WHEN YOU WERE MINE;

Part 2

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~ * ~ This one is in John¡¯s POV ~ * ~

~ Ice Maiden reporting ~

Thanks Chi86 for suggesting a second part to this story. I¡¯ll try not to hit Aeryn over the head with any more pipes. I¡¯ll just abuse her with something else. *Runs and hides from the SACAS people*

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Spoiler: Up to Fractures

Timeline: This is post ¡°Fractures¡±. (Sorry about the time gap between the two parts)

Summary: Aeryn finds she has her memory back and every episode between hidden memory and Fractures occur between this fic and the last one. The twinning has occurred and of course the other John is dead. Aeryn is grieving over T-John but something happens¡­

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Aeryn¡­ I can¡¯t get her out of my mind. She¡¯s still convinced I¡¯m not real and that I don¡¯t exist. Now I know how Harvey feels. We¡¯re both seen as clones of the original, of the lucky one.

I find myself walking aimlessly around the corridors hoping to bump into her but she always shuts herself up in her room like a rebellious teenager. Whenever I walk around I always find myself ending up in the same place, outside her quarters. Sometimes when I go during the night I find her crying and saying she wished everything was back to the way it was before. I¡¯ve always assumed it meant when he was alive, when they were on Talyn. When I was on Moya.

Tonight when I went outside to take a midnight stroll I didn¡¯t find myself outside her quarters. I ended up at the terrace. I tried thinking of home. They say home is where the heart is. I gave up my heart to the person I no longer know, the person who no longer wants to know me or have anything to do with me. I don¡¯t know where my home is. If I go back to Earth I know that a part of me will be missing. If I stay here on Moya I¡¯ll feel torn between my feelings and respecting those of the one I love.

There is nobody in the terrace except a small DRD.

¡°Hello there. What are you doing away from all the DRDs?¡± I sat down the floor and felt the soft rumbling of Moya. The DRD poked at my leg.

¡°What is it little dot?¡± The DRD showed me an image. Aeryn was tossing and turning in her bed. She was sweaty and obviously sick.

¡°Oh god. Is she sick?¡± The DRD moved backwards and forwards. ¡°Okay give me one flash if she is.¡± The DRD flashed its lights once. I quickly sprinted out of the terrace. I could not bare the thought of Aeryn being sick.

As I neared Aeryn¡¯s room I bumped in D¡¯Argo.

¡°What are you doing up so late? It¡¯s not your shift.¡± He held on to my shoulder as I tried wriggling away.

¡°Let go D. Aeryn¡¯s sick.¡±

¡°How do you know?¡±

¡°DRD showed me. Let GO!¡± I pushed him out of the way and I continued running, I ran into Aeryn¡¯s room and found it the way I expected. Aeryn was tossing in bed with a look of pain on her face.

¡°Aeryn. You okay? Speak to me sunshine.¡± She opened her eyes and I saw how diluted her pupils were.

¡°(On com) Jool. WAKE UP AND GET THE FRELL HERE RIGHT NOW. Aeryn¡¯s sick.¡± I returned my attention to Aeryn. She seemed to be waking up slightly. I saw D¡¯Argo come into the room.

¡°John?¡± Her hands trembled as she lifted them to John¡¯s face. ¡°Is that you?¡±

¡°Yes.¡± I hesitated.

¡°Have I managed to fix the leaking pipe?¡± I didn¡¯t know what she was talking about but I nodded and reassured her. ¡®Probably some pipes on Talyn,¡¯ I thought to myself.

¡°Shh¡­ the pipe¡¯s been taken care of. There¡¯s no need to worry about them.¡± I propped the pillow comfortably behind her so she could sit up. She snuggled into my shoulder and fell back asleep. She seemed calmer but her temperature was still dangerously high.

¡°JOOL!¡±

¡°What I¡¯m coming. I had to go and get the scanner from the med¡­¡±

¡°Shut up and help Aeryn.¡± She quickly scanned her.

