A startled little gasp could be heard from Zechs, but Treize did not look at him. Instead he let his gaze linger on the carpet, tracing the patterns with his eyes while he tried not to expect a certain kind of reaction from Zechs. No expectations, then there could be no disappointments...
Still he couldn't help the fear sneak its way into his heart, the icy feeling that with those few words he might have ruined his friendship with Zechs. The chance was there that this would put Zechs at a distance, and Treize certainly couldn't blame him for that. Although it would hurt to think that their relationship could end because of something like this. Treize knew that if necessary, he would never again say a word of it, and that he would make sure that he did not treat Zechs in any different way. Wearing masks was something he was getting good at, and he had managed to keep his feelings private so far. There was no reason why it should not work in the future too.
But of course those words would always hang between them. There was no way that Treize could take them back, and Zechs would not forget either. Maybe it had not been such a good idea to say them. But Zechs had seemed so sad, had seemed to need to hear that someone cared about him.
"Treize?" Zechs sounded very hesitant, but not really shocked... Treize decided to take this as a positive sign.
"Yes?"
"Why did you say this?"
Still looking down at the carpet, Treize drew a deep breath. "Because it is true. And because I thought that it might make you feel better." He really prayed that this hadn't been a wrong assumption.
Silence filled the air, thick with tension, and Treize had to concentrate hard on not releasing energy with some little nervous gesture. It was something his father had always told him to avoid, and he normally tried to follow that advice. It hardly ever was as difficult as now, though.
And then he suddenly felt slim arms come around his waist, and the soft pressure of a head being tentatively rested against his shoulder. Treize froze with surprise, then turned his head to look into azure eyes.
"Thank you," Zechs said quietly.
For once Treize found himself at a complete loss of words. His mind was still struggling to understand just what was going on, that Zechs was hugging him, that Zechs had actually thanked him for what he had said. Comprehension was slowly dawning on Treize; things were looking good, there was no reason to angst about it all. It was almost frightening, in a positive way.
"Treize?" Zechs withdrew a bit. "Am I... am I making you uncomfortable?"
"Ah... no!" Treize managed, wondering just why he was feeling far more unsettled by this than Zechs seemed to be. This wasn't how things were supposed to be, was it? "No. Don't worry... I was just a little surprised." Pale eyebrows rose in response to this, and Treize smiled a little. "I know it should not be me who is startled. But I was not sure how you would react."
Zechs shyly returned the smile. "To think that you can love someone like me..." A shadow suddenly crossed the handsome face. "Please say that you did not tell me this just to make me feel better," came the hesitant request, and Treize could see a hint of fear in Zechs' wide-eyed gaze.
"I meant it, Milliard," Treize assured him before he cautiously placed an arm around slim shoulders, waiting to see his reaction to it. A barely perceptible shift in the younger boy's body that brought him closer to Treize was the answer.
"Please, can you... say it again?"
"Of course." Treize bowed his head a little to brush his lips against soft platinum hair. "I love you, Milliard," he whispered, absolutely delighted when he felt Zechs carefully snuggle closer.
It was so astonishing to see that Zechs was not withdrawing from him because of this, that the admission had brought them together so much more closely. Maybe Treize should have said something much sooner... but that could have been too early. Zechs was young, and there was so much danger of overwhelming him still.
"I thought you would find a girlfriend one of these days and that you wouldn't have time for me anymore. To think that you love me..." Zechs trailed off, then looked up, his expression so vulnerably open that Treize felt a fierce rush of protectiveness for the younger boy. It was so easy to hurt him...
He kissed the top of Zechs' head once more, relishing the fact that it came more natural already. "Milliard, I will always have time for you. I promised, remember?" He had done so years ago, when he had left for the Academy. Zechs had looked so lonely that day, and when Treize had asked him what was wrong, the blond boy had just murmured that everything was alright. But after some coaxing, Zechs had admitted that he was scared of not having Treize around. That had been just a year after the devastation of Sank...
"Yes, I remember. I never really doubted it, but still..." Treize felt Zechs shrug lightly. "This is so hard to believe."
"That I love you?" Treize inquired.
Zechs nodded briefly, some more blond strands getting shaken loose and falling into his face. Without really thinking about it, Treize reached out to tuck them back behind Zechs' ears.
