind Karma's a bitch... what goes around comes around. Blair's done her own wrongs also, Blair is NEVER innocent

zenith16 - for a story I only planned to make a one shot i'm working at it (: yep, NV check... CB i'll work on. i've never written CB to be honest

sharebearhoover22 - thank yo so much for your review! I hope you liked the update

izzyjane - sorry about that! it's here now! better then before