A/N: I'm thinking of adding Rufus/Tseng (Yes, Rufus is on top.) as either a side-story, or incorporating them into this story. They'll be MPREG too, of course. Still just a thought. Orginally updated 12/10/08. Revised 2/18/09.

Fandom: Final Fantasy 7

Summary: Reno is still confused, how he ended up at the Justice of the Peace, marrying Cloud. The backstabbin' weddin' party don' help the Turk no-how, yo!

Pairings: Reno/Cloud

Warnings: Yaoi, Turk Wedding, Cursing, Exasperated Reno, Stalking Crazy! Cloud, Implied future MPREG

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fan fiction.

Chapter 2 - Weddings Are For Suckers

XXX

Incredible. Fuckin' incredible. The psycho wouldn't even let Reno dress himself for his own wedding.

Tifa had arrived, knocking on the bedroom door, with the tailored suits in hand.

Cloud opened the door just enough for Tifa to hand him the suits. He then softly closed it in her questioning face. He stated, through, the door, that they would drive to the Justice of the Peace on Fenrir.

Reno felt that if he rolled his eyes one more time, they'd roll out onto the floor. Fenrir was cool, though.

Cloud hung the suits up and sat back down on the bed. He, once again, held up the Mastered Cure Materia over Reno's lower body to complete his healing.

Reno stared at his husband-to-be. "Don't this Turk got no say, Strife? Ya just gonna mate me and fill my belly with baby Strifes? This man's a Turk, born and bred. Got no room for babies, yo."

Cloud ran his hand over the area where Reno's womb would soon be and shrugged.

Reno, feeling slightly better than before, reared up and punched Cloud in the shoulder. He would say that he was hoping to knock some sense into Cloud, but that would be asking for too much. He then lay back down in a huff.

Reno knew he shouldn't be testing Cloud so soon, but he couldn't help it. Freedom was waving bye-bye in Reno's rearview mirror as Strife was driving them off a cliff. "Fine. Chocobo hard-head. Can' keep this Turk tied down, Strife. May be marryin'. May be havin' babies. Ya gotta sleep sometime. Still gotta work. These hips sway fast for a reason. Run far, far away. Baby under each arm, if I gotta, yo."

Cloud calmly drew the Materia away and gazed at the orb in his hand.

Reno cringed as Cloud crushed it into dust with one clench of his fist. He then blew the powder away and wiped his hands clean. His expression blank as always.

Cloud then directed his firm gaze at a now cowering Reno and leaned over him. He gave Reno a deep, tonguing kiss, which Reno accepted, knowing better than to bite.

Cloud moved back and looked into Reno's wide ocean-blue eyes. "Big talk. Not going to happen. My mate and my babies stay with me. Rufus already warned me that you would try to run. I informed him that if you did, anything and everything standing between me and you dies. You know what I can do, Reno. You know it's the truth. Rufus gave me his full assurance that New Shinra, and the rest of the Turks, would do the hunting work for me, so I would kill less civilians. If you ran, no one would help you. No one. Now, do we understand each other? Nod to your husband if you do."

Cloud scared Reno so badly when his eyes glowed like that. He didn't even look close to human.

Reno shakily nodded his head and reared up to tightly embrace Cloud's neck. "Just kiddin', Cloud. Ya know me. Gotta push. Always pushin'. Know better now. Ain't gonna run. Never ever. Babies need their Daddy. Heh. Heh. Who else is gonna teach them those fancy sword moves? Calm down, Baby. This Turk ain't goin' nowhere. Well, 'cept to that Justice guy, right? Um. Lemme see my suit. Gotta look sharp, if I'm getting married to the Planet's hero, yo."

Cloud kissed the side of Reno's head. He got up and carefully unzipped the suit bags.

Reno whistled as he saw the one, which he presumed was his. Snazzy classic!

Reno jumped up, now fully healed, and held his hands out for his suit.

Cloud pulled it back and stared at him.

Reno pouted. "Man grown, Cloud. It's my weddin'. Lemme dress myself!"

Cloud shook his head no.

Reno blew a raspberry. He frowned when all he got was a grin. "Least give me those silkies to put on. Ain't goin' commando to my own weddin'."

Cloud acquiesced and handed him the handmade silk underwear that came with the suit.

Reno grinned as he slipped them on. Ooh. Buttons and everything.