"You are just so..." Zechs waved his hand a little vaguely. "I know that I can trust you, and that is so much already. To think that you care about me like that..." Azure eyes looked at him, a little brighter than usual. "It is a bit overwhelming."
Treize smiled a little. "Maybe you should sleep, and we will talk in the morning?" he offered. His own head was still spinning from Zechs' reaction to his words, and that feeling of pleased confusion had to be far stronger for the younger boy.
Zechs tensed, then shook his head. "I told you that I can't sleep... but I don't want to keep you awake." A soft sigh, then Zechs disentangled himself from Treize's arms. "You are tired..."
"Yes. And you are too." Slowly, not wanting to startle Zechs, Treize reached for his friend and made him lie down on his bed. Getting up from his sitting spot on the bed, Treize drew up the blanket to tuck Zechs in, a little amazed at the lack of resistance. Maybe Zechs was realizing that he indeed was exhausted and needed to rest... Wishful thinking, of course. Treize knew very well that once Zechs had decided to do something, he would go through with it.
"I can't sleep," Zechs repeated, looking up at him.
"You don't have to, but if you need to stay awake, you can as well be comfortable and warm," Treize returned. And maybe being comfortably lying in bed would prove to be too much of a temptation in the end.
"You are right..." Zechs gave in, and Treize saw the hint of a suppressed yawn. "Treize?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
"You are welcome, Milliard." Going down into a crouch next to the bed, Treize leaned over the blond boy. The desire to kiss him was so strong, but Treize fought the temptation; Zechs had said that he was feeling overwhelmed, and he didn't want to add to it. Better to go slow and be careful; the last thing he wanted was to scare Zechs.
But maybe giving in just a little... yes, that seemed acceptable, so Treize brushed his lips against Zechs' forehead lightly. The simple gesture seemed to be so much already, just because he was finally able to do it, and because Zechs had not flinched away from the touch at all.
"I love you, Milliard," he repeated once again, then got back to his feet and switched off the lamp on the nightstand. Treize almost added 'sleep well', but caught himself in time. Zechs had said that he would not sleep, so better not to mention it.
Treize found his own bed without trouble in the darkness and lay down. He tugged up the blanket, then shifted to lie on his side, facing the direction of Zechs.
"Tell me about your sister?" he said softly, almost in a whisper. The darkness seemed to demand it. Talking aloud after the light was out simply did not feel right.
He thought that he heard a small startled gasp. "What do you mean?" came the question, Zechs' voice sounding a little wary. It made Treize wonder whether he had said something wrong; but there was no reason why his request should make Zechs cautious. Sadness he would have understood, but wariness?
"You said you want to stay awake and think about her, so you could as well tell me," he explained his intention. "Then we can remember her together."
For long moments there was no sound to be heard, and Treize was beginning to convince himself that he had gone too far with this. He should have known that Zechs did not take it well when someone intruded in his privacy. No matter the revelations of tonight, some things simply did not change so quickly.
"She always liked to play with a teddy bear. It belonged to me, but she always wanted to have it, and she always looked so happy with it so I used to give it to her. I don't know why she liked it better than her stuffed animals... She did not even let go of it when we had to hide from the soldiers..."
Oh no, Treize thought. Don't go in that direction, Milliard, please... He knew what remembering that day did to Zechs, and how much it hurt the blond boy. And Treize hated to see him so distressed, had always tried to prevent it from happening ever since he had first met Zechs. When they had been younger it had more or less been an instinct to protect the younger boy, and it had turned into more conscious efforts later.
Silence reigned for endless moments, and Treize tried to hear any sound from Zechs, anything that would tell him that the younger boy was alright. But all he could catch was the soft rustling of sheets as Zechs moved, and nothing else.
"Milliard?" he whispered, hoping to get some sort of response that would give him at least a hint of what he was supposed to do now. He loathed moments like this, when everything seemed to wait for his reaction while he could not figure out just what it should be. Going over to Zechs seemed the most logical choice, but things were never so simple...
Suddenly something made Treize tense, though he did not really know why, until he recognized the feeling of someone being close.
"Milliard?" he asked once again, a little more hopeful this time as he strained to see the silhouette of his friend in the darkness of the room.
When Zechs answered, his voice was much nearer than Treize had expected, and it made him flinch involuntarily. The new Academy graduates seemed far better at moving without making the slightest noise; or maybe it was just Zechs who had perfected it.
