CHAPTER 2

As the new kids start to show up, I sit in my usual windowsill seat with a book in my hands. Its dusk and the sky is a beautiful mixture of purples, reds, and black. Several little kids have already tried to make friends with me and they were only greeted with my blank expression and cold lifeless eyes and the sound of the orphanages keeper, Polly, telling them to not worry bout me that I was always like this. As I rise from my seat, leaving my book to gather dust on the windowsill, I start heading towards the door and when I reach it, I hear Polly ask in her high pitch tone.

"Where do you think you're going at this hour of night?"

"First. It's dusk. Second. Why would you care? Nobody in this god for saken land gives a shit bout me!" I answer back as I slam the door behind me as I walk out towards the quickly setting sun. I sit in the light of a street light and pull out my trusty razor and cut two of three deep gashes into my arm and place my razor back into its hiding spot in my converse shoe. I get up and just walk till I a light catches my attention and I look at my surroundings. I'm in Bills neighborhood. *Why did my mind take me here? Am I that desperate to see him again? I mean I can't stop thinking of him!* I'm then in front of his house looking up at his window, tempted to throw a small pebble up their to get his attention to see if he would like to take a walk with me, but then I see him in the window kissing his girlfriend. I sighed and shed a single tear knowing that that'll never be me he's kissing. I turn my back to the window and start heading back down the cold empty street, alone again. I'm half way down his driveway when I steal another look at him and she's gone and he has opened his window looking up at the stars. I don't move for I didn't want to break the moment but as he starts to go back inside he seems to look straight at me, but as always I'm invisible, he turns and smiles at his girlfriend who has curled up to his chest. I turn and shed another tear out of anger and the agonizing pain in my chest. With his window still open, my watch beeps at me loudly, just loud enough to catch his attention. We look at each other for what seemed like eternity, but when I noticed his girlfriend glaring at me I reached down and turned my alarm to its next time and took my meds, knowing they were both watching me. I look up as I hear her call me a hore and a drug user and him giving her a troubled look. I ran down the street knowing that I had to get back to the orphanage before the cops or Bill came after me, knowing he would if he saw the blood. I decided to go into the woods to my special area, a meadow with a little stream passing thru it. As I step into the meadow, I startle a large male deer that stands six or seven ft away from me. I moved away slowly and went around him so he could sleep in peace. I go to the stream and sit on the large rock in the middle of it, just thinking and relaxing. I put my wrist into the water to wipe way the blood that has been dripping down my arm. I suddenly tense knowing someone else is close by. I figured Bill had called Syd and she was here to talk me out of my mood but I was wrong.

"This place is pretty nice. You can see the sky beautifully from here. How did you discover it?" I instantly recognized Bills voice from behind me.

"How did you know I was here?" I asked trying to keep myself calm in his presence.

"Syd told me after you nearly killed yourself last time." He told me with a hint of worry in his voice. And I silently cursed because I knew it was stupid telling Syd.

"Why did you follow me here? Don't you have your girlfriend waiting for you at your house?" I ask with a hint of sadness and hatred lacing it at the thought of what she had said.

"Oh she went home when she realized I was going to come after you." I blush slightly at this comment.

"Well thanks for your concern but I'm fine. I'm out here a lot and I'm perfectly sane."

"Except for your depression," He said and I went rigid, "I would have found out bout your meds sooner or later, you know. Why didn't you tell me?"

"My mind and emotions are fucked up. I'm not proud of what I am."

"What are you other then human?" Now he'll never love you! You are a freak! He hates you! *No, he doesn't! he cant he's not like that!* Fine but when you trust him the most he will crush you!

"I'm a freak of nature." I mumble and suddenly he's in front of me holding my face so I'm looking him in the eyes.

"No, you're not! Never say that bout yourself! You're you! You're unique!" At his words, my heart fluttered and pounded. I then felt the familiar warm liquid running down my arm and I cursed as I held my wound to stop the bleeding.

"What did you do?!" He asks franticly

"It's nothing. It's just a little scratch." He removes my hand and his eyes go wide as he realizes the extent of my injuries.

"We have to get you to a doctor!"

"NO! No doctors! Please no doctors!"

"Fine. Were going to my house to clean up this wound!" He picks me up bridle style when I try to stand up but slip.

"No, Bill, really I'm fine. I just need to get back to the hell house and rest.

"I don't care what you say. I'm taking you to get fixed up." He puts me down but insists on holding onto my arm to make sure I don't fall again. We slowly walk back to his house and his light is on and there is a figure pacing in the window. As we enter his house, I'm taken by surprise by how beautiful it is. He leads me upstairs and into his bathroom where he proceeds to wash, clean, and wrap my arm. *Why isn't he breathing? Need to keep an eye out for that*He was in the middle of cleaning my wounds when his girlfriend bursts in with tear-filled eyes. *Oh god! More drama*

"How could you do this to me?! How could you run to this slut's aid when you have me to take care of!! I mean I broke a nail and I came here because I wanted you to make it feel better and you weren't home!! You went and spent our precious time with this hore!!" As she cries, I receive a very violent slap from her causing my check to bleed from her nails. I stood up and she backed up really scared and as I walked past her I slammed her into the wall and told her that if she ever touched me again I would kill her and I walked out of the house and into the cold dark night. Bill ran out and caught up with me almost immediately.

"I'm sorry that just happened. If I knew that," I cut him off.

"What she says is true. Go spend time with her. Like she said why spend time with a slut? You deserve better anyways"

"You are not! What do you mean I deserve better?"