When I woke up the next morning, the most amazing thing happened…I didn't feel lonely. Now- when you look like me, act like me, basically ARE me you know that this sort of thing NEVER happens. It was like there had been this gaping hole in my heart and it had been filled over night. I felt like for the first time in a long time I could breathe- truly breathe without this oppressive weight crushing me. And I couldn't help but feel that Embry had given me this feeling.
I woke up that beautiful morning and for the first time I felt honest to god hope.
It was beautiful and pure and made me laugh. I awoke that morning, hopped out of bed and danced around the room with my cat (though I surely looked a sight dressed in my bright pink jammies, retainer in and gaudy glasses on) because I couldn't believe it. Is this what normal people felt like in the morning? Did they wake up and want to live? Did other girls wake up in the morning and think 'maybe, just maybe I have a chance with the guy of my dreams'-without having to convince themselves? Embry had already made me feel alive and I had only said a couple words to him….now if only he could figure out my name….
Almost immediately the happy feeling evaporated, and as my spirits dropped- so did my cat. After apologizing rather profusely to the disgruntled feline, I decided I should probably head to school. When I figured out I should get dressed before leaving the house and had done as such, I found myself late for school. An occurrence I hoped would never come as I'm sure some ass hole will just HAVE to say something.
"Hey Fuzzy, you run into the ugly tree on your way here? Is that why you're so late?" I SO told you someone would say something. And before you ask- surprisingly that WASN'T Paul. Actually, I have no clue who that is. So I just blinked at him, gave my teacher my slip and sat down in the back of the classroom (not because I was lazy- but because there was NO way anyone could covertly stick gum in my hair- that shits a bitch to get out of frizz). I found myself less miserable then usual- a true joy for me. In fact, the day seemed to pass by in a gigantic excited blur as I waited for Embry to show up.
But he never did.
That entire day I waited very patiently, trudging from class to class with the hope that he would appear like the Angel in Dante's Inferno and free me from this layer of hell. However, I found myself increasingly disappointed as the day went on and neither he nor the gruesome twosome showed up. It got to the point where I wondered if the day before had even happened- only to be reminded moments later by the startling memory of large arms engulfing me, protecting me from my long time foes. Needless to say, I spiraled into a horrible depression, hopelessly longing for the feeling I had experienced that morning. I also couldn't help but wonder- maybe he was avoiding me? I know I would avoid me…
The day after (a Thursday I think- the days kind of blurred together for me) I woke up and wanted to die. I felt this miserable, consistent tug in my chest pulling me in a direction I wasn't quite sure of. And I felt horribly sick (maybe I'd caught a cold?). I rolled out of bed, nearly giving myself a concussion on my bedside drawer and squishing my cat, and trudged to the bathroom. My morning routine went as usual (though at an admittedly slower pace than usual) and I couldn't help but sigh at my appearance- frizzy haired, muddy eyed, and splotchy faced me ….only today it was accompanied by very dark circles for eyes and a kind of sickly sheen on my face.
Was missing a guy this much natural? Especially after he had basically ignored my existence for a decade or so? I liked to think that the fact I'd liked Embry so long had something to do with it, but something tugged at my subconscious…this pull that whispered fate….
Maybe they should put me on an antipsychotic?
After awaking myself from my self-deprecating musing I quickly clothed myself in some old sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt with some delicious looking moth holes in it and hauled my ass to school (it was only really a five minute walk- one of the perks of living a tiny ass town).
Despite the fact that my walk to school was rather half-hearted, when I got on campus I felt like I had been struck by lightning. There was this sort of instant energy that seemingly sealed away the hole where my heart had been. My body began to hum with life again. It wasn't like anything I'd ever felt before- almost to the point of being unnatural.
And yet…I loved it.
I rushed into school, quickly hurrying to my locker (ignoring the rather crude drawing on it) and all but shoved my after-lunch schoolwork in it. The pull in my heart was rather persistent at this point, almost to the point of being painful. I could feel a cold sweat gathering on my brow and upper lip. My heart began to race, beating my rib cage brutally as my very soul whispered 'hurry Carrie hurry, he's waiting you have to hurry'. I felt myself get pulled into frenzy, desperately pushing past students in pursuit of this feeling.
'Thump thump' my heart pounded as I reached my first period door. For a moment I froze, almost savoring this hurried feeling before I finally pushed open the old wooden door.
And my heart sighed in relief.
Almost like he could sense me coming, Embry was staring at the door- the most peculiar look on his face. As soon as we made eye contact (when did his eyes get so beautiful? I never really noticed...) a huge, toothy grin appeared on his face and I had to fight the urge to swoon. Before I could even begin to walk over and say hello (not that I would- I'm too damn cowardly to do that) the bell rang and I was all but trampled as student after student rushed into the classroom. I quickly regained my balance, pushing the fuzz out of my face and rushing to my usual place at the back of the room- which also gave me a beautiful view of the back of Embry's head.
I'm not quite sure if either of us really paid attention to the lesson as we kept taking peeks at each other. I felt like a starving man eating for the first time- I could never get my fill of his face, hell even just the back of his head! It was so odd but so natural- I'd never felt like this when I'd crushed on him before and yet I couldn't seem to recall any other feeling. As soon as the bell rang at the end of class, he was just suddenly next to me grinning from ear to ear and positively radiating smugness. I silently thought to myself "keep it cool girl".
"Hey…Carrie." If it was possible his smile got even bigger.
"YOU KNOW MY NAME!...I mean wow took you long enough…." Yeah- that 'play it cool' philosophy? Out the window in two seconds. I couldn't seem to help myself around him- maybe it was some form of 'Embry Turrets'? He kind of laughed softly while rubbing the back of his head (god he has such gorgeous black hair…I wonder what kind of conditioner he uses.).