¡°The scan is picking up traces of toxins in her blood.¡± Jool looked around and managed to find a small bottle beside Aeryn¡¯s bed. ¡°This must be it.¡±

¡°What is it? Are you saying Aeryn just drank poison?¡± The idea of Aeryn committing suicide wasn¡¯t completely absurd but I didn¡¯t want to think about it.

¡°This is Resulome. People that it to help them sleep but if taken in large doses it could act as a toxin. Here give her this.¡± Jool handed me a small cup with horrible smelling beverage. I carefully lifted her up and made her drink it.

¡°It will help flush the toxin out. I¡¯m just not sure how much the toxin has already affected her.¡±

¡°Is she going to be alright?¡±

¡°I¡¯m not sure. It depends on her. I¡¯ll go to the lab to get some herbs to lower her temperature.¡± I nodded and she went out. D¡¯Argo came up behind me.

¡°John. Don¡¯t worry. Aeryn¡¯s a fighter. She¡¯ll survive. She¡¯s been through worse¡­¡±

¡°Thanks D. You better be getting back to your shift.¡± D¡¯Argo nodded and left me. Aeryn seemed slightly better. She no longer breathed heavily. I brushed her hair from her face. I haven¡¯t been this close to her since the cloning.

¡°John¡­¡± Her eyes suddenly flared open.

¡°Do you need something?¡± She calmed down slightly at the sound of my voice.

¡°No. Hold me.¡± I tugged her up into my embrace.

¡°I feel really hot.¡±

¡°We¡¯re going to get something for your temperature. Just hold on.¡±

¡°Is Zhaan coming?¡± I paused.

¡°No, Zhaan¡¯s not coming.¡±

¡°Hmm¡­ Yeah it¡¯s too late in the night to wake her up.¡± I didn¡¯t know what to say. Aeryn was definitely delirious. Aeryn fell back asleep as Jool came in the room with herbs.

¡°Any improvement?¡±

¡°She¡¯s delirious. She still thinks Zhaan¡¯s alive.¡±

¡°The toxins must¡¯ve affected her head. Give her this when she wakes up and if she burns up go and put a wet cloth on her head. I¡¯m going back to the lab to see if I¡¯ve missed anything.¡± Jool walked off after showing me her collection of herbs.

I stayed up with Aeryn not knowing how I felt about this. I almost lied to her. She thought I was the other John.

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I must have dozed off because when I woke up Aeryn was awake, her glassy eyes staring at the ceiling.

¡°Aeryn? How are you feeling?¡± She didn¡¯t turn towards me. She only stared. I was about to leave to get her herbs when she finally turned and smiled.

¡°I had a dream.¡±

¡°Why? What happened in that dream?¡± I asked cautiously.

¡°I was in a boat going down a river. I was wearing white and somebody was holding my hand. When the boat reached land I saw Zhaan. She told me that it wasn¡¯t my time. I then woke up and found that the hand holding mine was yours.¡± She smiled and touched my hand.

¡°Aeryn. You¡¯re not feeling very well.¡± I tried not to meet her eyes.

¡°No. You¡¯re wrong. I¡¯ve never felt better.¡± She breathed deeply and closed her eyes again. Her hand still held mine. I tried to lift my hand away but she held it tightly.

¡°Don¡¯t let go. If you do I might never come back again.¡± I knew she was referring to death.

¡°I just need you to have some herbs. You had a really bad fever last night. I¡¯m glad you¡¯re better.¡± I mixed up the herbs and water the way Jool showed me and I put it to her lips. Aeryn turned her head away from it.

¡°What is it? It smells like dren.¡± I smiled.

¡°It¡¯s Jool¡¯s herbs. It¡¯s good for you. It¡¯ll clear you head.¡±

¡°Jool?¡± she looked puzzled. ¡°Don¡¯t you mean Zhaan¡¯s herbs?¡±

¡°Well it was Zhaan¡¯s herbs but it¡¯s Jool¡¯s now.¡± I said then I realised. ¡°Aeryn. Zhaan¡¯s dead. You do remember that don¡¯t you?¡±

¡°No. She¡¯s not. I just saw her yesterday.¡± Her smile disappeared.

