The Banana Slug: I just started getting a beard, and it itches, and it get's in the way, when I'm eating SOOOOOUUUUP!
So, I am gonna shave it off.
Wasn't that a needed tidbit of information? :D
Well anyway, I made the first story based on an experience I had on Batman: Arkham Asylum. It was at the part where I first met Mr. Zsasz. It contains a quote from the actual game that started it all. If you can get it, you are cool.
You Got BatRolled!
By The Banana Slug
CHAPTER 2: My Buddies and Villain Cabs
Zsasz's Buddy
It was 1:53 AM, deep in Arkham Asylum, with the Batman walking down the halls towards a guard in front of a door. He walked over to him and nudged his shoulder, watching him fall down and revealed to be a dead body, made to stand up by Mr. Zsasz.
"Huh," replied Batman, confused by the whole situation as he looked down on the dead body, then asking in stupidity, "Are you alright?"
"Batman!" yelled out a guard from the hallways, "It's Zsasz, he got out, you gotta help!" Batman looked down at the body, he gasped as he finally got what happened, looking around and turning to the guard, "Oh, yes, I see what happened, where is the madman?"
The guard nodded as he led the Batman through the hallway and to the lunchroom, with two other guards shouting, "Let him go, Zsasz!", "Don't try it, Zsasz!", "You won't get away!", and "Don't slip on the Lemonade spill!".
Batman approached another guard, who turned to him with a worried look and said nervously, "Zsasz has got my buddy."
Batman looked in the cafeteria and saw Mr. Zsasz, holding something small, with a dead body next to him. He held it like a newborn, pressing it against his chest, giggling madly.
"I…I have it, after all this time!" hissed Zsasz, he pulled it away, revealing what he was holding.
It was…a My Buddy!
"My Buddy, My Buddy," he sang quietly, holding the doll up happily, "Keeps me from getting scared in the dark asylum walls, My Buddy and Me!"
Batman looked back at the guard with apathy, which the guard returned with a sad and worried face, tears and snot running down his face.
"Pwease get him back!" pleaded the guard childishly, "It's miiiiiiine!"
Batman gave him a bored glare and sighed, he walked into the lunchroom and approached Mr. Zsasz.
"Zsasz, give him back his doll," groaned Batman, holding his hand out.
"He wouldn't let me have a turn!" yelled back Zsasz angrily, shielding the My Buddy doll with his body, "I just wanna hold it!""Tell him it's My Buddy, not his!" shouted the guard, crying madly, "I want it back!"
"Nu-uh!" yelled Zsasz angrily, "You play with it all the time and give no one a turn, it's not fair!"
Batman growled and yelled, "I don't care if you want a goddamn turn, I'm the goddamn Batman, now give him back the toy, now!"
"Nnnnno!" argued Zsasz childishly. Batman reached out quickly for the doll, but Zsasz cut his arm. Batman pulled back and looked at the wound.
"You're dense, aren't you?" growled Batman. Zsasz, looking proud, didn't notice the Batfist coming straight to his face, breaking his cheekbones and sending him on the ground. He dropped the Buddy and Batman grabbed it by the leg.
"My Buddy!" yelled out the guard gleefully as he ran to Batman, a wide smile and tears running across his face. He ran to Batman and snatched the Buddy from his hands.
He began to hug it tight, pressing it against his face. He bounced it up and down with joy.
"My Buddy, My Buddy!" laughed the guard as Zsasz cried out in sorrow, "This little guard most likely knows right from wrong! My Buddy and Me!"
Zsasz laid down on the ground, sobbing so much, snot ran down his cheeks. "All I ever wanted was a My Buddy, but they were already discontinued! AAAAAAAAAAGH!"
Batman looked down in apathy, he looked at the guard, who gave him an encouragingly sad face, as if trying to tell him without speaking, "Isn't there something you could do for him?"
Batman looked him dead in the eyes and sighed, saying, "Fine!"
He reached into his utility belt and pulled out a My Buddy Doll, wearing a Batman costume. He shoved it in front of Zsasz, who looked at it with a toothy grin, his eyes wide and his snotty nose red.
He grabbed it and began to hug and play with it. He laughed insanely, along with the guard, as they all played with their Buddies.
"BatBuddy, BatBuddy!" laughed Mr. Zsasz, "Keeping Gotham safe from the awful nasty men, BatBuddy and meeeeeee!"
Batman was in the middle, frustrated and annoyed by the two, playing with their dolls, he groaned and walked away.
"Morons," growled Batman, shoving the doors away and storming out.
Two-Face's Cab Service
In the streets of Gotham in the rainy night, Bruce Wayne waited patiently with his umbrella, waiting for a taxi since his limo broke down.
He waved his hand at a nearby taxi, which stopped near him. Bruce ran towards it and rushed into the door.
"Wayne Manor," gently ordered Bruce, "And step on…"
He stopped and looked at the driver with fear, which was Two-Face, drinking a glass of scotch.
"Wayne Manor, let's flip on it," replied Two-Face, who pulled out his coin and flipped it, revealing heads, "Wanye Manor it is."