No wonder Rufus got pissed when he ran out on that trip to Wutai. After a man wore these suckers, whitie-tighties just wouldn't do.

Reno speedily threw on the soft undershirt that Cloud also handed to him. He hugged himself, after he slipped it on. Slum rat could get used to this.

Cloud held up the shirt for Reno to back himself into.

Reno sighed, realizing he wasn't going to get away with anything else, and let Cloud dress him.

After Cloud knotted Reno's tie, Reno moved to place his long, loosened red hair back into it's customary ponytail.

Cloud quickly halted his actions by grasping both wrists. He reassured a suddenly frightened Reno, by kissing the insides and releasing them. "From now on, I want you to leave your hair down when I'm around. I like it better that way. I know later, with the kids, you'll have to put it back up. But while I'm around, it stays down. Okay?"

Reno looked askance, but nodded in agreement.

Cloud went to put on his own suit, when he turned back around, as Reno sat back down on the bed. "Let the sides and top grow out too. Alright."

Reno gazed up at Cloud, with his big pools of ocean blue, and nodded again, but with a deep pout.

Friggin' girl.

Cloud was turnin' him into a Mommy in more ways than one. There wasn't a damned thing Reno could do. Now that he knew the white suit of Rufus was on Cloud's side 100%.

Reno's eyes moved down to his hands twisting in his lap.

Cloud took the Turks away from him. Was there gonna be anything left for Reno after Cloud was done?

Reno sighed, again. At least he'd have the babies.

Reno grimaced. Stupid drunken rant. Alcohol was never nothing but trouble for Reno. What the fuck did he know about raising babies? Zilch. Well, knowing Tifa, she'd come visit as soon as he chuffed the kid out. Lucky him.

"You ready?"

Reno looked back up and smiled.

Cloud Strife was a psychotic, stalking maniac, but he was the most beautiful man Reno would ever know. He knew that for certain. Most people would feel themselves blessed to have Cloud Strife be their husband.

Reno knew better. He was still sore from before, even with the massive curing.

Reno shuddered inside as he thought of what Cloud planned for their Honeymoon. "Sure, Husband. This Turk just waitin' on you."

XXX

Reno swore every curse word he knew under his breath as they drove up to the Chapel.

Did everybody on the whole fucking Planet know, except for him?

Hell, even the red-haired cat-dog-thing showed up.

Reno slowly got off the bike, and stood there. He took in the spectacle of the Turks, and the former members of AVALANCHE, all in one place, without trying to kill each other.

Cid and Vincent were talking with Tseng about something or other, with Cid keeping a firm arm around his Missus's thin waist. Huh. Reno didn't have to guess who would be the next bearer in the AVALANCHE family.

Tifa had told him that both Vincent and Cid had been heartbroken when he learned that he couldn't have children, with what Hojo had left him with.

Reno was sure that Rufus had done this, not only for Cloud, but also for Vincent as well. Rufus always had a soft spot for the marksman. When Reno had brought it up once, Rufus had shrugged, and stated that Vincent was the very embodiment of what he had always dreamed a true Turk was, when he was growing up.

Barrett was gesticulating wildly to a confused looking Reeve, while Cait Sith hung tightly to Barrett's pants leg. Reno was sure that Barrett yelled, more than once, "Get yo pussy off me!"

Marlene and Denzel ran around the pair, giggling every time Barrett screamed it.

Reno yelped as he was attack hugged from behind. He quickly ran his hands over his pockets as a grinning, giggling Yuffie sped past him. She ran to Tifa's big-breasted embrace, and bounced up and down, in excitement.

Rude's attention was solely on his pledged lady-love. With Cloud taken, Reno knew that it was only a matter of time before his partner joined him in the married group. Well, at least for his partner, the feelings were more equal in strength.

Reno's eyebrows rose as Elena sauntered up. She had been on leave, visiting her estranged sister, who had been wounded in the line of duty. From the looks of it, the reconciliation had gone well. He was glad. Elena always talked about her sister with misty eyes.

Reno flinched as the group turned, en masse, and cheered, as one, towards the happy couple. He shakily smiled as Cloud wrapped one immensely strong arm around his shoulder.

Reno squeaked as Cloud kissed the side of his head. "You ready?"

Reno wanted to scream, "Fuck, no!" and make a runner. He knew he wouldn't make it one step with Cloud by his side.