¡°Aeryn. What is the last thing you remember?¡±

¡°I was fixing the pipes for Pilot. Why? How long have I been unconscious?¡±

¡°Aeryn. Don¡¯t you remember anything? The pipe hit you and you got your memory back. That was over two cycles ago.¡± Everything became clearer to me. In her mind there was no cloning. There¡¯s only John Crichton.

¡°Are you saying I lost my memory again?¡±

¡°Yes. That¡¯s the only logical explanation I can think of.¡±

¡°Can you do me a favour? Don¡¯t tell me about anything that has happened. I don¡¯t want to know about Zhaan¡¯s death.¡± She closed her eyes slightly and then struggled to get up. I quickly went over to help her.

¡°Jool¡¯s a new member of our crew.¡± I said quickly changing the subject.

¡°Is Chiana, D¡¯Argo and Buckwheat still here?¡± I smiled as she used my nickname for Rygel.

¡°Yeah. They¡¯re still here.¡± I reassured her. She nodded.

I didn¡¯t dare mentioned the cloning to her. I¡¯m not sure if it¡¯s my own selfishness or if it was to avoid making Aeryn feel unneeded pain. Either way I didn¡¯t tell her and I didn¡¯t plan to.

* * *

For the last couple of weeks Aeryn mainly kept to her room. I would keep her company. She¡¯s still grieving about Zhaan. I can tell. We talked but never about the past. She didn¡¯t want to hear about it and I didn¡¯t want to tell her. She was laughing again. That was all I cared about. I¡¯m not exactly lying to her but I¡¯m not sure how long I can keep the act up. Sooner or later things about the past will resurface.

The others didn¡¯t say anything and for that I was grateful. Aeryn never questioned their silence either. I¡¯m not sure if it¡¯s my imagination running wild but sometimes I can hear Aeryn crying at night but when I go into her room I see her asleep. It must be the ghosts of the past haunting my mind.

¡°John?¡± A voice woke me up from my thoughts. I must have fallen asleep without realizing it.

¡°Aeryn? It¡¯s late. What are you doing?¡± I moved aside so she could lie down next to me.

¡°I had a bad dream. I saw you dying. I just wanted to come here to make sure you¡¯re still here.¡± She nestled into my shoulder and fell asleep. I stayed awake fearful of Aeryn¡¯s dream.

* * *

I did not expect what happened in the morning. I woke up to find Aeryn shivering in the corner of my room.

¡°Aeryn. What¡¯s wrong? Are you okay?¡± I tried to hold her but she resisted.

¡°Stop it. Let go.¡±

¡°What¡¯s wrong? I can help you.¡±

¡°No you can¡¯t. It¡¯s too late for me.¡± A tear slid down her cheeks and she closed her eyes. ¡°You don¡¯t need to lie to me to keep me from the pain. I know¡­¡± I nodded my head not knowing what to say.

¡°I know I¡¯m not him but I¡¯m still John. Let me help you.¡± She calmed down and let me put my arms around her.

¡°I don¡¯t want to remember.¡±

¡°Shh¡­ it¡¯s alright.¡± I let her cry until she stopped. She was calmer and almost in a dreamlike state.

¡°I was happy when I couldn¡¯t remember. I was with John again.¡± I was hurt by her confession but I understood what she meant.

¡°I¡¯m still here. I may not be him but I¡¯m still John. I¡¯m still the John that¡¯s hopelessly in love with you.¡±

¡°I know... I was happy over the past few weeks. You were mine...¡±

¡°I¡¯m still yours.¡± Aeryn looked up at me and smiled. There was no longer pain in her eyes.

¡°Thank you.¡± She picked up her things and walked away and for the first time I allowed her without feeling regret.