"Do you think that you could just... just hold me for a moment?" the younger boy asked almost shyly.
Treize blinked with surprise; this was the first time that Zechs had reached out and asked for something like this. Normally Treize would offer consolation and support, and Zechs would accept most of the time. So it was already a change that Zechs would take the first step. And all the times before, all Zechs had wanted had been someone who listened when he needed to talk.
"Of course," Treize said, and reached over to switch on the small lamp on his nightstand. Before he could flick it on, though, he felt the mattress give way a little beneath Zechs' weight. A few tugs at the blanket, and then a slender body lay at his side, beneath the covers.
"Treize?" Zechs whispered his name quietly. "Is this really alright with you?" He could practically feel the anxiety in the blond boy's voice.
"Isn't it me who should be asking this question?" Treize returned, a smile on his face as he carefully embraced Zechs, making sure that his hold was not too tight.
Zechs seemed to have ideas on his own, though; he snuggled closer as soon as Treize's arms had come around him, amazing Treize to no end. Here he had been wondering all the time whether Zechs would even accept Treize's feelings for him, and it turned out that apparently it was just what the younger boy had been wishing for.
"Thank you," Zechs said for the third time this night, resting his head against Treize's shoulder as he curled up on his side.
"You are welcome, Milliard," Treize answered, inbred manners taking over when the rest of his mind was still marveling at the fact that he was indeed holding this wonderful creature in his arms. "Very welcome, beloved."
He felt Zechs raise his head at this, felt the azure stare on him that he could not see in the darkness. "You make it sound so real..."
"Because it is real," Treize insisted. "I love you, and I mean those words when I say them." They were on more familiar ground here; Zechs so often had a hard time to accept that anybody could care for him. It was only logical that it would be even more difficult to make him understand that someone could go as far as loving him. Treize was determined to work on it.
"You really mean it..." With a soft sigh, Zechs rested his head on Treize's shoulder again and snuggled even closer. "This is the first time in ten years that anyone really holds me," he said quietly. "I did not think it would feel so good..."
A wave of fierce protectiveness rushed through Treize at those words. To think that Zechs had not had this source of comfort... Treize wished he had offered it more often. But his younger friend had always shied away from touches; even a hand on his shoulder had been able to startle him. Maybe because he simply had not been able to trust anyone enough to let them get close? Treize tried to imagine having to keep people at a distance simply because there was the danger that they could do something harmful. It seemed impossible to even think about it; he had always been a highly tactile person, and he doubted he would have coped well with being deprived of those little contacts. Zechs had been forced to be completely without them, an absolutely horrifying thought. And Treize could not quite understand why he had never noticed.
He would have to make it up to Zechs, Treize decided as he shifted a bit to bring them into a more comfortable position.
"Milliard?" he whispered, running a hand through long silky strands of hair, marveling at the softness of it. "Do you want to stay here for the night? You are welcome if you want to sleep here."
For a moment Zechs tensed against him, but relaxed again almost immediately. "You would let me?" he asked, leaning a little into the slow strokes of Treize's hand.
"I would not offer it if I did not mean it," Treize answered.
"Won't I keep you awake?"
Still set on not sleeping? Zechs seemed quite determined about it, but Treize had his doubts that his friend would be able to really go through with it. Not after a day that had been as exhausting as this one, and when he was comfortably snuggled into bed. No, not even Zechs could manage that.
"You won't, I am sure of that." Treize was feeling tired enough to know that he would sleep deeply enough to blissfully ignore any noises around him for a while. And Zechs would be quiet anyway. Now holding the slim body in his arms was a big incentive to try to stay awake, but Treize was realist enough to know that he needed at least some hours of sleep if he wanted to last through the next day without caffeine pills.
"Then I would like to stay..." came the soft whisper. A hand touched Treize's cheek lightly, and he felt Zechs' body move. But still he was not prepared for the soft lips that touched his own, for the absolute perfection of that moment. Silken strands of hair caressed his face as they kissed, hesitant at first until they both gave into the feelings it brought. Treize tried to commit it all to memory, the taste of Zechs' lips, the ghosting touches of his fingers against Treize's face, but concentrating got so difficult and he just lost himself in the sensations.