Reno looked at his friends and his Turk family and found his smile, strangely, getting wider. "All right, Cloud. I'm ready, yo."

Cloud nodded to the collected throng. "All right, everyone. Let's mosey!"

Cid grimaced and yelled right back. "Damn! Even on yer fuckin' weddin' day! Stop sayin' it like a wimp! Can't ya say 'Move out!' or something?"

Cloud grinned sheepishly as everyone laughed, except for Vincent, who smacked Cid on the side of the head.

Cid answered the rebuke by kissing the blushing ex-Turk soundly, like it was his wedding day.

"Okay, Cid. Move out!"

The couple followed the group into the chapel.

Cloud halted Reno at the atrium.

Tifa ran back and handed Cloud two plastic containers.

Reno, seeing what they held, began to shake with reality hitting him.

Cloud shakily pinned the corsage on Reno's lapel, while Reno did the same.

Cloud straightened up and they both stared at each other for a long time.

Reno knew he looked scared.

Cloud never looked more certain in his life. He kissed Reno's forehead and walked towards the man in front. The white doors closing behind him.

Reno winced as he heard the wedding music start up and the sound of everyone standing up. The Turk side of him whispered in his brain. He could run. He might make it. He was sure he could make it.

The thoughts were halted by Rufus coming up to Reno's left and taking his arm. He always stayed ten steps ahead of everybody, especially his wily Turks.

Reno jolted in shock, then shook his head. "No offense, Sir. But you fucked this Turk over well and good, yo."

Rufus raised his blond eyebrows in blatantly false surprise. "Why, Reno. I have no idea what you are referring to. I am simply granting my wild Turk his greatest wishes. Cloud Strife's hand in matrimony, and his children, which of course I shall gratefully be the Godfather to."

Reno snorted, as the white doors opened, and he saw Cloud gazing at him down that long aisle. "Only got Strife's and your word for it. How do I even know I said it, yo?"

Rufus calmly began to walk with Reno, making sure to keep a tight grip on his arm. He scoffed as he made a small wave to Tseng. "Evidence, Reno. I've had the Seventh Heaven bugged for years. In court, you wouldn't have a drunken leg to stand on. Now be a good Turk for Daddy, marry the psycho, control him with your ass muscles if you have to, and bear me beautiful godchildren that I can show off to the public."

"They'll be ugly as sin and have less manners than me, yo."

Rufus's eyes roamed up-and-down Reno's future husband. Ah yes. Hojo was a sick and twisted bastard of a dead scientist, but he always did wonderful work. "Somehow, Reno. I highly doubt that."

The Justice of the Peace's gaze wandered over the odd couple. "Um. Who gives this wom-um, I mean, man to this… man?"

Rufus beamed as he proclaimed and gestured to Tseng. "Her mother and I do."

Reno heard Tseng choke. If Tseng was laughing, Reno swore to the Gods…

Rufus gladly handed a now beet red Reno over to a softly, blushing Cloud.

The Justice gestured to the equally odd throng, as Rufus joined Tseng, who was sternly shaking his head, to sit down. "You may be seated."

Reno felt the floor shake as everyone sat in the pews.

"Welcome, one and all. How beautiful is the day that is touched by love! May this be a moment to be remembered and cherished."

Reno quirked an eyebrow. Oh, he was pretty sure no one here would forget this!

"Marriage is a very special spiritual connection of two people united for a common purpose, bringing love and trust together into single focus…"

Reno zoned out with that declaration. Love was pretty much one-sided, at this point. Trust? Well, Reno trusted that Cloud would hunt him down if he ran. Focus? Cloud only focused when he killed things or he fucked Reno.

Reno's eyes slid to look quickly at Cloud. Oh fuck! Eyes glowing in the dim light! Cloud was getting horny again!

Reno's eyes darted around. Help! Horny maniac alert! He took a chance, and looked back to the audience, as the Justice droned on. Nope. No help there. If he jumped towards them, they'd kick him right back into play.

Reno's attention was diverted back to the Justice as he gestured to both him and Cloud. He was bringing his two pointy fingers together. Oh fuck! Was he in on it too?

Reno heard himself giggle, as he finally heard what the guy was saying. "Please face each other, holding hands, for the exchange of vows."

Reno turned toward Cloud and shakily took his firm hands. He looked into Cloud's eyes. So sure. Always so sure about their future together. Must be nice to be in the know.

"Cloud, please repeat after me."