He drove through the rainy road as Bruce looked at him with concern, he reminded Two-Face calmly, "Aren't you…a criminal?"
"Yeah, well, my parole officer said I can get out of Arkham if I have a job," replied Two-Face, "So, yeah, I'm drivin' around a taxi now."
"Oh, 'kay," let out Bruce, falling into his seat, a little cold since the heater was broken in one side, and the other was blowing in front of Two-Face's direction.
After a while of driving down the freeway, they got to a split in the road. "Okay, take a left, and that will get me to the Manor."
"Hold on, gotta flip," replied Two-Face. He pulled out his coin and flipped it, landing on tails. "We go right."
"But, it'll take longer!" argued Bruce.
Two-Face inhaled loudly and growled, "We. Go. Right!" Bruce looked away and scratched his cheek, knowing he can't do jack without his Batman costume to hide his identity.
For ten minutes, Harvey Dent drove around the city, flipping his coin at every lane, sometimes going the right way, but usually getting a tails and going the wrong way, frustrating Bruce to no end.
"Two-Face, stop flipping the damn coin and take me home!" yelled Bruce angrily, stomping on the car floor.
"I have to, it's destiny, and I will think of you, as I throw up!" yelled back Two-Face, who drank his scotch again. He swerved past a truck, still drinking his scotch and gave a loud burp as the truck crashed into a building.
"So, which way?" asked Two-Face, as he was coming up at a road to an unfinished bridge, and to the left was the highway.
Bruce froze and said in dead monotone, "Left, definitely left, please."
"Okay, just let me flip my coin," grunted Two-Face, pulling out his coin.
"Um, uh, we don't have to do that, Harvey," let out Bruce in slight fear.
"Nope, a road is a road, and a coin is a coin," replied Two-Face. "For god's sakes, Dent, the bridge isn't finished!" yelled Bruce.
"It's still a bridge, even if it isn't finished," argued Two-Face calmly, flipping his coin. Bruce flinched and hugged his legs, his teeth chattering. As he flinched, he opened his eyes to see that he was on the highway, Two-Face chose heads.
He sighed, thankful to be alive. Two-Face took another drink and said, "Oh, look, another road, better flip!"
He flipped the coin, it came out tails, he shoved the wheel away and the taxi ran straight into a brick wall, crashing into it with extreme force.
The horn kept on honking as Two-Face laid his head on the horn, his car looking like it was attacked by a horny elephant, and Bruce in the back, unharmed and unamused.
Two-Face lifted his head and turned to Bruce, "Fate is our destiny, Bruce, fate…is our destiny."
Bruce glared at him and snapped at him, "You know what, I'm walking!" He kicked open the door and stomped out the broken taxi, walking away, cursing silently.
"Hey!" yelled out Two-Face, "You forgot to pay, jerk-off!"
"Flip for it, toilet face!" yelled back Bruce.
Two-Face grabbed his coin and flipped it, landing on tails, he then yelled out to Bruce, "Today's your lucky day, have a good night!"
Bruce responded with his middle finger up in the air as he walked away. Two-Face shook his head and sighed, "Damn yuppies, not giving a damn about anyone but themselves!" He took another long drink, but was suddenly knocked out by the delayed airbag, snoring loudly as he laid on the airbag as police sirens were heard in the background.
Alfred and Tim Drake waited at the table, with three plates of spaghetti on it. Alfred's was half-eaten, Tim's was in the process of going into Timmy's belly, and Bruce's was not touched.
"Hey, Alfred, if he doesn't show, can I eat his spaghetti?" asked the gluttonous Tim Drake.
"Please wait for a few seconds," sighed Alfred, "But you can have the rest of mine." He lifted his plate and slid the spaghetti on Drake's plate. Tim yelped in happiness and devoured the spaghetti. Alfred heard the door slam open and got up to see who it was, with Tim already finished with Alfred's spaghetti, eyeing Bruce's untouched spaghetti.
Alfred looked to see a very wet, very muddy, and very pissed Bruce Wayne. He looked at him with surprise and asked him with great concern, "Master Wayne, what happened!"
"Stupid Harvey Dent drove me to hell and back, I had to trek through Gotham, beat up a mugger, hike up the road, all in the damn rain!" explained an angry Bruce as he stomped through the main hall, "I really need that damn spaghetti, that is all that can make me happy!"
He got into the dining room, seeing Tim grabbing his plate of spaghetti, but Tim turned to see Bruce give him the most epic rage face you have ever seen. In fear, Tim put the plate back down and walk quickly out of the dining room.
Bruce sat down on his chair and stabbed his fork into the spaghetti, shoving it into his mouth. And in an almost bipolar-like miracle, Bruce turned from steam-heavy mad to calm happy bliss.
"Master Bruce?" asked Alfred."Spaghetti is dandy after a bad day," sighed Bruce, eating his spaghetti. Alfred returned with a smile as Bruce ate his spaghetti happily, placing his hand on his back.
The Banana Slug: Yep, all life's problems can be fixed with spaghetti. World War II? Could've been averted if Mussolini used his spaghetti for peace. The American Civil War? Why have slaves when you can have spaghetti.
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Oops! Spaghett!