"Treize?" Zechs quietly murmured against his lips when they had finally broken the kiss after what had felt like a sweet eternity. "I love you too."
Still he couldn't help the fear sneak its way into his heart, the icy feeling that with those few words he might have ruined his friendship with Zechs. The chance was there that this would put Zechs at a distance, and Treize certainly couldn't blame him for that. Although it would hurt to think that their relationship could end because of something like this. Treize knew that if necessary, he would never again say a word of it, and that he would make sure that he did not treat Zechs in any different way. Wearing masks was something he was getting good at, and he had managed to keep his feelings private so far. There was no reason why it should not work in the future too.
But of course those words would always hang between them. There was no way that Treize could take them back, and Zechs would not forget either. Maybe it had not been such a good idea to say them. But Zechs had seemed so sad, had seemed to need to hear that someone cared about him.
"Treize?" Zechs sounded very hesitant, but not really shocked... Treize decided to take this as a positive sign.
"Yes?"
"Why did you say this?"
Still looking down at the carpet, Treize drew a deep breath. "Because it is true. And because I thought that it might make you feel better." He really prayed that this hadn't been a wrong assumption.
Silence filled the air, thick with tension, and Treize had to concentrate hard on not releasing energy with some little nervous gesture. It was something his father had always told him to avoid, and he normally tried to follow that advice. It hardly ever was as difficult as now, though.
And then he suddenly felt slim arms come around his waist, and the soft pressure of a head being tentatively rested against his shoulder. Treize froze with surprise, then turned his head to look into azure eyes.
"Thank you," Zechs said quietly.
For once Treize found himself at a complete loss of words. His mind was still struggling to understand just what was going on, that Zechs was hugging him, that Zechs had actually thanked him for what he had said. Comprehension was slowly dawning on Treize; things were looking good, there was no reason to angst about it all. It was almost frightening, in a positive way.
"Treize?" Zechs withdrew a bit. "Am I... am I making you uncomfortable?"
"Ah... no!" Treize managed, wondering just why he was feeling far more unsettled by this than Zechs seemed to be. This wasn't how things were supposed to be, was it? "No. Don't worry... I was just a little surprised." Pale eyebrows rose in response to this, and Treize smiled a little. "I know it should not be me who is startled. But I was not sure how you would react."
Zechs shyly returned the smile. "To think that you can love someone like me..." A shadow suddenly crossed the handsome face. "Please say that you did not tell me this just to make me feel better," came the hesitant request, and Treize could see a hint of fear in Zechs' wide-eyed gaze.
"I meant it, Milliard," Treize assured him before he cautiously placed an arm around slim shoulders, waiting to see his reaction to it. A barely perceptible shift in the younger boy's body that brought him closer to Treize was the answer.
"Please, can you... say it again?"
"Of course." Treize bowed his head a little to brush his lips against soft platinum hair. "I love you, Milliard," he whispered, absolutely delighted when he felt Zechs carefully snuggle closer.
It was so astonishing to see that Zechs was not withdrawing from him because of this, that the admission had brought them together so much more closely. Maybe Treize should have said something much sooner... but that could have been too early. Zechs was young, and there was so much danger of overwhelming him still.
"I thought you would find a girlfriend one of these days and that you wouldn't have time for me anymore. To think that you love me..." Zechs trailed off, then looked up, his expression so vulnerably open that Treize felt a fierce rush of protectiveness for the younger boy. It was so easy to hurt him...
He kissed the top of Zechs' head once more, relishing the fact that it came more natural already. "Milliard, I will always have time for you. I promised, remember?" He had done so years ago, when he had left for the Academy. Zechs had looked so lonely that day, and when Treize had asked him what was wrong, the blond boy had just murmured that everything was alright. But after some coaxing, Zechs had admitted that he was scared of not having Treize around. That had been just a year after the devastation of Sank...
"Yes, I remember. I never really doubted it, but still..." Treize felt Zechs shrug lightly. "This is so hard to believe."
"That I love you?" Treize inquired.
Zechs nodded briefly, some more blond strands getting shaken loose and falling into his face. Without really thinking about it, Treize reached out to tuck them back behind Zechs' ears.
"You are just so..." Zechs waved his hand a little vaguely. "I know that I can trust you, and that is so much already. To think that you care about me like that..." Azure eyes looked at him, a little brighter than usual. "It is a bit overwhelming."