"So- you impressed I figured out your name Rumpelstiltskin?" I couldn't help but laugh at the allusion.
"Not really, seeing as how we've been in the SAME classes for 9 nine years…" I could feel my face visibly drop at the thought and my heart clench. Why was he talking to ME anyways? The vague notion that this could all be some elaborate prank crossed my mind, but my very being rebelled at the thought- whispering that fate had intervened and that I should be thankful. I decided to go with the thought for the mean time and hold on to this magnificent feeling of elation while it lasted. I noticed that Embry's beautiful face had squished up in pain (curious seeing as how he barely knew me) and decided I should probably answer a more pressing question and change the question- god forbid the smile left his face.
"How DID you find out my name anyways? I mean I don't really have any friends and most of the teachers just yell 'hey you!' when they want my attention…" He full on laughed this time while gently placing his hand on my lower-back and guiding me out of the near empty classroom and into the full hallway.
"Well you see…I kind of high-jacked Paul and Jared and made them go through all the school pictures and yearbooks to look for you." I felt my face heat up at the gesture. He spent ALL DAY looking through year books? Just to find out my name?
"You didn't have to do that! I'm not worth all that effort…" He frowned at me, placing his rather large hands on my shoulders, circling his thumb around the top of my shoulders and collar bone. My heart immediately broke into a gallop and this electric shock zinged down the entirety of my body, filling my head with fog. I had to crane my neck to look up into his face and when I did the look in his eyes shocked the living hell out of me. I could see the feelings I had for him reflected back at me.
"Don't say that…besides, Jared and Paul deserved all the work after the hell they put you through." I couldn't help but smile at the image of Paul and Jared surrounded by yearbooks as Embry breathed down their throats to find me. Almost like an automated response, Embry smiled back- instantly filling my head with clouds again and making me hyper-aware of his hands still massaging my shoulders. He seemed to become aware of this fact to and with a light blush gracing his cheeks, slid his hands down the length of my arms before grasping my clammy hands in his large warm ones. If it were possible my heart started to beat even faster, threatening to send me into cardiac arrest. And his smile just got larger, yet again turning him into the 'Cheshire cat'. For a moment the pearly whites hypnotized me into a stupor. However, the feature that held my attention the longest was his eyes. I always seemed to get pulled into them…
"Excuse me? What exactly do you think you're doing?" We were pulled out of our trance by none other than Becky Rainwater. To be honest, I'd never really talked to the girl but I did know OF her. She was a decently pretty girl with a nice oval face and straight black hair- truly Native American looking. Becky was also the chatter box of the school and – rumor has it- Embry's latest girlfriend…well before he left for two weeks. She also had a rather nasty glare on her face aimed RIGHT at me.
To my shock, Embry didn't throw my hands down like I expected him to. He just tilted his head in acknowledgment and continued to stare down at a very uncomfortable me. Since it didn't seem like he was going to say anything anytime soon, I figured I should before it lapsed into an even more awkward silence.
"Nothing really- Embry was just…walking me to my next class" She scoffed at me and looked at our joined hands as if to make a point.
"Right. Whatever. Listen here Egghead- why don't you just shuffle on to your next class and leave poor Embry alone." I felt my hands slacken in Embry's grip as tears pooled in my eyes. To my utter shock my Knight in shining armor did not stand up for me- he just looked at me expectantly as if he was waiting for me to say something- or leave. I clenched my bottom lip in between my teeth and fought off the feeling of disappointment and overwhelming sadness- and a touch of betrayal. Why wasn't he standing up for me? Like he had with Paul and Jared? …Maybe he DID want me to leave him alone, so he could go out with Becky- the normal girl.
My hands fell out of his and I felt surprisingly empty.
I nodded to both of them before shuffling to my next class, my hair pushed in front of my face in an attempt to hide the tears bubbling in my eyes. I didn't see Embry push past a clingy Becky and follow me down the hall, keeping away anyone who tried to pick on me.
The rest of the day went in a blur- hell I can't even remember what my mom packed me for lunch. The happy feeling I had, had been crushed by my own doubts and insecurities and I couldn't find it in myself to pick myself off the ground. I don't know why him not standing up for me hurt so much- I was used to the treatment. That and he'd only REALLY stood up for me twice. So why did it feel like my heart had drained into my toes?
When the final bell rang that day, I had to fight off the urge to run all the way home- seeing as I was A) likely to trip or B) likely to BE tripped. So I just trudged home in the light mist (which only further increased the frizz that was my hair) while contemplating eating an entire gallon of ice cream and donning more sweat pants…well ones that weren't covered in rain. About half way home this ominous feeling came over me, almost a feeling of impending doom but not as harsh.
"Hey EGGHEAD!" The loud exclamation was swiftly followed by the resounding crack of an egg being thrown into my face. I didn't even have time to feel shocked before I was assaulted by borage of Extra Large Eggs. It was an assault on my senses- a mixture of sharp pain and cool sliminess. I could feel my skin getting cut by the egg shell pieces and my sight was blinded by the goo on my glasses. Despite the fact that it felt like an eternity to me, the egg massacre only lasted a couple moments and I was left in the middle of the road, blind and humiliated. The sound of laughing filled the background and I heard the now familiar voice of Becky speak.
"Next time you try to pathetically flirt with Embry- think again. No one wants a frizzy haired freak that stalks people and is well…covered in chicken fetuses." There was more laughter as the girls ran off and I was left utterly shocked in the middle of the road.