Cloud repeated all the words. His voice never once wavering. "I, Cloud, choose you, Reno, to be my spouse, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to honor and respect, to love and to cherish. I say these words because I love you, and choose to live the rest of my life with you. This is my solemn vow."

Reno sniffled as he felt the tears course down his cheeks. He slightly tugged Cloud's hands. "Wow. Ya really mean it, yo."

Cloud just gave Reno a small smile and waited for his response.

Reno gave a big sniff, released one of Cloud's hands to wipe his eyes, took Cloud's hand again, and nodded to the Justice to speak.

"Reno, please repeat after me."

"I, Reno, choose you, Cloud, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to honor and respect, to love and to cherish. I say these words because I love you, and choose to live the rest of my life with you. This is my solemn vow." Reno was surprised, himself, to hear his voice get stronger and stronger, until he ended the vow confidently. He was so proud of himself. He even remembered to not say yo.

"What symbols do you give in this marriage?"

Reno looked to Cloud and shrugged. He was concerned as Cloud looked to the audience.

Reno's panic instantly faded as Rude ran up with the rings held gently in his large hands. He gave them to the Justice, who held them up to the couple and the audience.

"These rings will be worn by Cloud and Reno to show to the Planet their love and commitment to one another. May the presence of these rings always remind you of the eternal love you have pledged and devotion you willingly share with one another from this moment on."

The Justice gave the rings to Cloud and Reno to place on the other's finger.

"Cloud, please repeat after me. I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you."

Reno smiled tremulously as Cloud's voice shook with emotion as he placed the ring on Reno's finger. His eyes glowed as he looked at his ring. Classic.

Reno glanced up as the Justice spoke to him. "Reno, please repeat after me. I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you."

For some odd reason, Reno was determined to make sure this vow stuck. He made sure to look Cloud right in the eye, as he sternly repeated the vow, and he jammed the ring onto Cloud's finger firmly.

Reno nodded with satisfaction as Cloud slightly winced. Fucker better stay on too.

Reno knew all too well, how coveted his new husband was, by almost everybody on the Planet.

Reno may have been dragged into this marriage unwillingly. But Cloud Strife wanted to be his, he better get used to having his seducing customers bitch-slapped Turk style.

Cloud and Reno once again joined hands as the Justice of the Peace made the Pronouncement of Marriage. "Now that Cloud and Reno have given themselves to each other by solemn vows, with the joining of hands and the giving and receiving of a ring. I now pronounce you spouse and husband. Those whom Love has joined together, let no one put asunder."

The Justice gestured Cloud to Reno. "You may now kiss the Bride."

Reno was about to protest when it was cut off by Cloud's tongue.

Reno shrugged to himself, and embraced his new husband, relaxing completely in his confident embrace. It was a long time before they parted.

Reno was sure Cloud only let up because Reno's body had started to lag due to lack of oxygen.

"Ladies and Gentlemen: It is my pleasure to introduce to you, Mr. & Mrs. Cloud Strife."

Reno glared back at the grinning Justice of the Peace as the audience yelled, stomped, and cheered.

Cloud's blush got redder and he hugged Reno tightly.

Reno clung to Cloud. His mind, once again, filling with uncertainty for their shared future.

The couple looked up as one as Cid bellowed to the throng. "Reception's at the Seventh Heaven! Ya want yer booze, better hurry! Snooze ya lose! Now, Strife, and the new Missus, this is how ya say it! MOVE OUT!"

Turks, Former AVALANCHE members, children, Cait, and Nanaki all dashed out, in a dead run, to the much-loved destination. Good times to be had by all.

The newly married couple walked slowly behind.

Cloud holding Reno tightly against his lust-filled body. He murmured of the new house Rufus had set up for them, as a wedding present.

Reno wearily nodded. Rufus's Wild Turk had cried, "Uncle," and decided, for once, to follow where his Lone Wolf led him.

Reno sighed, for what seemed the millionth time today, as they both got on Fenrir. Someone had written, "Just Married" in white, on the bug splatter shield.

Cloud kicked the motorcycle to life, after giving it a good luck pat.

Reno laid his tired head against his husband's strong back and closed his eyes. He felt himself smile as the air rushed by them. Maybe he was being paranoid for nothing.

A marriage between a stalking, psychotic Planetary Hero and a foul-mouthed Wild Turk with low morals.

In the end, how bad can it really get?