Authors notes:

So here's the next chapter. Enjoy and please review.

Chapter 2

Hands were holding him back. He struggled with everything he had, but he couldn't get free. Swain watched in horror as Berkelmann made a deep cut into Birds back. He couldn't help but scream.

The hands were shaking him. „Swain, Swaino wake up, mate. It's just a dream. Come on wake up. That's it mate. You're safe, they can't hurt you." Chris slowly came back from his world of terror. He blinked. It was Dutchy who was holding him.

„Are you ok Swain?" he asked, concern written over his face.

Swain nodded: „Yeah, I'm fine, sorry."

„Must have been one heck of a nightmare!"

„Ah, I don't remember anything."

„Really? You want to pull that one with me?" Dutchy got angry. „Listen mate, I just want to help you! But you have to let me help. If you don't want to talk to me, fine, but you need to talk to somebody. Maybe you should take some time off and go see a counsellor."

„I don't need a shrink. I said I was… „

„Fine, I know. I've heard it a thousand times and God help me, if you say it one more time I'm gonna throw you over board!" Dutchy angrily interrupted him.

„I need some fresh air" and with that Chris was gone.

Dutchy was tempted to go after him, but he was at his wits end what to say to him. It was like he couldn't reach Swain anymore. The medic has tended to his wounds and nursed him back to health on more than one occasion. Swain was his best friend and it was hard for him to see him suffer so much.

The next day on the bridge.

„Sir, we have an unidentified radar contact", Dutchy announced.

„Bring it on the EOD X", ordered the CO.

„Sir, it seems to be a FFV", answered the XO after a few moments.

„RO contact them" „They are not responding" answered RO after the second try.

Mike said: „Looks like we finally get some action, let's have a look!"

„Hands to boarding stations, hands to boarding stations", called the XO.

Ten minutes later the RHIB with the XO, Dutchy, Swain and 2Dads on board left the Hammersley.

Kate tried to reach them with the speaker: „Vessel on my port side this is Australian Navy stop or heave to, we intend to board you" after repeating it was clear, that the crew wouldn't follow the order.

The RHIB was brought alongside and they jumped on board.

„Swain, 2Dads check the wheelhouse, Dutchy with me", ordered the X. As they rounded the bow, there were two fishermen. „Australian Navy step back, who is the master of this vessel?" No answer. From the corner of his eye Dutchy saw a man jump from behind a barrel. Before he could draw his gun the guy cut him on the arm with a large knife. With a surprised yelp Dutchy stepped back. From the other side 2Dads came to help and was able to restrain the man. The X draw her gun and shouted at the other two: „Get down, hands behind your back! Swain we need your help!" „The wheelhouse is empty, Mam." The medic rushed over to Dutchy and kneeled down beside him. Hesitantly the Coxswain rolled up the sleeve of Dutchys DPNU jacket. He carefully held his mates forearm, that showed a long deep cut, which was bleeding heavily.

Swain froze. Suddenly he was back on Berkelmanns ship, staring on the bleeding back of bird. Dutchy sensed that something was wrong with his friend, because he seemed a million miles away and he was as white as a sheet. „Swain?... Swaino, is everything ok?" Dutchy reached out with his good arm and touched his friend on the shoulder. The physical contact brought Chris back to reality. „Ah, yeah let's wrap this up and get you back to Hammersley." He avoided eye contact with his injured mate and went to work.

A short time later on the Hammersley. The crew of the FFV was in the austere and their boat was in tow. In the wardroom Dutchy sat on the bench and Swain prepared to sew his arm up. He was watching his friend closely. Swain was unusually quiet, he seemed nervous and Dutchy was wondering what was going on. The medic cleaned the wound and was about to make the first stitch when he suddenly stopped. He took of his gloves and rushed out of the door in a hurry. Dutchy heard him throw up in the toilet next door. He was about to follow as the door opened an Swain stepped back in.

„What was that, are you ok mate?" he was more concerned about his friend than his own injury. „Yeah I'm fine. Must have been Birds chili. Maybe it was to strong for me." Dutchy remained silent. He knew that Swain didn't eat anything of the chili, he only had salad.

„So let's start this." Chris tried to sound cheerful, but he was terrified. He has already stitched up almost half of the crew, so it was kind of every days business for him. But it felt like it was the first time he had to do it. What if he made a mistake? What if he caused an infection? He had already let Bird down, he couldn't mess up with Dutchy to.

Swain took a deep breath and tried to steady his hand. Dutchy was well aware that his friend was struggling, but he had no idea how to make him feel better. So he decided to wait until they were back in Cairns. Chris finished his work. The stitches were as neatly as ever. He covered the wound with gauze and bandaged the arm.

„Good work Swain, thanks", Dutchy desperately wanted to cheer the Coxswain up.

„Keep it dry and change the dressing every second day", Chris answered mechanically.

