A few months prior
When I was 10, Sin killed my family. A wandering monk found me and brought me to the temple in Bevelle. There, I became a servant to a boy named Auron, who at that time was 15. He never spoke to me; I only brought him his food and washed his wounds after a campaign or training. Five years later, as I set his platter on a table in his quarters and was about to leave, I heard him say my name for the first time.
"Mae," he whispered.
I turned in the darkness for I had just extinguished his candles save one. The light flickered in shadows in the wide room, across the tatamis and mats and towards his cot on the floor. He sat upright, looking at me in the dim light.
"Master," I bowed.
"Mae," he sighed again. "Thank you."
"I'm only doing my job-"
"Not for the food. But for you."
"Thank me for me?"
He laughed. "Thank you for never bothering me. The other girls-" (the other servants) "-I hear that they complain about their masters. They wish to be switched out. I hope you do not think that of me? That I am poor to you?"
I bowed again. "Never!" Straightening back up, "You have never even spoken to me! I simply thought you did not like me... But I never had a reason to think poorly of you."
"Hmm.. Good. Well, good night, Mae."
Bowing again, I left his quarters and made my way to the servant's rooms...
Four years after the first time he spoke to me, I came to see him as my friend. Friend is the only way to really describe our relationship, besides master/servant. I may have been unprofessional in believing this, it was surely not allowed for a training monk to become anything more than a master to his servant. But I liked to see him in a different light than his stoic unemotional self, constantly meditating or sitting on his cot as I watched him from across the room.
As the days passed, he would more and more consistently ask me to join him. He wanted my company. Of course I was stunned at first, but then he admitted that he felt a calm when I was around.
Well, he had practically grown up together. I was almost 20; soon it would be 10 years since I had arrived at this temple.
One night after training, I entered his rooms with his dinner tray. It was pitch black. Why are the candles out? I fumbled for the table, placing the food down, and reaching around in my pockets for matches.
"Bloody hell," I muttered to the dark. "Damn..." I didn't have any. "Sir Auron?"
No response. He should be back. If he is he should have the candles lit.
I sighed, deciding to fumble around in his rooms for find some way to get light.
My foot hit bottles on the floor. Sake. "Auron..." Suddenly I felt arms about my legs, causing me to loose my balance and trip over onto the floor. I fell atop Auron, half asleep and drunk in his cot. He let go as I tried to scramble back up in the dark but he gripped my skirt as I tried to pull away.
"Let go, Auron. Come on." I bent down to unhand him but he reached up and pulled me back down by my waist. I fell back over his chest; he scrambled to get atop me. Best thing to do was not to fight because that only made a drunk more riled up.
I could feel that he was only in his pants; he normally slept like that actually...
"Auron. Whatever it was that made you- What're you-!"
His hands cupped my breasts and I tried to push him off, unsuccessfully of course.
Shit... was he going to try and rape me? He doesn't know what he's doing...
I couldn't make a lot of noise, either. The walls were thin, and any sort of fight or upset would easily be heard. So should I just let him have go and forgive him later? Yevon only knows that I had lusted after Auron for years. But I was not this desperate...
I wrapped my arms around him as he sloppily kissed my neck, making my way to his hair. I pulled back on him, trying to make it hurt so he'd realize what he was doing.
What had happened that forced him to go into such a stupor like this? I had never seen him drunk like this before, never. Never alone anyway.
I pulled back on his hair harder but he only pressed himself more firmly against me. We were sprawled uncomfortably across his cot, sheets tossed around. I tried not to make any noise, but he had me pinned with his waist and hands still on my chest.
"Auron."
He took that as a cue to get his pants off. I tried to pull out from under him as he threw his pants aside, but he pressed me back down, ripping open my servant's gown.
I needed to get one of those bottles...
I felt him against my thigh, hands kneading my breasts. I reached back with both hands, stretching. He traced my arms with his hands. I felt glass on my fingertips. I struggled to get a grip on it but his hands came up to my own and pulled them back down.
There was nothing I could do.
I felt his erection between my legs and tried to stifle back the tears that were welling up. I wouldn't cry. I'm stronger than that.
He let go of one of my hands to grip my side. I reached back up, feeling the bottle again. I scooted back an inch and felt him rub against me. I touched the glass again, straining, gasping, taking hold of the neck.
Then I shattered it against his head. Forgive me... I knew that the pain I would have felt in a few moments surpassed that which I just inflicted upon him. I felt blood drip on my face and he collapsed against me.
Shit. It was just the top of his head, I didn't get his face. At least I hope I didn't...
I pushed him aside and scrambled up, feeling for the wall behind the cot. I made my way to a table, fumbling to find drawers. Eventually I found matches and incense sticks. At least it would light up a bit...
I lit them, releasing an aroma and a small flicker of light. I felt along the wall, going around away from the glass, and came back to the door where I had set his food. There was a larger candle there which I lit. I looked over at Auron naked on his sheets, unconscious.
I cleaned the blood, threw away the bottles and the glass, and managed to sew up my robe. He was still out, but I dared not move him. I felt scared to move him. I should, but I simply couldn't. I sat against the wall next to him, head buried in my knees, and waited.
I awoke to hear his grumbling against the sheets. It was day and the masters had come by once to ask why he wasn't yet up. I could only answer that something was bothering him and he would not come out.
He pushed himself up and I looked away as I heard him kneel. Moments passed and he did nothing. Finally, he said my name.
"Mae... what- oh my...dammit. Did I- did I do anything to you? Did I hurt you?"
"Almost."
He sighed and beat his fists on the floor. I stood and leaned against the wall beside him, still looking away.
"Mae... I'm so sorry. I'm...I can't believe that I almost-"
"Get dressed, Auron. You've got a bad wound. I'll need to clean it."
I knelt before him, getting out any small glass pieces that may have stuck, washing away the dry blood. We sat in silence until he decided to tell me what happened.
"Mae, the temple wants me to marry. I refuse."
"Why?" I asked as calmly as possible.
"I don't believe in marriage for political reasons-"
"Auron, when you got into this temple, you knew what they did."
"But I didn't choose to enter."
"But you stayed." I wiped the last bits of blood and folded my hands in my lap. "If you refuse, they will excommunicate you."
"I realize that."
"You know it would affect me as well. The servant always goes with the master."
"I know."
"Auron, this is the only place I know. I cannot leave."
"You can."
"How?"
He humphed and motioned to get up. I placed my fingers on lightly on his arm and he peered down at me and shook his head.
"Why can't you leave, Auron?"
"It's none of your concern."
"Of course it is! Tell me!"
He stood and I followed, crossing my arms to indicate that I was going to get an answer.
"Because I am in love with you," he finally sighed.
"Then why did you try to rape me?"
"You know I was drunk."
"Why were you drunk?"
He sighed. "I felt-"
"That it would help?"
He looked at me sorrowfully, apologetic, miserable. I had never seen him like this before. "Is it because you don't believe in marriage, or that you cannot marry someone you do not love? Or that it is because you say you love me?"
"Auron, I will not accept you until you have a better reason to leave this temple." I sighed, "I'm not-angry-at you for what you did. But I find it ridiculous that you would get so drunk over such a trivial thing."
"It's not trivial, Mae!" His gaze pierced me in anger- at himself? "I will not marry! And if they wish for me to leave, then so be it."
"Excuse me," came a voice from the doorway. One of the masters. "We wish to speak with you." Auron.
I bowed to the master and watched as Auron gave me one last look, sorry for what he almost did, and left.