In a way, he was lucky. Having to absent parents was easier for him to dress like he always wanted, act the way he wanted to. With one being a recently promoted lawyer in Columbus, and the other being a well-known surgeon, let's just say money was never the problem. But that wasn't what interested him. He didn't care about money. After years of it being this way, he still wishes for his fathers to be here, with him.

For several years, he comforted himself with the fact that his dads wanted him. 15 years ago, Leroy and Hiram Berry put an ad in a New York newspaper. And 14 years ago, a New Yorker was born. But that's all he knew. His fathers never told him who the surrogate mother was, when they left New York City to move to Lima, and why. For years he kept this feeling and questions for him. As for today, he really doesn't know if his fathers still love him, or know that he still exists.

With his dad, Hiram, always away to work at his corporation in Columbus, and his daddy always working till late in the evening, he got used to rush home to change clothes and just be himself. Having not to worry about money, it had been easier for him to shop for new masculine and androgynous clothes. It worked for a few years until it didn't and dysphoria hit him right in the chest.

It was in June 2019. And it was official to him, he was a guy. He developed habits to make his appearance as much as the way he wants it to be. Ponytails, sports bras, hairy armpits and legs.

At 14 years old, he already had developed breasts that he has loathed since the moment he saw them grow. Sports bras became his first friends.

With the upcoming hot days, he, like everybody, wanted to go swim in one of the lakes around Lima. He didn't think this would be one of the worst experiences of his life. On a Saturday morning, he got up early, and put on his white sports bra, an ample white t-shirt, his navy boardshorts over his boxer briefs. He also packed fresh water, some snacks, his beach towel and his wallet. He also packed his iPod and the last book on his nightstand. When he was ready, he walked to the train station as quick as possible without being seen and jumped on the first bus to the Ottawa Metro Park.

After a 20 minutes ride, he found a quiet spot away from all the families already there to enjoy some fresh air. Plugging his earphones into his iPod, he lied down and enjoyed the weather too. After what could be a two or three-hour nap, a group of teenage boys, around 17, settled down a few meters away from him. They were loud, so loud that he had woken up. Turning his head to the right to yell at them, he stopped in his tracks. In front of him, five shirtless boys, all more muscular than the others. And dysphoria is a bitch, slapping you so hard when you didn't think it could.

He quickly put his arms around his chest, noticing the lack of muscles there, and started sweating. But he continued to observe them from afar. Their chests, their arms, their abs, their haircuts… and also listened to their voices, wishing he had one as deep as theirs. He knew he had to get ou of here or it could get out of control, without knowing what could happen. Why can't I be like them. Why wasn't I born like them. Thats when everything went south in his head. You can't be trans. No one would accept you. It's just a phase, it will pass. Nobody cares about you so stop trying to make yourself interesting. He was lost and alone at this moment. On the verge of crying, one of the boys saw him observe them. He quickly packed his things into his bag and ran, still distressed.

Once back to his house, he broke down in tears, his back against the front door. And once again, he was alone. In this moment, he has never wished so hard for one of his fathers to be there for him, telling that everything was going to be okay. He would have believed them even if it wasn't true.

He was panting, trying to breathe through his heavy sobs. I'm done. He tried to remember how to breathe but couldn't. He just couldn't, it was too much. Come on! Inhale. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Exhale. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. After a few minutes, he regained control of his breathing, but not his emotions. He was now furious. Against his fathers. Against his surrogate mother. Against these boys. Against everybody. But most of all, against himself. He couldn't understand how he had let this go on for so long. However, he was taking matters into his own hands, now.

He rushed up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and into his bedroom. He went to his closet and flicked its doors open, searching for all the dresses, skirts, panties, his small heeled shoes… Everything feminine he could, he threw it on his bedroom's floor. Getting out of his bedroom and down the stairs, he searched for plastic bags in the kitchen. Finding then, he went back to his room and put all his findings into four full plastic bags.

Then, finding his pair of scissors, he dashed into his bathroom, in front of the mirror, and started cutting his hair. Short. He wanted them short, but longer on top. This was his dream haircut. And he got it. Well, partly. He could see he had done a bad job at cutting it but he finally had his hair short. And that made him cry all the more. He was happy. Not completely, but he was working on it.

But something made him stop. His breasts. He couldn't get rid of them, at least for now. Sports bras worked for now. He was only 14, so they would keep on growing. He knew he couldn't start taking testosterone without his parents' consent. And he was sure they wouldn't give it to him. They wouldn't understand him.

So he looked on the internet, on blogs, on forums. A healthy diet and exercising. That's what would help him. He's already a vegetarian, so step one is complete. As for working out, he knew he couldn't go to the gym. It was for his own safety. Therefore, he ordered some dumbbells for his arms and planned on doing push-ups and pull-ups.

It would take years, but he was going to get his dream body. It would take some years, but he will get it.

He was still not completely happy, but he will work on it. However, something tingled in his head. Something clicked. He was happy for now, but will he still be in three months, when high school starts ?

Hope you liked it! Leave a comment if you think I should change some things!