Treize smiled a little. "Maybe you should sleep, and we will talk in the morning?" he offered. His own head was still spinning from Zechs' reaction to his words, and that feeling of pleased confusion had to be far stronger for the younger boy.
Zechs tensed, then shook his head. "I told you that I can't sleep... but I don't want to keep you awake." A soft sigh, then Zechs disentangled himself from Treize's arms. "You are tired..."
"Yes. And you are too." Slowly, not wanting to startle Zechs, Treize reached for his friend and made him lie down on his bed. Getting up from his sitting spot on the bed, Treize drew up the blanket to tuck Zechs in, a little amazed at the lack of resistance. Maybe Zechs was realizing that he indeed was exhausted and needed to rest... Wishful thinking, of course. Treize knew very well that once Zechs had decided to do something, he would go through with it.
"I can't sleep," Zechs repeated, looking up at him.
"You don't have to, but if you need to stay awake, you can as well be comfortable and warm," Treize returned. And maybe being comfortably lying in bed would prove to be too much of a temptation in the end.
"You are right..." Zechs gave in, and Treize saw the hint of a suppressed yawn. "Treize?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
"You are welcome, Milliard." Going down into a crouch next to the bed, Treize leaned over the blond boy. The desire to kiss him was so strong, but Treize fought the temptation; Zechs had said that he was feeling overwhelmed, and he didn't want to add to it. Better to go slow and be careful; the last thing he wanted was to scare Zechs.
But maybe giving in just a little... yes, that seemed acceptable, so Treize brushed his lips against Zechs' forehead lightly. The simple gesture seemed to be so much already, just because he was finally able to do it, and because Zechs had not flinched away from the touch at all.
"I love you, Milliard," he repeated once again, then got back to his feet and switched off the lamp on the nightstand. Treize almost added 'sleep well', but caught himself in time. Zechs had said that he would not sleep, so better not to mention it.
Treize found his own bed without trouble in the darkness and lay down. He tugged up the blanket, then shifted to lie on his side, facing the direction of Zechs.
"Tell me about your sister?" he said softly, almost in a whisper. The darkness seemed to demand it. Talking aloud after the light was out simply did not feel right.
He thought that he heard a small startled gasp. "What do you mean?" came the question, Zechs' voice sounding a little wary. It made Treize wonder whether he had said something wrong; but there was no reason why his request should make Zechs cautious. Sadness he would have understood, but wariness?
"You said you want to stay awake and think about her, so you could as well tell me," he explained his intention. "Then we can remember her together."
For long moments there was no sound to be heard, and Treize was beginning to convince himself that he had gone too far with this. He should have known that Zechs did not take it well when someone intruded in his privacy. No matter the revelations of tonight, some things simply did not change so quickly.
"She always liked to play with a teddy bear. It belonged to me, but she always wanted to have it, and she always looked so happy with it so I used to give it to her. I don't know why she liked it better than her stuffed animals... She did not even let go of it when we had to hide from the soldiers..."
Oh no, Treize thought. Don't go in that direction, Milliard, please... He knew what remembering that day did to Zechs, and how much it hurt the blond boy. And Treize hated to see him so distressed, had always tried to prevent it from happening ever since he had first met Zechs. When they had been younger it had more or less been an instinct to protect the younger boy, and it had turned into more conscious efforts later.
Silence reigned for endless moments, and Treize tried to hear any sound from Zechs, anything that would tell him that the younger boy was alright. But all he could catch was the soft rustling of sheets as Zechs moved, and nothing else.
"Milliard?" he whispered, hoping to get some sort of response that would give him at least a hint of what he was supposed to do now. He loathed moments like this, when everything seemed to wait for his reaction while he could not figure out just what it should be. Going over to Zechs seemed the most logical choice, but things were never so simple...
Suddenly something made Treize tense, though he did not really know why, until he recognized the feeling of someone being close.
"Milliard?" he asked once again, a little more hopeful this time as he strained to see the silhouette of his friend in the darkness of the room.
When Zechs answered, his voice was much nearer than Treize had expected, and it made him flinch involuntarily. The new Academy graduates seemed far better at moving without making the slightest noise; or maybe it was just Zechs who had perfected it.
