Title: One true wish
Fandom: Saiyuki
Theme: #13: euthanasia
Pairing: 85
If I had a wish, it would be to be undone, to be removed from existence.
Not death, because death is too impermanent, for death does not erase my sins, does not remove my burden, does not make me less than the monster I have become. And I cannot wish for death, because I know too well what death does to those left behind, and I cannot inflict that upon anyone.
No, my wish runs deeper. I wish to be erased, for it to be made as if I never was, for the warp and weft of action and every consequence to be remade in a universe where I never existed. I wish to die a far more profound death than that which the stilling of a heart could produce.
That will be an easy thing, I believe. There will be no lingering attachment, no painful memory, nothing good to bind me back into life, no connection. And all the ugliness I have caused will be removed, gone as if it never was. So many lives spared, so much pain and sorrow and wasted effort relieved. It would be a merciful thing, to unravel such diseased threads, to end such a sickening life.
I have been less than worthless.
Perhaps my unmaking would be a better thing for all concerned than my life has been.
If I had a wish, it would be to be undone, to be removed from existence.
If only you didn't hold so tight.