„Well, I'm on watch in a couple hours. I think I grab a few winks before. Thanks mate for stitching me up."

Swain just nodded and kept himself busy with cleaning up the wardroom. Dutchy sighed and left.

As soon as his mate had left, Chris stopped what he was doing. He leaned heavily on the bench and tried to pull himself together. His breathing was becoming faster and his chest felt really tight. He felt like he was suffocating. His vision began to swim and he didn't hear the door open.

„What I forgot to ask… Swain, Swaino?"

There was a familiar voice, but Chris couldn't place it. It must have been in the same room, but somehow sounded like it was far away. He wanted to say something but couldn't form the words. He felt his knees buckle and he was out cold before he hit the floor.

Dutchy watched in horror as he saw his friend collapse. „Damn it!" He rushed to Swains side and felt for a pulse. It was there but pretty fast and a bit erratic. „Help! I need some help here immediately, this is an emergency!" He slapped him slightly: „Come on mate, wake up for me."

The CO was in the hallway, because he wanted to get himself a brew. As he heard the shouts he hurried to the wardroom. Mike was stunned as he saw Dutchy bend over an unconscious Swain. Chris was supposed to tend to Dylan not the other way round. „What happened?" he asked his Petty Officer.

Dutchy was confused: „I don't know, he stitched me up a few minutes ago. I came back to ask him something and he collapsed right before my eyes. He had to throw up before he tended to my arm, but he insisted that he was fine."

„Let's get him on the bench, then call Bird. We need her help." The CO was in charge. They carefully picked Swain up and laid him on the bed. Dylan called for Bird over the speaker. Meanwhile Mike wet a cloth and wiped Swains face with it to bring him round. „Swain, can you hear me? You have to wake up mate" the boss tried to rouse him. He was rewarded as Chris eyelids began tu flutter and then open. „That's it my friend, stay with me." Dutchy encouraged him.

Swain was confused. He was lying on the bed in the wardroom. He blinked. A very concerned looking Mike and Dylan were beside him. „Wha.. what happened?"

„You passed out, mate" Dutchy answered relieved that his friend was alert and talking. Swain ran a shaky hand over his face. „I don't remember."

Bird rushed in: „What's the matter?"

„Swain just collapsed, he was unconscious for a few minutes" the CO informed her. „Can you take care of him?"

„Well I'm not a medic, but I can take his blood pressure and temperature" answered Jessica.

„I'm ok. I probably drank to little and I didn't sleep well last night." Swain tried to sit up but Dutchy pushed him back down. „Stay down mate and relax or I will sit on you", he threatened.

Swain was embarrassed: „I'm fine really, I feel much better, no need to make such a fuss."

„We are just concerned Swain" Mike tried to calm him down. „Bird check his vitals every 15 minutes and stay with him. If he is ok over the next hour, you can let him up" the CO ordered.

„Bird is in charge here for the moment, Swain. If she gives you clearance, I want you to go straight to your cabin and rest. Am I clear?"

„Yes Sir. Swain was clearly annoyed, but he knew he had to obey the order. And if he was honest he still felt a bit weak.

There was an akward silence after Dutchy and the CO left the wardroom. „What happened, Swain?" asked Bird in a soft tone.

„I didn't sleep well and I didn't drink enough." Chris stuck with his story.

„You didn't eat a lot, too", added Jessica. „Swain, we never talked about what happened on Berkelmanns ship", she started, but Chris interrupted her.

„Look if you wanna talk about it, I can arrange an appointment with a counselor."

„No, that's not what I meant. I talked to the X and Dutchy, and I think I'm ok with it. I just want to tell you that I'm glad it was you, who was with me on that boat.

„Bird, I can't tell you how sorry I am for letting you down. I almost killed you and there is no excuse for that."

„Chris you never let me down for a second! You did everything you could to prevent the surgery. And if it had come to the worst, I'm glad that you were brave enough to do the operation. Berkelmann would have killed me for that kidney, he would have let me bleed to death. But you would have tried everything to save my life. So do me a favour, stop tormenting yourself, you did nothing wrong."

„If you say so", the medic responded quietly and Bird immediately knew, that he didn't believe her.

With a sigh she took his vitals and wrote it down. Over the next hour there was silence in the wardroom.

„Your vitals are good, you can go to your cabin, if you want. How do you feel?" asked Jessica.

„I'm fine" came the standard response and with that he left. Bird shook her head and went to the bridge to update the CO on Swains physical condition.

Chris walked up to the deck, he needed some fresh air. He was conscious about the fact, that he was falling apart. He couldn't pull himself together any longer. Panic attack. An educated medic that suffered a panic attack over a cut on the forearm. He shook his head. This couldn't go on any longer. He couldn't risk to harm one of his mates. The choice was made.

Coxswain Petty Officer Chris Blake would leave the navy.

AN:

Please let me know what you think so far. I hope there aren't too many mistakes in grammar and spelling.