"Do you think that you could just... just hold me for a moment?" the younger boy asked almost shyly.
Treize blinked with surprise; this was the first time that Zechs had reached out and asked for something like this. Normally Treize would offer consolation and support, and Zechs would accept most of the time. So it was already a change that Zechs would take the first step. And all the times before, all Zechs had wanted had been someone who listened when he needed to talk.
"Of course," Treize said, and reached over to switch on the small lamp on his nightstand. Before he could flick it on, though, he felt the mattress give way a little beneath Zechs' weight. A few tugs at the blanket, and then a slender body lay at his side, beneath the covers.
"Treize?" Zechs whispered his name quietly. "Is this really alright with you?" He could practically feel the anxiety in the blond boy's voice.
"Isn't it me who should be asking this question?" Treize returned, a smile on his face as he carefully embraced Zechs, making sure that his hold was not too tight.
Zechs seemed to have ideas on his own, though; he snuggled closer as soon as Treize's arms had come around him, amazing Treize to no end. Here he had been wondering all the time whether Zechs would even accept Treize's feelings for him, and it turned out that apparently it was just what the younger boy had been wishing for.
"Thank you," Zechs said for the third time this night, resting his head against Treize's shoulder as he curled up on his side.
"You are welcome, Milliard," Treize answered, inbred manners taking over when the rest of his mind was still marveling at the fact that he was indeed holding this wonderful creature in his arms. "Very welcome, beloved."
He felt Zechs raise his head at this, felt the azure stare on him that he could not see in the darkness. "You make it sound so real..."
"Because it is real," Treize insisted. "I love you, and I mean those words when I say them." They were on more familiar ground here; Zechs so often had a hard time to accept that anybody could care for him. It was only logical that it would be even more difficult to make him understand that someone could go as far as loving him. Treize was determined to work on it.
"You really mean it..." With a soft sigh, Zechs rested his head on Treize's shoulder again and snuggled even closer. "This is the first time in ten years that anyone really holds me," he said quietly. "I did not think it would feel so good..."
A wave of fierce protectiveness rushed through Treize at those words. To think that Zechs had not had this source of comfort... Treize wished he had offered it more often. But his younger friend had always shied away from touches; even a hand on his shoulder had been able to startle him. Maybe because he simply had not been able to trust anyone enough to let them get close? Treize tried to imagine having to keep people at a distance simply because there was the danger that they could do something harmful. It seemed impossible to even think about it; he had always been a highly tactile person, and he doubted he would have coped well with being deprived of those little contacts. Zechs had been forced to be completely without them, an absolutely horrifying thought. And Treize could not quite understand why he had never noticed.
He would have to make it up to Zechs, Treize decided as he shifted a bit to bring them into a more comfortable position.
"Milliard?" he whispered, running a hand through long silky strands of hair, marveling at the softness of it. "Do you want to stay here for the night? You are welcome if you want to sleep here."
For a moment Zechs tensed against him, but relaxed again almost immediately. "You would let me?" he asked, leaning a little into the slow strokes of Treize's hand.
"I would not offer it if I did not mean it," Treize answered.
"Won't I keep you awake?"
Still set on not sleeping? Zechs seemed quite determined about it, but Treize had his doubts that his friend would be able to really go through with it. Not after a day that had been as exhausting as this one, and when he was comfortably snuggled into bed. No, not even Zechs could manage that.
"You won't, I am sure of that." Treize was feeling tired enough to know that he would sleep deeply enough to blissfully ignore any noises around him for a while. And Zechs would be quiet anyway. Now holding the slim body in his arms was a big incentive to try to stay awake, but Treize was realist enough to know that he needed at least some hours of sleep if he wanted to last through the next day without caffeine pills.
"Then I would like to stay..." came the soft whisper. A hand touched Treize's cheek lightly, and he felt Zechs' body move. But still he was not prepared for the soft lips that touched his own, for the absolute perfection of that moment. Silken strands of hair caressed his face as they kissed, hesitant at first until they both gave into the feelings it brought. Treize tried to commit it all to memory, the taste of Zechs' lips, the ghosting touches of his fingers against Treize's face, but concentrating got so difficult and he just lost himself in the sensations.
"Treize?" Zechs quietly murmured against his lips when they had finally broken the kiss after what had felt like a sweet eternity. "I love you too."